Let’s start with a girl called Wiktoria. She lives in the country. She meets a boy she marries. His name is Jan. Later on, she will say that the most important thing is to live in peace with your husband. Not love, really. Peace. Yet she had a good life with her husband, until he died, many years after they married. Wiktoria and Jan had two children. The first died one night in her sleep. The other girl they called Krystyna. They outlived her, too – Krystyna died 47 years after she was born. Wiktoria and Jan were farmers. A certain September, when their daughter was still very little, the war began. The Germans came and took Jan to a train which was heading in the unknown direction. Jan was afraid. He had a feeling the train was nothing good. He escaped. The train continued its way to a dreaded place, a place of slaughter, called Katyń. Jan had to hide, caught in between the two fronts, while Wiktoria was left alone to take care of the farm and their daughter. When Poland gave up, the men who had been taken to the army started coming back, but Jan didn’t come. Wiktoria wanted to look for him. But then she had a dream. In this dream, Jan told her he was alive and safe, and there was no reason to fear. So all she had to do was wait until he came back.
Wiktoria and Jan worked hard their entire lives. For a very long time, they lived in a wooden small house. They were saving the money for more land, and for a brick house. They didn’t want it for themselves. At first, it was meant to belong to their daughter – but she got married, and moved away. So it would be their two granddaughters who would get the land and the brick house. They knew their older granddaughter, Lidka, showed no interest in farming. The younger one, Jola, loved it, though. But Jola never got to live in the house. Jola’s husband had an opportunity to emigrate to Germany thanks to the repatriation law. And so, he made the only selfish decision in his life, which was otherwise totally devoted to Jola and their little daughter. He went, and left Jola with a decision to make – she would either come along, or stay alone with the child. Jola chose to be with her husband.
Wiktoria and Jan were becoming too old to take care of the farm. They sold it, and lived in two rooms of the house that used to be theirs. Their older granddaughter, Lidka, asked them to live with her and her family – in an apartment she bought for the money they gave her. But they didn’t like the thought of living at somebody’s mercy – and besides, this was their home. When Jan died, Lidka asked Wiktoria to move in with her once again – but the answer was the same. And so Wiktoria remained at her home until she passed away, over 80 years after she was born.
[ September 23, 2003, 02:32 PM: Message edited by: Kama ]
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Krystyna and Stanislaw came from the same background. They grew up in one village, they knew each other as children. They fell in love. They got married. Krystyna finished her education after primary school. Stanislaw went to high school, university, and finished a doctoral thesis some years later. Krystyna’s life was pretty much limited to the village she lived in and a nearby town. Stanislaw spent 5 years in Krakow, the academic and cultural capital of Poland. Krystyna was inexperienced, Stanislaw had tons of experience. When they moved away to a town where Stanislaw could pursue his career at an agriculture research institute, Krystyna felt left out and alienated. Stanislaw felt popular. He was well-liked and respected. He liked to go out – but he rarely took his wife with him.
Krystyna was an artist. She had a great talent. She painted, she made wonderful Christmas ornaments. No one told her how great her talent was.
She couldn’t control her temper. She had panic attacks. No one told her she could get help. When Stanislaw was angry with Krystyna, he didn’t show it directly. He made cold, bitter remarks which would infuriate her.
Krystyna died of asthma, at the age of 47. their older daughter was already married, to a man called Janusz. They had a three year old daughter, Kamila. Krystyna’s younger daughter, Jola, was just about to be married.
Stanislaw was a wonderful grandfather to his oldest granddaughter. She enjoyed his company. He would come visit her on Sunday, and take her to church. Or he would come and cook dinner for her and her parents. He lived in a small block of flats, with a garden. He has strawberries, and cherries, and other fruit she liked. It was a safe and lovely place (except for the awful slugs which came out after rainfall). Kamila liked the way it smelled her grandpa’s apartment smelled. She liked the way he called her – Kaśka, which was short for Katarzyna, her middle name. She was always happy to visit him – 20 minutes by train, and a short walk, and you were somewhere you could forget your sorrows for a while. When she was little, she used to say she would marry her grandpa when she grows up. She never said that of her other grandfather. She misses Stanislaw a lot.
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Genowefa was the sixth of seven children. After primary school, she wanted to continue her education. However, her parents couldn’t afford it. They sent her off to live with her aunt in a nearby town. She would help her aunt with house work, and would go to school where she would learn to be a tailor. She spent a year at her aunt’s. during that time, she hardly learned anything at school. She had no time to learn, except late in the evening – with a only a single light-bulb in the attic, tired after a day of hard work. So when her father came to visit them, she begged him to take her back home. Genowefa’s father loved books. He knew he would be hurting his daughter if he left her where she was.
The next year, Genowefa went to high school, in order to become ateacher. Yes, in those days you could become a teacher after you graduated high school. Genowefa shared a room with her girl friend. Instead of a bathroom, there was a bucket with water. In the winter, the water would freeze. After high school, Genowefa wanted to go to university. But she had to start teaching in a school, because the Party ordered so, and you could not refuse the Party. Some time later, she married Ignac and gave birth to two children – Janusz and Ola. She was a full time mother and a full time teacher when she decided to go to university. She managed. She was a strong-willed woman. She always achieved what she wanted. She thought she knew what was best for everyone, and demanded that they do what she told them. She also knew hoe to make someone’s life a hell, if they didn’t obey. Her husband was also very stubborn. She never argued. What she did – and what she taught her children to do – was to nod to whatever he said and get about your business. In that way, he had a false feeling he was ruling. In that way, some years after Janusz got married to Lidka, and Ignac called her a whore – just because she said things he didn’t like to hear – there was no one to stand up for her. In that way, when Ignac tells things to his grandchildren – things people should not tell other people – there is no one to stand up for them, except for themselves. “Just ignore him”, their father says, unwilling to acknowledge how much they need his help.
Genowefa and Ignac love her granddaughter a lot. When she was little, they would take her to the seaside, or to the countryside; they would spend a lot of time with her. But as she grew up, she was feeling less and less comfortable with them. They asked questions about her parents, they had expectations of her, they didn’t want her to make her own choices. A pleasure became an obligation. She is not sure if she loves her grandparents any more.
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Lidka was Krystyna’s and Stanislaw’s older daughter. She grew up having two moms – Krystyna and Wiktoria. She was raised by her grandparents until she was eight. She was a very independent child and, as most of the children in the village, was allowed to spend her days where and how she wanted, provided she got back home for dinner. When she moved in with her parents again, she couldn’t be tamed. Unlike her sister, she could go out without having to tell where she was going.
In high school, she met her future husband. She liked him from the moment she saw him, but unlike with other boys she liked, she was avoiding him. They both belong to a tourism center. She looked up which trips he went on in order not to go there. It wasn’t until the prom that they actually talked to each other. He asked her to dance, and after the prom they started dating. They got married 4 years later.
Janusz’s mother, Genowefa, didn’t like her son’s girlfriend. Genowefa and Ignac were supposed to bring the wedding rings for the ceremony. They said they forgot. They left them at home. There were many more conflicts since.
Lidka and Janusz argued a lot. It has practically become a daily routine. Lidka is quick to anger, and she can never hold back. She calms down quickly after she has shouted out what angered her. Janusz, on the other hand, holds the grudges for a long time. And so each argument starts with something minor, and turns into a whirlwind of mutual accusations. This is so much a part of their life you could think the children would just ignore it. Somehow, they can’t.
Despite the constant arguments, Lidka and Janusz tried very hard to create a good home for their two children. They managed to create a house where their children feel loved and needed, although they often get shouted at, too. They have created a home the children like to come back to, and spend time in. They have created a home where they feel safe. And even though they sometimes hear things that hurt a lot – they know they are not true. This knowledge doesn’t stop the pain – but it helps to understand, and forgive.
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posted
I started reading this yesterday, but didn't reply because the 4th part wasn't posted before I had to leave work.
That was very beautifully presented, Kama. It's amazing how you make these people real for me in such a short bit of writing. Can't wait for more.
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This has to be at once one of the most creatively, interestingly written landmark posts, and also one of the most widly ignored. Why is that, I wonder? Very strange.
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I will have to reread it several times to get the names straight, like most good Russian literature. (I know your Polish, not Russian. Its just a similarity)
posted
What a shame that Kama has to keep bumping her own fabulous story! I think it's mostly my fault, for not reading it until now.
I really like the way you present your story - as the story of your family. It's a nicely written story and even more endearing when little Kamlia shows up.
I'm glad to know you, Kama - you're a priceless asset to our little community and the human race.
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posted
nah, it's ok. Not really a landmark. I came across it while browsing old pages back and just wanted more people to read it. Posts: 5700 | Registered: Feb 2002
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