Have you read Carson Kressley's book "Off the Cuff," where the flamboyant one-fifth of "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" personally tells you in his trademark style all you need to know about fashion, style, and couture?
I did. It didn't help, even with pictures.
Not that I didn't pay attention, mind you. I'm a big fan of the show. And his book is just as over the top as he is, with tips and tricks, simple, useful advice, and constant use of the declaration "people." He provides fast and funny advice with lots of examples for advanced fashion artiste and couture-blind beginner alike. It's not rocket science, people!
But, despite his best efforts, fashion simply has no effect on me. It's like putting cross-trainers on a fish. You wouldn't say, "Hey, that fish is wild! I'll bet he's fun and cool and hip, and has that back-court mobility he needs!"
No, you'd say something like, "Get those things off that poor fish, quickly! He'll die!"
Posts: 7790 | Registered: Aug 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
Hahahaa, excellent. As a poor college student right now, I can relate. My female friends keep trying to take me out shopping to dress me up.
Posts: 1592 | Registered: Jan 2001
| IP: Logged |
posted
Dress jeans I just wear camo pants 90% of the time. I'm a girl who cannot really be bothered with fashion. Until I go to see Dmitri Hvorostovsky in Carnegie hall. Posts: 9942 | Registered: Mar 2003
| IP: Logged |
quote: Which is exactly the response I get when I attempt to dress up, even to the point where well meaning people try to keep me moist while they push me back into the ocean.
Chris, you really do have a lovely turn of phrase.
Posts: 4393 | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
Hey, Chris, how does one access your story archive? The reason I ask is that our local newspaper, in the wake of Dave Barry's hiatus, is looking to pick a new columnist -- and the two they've got lined up now (for us to vote on, believe it or not) are complete and total drips. We have the choice between a brainless soccer mom and a football-chucking man-boob. I'd like to avoid either, and since there IS a write-in category, I'd love to write you in. But if they can't see your backlist, they probably won't bother to give you a second look based solely on written volume (or lack thereof).
Posts: 37449 | Registered: May 1999
| IP: Logged |
posted
I may have exaggerated for comic effect, but not by much. My clothing situation isn't quite that dire.
I have a third belt somewhere, I think. And probably a tie although I haven't seen it in years. And the obligatory pile of clothes that I haven't touched in a decade but feel oddly compelled to keep; gifts, almost-the-right-size pieces, and clothes that I really ought to like but don't for some reason not even known to me.
Posts: 7790 | Registered: Aug 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
I had a cashmere sweater-vest I wore in college. I swiped it from a more-affluent friend who had already borrowed three of my shirts and I wore it a lot because a) it was amazingly comfortable and b) Teresa couldn't keep her hands off it.
OK, mostly that second one, there.
Finally gave it to her because she kept borrowing it and inadvertantly stretched it out in places I don't have.
Posts: 7790 | Registered: Aug 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
Heh...I once borrowed a shirt my husband had left over from when he was in the Marines. It's a tight-fitting black T-shirt of some shiny material. The first time I turned sideways to him while wearing it, he insisted that I keep it
Edit: it's actually the shirt you wear under body armor, if anyone knows what those look like.
posted
Ah, but this is the Bridges Guide. I kinda doubt that a shirt that works on Cor would also work on me. I've seen Cor. And I've seen me.
Posts: 7790 | Registered: Aug 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
That described my dressing style almost exactly. I too have a brown and a black belt, but I always wear the one I find first when I am getting dressed.
Posts: 16551 | Registered: Feb 2003
| IP: Logged |
quote: Shirts should not advertise anything unless I personally am getting paid for it.
Amen, brother. I can't believe they have the gall to charge people $5 to advertise for Old Navy.
I do have one NY&CO shirt that I wear often, and I get teased by relatives for it, ie: "How much did they pay you to wear that shirt?" Then they sit back smugly, waiting for me to absorb the knowledge they are sure they have imparted on me, waiting for the little lightbulb to go off behind my eyes, or even better, a confused response of, "What do you mean?"
Instead I say, "I used to work there. I got it for free. I took up the sides so that it would fit better, and now it looks awesome on me. Leave me alone."
Posts: 6367 | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
I do in fact have two T-shirts with advertising. One is my 2004 NaNoWriMo shirt, which is just cool and something I'm willing to pimp for.
The other is for Gargoyle sunglasses, and I wear it because all it says on the front is "Let a Gargoyle sit on your face." It's worth it for the startled expressions.
Posts: 7790 | Registered: Aug 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
I don't have any clothing that advertises clothing designers. In fact, at my old school, we had a strict faculty (and student) dress code, but for homecoming week, you could dress down each day if you wore a shirt of the sppropriate kind: college T-shirt day, hawaiian shirt day, sports team shirt day, etc. One year they had brand-name t-shirt day, and I didn't have anything that qualified, so I had to go out and buy a Levi's T-Shirt. (And yes, I would totally buy a t-shirt for the opportunity to not dress up for one day.) (But man, I thought brand-name t-shirt day was stupid and wrong wrong wrong.)
However,
I do believe in shillling if a t-shirt is a souvenir. So I do have athletic team apparel, rock band t-shirts, and, of course, Disney t-shirts (and shirts for other places I've been).
Posts: 13680 | Registered: Mar 2002
| IP: Logged |
Oh my. My husband just called down to ask me what was wrong because I laughed so hard.
Chris, if it makes you feel any better, and Mrs. M, if it makes you feel any worse,i have pretty much the same wardrobe, minus the cowboy outfit.
Posts: 10890 | Registered: May 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
mph, I don't know why. His job has the same requirements as I do about what he wears to work, so it's not like I'm making his life any harder than it would be. Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
So, are you essentially saying you make your husband wear the same clothes he wore to work at home?
Posts: 6367 | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
quote:I just wear camo pants 90% of the time. I'm a girl who cannot really be bothered with fashion. Until I go to see Dmitri Hvorostovsky in Carnegie hall.
*jaw drops* Syn, you are the coolest girl. Ever. Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2003
| IP: Logged |
quote:So, are you essentially saying you make your husband wear the same clothes he wore to work at home?
No. I just got rid of all the clothes that aren't appropriate for at least "casual day" at work, except for designated grubbies, pjs, and basketball wear. Oh, and his swim trunks, etc.
Although I do prefer him in a suit to anything else.
Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
At best I tolerate work clothes. I look really good in them, I'll admit, but I only wear them because I have to. I wear nice clothes for special occasions, too. Other than that, it's T-shirts, sweaters, cargo pants, and occasionally socks. Who needs anything else? Posts: 903 | Registered: May 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
I'll admit that I get onto my husband for keeping his ratty clothes, but only because *he* said that he wants to wear nicer things and doesn't want to dress "like a little boy or something." His words. So when I see him wearing something with holes I suggest he chuck it to meet his fashion goals.
But he's weak. Weak!
Posts: 6367 | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged |
quote: Shirts should not advertise anything unless I personally am getting paid for it.
Worry no more, my oppressed American amigos! You now have the opportunity to rage against the corporate t-shirt machine my getting your very own protest shirt - an original Annie design.
Nothing says "Screw you, Gap!" better than one of these babies. Posts: 8504 | Registered: Aug 1999
| IP: Logged |
Printer-friendly view of this topic
![[ROFL]](graemlins/rofl.gif)
![[Angst]](graemlins/angst.gif)
![[Laugh]](graemlins/laugh.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Grumble]](graemlins/grumble.gif)
(And yes, I would totally buy a t-shirt for the opportunity to not dress up for one day.) (But man, I thought brand-name t-shirt day was stupid and wrong wrong wrong.)![[Frown]](frown.gif)
![[Hail]](graemlins/hail.gif)
Chris Bridges. You're my hero.
