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» Hatrack River Forum » Active Forums » Books, Films, Food and Culture » If you were a professor at Hogwarts, what class would you teach?

   
Author Topic: If you were a professor at Hogwarts, what class would you teach?
brojack17
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One of my friends posted this on FB today. I thought it was funny.

So.....

[ January 09, 2013, 01:10 PM: Message edited by: brojack17 ]

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Stone_Wolf_
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Defense against the dark arts.
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King of Men
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English. It's "Hogwarts", no apostrophe. There was no Mr Hogwart who started a school.
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Raymond Arnold
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That I'm qualified for? Muggle Studies.

It's unclear if Hogwarts has a Bardic Arts class.

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Blayne Bradley
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Probably DATDA or maybe Divination under the fanon hypothesis that whats her face is just really really bad at it 99% of the time and that its possible to glean some good information from it with the right approach and mindset.
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Lyrhawn
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I doubt it would matter since Professor Binns apparently has tenure until the end of time, but I would totally teach History of Magic.
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brojack17
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quote:
Originally posted by King of Men:
English. It's "Hogwarts", no apostrophe. There was no Mr Hogwart who started a school.

Thanks. I just copied from FB and didn't notice. Fixed.
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brojack17
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Here were a couple of my favorites from his FB post:
Quidditch handicapping
IT Security: Defense Against the Dark Arts
Tarot Poker & Bridge

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Parkour
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Me: appalomancy
Sam k: defense against the contemporary arts
Tetris: deus ex machinomancy
Ray: numismatism and mastication

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Stephan
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I would want to teach Apparation. Misbehave in my class and you never come back.
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rivka
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quote:
Originally posted by Stephan:
I would want to teach Apparation. Misbehave in my class and you never come back.

[Laugh]
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umberhulk
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P.E
Math.

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AchillesHeel
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Physical self defense and battlefield tactics.

Did you see that last movie? are there no wizard generals?

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Emreecheek
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Cultural Anthropology. We could discuss the cultural appropriation humans practiced with goblins, and the exploitation humans partook of with house elves.
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umberhulk
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quote:
Originally posted by AchillesHeel:
Physical self defense and battlefield tactics.

Did you see that last movie? are there no wizard generals?

Ever have any dream of defeating voldemort, as yourself, with a handgun? I have.

"Smile you son of a"

"Yippie Kai Yay, moth--"

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Mr. Y
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Escapism. Should come in handy when stumbling across some of nastier critters and/or persons.
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Dan_Frank
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quote:
Originally posted by Emreecheek:
Cultural Anthropology. We could discuss the cultural appropriation humans practiced with goblins, and the exploitation humans partook of with house elves.

*Groan*

You are the AT&T of people.

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Blayne Bradley
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I like how in the Nasuverse (Fate/Stay Night, Fate/Zero, Tsukihime, etc) Wizards actually regularly learn martial arts just because of some of those weaknesses if someone manages to get too close.
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Synesthesia
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Care of Magical Creatures [Big Grin]
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umberhulk
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Marksmanship
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Emreecheek
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quote:
Originally posted by Dan_Frank:
quote:
Originally posted by Emreecheek:
Cultural Anthropology. We could discuss the cultural appropriation humans practiced with goblins, and the exploitation humans partook of with house elves.

*Groan*

You are the AT&T of people.

Your face is the AT&T of faces.
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scifibum
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Procrastinancy. Extra fancy.
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Lyrhawn
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quote:
Originally posted by Dan_Frank:
quote:
Originally posted by Emreecheek:
Cultural Anthropology. We could discuss the cultural appropriation humans practiced with goblins, and the exploitation humans partook of with house elves.

*Groan*

You are the AT&T of people.

He wants more bars in more places?
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Szymon
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Psychology of Death: How does death really feel like. Class includes: Dead People Paintings Interview, Ghost Interviews (as well as their death experiences trapped in a Pensieve), Priori Incantatem (right?) Dead People Interview, Resurrection Stone and How to Use It. Last class: Basics of Good Wizarding PR: Jesus Christ of Nazaret and How To Turn a Major Wizarding Secrecy Violation into a Muggle-Controlling Phenomenon.
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Teshi
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History of the Theory and Use of Magic

How the understanding and use of magic has changed over the ages. Slightly different from history in that it has more of a theoretical side. I guess it's the advanced version of what Professor Binns teaches "until the end of time".

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Dan_Frank
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quote:
Originally posted by Lyrhawn:
quote:
Originally posted by Dan_Frank:
quote:
Originally posted by Emreecheek:
Cultural Anthropology. We could discuss the cultural appropriation humans practiced with goblins, and the exploitation humans partook of with house elves.

*Groan*

You are the AT&T of people.

He wants more bars in more places?
You need to watch Community, Lyr. [Razz]

Maybe this this will clear things up.

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C3PO the Dragon Slayer
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I'd teach Spell Design. That has to be a field; who came up with all those spells?
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PSI Teleport
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quote:
Originally posted by scifibum:
Procrastinancy. Extra fancy.

I think this is an absolutely necessary class. It's amazing how many timely do-gooders don't grasp that waiting until the last minute allows one to explode with a level of power of which they hadn't previously imagined themselves capable. Similar to Tantra.

ETA: Sorry KoM. I meant "good-dooders."

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Darth_Mauve
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Death Avoidance/First Aid

Since, just about everything they do can and routinely does lead to death, disfigurement, pain, and mental anguish--a class teaching emergency magical first-aid, how not to inhale caustic fumes in potions class, how to fall safely--even from a speeding death trap called a broom, etc. would be a necessity.

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Ron Lambert
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Tasteful Attire--since no one in the wizarding world seems to have a clue. And maybe a special remedial personal grooming class for Snape.
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AchillesHeel
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Transportational Inquiry. Less a class more like an upper year workshop.

Because there must be a way to enchant something other than a broom (or an ugly old car) to fly.

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Ron Lambert
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And don't forget Hagrid's ridiculous flying motorcycle, with and without rocket assist.

Voldemort did not need a broom to fly. Some of the Deatheaters like Belatrix were able to fly without brooms, as well. That sounds like the best way to go.

One advantage of the flying Anglia, though, is that it would keep the wind out of your face, so you could go faster.

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twinky
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I think I would prefer to teach at an affiliated university, rather than effectively teaching middle or high school level classes at Hogwarts itself. I would teach a subset of these classes:

AMS101: Introduction to Applied Magical Science
Mathematical limits of and exceptions to Gamp's Law of Elemental Transfiguration.

AMS201: Applied Magical Science
Ineteraction between GLET and thermodynamics: funadamentals of heat, momentum, and mass transfer effected through magical means.

AMS211: Automation of Magical Systems
Laplace transforms and process control algorithms adapted for magical systems. Effects of time-altering magic on feedback and feedforward controllers.

AMS221: Statistics for Wizards and Witches
Statistical design and analysis of magical experiments. Statistical inference, hypothesis testing, and significance.

AMS331: Industrial Magic
Applications in manufacturing, statistical quality control in magical mass production.

AMS301: Magical Thermodynamics
Applications of GLET-PR and GLET-Gibbs equations to chemical separation and reaction systems.

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Stone_Wolf_
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Wow twinky...that is possibly the most nerdy thing I've ever read, and I once read a Buffy novel.
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Fuzzy
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Physics or computer science, because I'm a muggle and proud of it.
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