Last night I got into a heated argument with a kid who was supposed to be my friend. Even after the argument ended he continued to make fun of me for every little thing that I did. For example, he thought I said the word "ask" with a new york accent, so he started repeating it in an obnoxious way, trying to mock me. Apparently, everyone else in the room thought it was hysterical and starting laughing at me. Not in a friendly way. A couple other kids joined in taunting me about everything I do, every movement I make, for no other reason that they liked watching me get angry.
I suffered through the whole night of constant torment, because apparently alot of kids had some pent-up anger against me and found the perfect night to release it. Half of them I'd never even spoken to, but hated me for some reason. Eventually I starting lashing back with words and when I made a cruel insult at one of them, something I normally wouldn't say, someone said "This is why people make fun of Jaime behind his back" and everyone seemed to agree with him. That killed me.
I don't understand what it is about me that makes me so unlikable. I'm not usually someone who is picked on, I'm friends with about everyone in my class. But I've always realized that everyone always enjoyed seeing me fail. I really want to just think that those guys are all a**h****, but everyone always seems to be annoyed at me and doesn't want to be around me unless it's with a group of people.
I've tried asking people what it is about me that makes everyone secretly hate me and the answer is usually just "It's just something about you..." or "You just get annoying". I don't know what to do anymore. No one even I know realizes what their taunting and secret hatred of me (which isn't very secret anymore) is doing to me. I wanted to kill myself last night, but the only thing that stopped me was I couldn't bear to think what it would do to my family. And I didn't want to give the jerks the satisfaction of knowing they got to me.
I don't even know why I posted this, I just needed to get this out. What am I supposed to do? How can I meet smart, normal people? Where do I go to meet people like the ones on Hatrack?
Posts: 2054 | Registered: Nov 2005
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I'm glad you posted - sometime it really helps me just to get it all out. It doesn't change things, but venting makes me feel better. Calmer.
I have two suggestions:
Have you considered talking to someone about this? A confidential help-line, or a counsellor? I'm glad you thought about your family when you were upset, but I think if you are thinking suicidal thoughts it's important to get some help.
Secondly, you're still at high school, right? Are there any clubs or societies you can join which are focussed around your interests? You might be able to meet people who you get on with more, and find on a wavelength.
**
Be kind to yourself, ok? Or, at least, try to. *hugs*
Posts: 4393 | Registered: Aug 2003
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quote:Where do I go to meet people like the ones on Hatrack?
Well, I live in New Jersey...
But it sounds like a bad day coupled with a touch of paranoia. Wait until things simmer down, and you are not in a group situation and talk to the people who were mean to you. Like, "I was upset when you said ____. I know it seemed funny at the time, but that really hurt. I'd like to get past it and be friends, though. I just wanted you to know that I have feelings, too. You know?"
Posts: 10397 | Registered: Jun 2005
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posted
I wouldn't follow Tante's advice. If you are in high school, I would not expect for anyone to reply to that statement with anything except more laughter.
I would just try to avoid those people. If you do have to be with those people (and this is going to sound weird), try to make fun of yourself before they get to it. I don't mean to start taunting yourself or whatever, but... I don't know. Kind of like tripping and then laughing at yourself before anyone else can.
Anyway, if you do that, at best they'll start to actually befiredn you, at worst they'll just decide its not fun anymore to torment you. Bullies usually don't get enjoyment from people who join in on picking at themselves...
I know it sounds weird, but it does work...
Posts: 450 | Registered: Nov 2004
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posted
Is it that the people on Hatrack are fundamentally different than people everywhere else, or that on Hatrack people tend to share emotions and motivations much more openly than in real life? A bit of both, I suspect.
Most of the people acting like jerks are probably just as anxious and paranoid about their social standing as you seem to be from your post. High school sucks that way. It gets better if you hang in there -- promise.
Posts: 650 | Registered: Mar 2005
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I hate to give advice like this, but it's high school so -
Laugh it off. Pretend like it doesn't hurt, don't lash back, and practice using humor to deflect it.
Everyone wants to be liked by everyone (in general) and so it always hurts when people don't like you. That never goes away. But you can do what you can to minimize it.
Posts: 561 | Registered: Feb 2005
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posted
It's not just that I want it to get better. I want to know what it is that makes me so unlikable, because I don't think it's something that will change on it's own. I want to know what it is so I can change it. After thinking about it though, I thinks it that I'm a really competitive person. I always like to compete in everything I do, and I usually do whatever I can to win whenever I'm in a competition with someone. I could see how people will start to hate me if everyone time they're with me, I'm always competing with them about something. I never did this intentionally. And I don't even know how I can change that.
Unfortunately, I'm in a small private school, so I know everyone in my high school and there's no on with the same interests as me or even someone smart enough to talk with me about the things I want to talk about.
And I wasn't really considering killing myself, it was just more like thinking "I wish my life was over, I can't take it!". But I wasn't about to take a knife to my throat.
Posts: 2054 | Registered: Nov 2005
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It sounds like maybe you wish high school was over. Would your parents let you transfer to another school, make a new start?
Posts: 2711 | Registered: Mar 2004
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High school is the Hellmouth. It will eventually be over, and then everything changes.
Most of those people who were big in high school, that's it. That was the high point of their lives. You, on the other hand, can rest assured that it will not be the high point of your life.
If you are really competitive, I recommend showing to all that you are a good sport when you eventually do lose.
Posts: 561 | Registered: Feb 2005
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quote:It's not just that I want it to get better. I want to know what it is that makes me so unlikable, because I don't think it's something that will change on it's own
I think what we're trying to tell you is that there's a good chance it will.
That's not say that striving for self-awareness and self-improvement isn't a valuable goal, but don't beat yourself up if your best efforts don't produce the immediate results you want.
Posts: 650 | Registered: Mar 2005
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Changing school districts did wonders for my brother. Things weren't terrible but he was excited when my parents gave him the option. He has really come out of his shell, and now stars in pretty much every play his school does.
Posts: 2064 | Registered: Dec 2003
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