An old cowboy sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his drink, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life, breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy. How about you?"
She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women."
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "I always thought I was but I just found out I'm a lesbian."
Posts: 7877 | Registered: Feb 2003
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A man goes to a bar to get a quiet drink when he is spotted by the local barfly. She walks over to him and says in a sultry voice, "I want you to make me feel like a real woman." So he takes off his jacket, hands it to her, and says "here, iron this."
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A man walked into a doctor's office with a duck on his head. The duck said "Doc, can you get this guy off my ass?"
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My uncle would have a fit over that joke. He says that there is no such thing as a cowboy, but that "cowboying" is a verb that is used to describe all the things that you mentioned. He really gets his dander up over that.
That said, he's a cowboy. : D
His name is even Dude.
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Have you guys heard of the famous French general who was known for throwing hand grenades into kitchens that he conquered?
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The secret is, Goat, when you become really smart and really cultured, you will find this joke inexplicably and transcendently funny.
Posts: 8504 | Registered: Aug 1999
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Megan, I'll have to say that your jokes are the funniest I've read in a while. I've been telling the buddhist hot dog one to everyone I see.
Posts: 8504 | Registered: Aug 1999
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Speed, the last time I heard that joke, it was about 5 times longer and on an airplane. Buildup, man, buildup!
So, a guy decides he needs an outhouse in his backyard. Heads over to his local Home Depot, and buys a handy-dandy Backyard Outhouse Kit, with Real Bricks!
Reads the instructions, and tries to put it together. Has one problem after another. Finally goes back to Home Depot to complain. The guy who sold him the kit agrees to come help him put it together.
The Home Depot clerk begins by tossing out the directions. Soon he has the outhouse put together . . . except for one leftover brick. He examines the brick carefully. Measures it. Weighs it. Pulls out a magnifying glass, and inspects it minutely. Sticks out his tongue and TASTES it.
Finally, he takes the brick, and with one mighty heave, tosses it skyward. The proud owner of the newly-completed outhouse has watched all this in puzzlement. Now he looks up, waiting for the brick to fall back down.
Minutes pass. The clerk packs up his tools and leaves, barely noticed by the befuddled man. Hours pass, then days -- no brick.
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Oh, didn't like that one? Hmm, ok, how about this one:
Among the people boarding the cross-country flight were a tiny woman with an itty bitty yappy dog (in a carrier) and a large obnoxious fellow with an (unlit) cigar in his shirt pocket.
Her seat was right across the aisle from his, and each eyed the other with distaste. After they had reached cruising altitude, she took her lapdog out of the carrier -- a violation of airlines rules, and clearly an affront to the man's sensibilities.
He asked her to put the dog back in its carrier. When she refused, he angrily pulled out his cigar, lit it, and blew smoke in the woman's face -- and that of the dog, for good measure.
"You jerk!" she screeched. He puffed away. She screamed some more, to no effect. Finally, the woman grabbed the lit cigar, ran for the nearest exit, wrested it open a crack, and tossed the cigar out. With difficulty, she closed the exit again.
The now-apoplectic gentleman seized the yappy dog -- left on its owner's seat, and barking furiously -- and headed for the exit in the opposite direction. To the horror of the woman and the other passengers -- not to mention the airline attendants -- he proceeded to toss the dog out that exit.
The woman burst into tears, and sobbed hysterically for ten minutes or more -- until a fellow passenger noticed something perched on the airplane's wing, visible out their window. "LOOK! Look!"
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A middle-aged married couple were working in the back yard, the husband cleaning the barbeque grill and the wife bent over pulling weeds from the flower garden.
The husband began trading glances between the grill and his wife's posterior. Finally he went to the garage and returned with a tape measure. He proceeded to measure the width of her bottom and then measured the grill. In response to his wife's glare he responded, "Your butt is as big as this grill. The wife didn't respond and the day continued.
That night the husband began to make amorous overtures to which the wife commented, "If you think I'm gonna fire up this grill for one little wiener you are sadly mistaken."
Posts: 2022 | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of the front of his pants and the bar-tender looks up to him and says,"You know you have a steering wheel sticking out of your pants, don't you?"
The pirate looks at him, squints and says,"Arghh! I do and it's driving me nuts!"
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