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» Hatrack River Forum » Archives » Landmark Threads » Lets Literately Layout a Landmark

   
Author Topic: Lets Literately Layout a Landmark
BlackBlade
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I've always had a soft spot for alliteration, punning (I think it should be called punnery personally), and word creation.

I suppose 2000 posts is pathetic in comparison to some of our more dated denizens within this forum. But alas I have come to roost here, and you must all tolerate my presence, however long I choose to remain. What can I say, your hospitality has warmed my feathers.

----

There is a battle that on 11/11 2006 I will have waged for an entire year. My romantic constantly squares off with my realist. On 11/11 2005 I met my wonderful wife Tiffany on a blind date. I've never been one to embrace change and uncertainty, but when I got home from my missionary duties in Taiwan I felt 2 very strange impressions.

1: Blind dates are good, do not fear them
2: Pay attention to girls from Washington State.

12/3 2005 we were officially dating (She had hung out with me literally every single day since 11/11) and 5/16 2006 I asked her to marry me.

This year has been full of triumphs and trials. My parents paid for the wedding, and going to Washington for our wedding ended up with me owing my parents $4000. Don't buy VW right now is the only advice I can offer.

I don't need an alarm clock anymore because at 7:00 on the dot she rolls over and clasps me in her arms. On the occasional off days where she doesn't, the cat is sure to be up by 7:15 and meows me awake.

The romantic in me wins when confess that I missed her all day at work, the realist wins when she asks me, "Am I the most important thing in your life?" and I answer with, "Finding God is #1 you are close 2nd." Certainly not a line from a movie script but its honest.

edit: We both laughed our heads off when we watched The Simpsons and Marge makes Homer get a chic flick for the evening. During the sad part of the movie Marge leans over to Homer and says, "Homer...if I died would you be sad?"

Whenever Tiffany accuses me of not being romantic enough I usually drop that line because we both love it.

Tiffany is so different from the girl I imagined myself marrying, but so right for me anyway. I've been told that I should not expect my wife to change much from the way she was when we are dating. Yet from what I can tell that was completely wrong. Not to say my wife's personality changes much, but her willingness to embrace good leaves her with so much potential I can't help but be excited with seeing who she is in 10 years.

Obviously she has moments of weakness, everyone does, but the moments where she demonstrates her strength have impressed me so much. She was diagnosed with bi polar disorder when she was 16 and her parents had her taking Zoloft every day. She married me, and her insurance ran out. We talked about it and she decided to brave life without her drug.

Sometimes its all I can do to not just yell when her moods swing several times in a day. But most of the time, I am just so proud of her for how much she is in control her emotions. I don't let her get away with emotional thinking, when she gets herself in a mess because she was irrational I walk her through the process, and am astounded that she takes the lesson to heart and so very rarely repeats the same mistake twice.

I know sometimes she wants her drug so very badly, its those moments when I try to be extra empathetic. I can't overstate how proud I am that she has been off Zoloft since we got married almost 4 months ago. Cold turkey after 5 years is never easy.

She is an amazing musician. I knew I had found somebody special when we listened to my cd's and she would harmonize with them. Since high school I never sing along with the melody I always harmonize the songs I listen to, and never met anybody who did the same thing until Tiffany. We both write songs on the piano, and our styles are very different from each other. Her style is more what I wish I could incorporate, and she wishes she knew how to write the way I do. It is to be hoped in a few years we will both get what we want.

She is marvelously feminine yet so empathetic of masculinity. She will burp loudly and then apologize profusely for, "Letting herself go." I heard some girls poke fun at guys for missing the garbage can after saying, "2 points!" Tiffany would probably just laugh if I missed, and give me a high five if I made it.

Tiffany is a massage therapist, so of course you think, "Oh man, big plus!" Unfortunately if you are a massage therapist's husband you invariably spend more time giving HER massages while she instructs you on how to do so, as she needs to sooth her sore muscles from giving OTHER men and women massages all day. Bear that in mind when you envision yourself watching the super bowl, eating finger foods with all your friends, and your wife behind you rubbing your shoulders.

We both love video games, and yet we hate it when the other is playing, because then we are not interacting with each other. The only solution was to get 2 mats and a copy of Dance Dance Revolution. We play together everyday (I admit with pride that I am the better player) and when we are playing 1 player games we constantly talk with each other so that we are not in our own worlds. Occasionally conversation drifts off for 10-15 minutes but without fail one of us will interject into the silence, "Honey...I love you!"

Incredibly sappy if you ask me, but perfect for us. She loves scary movies, I hate them, she loves watching scary movies and then running to me for comfort, I hate it. I think its ridiculous that I have to convince her that there isn't a 9 year old Asian girl with black makeup in our closet getting ready to kill her.

*Warning* the following might be a bit risque for some.

Growing up I always had the perception that guys are horny and that girls in a show of mercy capitulate to them just a little more then they want. Not that girls don't like sex, they just do it a little bit more then they really want to. If thats true, my marriage is the antithesis of this principle, there really is no other word for it, I HAVE to keep up with Tiffany in this regard, its INSANE. One of those surprises of marriage I suppose

END of risque business-------

The future for Tiffany and me is uncertain. I am trying very hard to decide where I want to go academically, and Tiffany struggles to decide if she wants to keep doing massage where she does, or to work another job.

But with all that we have accomplished together in the past year, let me just say I am incautiously optimistic about the coming year. If the trends of yesteryear continue, I do believe we will have the world as our oyster in the next 10. All I can say is you are all most fortunate that you are getting a BlackBlade tempered with Tiffanical influences.

It probably makes me a much easier person to deal with [Big Grin]

Before ending, I would like to thank all of you Mao Zi Dao Men for the wonderful community you have been to me in just over a year. I decided one day that I loved Mr. Cards books and would greatly enjoy interacting with like minded individuals. I can only assume that nobody in these forums dislikes his books but joined this forum for spontaneity's sake. I have greatly enjoyed learning from all of you, and have probably logged hundreds of hits on the following sites as a result of our discussions,

www.google.com
www. dictionary.com
and http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Main_Page

Thank you for that.

Have a wonderful day if not year all of you.

[ November 02, 2006, 05:42 PM: Message edited by: BlackBlade ]

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Dan_raven
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Thank you for the wonderful recap and landmark.

Great luck in the future.

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KarlEd
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Thanks for that. It's a wonderful landmark. It's nice to know you a bit more personally. I wish you and Tiffany the best.
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Dr Strangelove
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What a neat story! It's a pleasure having you at Hatrack, BB, and look forward to many future interactions.
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divaesefani
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I think I'd like Tiffany. She seems a lot like me, at least from my perspective of me.

My husband also learned early on in marriage to a massage therapist that he doesn't get very many massages. I get most of them from him. He has blossomed into quite a good therapist.

Life sounds happy for you, so congrats on that. Thanks for sharing.

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Boon
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That is cool. It sounds like you're both incredibly lucky to have found each other.

Speaking as someone currently on Zoloft for the second time, Pfizer will send it to her doctor free of charge if she qualifies, and it sounds like she probably would. You can read more about it here. I'm not trying to say I think she needs to be on it, I just want you guys aware of this option in case y'all decide that's the way to go.

/end unsolicited advice

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Kwea
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A lot of that sounded like me talking about my wife. I am glad you are happy, and that she is. [Big Grin] Even if I have to take your word on that part. [Wink]


Best of luck. [Smile]

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Mathematician
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Great post! I, too, have a (relatively, i.e. 1+ year)new wife that likes to DDR with me (though we both prefer RPGs). I'm also better than her at it ;-) (though I can't *really* dance at all in real life and she's really good, that is, been on several dance teams).

If you're in the Philly area, we should get together and have a ddr PARTY....(or not).

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ElJay
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BlackBlade, I'm glad you shared more about your life with us. It's neat to see how in love you are with your wife, and it sounds like you two are a great match.

I am concerned, though, about how you described that the two of you talked about Tiffany going off Zoloft and she made the decision to try it. I hope that the decision was also discussed with her doctor, and you just neglected to mention that part. Stopping a drug that's being used to treat bipolar disorder is a serious thing, and even if she is determined to try to live life without it, her reaction to going off it needs to be monitored by a professional.

While it sounds like she's doing very well now, this is something she'll likey have to deal with for the rest of her life. You both have to accept that the strain of controlling her emotions might get harder to handle the longer she does it, particularly if you two plan on having children. Just please keep Boon's message in mind, that there's ways of getting help without insurance if she ends up needing it, and try not to place so much value on her going without the drug that if it turns out she does need it again she's crushed by not being able to live up to your expectations.

Sorry to insert a downer into your landmark thread, but I do think it's important that her doctor is involved, and I want to two of you to be able to enjoy many, many years of happy marriage. [Smile] You've been an interesting addition to Hatrack, congratulations on 2000 posts.

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Lissande
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ElJay said exactly what I was thinking much more gracefully than I would have. I agree.

Congratulations on the landmark - and a good first few months of marriage. [Smile]

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El JT de Spang
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Happy anniversary and happy 2K, dude.

Good to have you around. [Smile]

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BlackBlade
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Thanks so much for all the support.

Eljay: It was a psychologist that recommended Zoloft. We carefully discussed it and decided to see how she responds to not taking the drug and trying to fill that void with productive thinking/activities. I have seriously considered what Boon said, and I talked to Tiffany about it. I am open to getting her Zoloft on a limited basis or even back up to the daily dose she used to take if necessary. We just wanted to see if she physiologically speaking, NEEDS it. I not not one of those, "Its all in your head, you don't need it!" folks, but having a grandmother who is a hypochondriac has definitely given me a slight distrust of pills.

Mathematician: I'm rarely in the Philly area but you can bet Ill take you up on that if I am.

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ClaudiaTherese
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BlackBlade, it would've had to have been a physician that prescribed the Zoloft, even if it was first suggested by a psychologist. Additionally, that physician would've had to be involved in her case on a regular basis (even if peripherally) to continue renewing the prescription. Maybe that physician would be the one to check in with?

I too am really glad you and she have found such happiness together. [Smile] That is wonderful to read.

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TomDavidson
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quote:
We just wanted to see if she physiologically speaking, NEEDS it.
If this were heart medication, would you consider doing that without a doctor's supervision?
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BlackBlade
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quote:
Originally posted by TomDavidson:
quote:
We just wanted to see if she physiologically speaking, NEEDS it.
If this were heart medication, would you consider doing that without a doctor's supervision?
Hoo boy I sense a debate coming.

I do not think that analogy works. If the medication was designed to stave off say multiple personalities, or psychosis, then no I probably wouldn't screw around with it. If it was medication that was designed to keep her alive, then no I wouldn't mess with it.

If its Zoloft and speaking frankly the worse she could suffer with being off it are mood swings, the occasional acute tartness, or at worst deep sadness, and weighed against the economical benefits and more so the emotional benefits of bring able to live without a mood altering drug, we both thought it was worth a shot. She was on Zoloft while we were dating, she hasn't been since we got married. We are both trying hard to make objective judgments on her reaction.

I wish it was cut and dry, but when she is ON zoloft she is still prone to being depressed because she RELIES on a drug to keep her stable.

Sometimes it seems like its a, "pick your poison" situation.

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TomDavidson
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Believe me, I know this decision. Several years ago, I decided to go off mood-altering medication -- against the counsel of my physician at the time -- because I felt that I no longer needed it. It went well in my case.

But that's like one of those anecdotes where somebody says "I would have died in that accident if I'd been wearing my seatbelt." It may be true, but it's a statistical anomaly.

You want to be very careful. When you talk about mood swings and "acute" tartness, I don't think you really appreciate how intense those can sometimes be. The literature on this topic is full of people who've "gone off their medication" and shot up McDonald's and killed their children and slit their wrists one day, completely without any obvious warning -- to the point that "going off medication" is almost a mental-health cliche. I know law enforcement always deals with anyone who's recently gone off psychiatric drugs very, very gingerly.

So I'm not saying you've made the wrong choice, or even that this is necessarily going to turn out badly. But I'm saying that if it goes wrong, you don't want to be the only person responsible for recognizing when she needs help; as loving and perceptive as you are, you're not trained for that sort of diagnosis.

[ November 03, 2006, 04:29 PM: Message edited by: TomDavidson ]

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BlackBlade
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quote:
Originally posted by TomDavidson:
Believe me, I know this decision. Several years ago, I decided to go off mood-altering medication -- against the counsel of my physician at the time -- because I felt that I no longer needed it. It went well in my case.

But that's like one of those anecdotes where somebody says "I would have died in that accident if I'd been wearing my seatbelt." It may be true, but it's a statistical anomaly.

You want to be very careful. When you talk about mood swings and "acute" tartness, I don't think you really appreciate how intense those can sometimes be. The literature on this topic is full of people who've "done off their medication" and shot up McDonald's and killed their children and slit their wrists one day, completely without any obvious warning -- to the point that "going off medication" is almost a mental-health cliche. I know law enforcement always deals with anyone who's recently gone off psychiatric drugs very, very gingerly.

So I'm not saying you've made the wrong choice, or even that this is necessarily going to turn out badly. But I'm saying that if it goes wrong, you don't want to be the only person responsible for recognizing when she needs help; as loving and perceptive as you are, you're not trained for that sort of diagnosis.

She does not know the name of her doctor who perscribed it, I might talk to her parents about it. Thus far she seems to be doing quite well, but I understand your concern.

I am honestly trying to tread lightly and make her mental health a much higher priority then my wallet. I'm not opposed to people needing medication, I just want to be sure we are doing the right thing in this case. Not to sound prideful, I am quite good a detecting when people are discontent. Tiffany will be back on her medicine long before she goes off the deep end.

According to her she was diagnosed as having mild BP, its really the only reason we even considered trying this at all.

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ElJay
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If she can't remember the name of the doctor, I'd be leery of what she remembers of the diagnosis, too. [Smile]

I believe you that you're being careful. I just don't think you are accounting for how strongly she may want to stay off the medication to please you, her new husband. So you may be good at reading people, but you're the primary person that she'll want to seem in control for. When you talk about how proud you are of her about it, it makes it into a moral issue. She's really going to want to not disappoint you by needing to go back on. That's why a doctor needs to be involved. Not to make the decision for you guys, but to monitor and provide an impartial third opinion.

I've said my piece, now, and I'm done. I don't want to harp on you. I hope it works out for the best.

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BlackBlade
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quote:
Originally posted by ElJay:
If she can't remember the name of the doctor, I'd be leery of what she remembers of the diagnosis, too. [Smile]

I believe you that you're being careful. I just don't think you are accounting for how strongly she may want to stay off the medication to please you, her new husband. So you may be good at reading people, but you're the primary person that she'll want to seem in control for. When you talk about how proud you are of her about it, it makes it into a moral issue. She's really going to want to not disappoint you by needing to go back on. That's why a doctor needs to be involved. Not to make the decision for you guys, but to monitor and provide an impartial third opinion.

I've said my piece, now, and I'm done. I don't want to harp on you. I hope it works out for the best.

I completely understand, thank you for your advice.
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Amanecer
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BlackBlade-

I enjoy your contributions to Hatrack. It's great to hear that your marraige is going so well! I wish you the best. [Smile]

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