posted
I just went from reading headlines at "The Onion" to reading headlines in "The New York Times". The switch triggered some strange reactions in my brain.
Consider these headlines from today's times
quote:Crisis Spreads to Tech Sector as Sun to Cut Work Force.
What? The US economic crisis is now big enough to effect the sun?
quote:Wall Street Fades in Late Trading"
Is it just the paint or is the whole street actually fading out of existence?
quote:Billboard Going Green on the Great White Way
Mold perhaps? Have they considered an anti-fungal paint?
quote:Challenge for Jets Is Psychological
Auto-pilots have gone way to far if jets are now having psychological problems. There is no way I'm boarding a plan that is suffering from bipolar disorder or paranoid schizophrenia . What if it suddenly decides in mid-flight that it no longer wants to live, or believes that airtraffic control is trying to take its core with mind control waves?
So what other headlines have you seen recently that are easy to misconstrue?
Posts: 12591 | Registered: Jan 2000
| IP: Logged |
Flossie, Nan, and Bert didn't squander their trust funds, so they don't need help.
quote:Metro Settles With Belgian Bank
The couple confirmed rumors that Metro is expecting twins in January.
quote:Pr. George's Schools Meet Target
The department store amazed everyone by remembering all 17,000 students' names.
quote:Chief Executive of Amtrak to Step Down
The CEO set a world record in flagpole sitting two weeks ago but continued to sit atop his perch until 10 AM this morning.
Posts: 26071 | Registered: Oct 2003
| IP: Logged |
posted
The bonds were hogging the swings, and the monkey bars is where all the CDSs smoke, so no one else hangs out there.
BTW, Rabbit, did you get my response to your email the other day? My accounts did something wonky on outlook and I'm not sure what actually got delivered.
Posts: 26071 | Registered: Oct 2003
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by Dagonee: BTW, Rabbit, did you get my response to your email the other day? My accounts did something wonky on outlook and I'm not sure what actually got delivered.
quote:Obama weighs Clinton, Richardson for secretary of state
Both of them failed to meet their weight loss target for this month. As the thinnest President in decades, Obama unveils plan to meet the America's growing Obesity epidemic that begins by establishing strict weight guidelines for his cabinet members. Obama's office issued the following statement on the weighing, "We are doing this to demonstrate our commitment to cutting the fat out of govornment."
quote:Oil prices fall on expected pullback in energy spending.
Pullback rushed to emergency room where it remains in critical condition.
quote:Sarkozy questions US missile shield plan
If plan refuses to answer, Sarkozy says he has not ruled out water boarding.
Posts: 12591 | Registered: Jan 2000
| IP: Logged |
Although he just won the US Presidential election, Obama is considering taking a top position at the Clinton foundation instead. While he agreed that being President of the US and most powerful person in the world was a highly prestigious position, he noted that the Job with the Clintons offered a higher salary and excellent benefit package.
Posts: 12591 | Registered: Jan 2000
| IP: Logged |
posted
In a potentially shocking move, Obama is thinking about moving the white house to the top of Wyoming's Mount Clinton.
Posts: 9912 | Registered: Nov 2005
| IP: Logged |
quote:Unhappy people glue themselves to television, survey finds
Emergency rooms and 911 getting rushed by people who want to know how to remove the super glue without damaging their new plasma screeen.
Posts: 12591 | Registered: Jan 2000
| IP: Logged |
quote:Will the Safety Net Catch Economy’s Casualties?
The New York fire department expresses concerns that their aging safety nets may not be adequate to meet the anticipated increase in bankers jumping from Wall Street windows.
Posts: 12591 | Registered: Jan 2000
| IP: Logged |
The sequel to the relatively unknown "Diff'rent Strokes goes to Transylvania" TV movie special, subtitled "Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Igor?", hit video shelves today.
Posts: 4287 | Registered: Mar 2005
| IP: Logged |
quote:Originally posted by The Rabbit: From Yahoo.
quote:Obama weighs Clinton, Richardson for secretary of state
Both of them failed to meet their weight loss target for this month. As the thinnest President in decades, Obama unveils plan to meet the America's growing Obesity epidemic that begins by establishing strict weight guidelines for his cabinet members. Obama's office issued the following statement on the weighing, "We are doing this to demonstrate our commitment to cutting the fat out of govornment."
quote: Brazil Hopes to Find Tribes Using Heat-Seeking Cameras
Researchers recently made the startling discover that an uncontacted tribes in the Amazon, which were previously believed to be extremely primative, are using heat-seeking camera technology. Questions remain about how these previously uncontacted tribes obtained heat-seeking cameras and what other technologies these tribal peoples may have developed without contact to industrialized peoples. Concerns have arisen about how to protect these people from venture capitalists anxious to exploit this potential new source of innovation.
Posts: 12591 | Registered: Jan 2000
| IP: Logged |
Obama is reported to have narrowed down the choices for his official presidential staff to the following three options.
option one (proven effectiveness in middle east negotiations) option two (Proven effective by powerful commander in chief) option three (Proven effectiveness against axis of evil).
posted
Interestingly, these kinds of headlines are used in neurologic testing. I was taught to ask someone, "If you saw the headline 'Thief gets 9 months in violin case,' what do you think the story would be about?" Then you can ask if they can see why the headline might be funny to someone. People with right hemisphere damage often have difficulty with puns, double-entendre, etc.
The breadth of testing a neurologist can use to test brain functioning is impressive.
Posts: 1261 | Registered: Apr 2004
| IP: Logged |
posted
James Taranto's "Best of the Web Today" has a (nearly) daily feature of such headlines from papers around the country. He generally makes some sort of snarky comment about how it could be misconstrued -- quite funny.
My favorite headline I ever saw -- was in the Financial Times of India or something like that about 5 or 6 years ago:
quote:Mysis Gives Pecker Head Job
Say it out loud -- dare you!
It was perfectly innocent though -- the company Mysis had promoted Rudolph Pecker to CEO. Still... you KNOW that the headline writer did that one on purpose. . . . .
Printer-friendly view of this topic
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[ROFL]](graemlins/rofl.gif)
