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» Hatrack River Forum » Active Forums » Books, Films, Food and Culture » Anyone on in the next two hours want to read and provide feedback?

   
Author Topic: Anyone on in the next two hours want to read and provide feedback?
Lyrhawn
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I have a paper due tonight at 6 for my Creative Non-Fiction class. It's 8 pages double spaced, and doesn't require any real grammar or mechanical fixes because the rules for Creative Non-fic are pretty damned loose.

It's really more of a reading for content sort of thing. Do you like it, how does it feel, what confuses you, where does it work and where doesn't it. I've been through a couple drafts and I'm pretty sure it's where I want it, but this is a totally new genre of writing for me, and I'd love some feedback if anyone has any for me. Drop me your email address and I'll send it over to you.

I know this is last minute, but it's a really quick read, and honestly I think I'll be perfectly fine without any readers, but I'm really curious as to whether a smart crowd like yourselves (and unlike the kids in my workshop) might pick up on something I missed. If no one has a chance it's really not a big deal at all.

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advice for robots
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mechanicalman at the gmails

P.S. As long as you send it soon. I have a meeting coming up.

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ricree101
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I don't know how much help I'll be, but ricree at gmail
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Lyrhawn
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Sent. Thank you!
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Juxtapose
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hapuman at gmail.
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Lyrhawn
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Sent, thanks.
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ricree101
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Anything in particular you want us to keep an eye on?
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Lyrhawn
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Really just the general feel. What works, what doesn't, what do you like, what do you hate, what confuses you. And of course in general, do you find it interesting, do you find it boring, or funny?

If any big grammar things jump out at you mention them, but the mechanics have really loose rules and my professor doesn't care so much about that.

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Juxtapose
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Some reactions, in no particular order:

I don't feel like the winter setting flows particularly well into the summer setting. I'm also not quite sure how they relate.

There are a few contradictions in the piece that I really like. Like the appreciation for pristine snow, while being the first to sully it. Like conducting a jihad, but salting the earth like a Roman. It helped put me in your head while I was reading. And there's so much self awareness in the piece it doesn't feel haphazard.

I feel like, with minor changes, parts of it could be adapted for comedic purposes. It had a feeling that vaguely reminded me of David Sedaris. The part about almost drowning wasn't funny at all though.

I might have more thoughts on it. We'll see.

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Lyrhawn
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I might need to be a little more explicit about the connection between the first and second halves. The connection is supposed to be the underlying message, that when you stop trying to force your way through something and stop to pay attention to it, there's something valuable to be found and heard.

And as it happens, David Sedaris is our reading assignment for the week, but I haven't tackled more than a couple of his essays, so I'll take it as a compliment.

I kind of went back and forth on whether I wanted to make it serious or funny (so I did both). I wanted the tension from the drowning part, but my natural inclination is to go for the funny. It may have come out a bit muddled. Out of curiosity, which parts would you change to make funny?

And for that matter, were the funny parts funny, and were the tense parts tense?

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Juxtapose
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In general, the imagery really worked for me. I had quite vivid impressions of the things you were describing.
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Juxtapose
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Well, the tension definitely worked for me.

I think it's that the humor, for me, was pretty subtle. Light-hearted, but a bit wry. It could just be that the strength of the drama is overshadowing the comedy. It could also just be differing tastes in humor.

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You kept it pretty lighthearted throughout, although I didn't come away thinking it was humorous overall. There wasn't a whole ton of irony in there.
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