posted
I was going to make a comment on a seperate discussion, but found the topic to be too related to others. The question is if we are the same people online as we are in real life?
Someone said they don't act the same online as they do real life. The idea was that the "real person" is not the online person.
I would like to say that I disagree with this. I think that the online person is more real than the real person. Even if they are lying, I think that says more about the real person than if they weren't to lie in the real world. We say and do things online that we wouldn't do in real llife, but not because we are putting up a front. Rather, we have very few reasons to put up a front and let our inner selves loose. I am more real here, even if I don't talk or act the same in the real world, because I can be myself without as many social worries. That, I believe, is the same for most people who communicate via Internet.
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I would say that I am more "filtered" online than in real life. The time it takes to post will sometimes temper my snarkiness and impatience.
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Hey, I've heard about you! You hide under cars in super market parking lots, lying in wait for unsuspecting shoppers in open toed sandals, don't you? You're awesome!
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I don't really have an online personae. I am online more or less exactly as I am in real life.
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The mask allows me to take more risks. Especially since I don't use my real name.
Since I like to be funny, if a joke falls flat (as they sooo often do) it's just that Pixiest person who's an idiot and not Me.
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That just seems so alien to me, Pix. I mean, whether people know your name or not, it's still you making the joke, right?
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quote:Originally posted by kmbboots: I would say that I am more "filtered" online than in real life. The time it takes to post will sometimes temper my snarkiness and impatience.
I'm just the opposite. I read body language; it's a major part of communication with me. Take that away, and I don't get the subtle vibes that let me know when to push and when to stop. And I don't react well to being told when to push and when to stop straight out. It makes my online persona a bit harsher than I am in real life. And by "a bit", I mean "a whole lot".
Of course, you should have seen me 10 years ago. I'm downright cuddly now by comparison, even online.
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Although if you got me on the right topic and made me feel comfortable I might sound like I do online, it would be rare. Here I can say what I like and tell it the way I see it how I want to say it. In other words, I am much more forceful and argumentative than in real life. Mostly that is because if I said some of the things the way I do here I would probably get into trouble. What I say online, however, is how I really think and feel.
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I sound smarter, as I have more time to write out my ideas. Not that I can't talk and use all the words I employ while posting, but I just feel like I sound better on a forum then when I speak.
My personality is more or less the same however.
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quote:The question is if we are the same people online as we are in real life?
Yes and no. The internet may allow people more freedom to express their true selves in a way that real life does not. At the same time, the internet also allows people to try out different personalities without really having to worry about any long term consequences, so people can be more free to act differently than they might normally act.
Personally, with myself the answer is a little of both. I express myself differently online than in real life. Not necessarily because I'm a different person, but because I just display different aspects of myself because of the differences in environment.
Neither my online nor my real life personality, when taken independently, is a true picture of my real self. The combination of the two is probably a closer picture of who I am.
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When I have to slow down or go to the effort of posting, I will sometimes think twice and refrain from saying or doing something. In person, I will often act or react without thinking twice.
And Noemon is the same but even more awesome in person.
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I am the same here as in real life. I'm shy, and tend to avoid confrontation. Also I try to avoid topics that are too heated because I feel that I can't articulate myself well. Unfortunately that means I stay away from threads where I have strong opinions, because I know that I won't be able to spar well. (Or I'm too late, and a conversation has gone on for pages and I figure, what's the point?)
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I don't accept the idea that there is one way I act in real life and one way I act online. I act incredibly differently in different situations. I act very differently on IM than I do on Hatrack. I see my IM conversations more analogous to a private conversation with someone. I see Hatrack as being in a very large group of people with lots of conversations going on. On Hatrack, I tend to not say much. This is exactly how I act in a large group.
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quote:I am much more forceful and argumentative than in real life. Mostly that is because if I said some of the things the way I do here I would probably get into trouble.
Out of curiosity, what kind of trouble?
I figure the social pressures that keep us "in line" IRL work for online communities to some extent when you feel a part of that community. You don't want to behave in ways that will cut you off from it, and you want to keep the community healthy and running well.
But when people feel no sense of community, I agree, people are a lot more willing to say things that would "get them into trouble" because there is little, if anything, to lose.
I seem incapable of forgetting that there is a real, live human being behind every poster.
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I would probably get punched or lose - I wouldn't say friendships - social stability. Basically, I would be a troublemaker. I opened up my thoughts once in school the way I did here and was slammed by a teacher that didn't appriciate my ideas. And, no, it had nothing to do with grades so it wasn't about academics. I learned to "toe the line" so I can continue on the edge of society as I always have.
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In person, because I have less opportunity to filter what I say, I tend to go more often for the easier joke. That's about the only difference, though.
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I do act a bit differently online, but that is mostly because I am able to take a bit more time in making posts, whereas I have to be a lot more spontaneous when talking. Mostly, I'd say that I prefer having conversations in person, but there is definitely something nice about being able to express more complex ideas in a setting like this.
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quote:Originally posted by The Pixiest: noemon: It lets me be less shy. It's a good thing.
That's really interesting. Cool that it works for you. Do you find any of your online personae bleeding into your real life identity? Are you any less shy as a result of having had positive results from not being shy here?
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noemon: actually, yeah. I'm not nearly as shy as I used to be. It's still pretty painful but I can function in my business life (which revolves around helping people) and can actually be reasonably pixiish with them.
Until, of course, they invite me to a party or something when I clam up and freeze over with a terrified look on my face.
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I'm pretty me, full time. The only difference in my expression is when I filter what I say for the audience, but that happens offline as well as on.
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I do not see myself as being different, but from what I've heard back from others, I may come off as softer and much calmer in person. This tells me something about how I come across online. Posts: 14017 | Registered: May 2000
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quote:Originally posted by The Pixiest: noemon: actually, yeah. I'm not nearly as shy as I used to be. It's still pretty painful but I can function in my business life (which revolves around helping people) and can actually be reasonably pixiish with them.
Until, of course, they invite me to a party or something when I clam up and freeze over with a terrified look on my face.
That's really cool that it's helped to that degree. Have you ever been to any of the forum gatherings? If so did you feel more at ease at them than you would with a group of people you knew in real life?
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"Tante Shvester" is a pretty genuine approximation of "Esther". I don't pretend to be something I'm not, but here, as in real life, I rarely show all my cards.
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Dag, I wouldn't have ever pinned you as shy, so I'm going with different.
I am a chameleon and can act very differently in person depending on my mood, mindset, and who I'm with. I think I am actually more consistent online than in real life.
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posted
And allow me to add that I found this juxtaposition to be hysterical:
quote:Originally posted by Storm Saxon: Hey, I've heard about you! You hide under cars in super market parking lots, lying in wait for unsuspecting shoppers in open toed sandals, don't you? You're awesome!
quote:Originally posted by mr_porteiro_head: I'm the same.
quote:Originally posted by Dagonee: I'm shy in real life. You can decide for yourself if that's different than I am online.
Depends on what you mean by "shy."
I definitely see you as someone who, consciously or otherwise, hesitates and considers what he is going to say. In real life, that could easily be interpretted as shyness. On this forum, it strikes me more as wisdom: if you recall from the beginning of Speaker for the Dead, Pipo attributes a quality to Libo that I think you exemplify. I don't have the book in front of me and can't remember it verbatim, but it was something along the lines of: 'Libo hesitated, and Pipo knew he was carefully considering his answer. He wasn't looking for the answer that would provoke ire or the answer that would please, the two responses children delighted in, but for the answer that was honest/true.'
posted
Noemon: I've never been to a hatrack gathering.
But I have met plenty of people from on line and I find I'm (usually) instantly at ease with them. If they know me from on line, they've seen me at my angriest, playfullest and everything in between and they still like me. So the fear is gone.
I met my husband on line and a large percentage of my significant others (of either sex) previous to that.
Posts: 7085 | Registered: Apr 2001
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I really don't know if I come across the same online as I do in person. Of course, I also don't think that the way I probably come across in person is consistent with how I actually am.
quote:Originally posted by erosomniac: On this forum, it strikes me more as wisdom: if you recall from the beginning of Speaker for the Dead, Pipo attributes a quality to Libo that I think you exemplify. I don't have the book in front of me and can't remember it verbatim, but it was something along the lines of: 'Libo hesitated, and Pipo knew he was carefully considering his answer. He wasn't looking for the answer that would provoke ire or the answer that would please, the two responses children delighted in, but for the answer that was honest/true.'
That is a magnificent compliment.
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quote: I would say that I am more "filtered" online than in real life. The time it takes to post will sometimes temper my snarkiness and impatience.
Same here.
quote:When I have to slow down or go to the effort of posting, I will sometimes think twice and refrain from saying or doing something. In person, I will often act or react without thinking twice.
Ditto, again.
quote:And Noemon is the same but even more awesome in person.
True!
quote:Originally posted by ketchupqueen: I'm me. I am probably equally crazy online and in person (although maybe in different ways.)
That's an accurate assessment.
quote:Originally posted by ClaudiaTherese: I do not see myself as being different, but from what I've heard back from others, I may come off as softer and much calmer in person. This tells me something about how I come across online.
Huh. I have not yet had the opportunity to meet you in person, but you come across pretty soft and calm to me!
quote:Originally posted by ClaudiaTherese:
quote:Originally posted by erosomniac: On this forum, it strikes me more as wisdom: if you recall from the beginning of Speaker for the Dead, Pipo attributes a quality to Libo that I think you exemplify. I don't have the book in front of me and can't remember it verbatim, but it was something along the lines of: 'Libo hesitated, and Pipo knew he was carefully considering his answer. He wasn't looking for the answer that would provoke ire or the answer that would please, the two responses children delighted in, but for the answer that was honest/true.'
That is a magnificent compliment.
And an accurate one.
Not that I know what Dags is actually like in person. *sniffle*
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posted
I'm much less likely to engage in long, essentially pointless arguments in a situation where I can't turn off a screen and not have to see them any more.
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I rarely get to hash people very satisfyingly in real life, because interpersonal communication is incredibly more tactful and considerate than what you can cherrypick on the anonymous internets.
And that's what I do on hatrack! Cherrypick and hash. And I have no idea what it seems like without amicable context. But I assume I sound energetic. And I was similarly energetic in real life but am somewhat less so now on account of me living on the road and visiting my dying relatives. It's kick-started some glum introspection and now there's a big old rift between e-me and me.
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