posted
I want to find out just how important Valentine's day is to my wife. I figure the only reliable way to do so is to do absolutely nothing about it this year.
(That's what this thread is about isn't it?)
Posts: 4287 | Registered: Mar 2005
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posted
My goal for Valentine's day is a three fold assault.
1) Jealousy 2) Tears 3) mmmmmmmmm.
1) Jealousy--get her something that she can show to friends, family, loved ones--and that will make them jealous that she got such a generous man. This should be something as expensive as your budget will allow, and as extravagant as you can imagine. Jewelry is nice. Flowers are good. Something sweet is best. I once adopted her a whale.
2) Tears--get her something personal that will melt the heart and have her crying in your arms--even if this is too personal for her to share with others. These are rarely expensive. Poetry, Long notes, doing the dishes when its not your turn.
3) Now, and only now, is it your turn. Get her something that you both will enjoy, but doesn't need to go out to others. Lingere', a weekend getaway, a back massage, an assortment of body lotions. If you've done well with 1 and 2, she'll make sure you enjoy 3. You make sure she enjoys 3 and everyone will win.
Posts: 1941 | Registered: Feb 2003
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posted
They are actually planning on releasing my husband early on Valentine's Day this year (he's a tax accountant) so I have hopes we will actually have plans.
He likes to surprise me though so I doubt he'll be posting on this thread. Posts: 21182 | Registered: Sep 2004
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posted
Doing the dishes when it's not my turn has never resulted in tears from her. Not doing the dishes when it IS my turn has sometimes resulted in tears for me.
Posts: 3950 | Registered: Mar 2006
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posted
The apostrophe-free subject caught my attention.
Just a warning: If you're going to do flowers and there's any chance of your loved one having allergies, avoid Asiatic (or is it Oriental?) lilies. A bouquet of these caused half an office building floor's worth of people to get headaches.
Posts: 691 | Registered: Nov 2008
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posted
Is there any reason this thread is directed at Romeos and not Juliets?
Is there some reason that the primary burden for expressing love should lie on those with a Y chromosome?
Is there any particular reason the man should be expected to plan all special romantic events? Shouldn't women bare a equal share in the burden and the opportunity?
Posts: 12591 | Registered: Jan 2000
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quote:Originally posted by The Rabbit: Is there any reason this thread is directed at Romeos and not Juliets?
Is there some reason that the primary burden for expressing love should lie on those with a Y chromosome?
Is there any particular reason the man should be expected to plan all special romantic events? Shouldn't women bare a equal share in the burden and the opportunity?
Don't know about any other ladies here, but I don't feel a need to brainstorm ideas with others; I can come up with plenty on my own in order to do my equal share. In fact, because the actual date of V-Day didn't work out for my boyfriend and I to make plans, I was the one to suggest to make another day 'our' V-Day. Might seem rather obvious, but I brought it up, not him. Then we talked out ideas together: what to do, where to go, how far to go with gift-giving...
Posts: 691 | Registered: Nov 2008
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Traceria, That's very much the way my husband and I have handled it for years. I really pity those women who feel they have to wait for their man to make a move and then get all depressed when he forgets some important event. But then, some of my male friends insist I'm not a typical woman.
V-day is still three weeks off so I hadn't even started to think about it yet. I notice its actually on a Saturday this year so we will very likely celebrate on the actual day.
Posts: 12591 | Registered: Jan 2000
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quote:Is there some reason that the primary burden for expressing love should lie on those with a Y chromosome?
Is there any particular reason the man should be expected to plan all special romantic events?
The same reason why we celebrate birthdays and anniversaries: social expectation and convention.
Did you miss the word "should"? I recognize that in many relationships the man "is" expected to plan, That is what is meant by "social expectation" and "convention".
Your answer does nothing to address whether these social expectations and conventions are reasonable, equitable, or good and should therefore be continued.
Edited to add that my questions aren't really so much directed at the men as at the women. If your wife/girlfriend expects you to take the initiative then you'd be well advised to take it if you want to keep her happy. But its also wise to figure out if that is really what she wants or just what she thinks others want her to want. I have known several women who would have liked to take the initiative but didn't feel like they were welcome to.
[ January 22, 2009, 02:01 PM: Message edited by: The Rabbit ]
Posts: 12591 | Registered: Jan 2000
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posted
My fiancee isn't a big fan either. I don't think she feels as strongly about it as I do though.
I love being romantic/silly/thoughtful/etc. I love making her feel as special as I know she is.
A mandated day when I have to do these things or get in trouble cheapens them to me, not only on that day, but also on the days that I choose to do them on.
edit: We've had this conversation on Hatrack before. I got called all kinds of names, but I still don't celebrate it and recommend that other guys don't unless they choose to.
Posts: 10177 | Registered: Apr 2001
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quote:A mandated day when I have to do these things or get in trouble cheapens them to me, not only on that day, but also on the days that I choose to do them on.
I mostly agree with you on this. But it is possible to consider Valentines day a good time to do those things without feeling a mandate or pressure to comply or recrimination if one does not.
My husband and have rarely if ever made a big deal out of Valentines day, but we often take the occasion as a reminder to do something silly/ thoughtful/or romantic. It definitely makes me feel special when my husband does something like cut silly little hearts from post it notes and stick them around my office. After nearly 20 years of marriage its easy to forget to keep doing those things without little reminders like valentines day.
Posts: 12591 | Registered: Jan 2000
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