posted
So, we got a call from my brother this morning. I posted once before about my nephew here; for a brief summary, he just turned 15 and my brother and sister-in-law adopted him when he was 11. My SIL had worked with a social services organization and administered several shelters for both battered women and children who were wards of the state, so she had some background in dealing with troubled kids.
My nephew was certainly that when he came to them--the victim of neglect and some abuse, but very sweet and responsive to the home he was given. They've had a ton of problems to work through and really thought they were making some good progress. We have admired them a lot--it just seemed they were doing all the right things every step of the way. He is still immature for his age but seemed to be doing a lot better. They took him out of the schools and SIL is homeschooling him because of his issues with other kids; he got in trouble a lot. But they have still been doing scouting and sports so it wasn't like he was isolated; just needed a lot of one-on-one attention and close supervision (my brother was always there on scout events and so forth).
I don't know the details, but they had a huge setback a couple of months ago. My brother has his own business and works from home; one night he couldn't sleep so at 4am he got up and went into his office to work. And there he found my nephew and another boy, an uninvited guest. I don't know whether my brother was careless and left his computer unlocked or if they hacked through the parental controls or what, but they were on the computer and his cell phone and looking at porn sites; turns out they had racked up over a thousand dollars charges on my brother's credit card and cell phone.
Needless to say, he's been in deep doo-doo since then, and it was really discouraging to them. They pulled him from all the extracurricular activities for the remainder of the year.
Well, they just found out last night that he did the same thing to his aunt (my SIL's sister) in another state on a recent visit, prior to the incident at their own home. This is particularly awful because she lost her husband earlier this year to cancer, and her finances are already a mess. But here's the truly devastating part: apparently on the same visit, he molested his younger cousin. This is a boy a few years younger than he is, one who is particularly vulnerable not only due to the loss of his father at an early age but because he's had some developmental issues. (He was diagnosed as autistic at one point, but they were later told that this was a misdiagnosis; at any rate, he's not your average child.)
We haven't been told what "molested" means in this case. Is it like the infamous tongue-kissing of a recent thread? Or did it progress far beyond that? I have no idea at this point. What we do know is that there can be no question about whether my nephew knew it was appropriate behavior or not, because he's had extensive counseling, in part to help him distinguish just what is and is not acceptable behavior.
At any rate, my SIL called the authorities and he was taken away by the police last night. I don't know what the outcome of this incident will be. I do know that my brother and SIL are feeling like there is nothing more that they can do to help him. I don't know what to think. He is their child, and it is heart-wrenching for me to think of them giving up on him. They always said adopted meant forever, no matter what. On the other hand, I haven't been there every single day dealing with all the constant junk. And I know it's taking its toll on their marriage, as is this current incident--I hope they come out of it together. (no, they have no other kids. They married late, brother is 55 and SIL is 44.)
Well. This is just day one. I guess I have no idea how it will work itself out. We were planning to go up there for Thanksgiving, but that's not looking good right now.
OK, and for the segue into the good news (or good eats) part of the thread title: My mom is recently widowed and I'm living with her. After she got this call this morning I thought she was going to slide right into a big depression, so I suggested we get out of the house. I took her down to Harry's Market in Marietta, where we were going to look for a kind of cheese we can't find locally anymore. On the way down, I thought, hey, Alton Brown often films Good Eats here, maybe we'll see him. And sure enough -- when we got down the aisle with the nuts and nut butters, all these cameras were set up and Mom said, "what's going on here?" and I said "I'll bet it's Good Eats." Sure enough, I saw Alton Brown over at the end of the aisle. They were't filming at that point, just setting up.
Now, I'm terribly embarrassed by the very idea of bothering a celebrity that doesn't know me from Adam, but my mother has no such compunctions whatsoever. And this wasn't the day that I was going to say, "(Insert proper spelling of a stretched out multisyllable 'Mom' sound here), no!"
So she went over as I removed myself to an inconspicuous corner and she chatted with him for a minute. I don't think he was giving off vibes of being particularly thrilled to be approached but was appropriately gracious and personable--she said something like "Well I'll be, Alton (with Alton pronounced incorrectly) Brown in person!" and he said, "I don't know if that's necessarily a good thing." There was a bit more chatter as she told him she'd become a fan of the show and he said, "Keep watching and keep us on the air!"
He looks exactly like he does on TV. ;-) We didn't stick around and I have no idea what he was filming today, but maybe I'll recognize the location and what he was wearing when I see it on Good Eats! (well, I guess they post the date when they show the little Harry's Market blurb so that will be my big clue.)
That was a nice little touch on an otherwise pretty yucky day. It's 5pm, should be the end of my work day and I haven't even started working--guess I need to go remedy that now!
Posts: 3149 | Registered: Jul 2005
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posted
I'll hope for the best for all your family (your nephew included) in what must be a very, very difficult time. Your mom and your whole family are fortunate to have you.
Posts: 11187 | Registered: Sep 2005
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posted
Thanks to both of you. It's definitely tragic. My mother was just confiding in someone on the phone and I heard her say that she was taking this harder than my dad's death; at least that was somewhat anticipated (although the immediate cause was sudden, he was elderly and not in great health), and he'd lived a good rich life. There are no such positive thoughts to go along with what's going on with my nephew.
Posts: 3149 | Registered: Jul 2005
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posted
I'm so sorry your family is going through this. I'm so sorry that boy is that messed up that he did that. I hope he can deal with things and get better. Posts: 8355 | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
That's awful. Something similar happened with one of my husband's uncle's adopted children. It was profoundly traumatic for everyone. I'm so sorry your family is having to face this now.
As a side note, HARRY'S! Love the place.
Posts: 9293 | Registered: Aug 2000
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My sympathy, as well. That's horrible. I'm glad Alton was gracious to your mother, I'm sure it was a welcome distraction.
Posts: 7954 | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
Thanks for the good thoughts. And Harry's is great. Olivet, if you read this & don't mind elaborating, what happened in your uncle's family--did the adopted child remain with them?
Posts: 3149 | Registered: Jul 2005
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Uprooted, I'm sorry to learn of your brother's family's troubles. I hope it works out as well as it may.
Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
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Uprooted: My deepest hope is that your nephew can fend off his inner demons. I'm sorry his problems manifested in this way than in a less destructive form, but I hope he can be helped.
Didn't know the tongue kissing thread was infamous.
Posts: 14316 | Registered: Jul 2005
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quote:Originally posted by BlackBlade: Didn't know the tongue kissing thread was infamous.
Oooh, now that you mention it, probably a really poor choice of words and insensitive to the original poster. I'm sorry about that. I guess I read one too many posts about whether what happened could actually be considered a French kiss and so forth and that's what I was reacting to. And I think that was all in the tangent thread.
Posts: 3149 | Registered: Jul 2005
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I hope he can deal with things and get better. 
