This is an encouragement thread for you know who to start writing a Christmas book. Hohoho! Posted by Syrjay (Member # 7706) on :
Santa Claus was killed by Achilles. Achilles was lying in a cardboard box in the streets of Rotterdam when the fat man dropped a toy his way. Achilles, waking up and realizing that the rosy-cheeked reindeer whipper had seen him vulnerable, decided to kill Santa.
The next year as Achilles pretended to sleep Santa reached down to give the young man a nice gift for taking care of the kids. Achilles reached up and slashed Santa's throat.
Merry Christmas
Posted by Suri-cool (Member # 7599) on :
I agree! Yet still I'd rather he write shadows in flight or the new Ender novel before the christmis one.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
If you'll postpone Christmas for me this year, I'll do as you ask.
Meanwhile:
Santa Claus gritted his teeth and once again made an attempt to reach the good girls and boys in Battle School - a number very much smaller than the total child population there, given the amount of elbowing in the battle room and cursing and taunting in the barracks.
"Upward!" he cried.
Dasher, who was leading tonight (and bitter about how all the credit for lead reindeer was given to the imaginary Rudolph), snorted, took a deep breath, and leapt upward.
They rose into the upper atmosphere. As the amount of oxygen per cubic meter declined steeply, the reindeer snorted and panted. Santa himself was gasping. It was always the same problem: how to achieve escape velocity before running out of air.
Once again, the reindeer slipped into unconsciousness; once again, gravity asserted itself and the sleigh began to drift, then coast, then fall rapidly downward. It was, as always, the heat of reentry that wakened them, as the friction with the air began to burn the balls right off those reindeer.
But a little physical discomfort was nothing to the disappointment Santa knew those good children would feel, to be ignored yet another year. If only Santa's magical power could reach beyond the atmosphere!
There's a start.... How's it going so far?
[ April 06, 2005, 09:34 AM: Message edited by: Orson Scott Card ]
Posted by Sartorius (Member # 7696) on :
February's a blah sort of month. Christmas in February would liven things up a bit.
Posted by NinjaBirdman (Member # 7114) on :
quote: There's a start.... How's it going so far?
Fantastic!
Posted by accio (Member # 3040) on :
~It's beginning to look like Christmas~ Posted by Syrjay (Member # 7706) on :
quote: the friction with the air began to burn the balls right off those reindeer.
Posted by Verai (Member # 7507) on :
Santa thinks to himself, "Well now I'm going to have to take extra good care of 'em."
Posted by polemic (Member # 7672) on :
Huh? says Santa as Richard Branson passes him in SpaceShipTwo, hoping to recruit a few battleschoolers for his new "Rebel Billionaire JeeshBoy" reality series...watch each week as battle school dropouts fight for the opportunity to fly around dangling from a helicopter with Sir Branson instead of fighting the bugger invasion!
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
I like this. Santa's magical powers can't reach beyond the Earth's atmosphere. It makes sense to me. And so the Battle Schoolers never get to experience much of the Magic of Childhood. It gives me the cool shivers, and gets me imagining all over again...
Posted by Gryphonesse (Member # 6651) on :
burnt reindeer balls...
best christmas story ever!!!
Posted by ssywak (Member # 807) on :
Did he say "balls"?
Did he mean "bells," or did he really mean "balls"?
Posted by ssywak (Member # 807) on :
BTW, I cried at the end, and then I went in to hug my kids.
Posted by 0range7Penguin (Member # 7337) on :
If Christmas was in February then December would be a blah month, plus you have Valentines day in February and thats fun. I think March is a boring month due to the lack of Holidays whatsoever.
The Santa Clause thing leads to the question, What about the tooth fairy? Does fairy magic workoutside the atmosphere? Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
Bean crept over the ducting to get a better look. The man kept bustling about, always blocking the monitor, but Bean had learned how to be patient in the streets of Rotterdam. Impatient boys died. Bean was a survivor.
Finally he got a clear shot and watched as a password was entered. Bean memorized it easily and began backing up, inch by inch, to return to his barracks before anyone noticed. It took him nearly a half hour before he emerged, naked and filthy, from the vent grill.
After he climbed into bed and let his breathing patterns follow their natural rhythm into what would appear to be deep sleep, he slid his desk out and, curled around it to keep it invisible from prying eyes, logged in.
"CLAUS," he typed. "PASSWORD: KRING01." Amateur.
Long lists of Battle School students streamed past, each one with a "naughty" or "nice" designation. Obviously chosen arbitrarily, he noticed, as the labels had little to do with actual student performance and everything to do with how charming or personally ingratiating the students were. Such was the way of the world, even when you were no longer in the world.
Bean called up the list again and started changing some of the labels. Not all of them, just a few, here and there, to make sure that Ender's jeesh would get the recognition they deserved. Such largesse might be wasted on Bean himself, having never experienced the heady anticipation and family joys of Christmas, but it would help bond the others into a closer unit. That would be important, Bean knew. Soldiers without presents would feel less than the others, inadequate, left out.
He had finished -- after a quick mental struggle he decided to change his own listing to "nice" as well so as not to stand out -- and moved to sign off when he noticed another list. One keystroke and he was looking at the staff records.
In the darkness, Bean smiled. Oh, you've been a naughty boy, Graff...
[ April 08, 2005, 05:42 PM: Message edited by: Chris Bridges ]
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
pleasedon'tsueme pleasedon'tsueme pleasedon'tsueme pleasedon'tsueme pleasedon'tsueme pleasedon'tsueme pleasedon'tsueme pleasedon'tsueme pleasedon'tsueme pleasedon'tsueme pleasedon'tsueme ...
Posted by Rose the ____ (Member # 7791) on :
oh, Mr. Card won't sue you! it was too cute to get sued over. besides, people write fan-stories on fanfiction.net all the - oh wait. they use disclaimers aforehand.
neway, folks, chill! he just gave us the end to the Bean Quartet! and month by month he's giving us a reimagining of Iron Man! Mr. Card is branching out into comics! if you want to read good work by him all you've got to do is go by your local comic book store - or maybe borders carries it, yeah, I think borders carries it... all you've got to do is pick one up every month and you've got 24 pages of a good story.
'cept there's no ender or bean or battle school or santa or castrated reindeer. <sigh>
Posted by X12 (Member # 5867) on :
And then, from the future, two men and a women come claiming that they must find Columbus and stop him- when suddenly, a swarm of buggars come and crash... no- take all enhabitants of Earth away to... PLuto.
The End
Merry Christmas
~Aphotic (X12)
(((I think I have a wierd sense of humor, oh well)))
Posted by jongo05 (Member # 7580) on :
That's all I have to say.
Posted by Vadon (Member # 4561) on :
Well, what OSC said would explain why we've never seen a new generation of magical flying reindeer.
Posted by GiantBeanGirl (Member # 7608) on :
was OSC totally serious about that opening? Because if he was, i would love to see how the rest of the story turns out. that was great! Posted by Achilles (Member # 7741) on :
quote: . Achilles, waking up and realizing that the rosy-cheeked reindeer whipper had seen him vulnerable, decided to kill Santa.
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Fantastic!
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