It's been 31 hours since I woke from an utterly eventless dream consisting of me and two fabulously bland, random characters comparing prices of saltines in the bread aisle of a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm almost positive that there's something poetically oxymoronic about being too bored to sleep.
Anyway, that was noon yesterday. I had gone to bed at 11am, as I'm in the habit of keeping my roommate's schedule. He works the graveyard shift.
So I spent yesterday watching the most sleep-inducing movies I could conceive of. 2001: A Space Odyssey. Cast Away. The Wall. That one with Jean Claude Van Damme where he plays the bad actor. I actually think he was trying to be something else, for as many flips as he did, but I still think he does his best work portraying bad actors.
Anyway, nothing worked.
On the bright side, the seventh bag of popcorn I microwaved was completed with only a single unpopped kernel. I ate that, anyway. I felt like the caveman who volunteers to eat the tail after a filling meal of mammoth solely on the principle that "none of the animal goes to waste". Only popcorn isn't an animal. I am an animal. An animal who can pop the hell out of corn.
Anyway, six movies, seven bags of popcorn, 6 Hatrack breaks, and countless pee breaks due to the salty nature of before mentioned bags of popcorn later, it became 2am.
Maybe a glass of wine will put me to sleep. Well, one didn't put me down. Neither did two. The third made me shout a dirty phrase in Italian at my dirty clothes hamper. The fourth made me cry.
I wish I were making this up. It's 5am.
My only consolation is now I can sneak downstairs and borrow my neighbor's paper. I'm always careful refolding it so it looks like new...though I'm sure he suspects something. Unless he totally avoids the crossword puzzle. In which case he wouldn't notice a thing.
Anyway, what I'm trying to get at is this: I went to check the mail, and on the way back some little kid was riding his bike in the grass in our front yard. The grass is frozen, so this kid is just tearing up the place.
I told him to get off the lawn.
I feel old.
I've only been up 31 hours. I've stayed up more than twice that long in the past without doing something as lame as making a kid cry frozen tears over some shrubs that'll be dead in a week anyway.
So I'm still a year away from the quarter-life crisis the ouija board predicted for me less than a decade ago. But I have to do it, anyway.
I will set a new personal record for consecutive hours awake. 55 more to go.
You know how sometimes you walk by a pile of fruit and just get that intense urge to juggle?
Well, I just looked that apple in the area where he would have had eyes had I been given the chance to create the world and told him that he knows very well that I can't juggle.
Now that I know my fruit is suicidal, I refuse to eat it.
posted
I'm looking forward to the upcoming visions...this town might be ripe for a new religion.
Heck, the "prophet" I grew up hearing about had been hit in the head with a rock. Sleep deprivation sounds like a much safer way of inducing otherworldly mental states.
Posts: 24 | Registered: Nov 2003
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It's hard to not admire the man who drinks until he pukes, then returns to remount the proverbial horse by pouring more booze down his throat.
That's dedication, folks. You can't fake that. It's all from the heart. Makes me weep like a little girl who got run over by a moped.
Also, I have some stories about our good friend Joe that are guaranteed to fetch at least $5 in extortion cash. I'll sell them to Cor at a discount.
Posts: 5264 | Registered: Jul 2002
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It was an eventful hour. Besides creeping out an inordinate number of female Hatrackers, I also ate a quesadilla.
And once I got over the satisfaction that can only come from slicing various objects in twain, I wondered whether I really needed a machete lying around under the premise that I use it to cut cantaloupe.
Posts: 5264 | Registered: Jul 2002
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posted
2001 space odyssey is one of the all time great movies buddy, don't tell me it is sleep inducing!
Posts: 20 | Registered: Apr 2003
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Why was it necessary to make my PCI slots so form fitting, causing sheet metal to dig into my knuckle as the video card gave way suddenly?
Is it an abomination to install dual monitors, even for so righteous a purpose as posting and watching illegal downloaded Futurama episodes simultaneously?
Give me a sign. Anything.
Oh, very funny. Now put the screen back to 800x600.
posted
Sleep deprivation is bad. No caffeine. Drink lots of alcohol; even if you get a hangover that is better than being awake. Seriously, get to sleep.
Posts: 1364 | Registered: Feb 2003
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I don't drink caffeine, and I don't drink a whole lot of alcohol.
Therefore, I'm healthy enough as it is to survive a little simple sleep deprivation.
Besides nothing can hurt me while I'm in my fuzzy slippers. Except fire.
Or a bear carrying a shark.
I honestly forget what I did this hour. I vaguely remember running into my door jamb. It's probably my own fault. I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and not wrap that ace bandage around my entire head, no matter how fun I had doing my Greg Luganis impression.
Posts: 5264 | Registered: Jul 2002
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posted
If I were looking at all these sleep deprivation posts in humorous way, I might come up with this...
New things I learned, mostly about Frisco, from this thread...
quote:Anyway, six movies, seven bags of popcorn, 6 Hatrack breaks, and countless pee breaks due to the salty nature of before mentioned bags of popcorn later, it became 2am.
I didn't know salt could make you pee a lot. I thought it was just alcohol, overactive bladders, lots of liquids and really scary moments that could make ya pee a lot.
quote:So I'm still a year away from the quarter-life crisis the ouija board predicted for me less than a decade ago. But I have to do it, anyway.
Either Frisco is 19 years old, or he plans to live longer than average. Still he could be only 24, but I think it would be waaaaaaaaaaay unlikely he'd make it to 100 at the rate he's going. And he feels old already!
quote:I'm looking forward to the upcoming visions...this town might be ripe for a new religion.
-Chandani Note to self: Watch out for this Chandani guy. He's an opportunist.
quote: Dearest Breeders,
-Frisco Frisco is probably gay. Only a gay guy would use the word breeders when addressing people. I could probably check this with other stuff he's posted if I weren't lazy. Sophistry is an art. I wonder if he attracts lots of flame posts in the homosexual threads.
quote:It's hard to not admire the man who drinks until he pukes, then returns to remount the proverbial horse by pouring more booze down his throat.
-Frisco You'd almost think he was prone to alcoholism after this statement. But he doesn't have the tolerance for it. He was already talking to the clothes hamper after just three glasses of wine. And apparently he knows dirty Italian phrases.
quote:Makes me weep like a little girl who got run over by a moped.
-Frisco Yup, he's gay alright. Attacking ripe melons with machetes, creeping out an inordinate number of female Hatrackers...he might be a woman hater. And he addresses one of the posts to "Mom". Repressed maternal issues?
quote:Oh, very funny. Now put the screen back to 800x600.
He might have poor eyesight, too.
quote:Besides nothing can hurt me while I'm in my fuzzy slippers.
Now I'm thinking he's just throwing his homosexuality around to impress people.
quote:...no matter how fun I had doing my Greg Luganis impression.
Now I KNOW it. What a flamer! And a name dropper!
Edited to make sure Frisco knows I was trying to be humorous...though I'm not sure I'm succeeding...
quote:I could think of a lot more efficient ways you could annoy me and offend homosexual Hatrackers.
Hmmm. I was going for funny. I wasn't trying to be offensive. Although it is late. And I have been drinking. Was I on target about the maternal issues? Or anything else? The machete worried me. The woman hating thing is totally separate from the homosexuality thing. At least it originally was. I can edit it all out later if you get seriously annoyed. Have you started hallucinating from sleep deprivation yet? That is when having the machete around most worries me.
Posts: 1423 | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
Wait a minute. How do you wake up at noon, post at nine in the morning, say it's five a.m, and claim you've been awake for thirty-one hours? I guess math is the first thing to go Posts: 1907 | Registered: Feb 2000
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Frisco, beloved, I used to routinely do 36'rs. Eventually you get too tired to fall asleep. The world starts to vibrate, and everything makes sense. Kind of like what I imagine pot would be like.
Are you reaching for the burn, or do you really want to sleep?
If the former, you have to abide by certain rules:
No signing wills or other contracts Cannot drive heavy machinery or play with machetes Stay off of high playground equipment, and hold onto the bannister when you go up and down stairs.
If the latter, try 25 mg of Benedryl.
I salute you in your quest for knowledge. I am also glad I ain't your hamper. Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
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posted
But CT...I really think my sea monkey Garth deserves my CD collection and my pancreas when I die.
And, no...I have no problems falling asleep. Sleep has just been really boring lately. I'd like to either have some good dreams or no dreams at all. As it is, I'm having lucid, yet very boring, dreams.
I do enjoy testing myself, and I often make use of the tests. Last year when I had a lot of writing deadlines, I'd sleep every other day. But being unemployed since my trip to the woods began in July, I fear I'm becoming soft. Even in the woods, I was sleeping 8 and 9 hours a night.
Plus, I enjoy the retarded things I type when I'm delirious. I do my best writing (no, not this thread ) when I'm like this.
Ooh...it's almost time to borrow the neighbor's paper!
Posts: 5264 | Registered: Jul 2002
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posted
Almost halfway, and I haven't broken anything.
Except the power supply fan on my comp is wheezing. No problem. I just firmly, but quickly, jammed a pen up there. Wheeze all gone.
Posts: 5264 | Registered: Jul 2002
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posted
Hey, I just posted an hour ago. I'm watching Star Wars.
There goes my streak of not breaking things...I'm sure I'll find something to use as a light saber, then knock something over.
Posts: 5264 | Registered: Jul 2002
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posted
No, Frisco foolishly followed others advice to put away the machete, and was promptly devoured by the cantelope.
Posts: 8501 | Registered: Jul 2001
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posted
And, no. I haven't broken anything yet. I finished Star Wars without getting the urge to play Jedi, and I finished Evil Dead 2 without needing the feel of a chainsaw in my hands. On my hands. Instead of my hands. Whatever.
Posts: 5264 | Registered: Jul 2002
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Speaking of Evil Dead 2---I woke up facing that poster on the wall of a friend's room. We went to this old vaudeville/movie theater last night to see a triple horror feature. First, we suffered and laughed through Blood Feast (oh, man, I've seen silent, B&W, student-(who didn't care) produced crap that was better than that movie. She and I were like "man! End already!"
The other was decidedly hilarious. The Undertaker and his Pals. Classic. I so want that movie. 1970s Comedy Horror at its best.
They had intermission at midnight, but we decided not to stay for the finale and went to one of the 530 diners in NJ.
Nite ended at 4 am... Posts: 463 | Registered: Oct 2003
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posted
Whoops, misread And I thought you were on the east coast ...
Mostly, I just think this is adorable. I remember back when I was a kid and I thought missing sleep was cool Posts: 1907 | Registered: Feb 2000
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Lullabye And goodnight Go to sleep dear friend Fris-co We all know You want to If you don't red things turn blue Grass starts growing From the stairs And you'll imagine Walking chairs So I think It would be best If you do what we suggest.
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eddie, if you are having lucid dreams, they shouldn't be boring. if they are, it is entirely your fault. when i realize that i'm dreaming i at least try to jump off really high things without dying.
speaking of which, anyone else ever hear of the lucid dreaming research institute? i have to look up the official name, but they experiment with flashing lights at people's eyes during REM sleep, supposedly it is supposed to start to wake up you, but not enough to bring you to full consciousness, just enough to help you acknowledge that you are asleep, and in turn, dreaming. supposedly you can do it so much that you may have trouble differentiating between sleep and waking, and so they give you this little pager to wear all the time. supposedly certain technologies aren't supposed to function in dreams. sorta like when you try to read in dreams and you finally realize you aren't actually reading anything at all. that is straight up craziness.
Posts: 3936 | Registered: Jul 2000
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Have you started hallucinating from sleep deprivation yet? That is when having the machete around most worries me.
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