posted
Okay...I've been sweeping my problems for the past month under the carpet, and it isn't helping. I've always been afriad of relying on my friends for support during difficult times. I've always been a loner. At any rate, I don't know what help a group of people I only know because their words are typed and transmitted across the vastness of the Internet will be, but I don't really have anyone I can turn to in real life, and I seriously feel like I'm going to break down soon.
Due to increasing complications in life (see previous dating threads for part of the problem, the rest I've just kept under wraps, like difficulty with the job hunt and other life issues), my struggle with insomnia has reached a new level of difficulty. I have not had a full night's sleep in roughly three weeks. What sleep I have gotten has been of such poor quality that I wake up most mornings with an increased heart-rate and a modest case of the shakes. This continues throughout the day. I've also been struggling with severe stomach problems. Yesterday, I had two PB&J sandwiches. There have been several days that I have had no meals, only snacks that I have been forced to make myself eat because I have no apetite. I've gone from 265 pounds less than a month ago to around 250 right now. I've spent the days in complete solitude, with little if any interaction with other people, aside from Hatrack. I've been unable to focus on anything at all. I have several books that I want to read, but I can't read more than ten pages without losing interest. I can't even get myself to just sit down and play a video game for a while. All I do is stare at nothing and worry. And I'm tired of it now.
I don't know what I'm asking you all to do. But I really need some help. Prayers would be greatly appreciated right now.
I'm not sure what I'm asking for. But I need help. I'm really not having a good time right now, and I need friends.
Posts: 3003 | Registered: Oct 2004
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posted
Listen, dude, I know what it's like. I've spent many a month doing nothing but spending time with myself. It's never fun and can be a really self-defeating cycle.
I don't know about your other problems (the ladies can be rough, though, so I sympathize). However, I think I can offer up some advice here:
quote:difficulty with the job hunt
Get a job. Any job. Forget about the ladies and forget about yourself for awhile. Just get a job. You'd be amazed at what it does for your self-esteem- even if it's just flipping burgers or being a gopher for a construction company.
Talk to your friends, family, anybody. Get an in somewhere and exploit it. Get a job however you can. Don't worry about what it is, just get some income coming in and you'll feel better about yourself.
After awhile, you'll start hating your job, yes, but I can tell you: nothing is a better motivator to getting the kind of job you want than a job you hate.
Now here's the key, though: make yourself invaluable to that crappy job. Work extra hours, do favors for the boss. Offer to work when they need more help. Do anything you can to make yourself look like (or, better yet, be) the best employee they have. That is also a self-esteem builder and it makes for a great reference.
A couple of years ago, I worked for a summer camp. It was one of the best experiences of my life. However, when I got back home, I found that my IT prospects had pretty much dried up. Rather than wallow in self-pity like I was apt to do before, I swallowed my pride and took up a job in the hotel industry. I hated it, but I turned myself into the best damn employee they had. I put in 60-70 hours a week just to be sure that they loved me. Sure, I had crappy days at work where I got nothing done and screwed around, but generally speaking, I was THE hotel for that time. Without me, the place would have gone to hell. In fact, after I left, the place did go to hell, but that's a story for another time. Both hotels in the hotel chain I worked for found themselves sorely lacking after I left. I even had a manager quit because she couldn't stand the job after I left. I did that much work for her.
When I actually went for a job I wanted, I got it. Somewhat because I was determined to get the job, but also because I got such an awesome, glowing recommendation from the hotel. It didn't even matter that it was in a different industry.
So, my advice to you right now is: get a damn job. Then we'll talk about the other stuff. Posts: 4753 | Registered: May 2002
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posted
Boris, have you seen a doctor about this? Those sound like some pretty severe symptoms. You may want to consider the possibility that you have depression.
Hang in there. I hope you feel better soon. But go see a doctor anyway.
Posts: 3546 | Registered: Jul 2002
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posted
Boris, this sounds very serious and you need to seek some professional help. I think it's gone beyond just getting a job. When it comes to clinical depression, I know it can be hard to get motivated to even get out of bed and feed yourself.
I'm not sure what your insurance situation is, but I did a quick Google and found a free clinic:
UPPER VALLEY FREE CLINIC 314 North 3rd East District 7 Health Dept. Rexburg, Idaho 83440 (208) 356-5401
Don't wait for this to get worse, because it can if you don't take it seriously.
Please keep us updated on your situation and let someone (anyone) know if you're having feelings of hurting yourself.
posted
Boris, admitting you have a problem and need some help dealing is a huge step.
I have had insomnia off and on most of my adult life, and it sucks. Sometimes melatonin helps me...I started taking it this year, occasionally. But it's not a cure, for me anyway.
You have described several problems: insomnia with shakes lack of focus lack of appetite excessive worrying social isolation
All of them together suggest you need to find out what's going on. A doctor should diagnose what's wrong, then you can go from there. As Valentine said, you can find treatment if you try.
Do it next week if at all possible. At least call and make an appointment. Please email me if you want to. I hate to ask people for help too, but sometimes you need to.
You will get through this. Posts: 6316 | Registered: Jun 2003
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You're a good guy, Boris, I'm sorry so many things seem to be going wrong. You have a lot going for you, even though it's hard to see right now. Don't lose hope. Do find someone to talk it through with who knows how to help. Start with your bishop (always a good person to talk to) and find out where you can get professional counseling. There are plenty of people around you who are genuinely concerned for your wellbeing and there is effective help available.
Posts: 5957 | Registered: Oct 2001
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I can't say anything else of value that hasn't been touched on. I think there is so much truth in what PC said and that this might be good for you....but if things are bad enough that this isn't an option right now, you need to get medical help.
I would also suggest that you stay in contact with people, somebody, ANYONE. Us, your family, a roommate, anyone. People you trust and who know what you're dealing with right now. You need people to check on you and be around, even if it's over the phone or the internet. We care about you and I'm sure there are many others who care as well. AFR is right...there are people around to help you out. Just look at this thread as your practice run for asking them for help. (((Boris))) Hang in there.
Posts: 6415 | Registered: Jul 2000
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posted
(((Boris))) You've already received some great advice. Follow it. PC's comments about getting a job are really good. Now that you have that job at WalMart, become the best damn employee you can be, and use it to jumpstart your career. I also agree with others that it sounds like you need medical help, and now.
Please keep us updated. We do care, and we want to know you're doing okay. Take care of yourself, and eat healthy food at least occasionally.
Posts: 8355 | Registered: Apr 2003
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I am just going to voice support for everyone that's said get help, and get it now. When I've had symptoms similar to yours, ignoring them just prolonged recovery. It was helpful for me to a) talk about my problems with someone; b) get to a doctor; and c) get on a schedule and stick to it. Gradually I added more things into the schedule--a little exercise, a movie, a hair cut.
Take care of yourself, Boris!
Posts: 516 | Registered: Aug 2004
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posted
Well, after a better night's sleep and a hard day's work, I'm feeling a little better, but still drained. Thank's for all the advice and emails. I'm going to see if the school will let me use the counselling center while I'm off track. Otherwise I'll probably end up going to that free clinic, hoping they won't charge me out the nose for meds. Yo soy broke.
posted
and its always good to see religious help, and not just going to church, because that(usually) does nothing for anyone, just go talk to a priest or someone
Posts: 262 | Registered: Jan 2005
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Religious help is the last thing you need. I recommend a night on the town. Prostitutes optional.
Posts: 10645 | Registered: Jul 2004
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Boris, I'm so glad you're feeling a bit better. Hang in there and get to that clinic! (((Boris)))
Posts: 6415 | Registered: Jul 2000
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I think people have given you the best advice I could give, except that I think staying home alone may be the worst thing you could be doing. Other people may seem annoying when you're like that, but they'll be just enough distraction so your thoughts don't drive you crazy. That's another reason a job is a good idea, actually.
Posts: 1903 | Registered: Sep 2003
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posted
Best thing: RADICAL DEPARTURE. I don't mean in terms of objective life circumstance, as in moving, or joining the Hare Krishnas , but in terms of how you relate to life. If you try enough, something might work. Some things that will help:
Codependents Anonymous, Adult Children of Alcoholics (you don't really have to have alcoholic parents), or anything Anonymous that doesn't relate to a substance. Mild, but better than staying home. Free.
ManKind Project. Intense, and well worth it. I wish the web site were more helpful (http://www.mkp.org/training.htm ). Not free, but I've never heard of anyone being turned away for lack of cash. You definitely sound ready for it. If you apply, tell whoever you talk to what you've told us.
A doctor. This thing has given you some major physical consequences.
http://howtosucceedwithwomen.com/ . I know one of the guys who runs it. I think you'd better get depression to go away, though, first.
KEEP TALKING.
My main thought on reading your post (taking a page from Karl Jung): he says he's about ready to break. Great! That means transformation is ready to happen. Just be sure that when you do it, you don't do it alone!
Tell us how it goes!
Posts: 1877 | Registered: Apr 2005
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