I just wanted to tell you that I love your books, and I feel eboldened now to give you these pearls of wisdom I have gleaned over the years:
So, it is down to you. And it is down to me.
I can't compete with you physically. And you're no match for my brains.
But it's so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of you. Are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet, or his enemy's?
Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I'm not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool; you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
Not remotely. Because iocane comes from Australia, as everyone knows. And Australia is entirely peopled with criminals. And criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me. So I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.
Wait till I get going! Where was I?
Yes -- Australia, and you must have suspected I would have known the powder's origin, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
You've beaten my giant, which means you're exceptionally strong. So, you could have put the poison in your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you. So I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But, you've also bested my Spaniard which means you must have studied. And in studying, you must have learned that man is mortal so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.
You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is "Never get involved in a land war in Asia." But only slightly less well known is this: "Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA----
Anyway, I hope you (or William Goldman) won't sue or ban me for this, but I felt like it needed to be said.
You know,
as a favor to you.
Yours truly, Joe
[ January 06, 2005, 01:03 PM: Message edited by: Icarus ]
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
Dear Mr. Card. I love your work. Sincerely, Anna.
Posted by Choobak (Member # 7083) on :
too !! And many friends love your work.
I'm happy you are translated in french.
sincerly, Choobak
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
quote:I'm happy you are translated in french.
This sounds vaguely painful! Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
*whispers* William Goldman
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
Him too.
Posted by Erik Slaine (Member # 5583) on :
Was that a quote from something? Posted by msquared (Member # 4484) on :
The Princess Bride. When Wesley faces down Vinzinni.
msquared
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Okay, Erik, you should know that The Princess Bride was UNANIMOUSLY considered part of the Hatrack Consciousness. If you haven't read or watched it, do so immediately.
Posted by Erik Slaine (Member # 5583) on :
The what?
[ January 06, 2005, 12:11 PM: Message edited by: Erik Slaine ]
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
Go Watch The Princess Bride.
Now.
Posted by Erik Slaine (Member # 5583) on :
(click on the confused smiley) Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
Dear Mr. Card,
I reallly enjoy your books.
Please come to Utah before I graduate. You have two and a half years.
Sincerely,
Ashley
[ January 06, 2005, 01:54 PM: Message edited by: sarcasticmuppet ]
Posted by Trisha the Severe Hottie (Member # 6000) on :
I think Card was here for the last education week. Sadly, you two keep just crossing paths.
Posted by Steev (Member # 6805) on :
Dear Mr. Card,
I really enjoy your writing.
Please come to Utah so that you can remind yourself why you don't want to live here.
Sincerely,
Steev
PS Oh, and to see Ashley.
Posted by Verily the Younger (Member # 6705) on :
Dear Mr. Card;
I love your books and want to thank you for the beauty and maturity you have brought into my life. Your writings have made me want to be a better person.
And forget Utah. You've been to Utah many times. There's still one state missing from your roster of visited states, and it is not a state to be missed. Come to Alaska. We have bookstores here you could do signings at. Some of them are even real bookstores. We have a Barnes & Noble and everything.
Please come do a signing in Alaska. You'll be glad you came.
Sincerely, Your Number 72 Fan, Verily the Younger
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
He's out here in Utah quite a bit it seems, but he always seems to want to keep it hush-hush.
Even when he's doing a book signing.
[ January 06, 2005, 10:32 PM: Message edited by: mr_porteiro_head ]
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
[ January 06, 2005, 11:05 PM: Message edited by: Icarus ]
Posted by estavares (Member # 7170) on :
Verily the Younger:
Where in Alaska are you from?
BTW, OSC came to my creative writing class back when I was at Ricks (and when they still called it Ricks). I hadn't read any of his stuff at the time, but he was a great visitor. He knows his craft, that for sure.
P.S. What is this fabled "You-Tah" everyone keeps writing about?
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Ah, so now we get to the REAL point of all this mushy stuff from Icarus. ( ) He's been angling to get OSC and Kristine as lifelines for days and days now and this thread contains ANOTHER link to that thread.
Posted by The Silverblue Sun (Member # 1630) on :
Dear Mr. Card. (O)
Houston sucks, yo, I hope all is well with you and the family. Geoffy is Cool', so is the super cool wife.
looking to hire you as a historian on a western I been writing for a while, also wondering a little about the local "Write the Screenplay to Ender's Game" contest is going, has my penalty and suspension been lifted and I now allowed into the CONTEST
?
Word. War sucks. The man who ends it is better than the man who casts battles.
Yo!
2005 is gonna be a great year!
Peace! Love and ! Harmony!
Posted by Sara Sasse (Member # 6804) on :
Icarus: Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Dear Mr. Card,
Come to St. Louis....it is a beautiful metropilis.....where you could get attacked by rabid fans.
Sincerely, SteveRogers
Posted by Verily the Younger (Member # 6705) on :
quote:Verily the Younger:
Where in Alaska are you from?
Anchorage. Why?
Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
Dear Mr. Card:
Each time I read the Worthing Saga it hurts more than before. It's like digging another foot out of a well. Last time I read it I lay on a futon facedown and was still crying when my husband came home. I kept seeing my daughter with no eyes.
I just wanted you to know.
<3, 2son4ever
Posted by estavares (Member # 7170) on :
Verily:
Just grew up there myself, and all my family's still there. Go Dimond!
Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
Dear Mr Card,
Don't listen to them. Australia is where you really want to visit.
After all, we have iocane!
Sincerely, Imogen
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
Posted by Crystal (Member # 5437) on :
I have to agree that Anchorage is where he should visit.
quote: Just grew up there myself, and all my family's still there. Go Dimond!
No way! Go South! Posted by Verily the Younger (Member # 6705) on :
Nope, go Dimond! The Lynx rule!
Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :
Fairbanks > Anchorage
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Imogen, I read "iocane" as "cocaine" the first time.
Dear Mr. Card,
I'd love it if you would do another signing because I still have books without your lovely scrawly signature in them. But I also understand that signings are probably a huge pain in the butt.
Your son lives in the Pacific Northwest, it's only natural that you should do a mini signing in say...Portland. Why not do it every year? Good family time with your son and daughter-in-law and some happy, partying PacNW fans.
Oh, I love your books. You take up an entire shelf of my bookcase. Well, not YOU literally (that would be cramped), but your books.
Sincerely, Cecily, your #28 fan
Posted by Lisha-princess (Member # 6966) on :
Yeah, come to St. Louis!
Ooh, or come to Indiana! There's a bunch of us at Purdue; we can go prance about at Battle Ground. Well, maybe prancing isn't appropriate for Battle Ground. But we could prance OVER there.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Ahem, no.
There is a Battle Ground Washington (state) that is much more fun than your battleground. Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
Hear, hear! I second Narnia's idea.
PLUS . . . I would make you and the missus and all the PacNWers and other Jatraqueros wonderful homemade soup . . .
PLUS . . . Point Defiance Zoo has done some real nifty renovations that we all ought to go see and take goofy pictures of each other aping the apes - or doing the squirt a la belugas - or waddling with the penguins . . . .
Sincerely, Shan
Posted by Chandani (Member # 5879) on :
Dear Mr. Card,
Thank you for posting your "Uncle Orson Reviews Everything" column on your website. I have just been scouring the archives for mention of a movie I liked, and though you didn't review that one (or if you did I couldn't find it), I found several others that I was surprised (and delighted) to find you liked as much as I did.
I don't agree with you about everything, obviously. But I admire your work so much, and the way your mind works (evidenced by your writing "voice"). It's probably utterly silly of me, but when I see what you said about something like Maid in Manhattan or Donnie Darko and it rings so true to what I already thought, I feel a little bit better about myself.
Thanks again.
P.S. Have we waited long enough for Shadow of the Giant? What the heck have you been doing? ;-)
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Ahem...I believe he's been writing Crystal City, Rachel and Leah, and Robota...to name a few.
That there is a lot of nerve!!! Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
Yeah, but our Battle Ground (IN) is where Vigor Church would be.
Posted by Carrie (Member # 394) on :
Dear Mr. Card,
Have a wonderful New Year.
And thank you for... writing, inspiring, this place... everything!
Looking forward to the coming months of reading,
Carrie
*coughcometowisconsincough*
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
Dear Mr. Card,
I love you! Please dedicate a book to me, and I'll dedicate my life to you. *muah* *muah* *muah*
Posted by Trisha the Severe Hottie (Member # 6000) on :
Dear Mr. Card, I really like your books. The only other authors I really like are Tolstoy and Dostoevsky.
Posted by kwsni (Member # 1831) on :
Dear Mr Card,
I think all of this letter writing is a little creepy.
Ni!
Posted by thegameiam (Member # 7305) on :
Dear Mr. Card,
I've been a big fan of your work since the mid 80s, and I've found myself in a geek-rock band (I'm not naming the group to avoid the appearance of advertising...), and was wondering whether you mind your characters being used as subjects of songs (nothing adult or offensive).
Thank you, David Barak
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
Dear Mr. Card,
Why did you steal my sweater? Give it back *now*!
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Noem, was it a button-down or a Cardigan?
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
::looks in closet::
He took 'em both!
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
O.o Aren't cardigans and button-downs the same type of sweater? Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Exactly.
Posted by Pat (Member # 879) on :
Dear Mr. Card —
Can I be in your movie? I don't need a big part, maybe a soldier walking by Graff, or a bugger, or a concerned parent or something.
Heck, I'd even be a hand model. I have lovely hands.
Think it over. I'll be waiting outside your front door until you decide.
Pat
Posted by Proteus (Member # 794) on :
To Scott. I've read a lot of books and a lot of them were worse than yours. Especially that one with the kid who saves the world from giant space ants, its name escapes me but that was a good one. Its sequel too, Speaking to the Dead was great. Too bad they ruined it by turning it into a movie with Bruce Willis, Haley Joel Osment and Toni Collette, who was far superior in 'Muriel's Wedding.'
"I speak to dead people, all the time. Sometimes they don't even know they're dead."
I find it amazing that even in Britain, American literature and storytelling is not lost on us.
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