To celebrate, I've decided to sit naked in front of my computer and get a few things off my chest.

First of all, GET OFF MY LAWN!!! How many times do I have to tell you people.

Next, I'd just like to compliment everyone. I'm not going to name names because I view Hatrack as a gestalt phenomenon (take that, you meme-jockeys) that it is best not to separate into its constituent parts. That and I have such a bad memory that I would certainly offend 1/2 the people I would like to compliment. So, consider yourselves in my thoughts, if I could only retrieve them.

Thirdly, this place is very important to me. I would like to acknowledge the efforts of Kathryn, our beloved janitor and of course Mr. & Mrs. Card for their continued efforts and for spending the money to keep this place afloat. Without it, I'd be off on some political discussion site trying to 'zing' people. What emptiness...

Quarterly, I would like to take a moment of silence for those who are not with us today, but who have made such an impact on this place. Again, I won't mention names because their absence means that I've mostly forgotten them, but still we feel their presence as if it was only yesterday when they did what they did or said what they said. To our absent friends!!!

Cinquentially, I'd like to borrow some money. Just enough to pay for my move to Hawaii and ensure that I never have to work for a living again. This would give me the freedom to post a lot more and also maybe, if I feel like it, write the many novels that are rattling around in my head. So, you should really consider this an investment in your future entertainment and not so much as a loan. This should be an especially comforting viewpoint in later years as you reflect upon the fact that I've never paid you back.

Sixily, I would like to acknowledge the deep debt I already have to all of you for the past two years of personal growth. This place is like therapy for me, and I figure it has saved me well over $2,400 in psychiatric care, plus a similar amount in medications. Not that I don't still need help, mind you. Just that since I'm chained to the computer awaiting each new Hatrackian utterance, I'm less of a danger to myself and others.

Septilisimo, and Finalish, it makes me all tingly inside when I think of how Hatrack has become a living being and a family. Sort of a big amoeba-like family with pseudopods (and a real POD) oozing forward and reabsorbing; vacuoles popping out through the membrane, only to be sucked back in later; the nucleus dividing and giving rise to new versions of ourselves; overwhelming the web with the spreading growth of pages and pages of posts, and thousands of threads. It is just a beautiful thing to be a part of.

If only I looked as good as Leto. My life would be complete.

quote:

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If only I looked as good as Leto. My life would be complete.

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It's the simple dreams that most often come true... And I'm sure if you bash in your face in enough places, you'll get the sex appeal that John enjoys...

Classy post. Yet another one to try and emulate when I hit post #1000, sometime in late 2007.

EDIT: Don't ever sign up for wireless internet in a hotel, even to keep up with Hatrack. It stinks, and you can't see the letters well enough to catch typos.

Bob, I am very glad you are here. HOw could we get to know the personality of the Almighty and what to get him for Christmas.

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This place is like therapy for me, and I figure it has saved me well over $2,400 in psychiatric care, plus a similar amount in medications.

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My 2 year is in February, I think.

I shall endeavor to write a post worthy of this one. You are my idol. Just think, you believe that *I* have talent in writing my little humorous pieces.

I think you are one of the most entertaining people I know. I love your posts. Even when we've had disagreements ( and I can only think of one or two, and those were religion threads - and one reason why I'm sworn of those for the future), we've been able to treat each other with respect and come out of it still friends.

*sniff* I love you man! There are a few core people at Hatrack that made it impossible for me to stay away. I won't name them, because I'll forget some, but you're on the list, bud. One Bob Scopatz as my friend is worth 200 people spewing hatred at me. (not that there were 200 people, or anything like that - well, I'm sure you all know what I mean.)

*Raises 12 oz can of Pepsi One in Bob's Honor*

Heavy stuff indeed.

Thank you all for celebrating my 2nd anniversary with me. I've put out a selection of Maui Wow Wee candy bars for your enjoyment. They are better than Godiva!!!

<God enjoys a good Maui Wow Wee Candy bar -- they are the primary reason he hasn't destroyed the Earth in recent years>

Because:
1) I want some weekday (fair weather) Jatraqueros to see it.

2) I'm just that vain

3) It fell to the 2nd page and I hate that.

Because of your incredibly, icnreasingly hilarious usages and then your dang blasted persistence in updating it after the unfortunate demise of Dobie (in Hatrack terms, people, I'm not saying that he's actually dead) I kept getting sucked back into that vortex and then checking other threads while I was around and so grew to love you all and thus became so addicted to the hatcrack that here I am. Today. Right now. Posting on this thread.

*vows not to send Bob money so he can move to Hawaii, because she knows he'd be too busy island hopping to post*

Aren't you like 21 or something?

I'm very sorry I didn't mention you outright. I thought you would've been pleased with the burnt offering and the copious incense, but I should've known you are a jealous muse and are a fellow attention-seeker.

Edit to add: After all, it's been almost two months!

(love ya Bob, love having you here)

You are the grease that oils the wheel of Hatrack. Heck, you are the hubcap.

In all the time I've known you here, Bob, I've never seen you be less than a gentleman. Always a kind word, a thoughtful insight, a terribly stinky pun, whatever -- but never to make less of others, never to detract from this place.

You've never done any unmaking. Wow, more than 7000 posts, and what a record.

For me, you are quintessential Hatrack:

"the fifth and highest element in ancient and medieval philosophy that permeates all nature and is the substance composing the celestial bodies; the essence of a thing in its purest and most concentrated form; the most typical example or representative."

Yep, pretty much what you are, all but that last bit. Were you only more typical of Hatrack, Bob. (The only way I'd love ya more is if you were twins! )

*heartfelt toast