Summer is here! As measured by ever-earlier summer movie premieres, anyway. By the year 2010 Hollywood meteorologists predict that this trend will lead to the summer solstice clocking in sometime mid January. But that means it's time to see which blockbusters will suck away your money, your time, and your reasoning faculties. No time to research, I'll wing it from what I've seen in the trailers or from unfounded Internet rumors. Let's go!
Spider-Man 3: My Super Ex-Boyfriend Once again we join our friendly neighborhood wall-crawler. Life has been good for Spider-Man. The city adores him, he's with the girl of his dreams, and he's on Burger King cups. But, like other young people thrust too soon into superstardom, he gets a snappy new evil black suit and an emo haircut, gets into fights in nightclubs, smashes a paparazzi's camera, pushes his girlfriend around, and fights a giant sand creature before finally snapping and ending up in a church tower. Same thing happened to Christian Slater in 1993. Coming in 2009, "Spider-Man 4: Escape from Rehab!"
28 Weeks Later Once again we join the victims of a zombie virus that sweeps across the land and makes London marginally less dreary.
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What's sad is I didn't get them all. There's also "Hostel 2," and "Invasion" is a third remake, and...
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quote: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix Once again we join Harry and his friends as they fight against the evil machinations of He Who Must Not Be Named (a.k.a. Venom) while still trying to pass the FCAT. Fighting, magic, flying, practical jokes, evil teachers, conspiracies, and some startling relationships that will shock and surprise you, mainly because the screenwriter, in a daring move, dumped the last half of J.K. Rowling's original plot and used one he found on some girl's LiveJournal page.
quote:Once again we join the bumbling Mr. Bean, this time on vacation in Europe, where if there is any justice in the world he will be set upon by a malevolent alien black costume and become the Black Adder, who then goes off and stars in a far more interesting movie.
You are my hero.
More Black Adder. Less Bean!!!
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And remember, if you see even one of these movies this summer, it's your fault that they keep doing sequels and remakes.
Posts: 16551 | Registered: Feb 2003
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But wait a minute... here's where you can really help us. Go see the movie, really enjoy it, write about how good it is, and the studio will instantly cancel any future incarnations of it. Presto! No more sequels!
You can do that for us, won't ya? Pretty please?
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You are my hero.![[Smile]](smile.gif)
