This is topic Funniest moments in OSC literature! (a spoiler-rich thread, of course) in forum Discussions About Orson Scott Card at Hatrack River Forum.
Han-Fei-Tzu arriving, and destroying the computer terminal Qing-Jao had been researching on, with ONE awesome movement of a sword! The visual I got from this scene was so hilarious that I had to put the book down and laugh for maybe 20 seconds.
Posted by Verily the Younger (Member # 6705) on :
Reverend Thrower trying to operate on Alvin's leg so he can "accidentally" kill him, and people keep losing the cutting tools on the way into the room until finally Thrower imagines the fall of Jericho and ends up half a mile away from the house. That scene was hilarious. I could practically hear the Benny Hill theme song in the background.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
You only think that Han Fei-Tzu thing was funny because nobody ever destroyed YOUR terminal with a sword.
Posted by ElaRibeira (Member # 8306) on :
Some Speaker for the Dead moments, because I'm in a Speaker mood. *laments for the hundredth time that her Ender books are in storage for the summer*
Ender does his Speaking for Marcao and talks about the incident in which Marcao was put to blame for something he didn't do (the exact deed escapes me at the moment). Grego shouts, referring to the kids who framed Marcao, "They were liars!" Little Grego, so angry and wanting to defend his father's dignity, with all the pomp and righteousness of a five-year-old.
Also in the Speaking for Marcao, when Ela explains to Quara that the man they've called their father is no longer their father, and Quara replies, "Oh. Is the Speaker our father now?"
And near the end, when Novinha clings to Ender's arm because she "can't see" in the dark (smooth one, Novinha), and Olhado pipes up, "I have good night vision!"
And just to spice things up, I'll throw in one from Children of the Mind. When Peter makes the joke that Wang Mu finds him sexually irresistable, and no one finds it funny. Sorry Peter, none of us were laughing with you, we were all laughing at you.
Oh, and my favorite line from Enchantment. "There was a bear!"
Posted by Puppy (Member # 6721) on :
The entirety of Saintspeak (though it's all inside jokes for Mormons who were around in the seventies).
Posted by Vadon (Member # 4561) on :
Good thing there's a nice warning for spoilers.
One I thought was great was towards the end of Children of the Mind. Where Peter is doing his little teleport like thing to avoid the captain and stop the destruction of the planet. I'm just trying to picture that from both sides, how confusing it'd be for the captain, and how amusing it would be for Peter.
Pretty much any conversation with the Oversoul got a chuckle out of me from the Homecoming saga. It is obvious in a sense that it's a computer and limited, yet how it also conveys an almost human sense to it and gives a very funny way of thinking about it. That computer sure had some sarcasm.
And why not? Let's throw something I enjoy from the Tales of Alvin Maker. I'll second the 'losing tools' in the Reverend Thrower part. I'm sure there's other parts that I would bring up, but none come to mind at the moment.
Edit: Over a month later, I notice a problem and fix it... yeesh.
[ August 23, 2005, 01:12 AM: Message edited by: Vadon ]
Posted by Crotalus (Member # 7339) on :
Little Alvin reaching up to touch "the moon" in Seventh Son.
Posted by Frangy. (Member # 6794) on :
When Ender returns to the school after they clear the monitor to him. First he forgets that he was looking for his writing desk and later, when Stilson says him "third", he thinks: "Peter. No, he was another one ".
Also when Peter is threatening to them of death, that Valentine says "Yes, you will say to them: I didn't know that I would kill Andrew, and when he was already dead, I didn't know that I would kill Valentine too".
Posted by Antony (Member # 7947) on :
When they tell Ender that the game was actually real,
comic genius!
Posted by Ramdac99 (Member # 7264) on :
when Peter faceplants in CotM. loved it.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Oh, right, Antony. If you actually thought that was funny, I have to kill myself.
Posted by Antony (Member # 7947) on :
Hey, What a prank! "Hey guess what? You just killed 'em, killed 'em all good" *guy slaps his knee, laughing heartily* "Betcha never saw that one coming! I sure got ya!"
but no, of course I was kidding ^_^
Posted by James Tiberius Kirk (Member # 2832) on :
Shadow Puppets, when Peter's parents come to wake him up when he realizes he may have ruined his entire political career.
--j_k
Posted by whatsup7196 (Member # 8308) on :
I can't believe this one has been left out:
Shadow of the Hegemon:
Petra is in solitary confinement and Achilles is trying to break her. At one point (and I can't be entirely sure I'm remembering the event exactly correctly, even though I re-read the book recently) some men come in during the night and tell her it's time to go somewhere immediately. She tells them she has to pee and they say she doesn't have time. She responds that if they don't let her use the restroom she'll go outside in the snow. The line reads something like:
"Women can write their names in the snow too, they just have to be more athletic".
That one was so funny I told my wife (non-OSC writer) and she chuckled.
Posted by lcarus (Member # 4395) on :
Shadow of the Giant, p. 341 - 42:
quote:And she liked the feel of Brazil, the pace of life, the way they moved, the football in the streets, the way they were never quite dressed, the music of the Portuguese language coming out of the neighborhood bars along with batuque and samba and laughter and the pungent smell of pinga.
I'm guessing "pinga" means something different in Brazilian Portuguese than it does in Cuban Spanish!
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
I like just about all of the banter between Jean Paul and Theresa in the Shadow series, and when Peter is thinking the whole time that his parents are really lame. Especially when he told Bean about coming out as Locke to his parents, and then saying "they pretended to know about me all along".
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
In Brazil, pinga is cane-sugar whiskey. What is it in Cuba?
Posted by forecast (Member # 8335) on :
If Uncle Orson Reviews Everything counts as literature, I'll mention that his review of Revenge of the Sith had me rolling on the floor.
Posted by Sid Meier (Member # 6965) on :
puhleez so many parts of OSC literature has ironic irony and those funny lines thats its hard to choose just one HOWEVER one does come to mind. the exhange between Carby and Dumper this oen comes to mind in it:
"The reason why you liked Eros was because it was the closest thing to sex you ever had"
Something like that but man I laughed and cried.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
erm, well, feel free to use your magical administrator powers to edit or delete this, or just tell me to, if it goes too far, but this conveys both the right meaning and the right level of vulgarity:
quote:. . . the way they were never quite dressed, the music of the Portuguese language coming out of the neighborhood bars along with batuque and samba and laughter and the pungent smell of d*ck.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Now we call sugar cane juice guarapo, and it's delicious and tragically hard to find in the Orlando area. *sigh*
Posted by Chris Kidd (Member # 2646) on :
Icarus
your talking about ducks right? Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Certainly my duck smells pungent; doesn't yours?
[ July 09, 2005, 06:07 PM: Message edited by: Icarus ]
Posted by aiua (Member # 7825) on :
The first thing that came to mind was the short, thick rope joke in Shadow of the Giant. That and everytime Bean's baby, Ender, was mentioned I couldn't help but think of the original Ender. Such as, when Bean was changing Ender's diaper..
Posted by ElaRibeira (Member # 8306) on :
This isn't exactly a funny moment per se, but one I had to share. In SotG, when almost the whole Jeesh is gathered (and, you know, NOT as captives of a psychopath), reading it felt like I was at a family reunion. It had been so long since I'd seen some of the people, but they're still the same. There's growth there, but at the core, they're the same. It wasn't laugh-out-loud funny, but it was amusing. Posted by ailurophobic (Member # 8343) on :
Oh man. When little Alvin pokes his sister's butt, most definitely. Seventh Son, obviously. Just the way OSC described the swaying motion of her behind.
Also, in Heartfire, I THINK it is. Calvin and Honore passed out. The entire drunk scene, too-- yum chickpeas.
Finally, I agree with Sid Meier.. I LOVED the conversation between Carn and Dumper in SotG. "Ouch... ow... owee!!"
Posted by ChaosTheory (Member # 7069) on :
When in Seventh Son they talk about the girls teasing alvin...
"One time when Alvin was tormented past endurence and only Measuress strong arms held him back from hot-blooded murder with a hayfork. Measure allowed as how the punishments of hell would most likely consist of living in the same house where 5 women who were all about twice a mans size."
Sorry if that is offensive to the Women here, but I find it funny!
Posted by TheSeeingHand (Member # 8349) on :
I was laughing at something from The Crystal City...forgot what though. Think it had something to do with Arthur Stuart not knowing that Dead Mary liked him.
Oh yeah! And when Alvin says he's going to show Taleswapper a perfect baby and then someone yells 'Show him your son, too!'
Posted by Roseauthor (Member # 148) on :
Magic Street: (SPOILER!!!!!)
Mack leaving a msg: "Puck You Cheating Fairy Get Back Home:" and it crossing over to the 'real' world on a bridge. The remaining chapter had me laughing so hard, that I had to finish reading it before fixing dinner for the family. I laughed the whole time I was cooking! Just the idea that a sudden pile of dung would show up on the stove..
Maybe I'm way to visual! I'm glad I'm reading this with a friend so I had someone who understood the humor of this scene! I'm still reading but this has to be the peek of humor in this book! I don't know if I could handle another scene like this! (I'm still laughing over this!)
Posted by DSP_Molo (Member # 8102) on :
My alltime favorite, from Ender's Shadow:
"I didn't expect you to attack him like a one-man swarm of bee.”
The appropriateness, visual, and clever construction of this sentence made me laugh long and hard, and I still laugh every time I read the book.
Posted by Thantos_2000 (Member # 8285) on :
I liked the scene in COTM where the Samoan husband is telling jokes that aren't funny. I like it because i've seen my dad do it with people. And they have this strang look on their face like am I missing something?
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
It's no surprise, I'm sure, that I love this thread <grin>. While none of my books is officially comedy, I care very much about having my characters be funny.
And so, especially, thanks for liking Mack's graffiti message to Puck in Magic Street! This is the first feedback I've had on that that wasn't from someone in my family. I was beginning to think nobody thought it was as funny as I did when I wrote it.
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
I read it smiling and thinking, "No way he can't know what that's gonna look li... yup," when it was commented on.
Sorry so vague, but if you haven't read the book you should read it without hearing me spoil it.
Posted by Miro (Member # 1178) on :
Maybe it's just because Magic Street is freshest in my mind, but I'd have to pick the scene between Puck and Ceese in the 'tween house.
"It's dark."
"It's raining."
Posted by Peter Howell (Member # 8072) on :
Did anybody else find the part where Mack tells off the bus driver funny? Just the thought of a guy catching up to a bus and then jumping on the front bumper and yelling through the windshield cracked me up when I read it... don't know why exactly.
That and the whole "Puck playing pool" scene: "Quiet. This is a tricky shot." "It's the break!" Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
JTK, I loved that part in Shadow Puppets too, when Peter's parents come and dump him out of bed. I love that he realized that they're smart and that they actually can help them. I think it shows how smart Peter really is that he came to these realizations at quite an early age...for a teenager.
I think Enchantment is full of most of the funny for me, all of the stuff with Ivan's mother ignoring Ruth, and all of the stuff with Ruth losing her hair. Ivan's snarky but sweet sense of humor is one of my favorite parts about that book.
Posted by Roseauthor (Member # 148) on :
Peter... All I could think about at that point was.. "That's something I would have done ... and much sooner!" (Based off my intolerant adult personality now!.. teehee)
Posted by adamsfrood42 (Member # 7464) on :
I have to say one of the funniest moments in all of science fiction history was Ender's famed Battle-School-Desk-Retaliation:
"Cover your butt. Bernard is watching." -- GOD
And, who could forget... "I love your butt. Let me kiss it." --Bernard
My friends and I laugh about that to this day...five years after we initially read the book.
Posted by Doctor Snack (Member # 8352) on :
One of my faves is from "Xenocide", when Valentine goes to Olhado's house and they discuss his profession. He says that he's a brickmaker, and Valentine counters that he doesn't really make bricks, he makes brickmakers.
In response, Olhado says, "I make brickmakers *tired*". Posted by TL (Member # 8124) on :
I laughed pretty hard when I read:
Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man stupid and blind in the eyes.
Posted by Omega M. (Member # 7924) on :
Earthfall, when a batlike creature first sees the humans' farm and realizes you can "herd vegetables like turkeys."
Posted by ElaRibeira (Member # 8306) on :
Alvin Journeyman - When Alvin leaves Hatrack, and someone says that Measure can teach the Maker classes in his stead and that, since he's a married man, there won't be any more fiascos like the one with Amy Sump. Measure responds, "I don't know. I'm pretty cute." ^_^
Posted by Soara (Member # 6729) on :
damn i want Magic Street. >.<
anyway...
everything Ta-Kumsaw says in Alvin Journeyman.
Posted by Celebrindal (Member # 8466) on :
I loved the conversation between Bean and Petra and Ambul in Shadow Puppets.
And in Red Prophet when Measure observes Ta-Kumsaw "made pot-toting downright noble!" Posted by Scooter (Member # 6915) on :
The whole bear and the pit scene in Enchantment had me laughing (once she awoke). I also liked the part when (IIRC) they marry and they are walking through the villiage and little children are making vulgar jokes about them (or maybe it was when they first came through the villiage and he was naked.)
I laugh while reading all the books (not at them, of course)--there are always some very witty lines to count on.
Posted by Daric (Member # 8402) on :
I'd have to say from Issue 3 of Ultimate Iron Man:
"Don't act like you know anything about me just because I'm black." "I know you like watermelon, can dance funky, and can slam dunk a basketball."
Posted by ElaRibeira (Member # 8306) on :
Had to bump this thread, and figured I might as well share some funny bits I read today in Alvin Journeyman.
-When Arhtur Stuart quotes Horace talking about Peggy and Alvin, in front of Peggy and Alvin. "Why don't those two just get married and make babies?" "You're pretty and he's a good-looking man. You'd have damn cute babies!" -"Dammit." "I heard that, Your Honor." "Bailiff, remove Horace Guester from the courtroom!"
And since I finally read Magic Street:
-Puck's speech about how he invented shit, and it was an improvement. -Yolanda's nicknames for Puck.
Posted by Jaha Canon (Member # 8520) on :
I laughed when Mazer Rackman told Ender that self-cannibalism wouldn't get him out of Command School. Maybe the concept of eating oneself out of one's misery is just a funny idea to me.
Anyway, I regretted not using that for my senior quote in high school.
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
My favorite line and it actually made me laugh out loud in an airplane full of annoyed passengers is in Enders Shadow. Bean has to run to the bathroom with dysentary and Nicholai runs into him there and while they are conversing about their friendship Bean gives us comedy gold with "For you, I'd get dysentary" and I believe Nicholai says something like "Isnt that what true frienship is?"
I dont know why people say that space is the final frontier, I still cant recognize let alone figure out how I got to half the uncharted places conversation is always taking me.
Posted by Zarex (Member # 8504) on :
In Ender's Game, when on his first day at battle school, Ender beats the older kids at the simulation in the game room, and their reaction to it.
Posted by Treason (Member # 7587) on :
And, who could forget... "I love your butt. Let me kiss it." --Bernard
I forgot about that! Posted by Treason (Member # 7587) on :
I just remembered another one. It's from Lovelock so I don't know if it was OSC that came up with it or Kathy Kidd but:
"Carol Jeanne wouldn't have appreciated it if I compared Mamie to a dog marking it's territory, so I kept that observation to myself. Besides, the comparison wasn't really fair. Among dogs it's not the bitches that do the marking." Ha!
There was also a "Nintendo Hoverboy" that cracked me up.
and this: "We saw the monkey again today and stole banannas for him and he put a bannana in Peter's pants which looked really stupid from behind, like he had dumped a load in his underwear, but he never has a sense of humor about his own personal appearance so I only mentioned it a couple of times." *chuckle*
and Odie Lee's "display" killed me.
Posted by lego feet (Member # 8093) on :
quote:Originally posted by Daric: I'd have to say from Issue 3 of Ultimate Iron Man:
"Don't act like you know anything about me just because I'm black." "I know you like watermelon, can dance funky, and can slam dunk a basketball."
HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA, you cannot be serious! I am in tears right now. Does anyone have a scan or a screenshot of this line from the comic? That is hilarious.
Posted by Dannighe (Member # 7831) on :
Pretty much anything that Puck says in Magic Street made me laugh, particularily the part where they are trying to determine if Puck is lying, the whole circular logic had me laughing as my wife was trying to sleep.
Posted by cagreat1 (Member # 8511) on :
come on guys no one thought that the first "family" scene from Speaker for the Dead was funny? I'm talking about the one where Grego has this huge smile on his face as he pees in Ender's lap. The other people in the room are appaled and disgusted, but Ender just smiles and says thank you.
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
Magic Street is the ebook I'm currently reading on my PDA (I tend to get stuck waiting a lot, so I've got nice reading stored up always at the ready). Yesterday, I burst out laughing at my doctor's office. Laughed so hard I had tears, though this has somewhat to do with my friends and myself. But that part, where Puck and the motorcycle chick have that moment where they keep flipping each other off...it was great.
Thinking about all of OSC's writing, though, so much of it is dry. The banter between the characters and such. Abilities to put a humorous twist to a conversation seem to infuse the characters and/or the narrator. Makes the books great fun to read. Posted by tmservo (Member # 8552) on :
Some of the funnier moments..
The opening conversation between Peter & Wang Mu in "Children of the Mind" had some great jabs..
But the line I always think of when I think "funny" and OSC comes from a website review this year:
------- But no. Advertisers don't want country people or people over forty. What can you sell them? Serutan? Geritol? Cinderblocks to put your cars on in your front yard? -------
The moment I read that I damn near did a spit take.
Posted by Jeni (Member # 1454) on :
I found the whole bit where Ender can't get his holdings to stop listing in Investment Counselor very amusing. Also some of his first exchanges with Jane.
Posted by Javert (Member # 3076) on :
OK...how could no one mention Ender's showdown with Grego?
"Grego just gave me a present, and because he made it himself it was very special. I don't think I'll ever let him go."
Or something to that effect. COMIC GOLD!
Posted by JennaDean (Member # 8816) on :
thanks for bumping this thread, I've never read it.
Posted by vonk (Member # 9027) on :
One of my favorite exchanges was from Crystal City, IIRC. Something along the lines of:
Alvin - We're gonna damn the Mississippi River.
Arthur Stuart - Well damn that river all to hell!
Posted by DDDaysh (Member # 9499) on :
There are several parts of most of the books that are down right hillarious, but alot of them are very bittersweet. One of my favorites though is in Earthborn when Edhadeya is talking about sneaking back into "Rasaro's House" even though Shedemei forbade her too until she had more life experience. Chebeya asks Edhadeya why she didn't do what Shedemei had said and Edhadeya says something to the effect of "Because I happen to think that sneaking into the school with out Shedemei finding out is a very good experience."
Posted by Will B (Member # 7931) on :
For me, OSC is rarely knee-slapping funny, but then he's not a humor writer. But Lovelock's comments about the people at the church had me laughing out loud.
Posted by DDDaysh (Member # 9499) on :
I came across another one just today. In Alvin Journyman Calvin is talking to the captain of the boat trying NOT to sound backwards. The captain says "touche" and then tells him it's a fencing term, and Calvin says he must have built ten miles of fence in his life and hadn't heard it.
Posted by Gwen (Member # 9551) on :
The scene between Sister Carlotta and Anton in "The Garden of Sofia" in Ender's Shadow..."Male and female he created them. Making his image anatomically vague, one must suppose." Actually most conversations with Sister Carlotta in them...and most conversations about Bean, without him present. The part where Bean walks in on Graff and Dimak and Dap arguing, so that he can get supplies for Dragon Army: pretty much the whole scene. When Bean decides he's not going to be polite anymore, he's hilarious.
Posted by Edgehopper (Member # 1716) on :
I'm a big fan of:
SftD: Olhado's reaction when Ender wins the war game (paraphrase because I don't have it on me): "I thought you were some kind of priest--where'd you learn tactics?"
Shadow of the Hegemon: Pretty much any dialogue between Peter and his parents. Particularly (again paraphrase):
Theresa: "I know you're the Hegemon and should get the best room, but then, we're not that likely to walk in on you making love." Peter: (grumbling) "Don't count on it." Theresa: "Don't worry, we'll knock first."
In Alvin Journeyman:
Arthur Stuart: "Why don't you just marry him? You'd make real cute babies. Pa said that."
In Crystal City (I'm a law student):
Lincoln: "That was some real nice lawyering, wasn't it, Coz? Though whenever a lawyer claims not to be a lawyer, that's got to be an improvement for humanity."
Posted by Szymon (Member # 7103) on :
Gathering all Queens on one planet to let humans win faster, that was funny:)
Posted by tanman1975 (Member # 1444) on :
My funniest OSC passage:
"Another oral exam, huh?", Peter said.
"Shut up, Peter," said Valentine.
"You should relax and enjoy it," said Peter. "It could be worse."
"I don't know how."
"It could be an anal exam."
Posted by Avery Good Schreibner (Member # 8772) on :
Funny, I didn't think they were funny, although, in retrospect, I think they were inteneded to be funny. I can only duscuss funny moments in the Alvin Maker series. I thought Seventh Son was an especially good book. I did think it was funny when little Alvin had to use the outhouse and found it was occupied. For me, though, it was a change of pace in the story like walking into a tree on a starless/moonless night. Earlier, there was the introduction of the unmaker, the arduous trip across Native territory, fearful labor, death of a son, and serious premonitions of the young Miss Larner. It's been a while, but I think after that there were more scary events, and then the sisters put pins in Alvin's nightshirt and he has to pee. I know peeing happens, but ... I am not sure why I needed to know Alvin pees. Maybe I should go back and re-read it. Am I blind? Posted by Sean Monahan (Member # 9334) on :
"I'm a slave of a slave of the Heptarch, which puts me so far above you, you're unworthy to inhale one of my farts."
--writing from memory, may not be word for word.
Posted by Javert (Member # 3076) on :
Quara: Listen, you! I don't care what kind of superbrain you used to be, you just stay out of family conversations, do you hear?
Miro: Look around, Quara! If she stayed out of family conversations, when could she talk?
Firequencher: (Raising his hand.) I've been staying out of family conversations. Do I get credit for that?
Definite laugh out loud moment. Also went very far to showing the piggies as people. Another great Firequencher line was: "Don't look at me, I'm just a tourist."
Posted by DDDaysh (Member # 9499) on :
In "The Memory of Earth"
Sevet - "Mother, you're being impossible"
Rasa - "I am never impossible, my dear. The most I ever allow myself to be is somewhat improbable."
Posted by oolung (Member # 8995) on :
Does anyone remember the 'romantic' lines of Christopher Columbus (the scenes with Beatrice) in the Pastwatch? I don't know exactly how it went, but they were hilarious.
There were also some very funny scenes with Valentine and her husband in the Xenocide during their journey to Lusitania, when thery tried to find some privacy
And the banter between Peter and Val when they were children. There was something like: "thet's pretty good fot two kids with three pubic hairs to share"
Posted by Orincoro (Member # 8854) on :
There is always the: "Where can I find a hoe?" from Children of the Mind (Much funnier in the audio version, were Rudnicki says it with a little almost chuckle.
Hands down:
"Bean had never done it with a smooth shaft." Right out of context. Likin' it. Lovin' it.
Then there is the constant: "Ho Ender," to which I always silently reply "You's the ho!"
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
Alvin Journeyman- The scene with Miss Franker and the lizard in the courtroom.
The line, "You shock me, you hurt me, you offend me, I challenge you to a duel and then take sick with pneumonia so that I can’t meet you"
Heartfire-
quote: “It’s Verily who’s about ready to explode,” said Mike. “Verily?” asked Alvin, surprised. Verily Cooper hardly ever showed his temper. “Yeah, he drummed his fingers on the table at lunch and on the porch he snatched a fly right out of the air and threw it at the house so hard it broke a window.” “He did?” asked Arthur Stuart, in awe. “I said so, didn’t I?” said Mike Fink. “Oh, yeah, I forgot who was talking,” said Arthur.
and the lines “English is the stupidest language on Earth. Except for German, and it is not a language, it is a head cold.”
“Of course I am French! Who would hire an English cook?”
“Do not shout at me, Mr. Quill,” said John. “Justice may be blind, but she is not deaf.”
“…And I am ready now with my ruling on the motion.” “But you haven’t questioned Alvin Smith!” “All right,” said John. “Mr. Smith, how are you today?” (That line, and that whole scene, had me grinning from ear to ear!)
Crystal City -
“And this is all my own money!” Coz said. Abe nodded gravely. “It is, my friend, at least until another girl makes big-eyes at you.”
“Come on, let’s eat,” said Arthur Stuart. “All this talkin’ don’t fill me up much.” And that being the most honest and sensible thing that had been said that half hour, they all agreed to it and followed their noses till they found a place that sold food that was mostly dead, didn’t have too many legs, wasn’t poisonous when alive, and seemed cooked enough to eat. Not an easy search in Barcy.
aaaaand "They sent succubi and incubi abroad in Barcy--- as if it took magic to make folks in Barcy get humpty thoughts."
I keep a "favorite quotes" document of everything I read . My Alvin Maker ones are the only ones I could find on my laptop, I had an awful lot from Lovelock and Enchantment and Ender Series and... ok, everything. Hmm, and if there's a problem with directly quoting so much copyrighted material, someone please let me know! I'm never sure about these things.
Posted by JennaDean (Member # 8816) on :
quote:The line, "You shock me, you hurt me, you offend me, I challenge you to a duel and then take sick with pneumonia so that I can’t meet you"
That one's great! I don't remember it. Where is it?
Posted by Edgehopper (Member # 1716) on :
JennaDean - It's in Heartfire. Balzac to Calvin in one of the earlier chapters.
Posted by Cabra (Member # 9581) on :
New here, figure this is as good a time as any for a first post. Just finished re-reading Children of the Mind and there are two quotes I liked
(between Miro and Young-Val)
quote:"This is the moment in all the videos when the couple that were screaming at each other suddenly look into each other's eyes and embrace each other and laugh at their anger and then kiss each other."
"Yeah, well, that's the videos," said Val. "If you lay a hand on me I'll ram your testicles so far up inside your abdomen it'll take a surgeon to get them out."
(and between Miro and Jane-Val)
quote:"This emotion I'm feeling now, this is love, right?"
"I don't know. Is it a longing? Is it a giddy stupid happiness just because you're with me?"
"Yes," she said.
"That's influenza," said Miro. "Watch for nausea or diarrhea within a few hours."
Also the scene in Treasure Box when Quentin starts to make moves on Madeline and she runs from the room screaming, calling him a pervert. Then later when they talk things out and talk about which... guides they read so they wouldn't be so bad. (At least it was funny at the time when it wasn't so creepy)
The scene in Treason where Lanik visits the tree-city disguised as a woman and he has to figure out how to take care of his business without revealing that he's actually a guy.
Then I got a chuckle out of most of Magic Street and basically anything that came out of Arthur Stuart's mouth
Posted by Kenif (Member # 9629) on :
"Let's play buggers and astronauts"
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
MyrddinFyre - no problem with quoting in this context. These are all reviews, and therefore entitled to quote short passages.
Also, you're enjoying stuff in my books. I would be insane to complain.
Posted by Jeesh (Member # 9163) on :
Arthur Stuart in Alvin Journeyman, when Peggy and Alvin are arguing.
"You'd have damn cute babies. Pa said that"
Posted by Nathan2006 (Member # 9387) on :
I loved in COTM (I think) Where Peter and What's her face (Wang mu, or something) Are meeting with the philosopher.
'The pig covered in mud basks in the sun on a rock.' <Paraphrase>
And, I loved Shedemi in Earthborn when she's on trial.
'Now, it is clear.'
Some other funny moments, other people already took (Stole) from me. :~( LOL
I think that all of OSC's books have a dry humor to them.
Oh!!! I forgot! I loved Baba Yaga in the airport! I laughed sooooo hard!
Posted by Libbie (Member # 9529) on :
I thought most of Seventh Son was pretty amusing, being written (frequently) from the point of view of a little frontier kid and with that great, twangy, dialect-y voice. However, I have to say that I really liked the scene in "Teacher's Pest" where John-Paul orders a steady stream of take-out and plastic forks to win Teresa's love. The part about the burritos still being in the trash if she wanted them was great. It reminded me of something my own husband would do if he wanted to cheer me up. Nerdy, smart men are so adorably awkward when it comes to things like that.
Posted by DDDaysh (Member # 9499) on :
Now don't make the rest of us jealous, there just aren't enough John Paul's to go around you know! ;-)
Posted by Cyronist (Member # 9691) on :
I laughed out loud when in The Crystal City Alvin says "Get your own half-black adopted brother-in-law to beat,"
And when Abe says "... You know when Coz is thinking it takes up his whole body -unless he's got gas-..."
[ August 30, 2006, 12:39 PM: Message edited by: Cyronist ]
Posted by Sm34rZ (Member # 8609) on :
I laughed at the part in Enchantment when it talks about how Baba Yaga was collecting the credit cards and such and when she finally boards the plane she gives one of the "prettier" ones to the guy behind the desk... but not without cursing it (him) with diareah. "She was, after all, Baba Yaga and there were certain things to be expected."
Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
The second Shadow book, where Hot Soup tells his superiors in carefully couched diplomatic language that they're a bunch of idiots who've painted themselves and him into a corner.
Posted by Libbie (Member # 9529) on :
quote:Originally posted by DDDaysh: Now don't make the rest of us jealous, there just aren't enough John Paul's to go around you know! ;-)
Hey, they're all out there, you just have to look. In basements and comic book shops, mostly. I found mine on the internet.
You know, his only fault is that I can't get him to read OSC. I don't know why he resists my literary recommendations. Maybe because he sees me reading A Song of Ice and Fire, and it's already huge and is getting bigger. He's a Conan kind of guy - short and sweet. I think he assumes that everything I read must be epic and gigantic.
I have exposed him to snippets of Ender's Game on audio during commutes, and he admitted that it was interesting. But then he called the big twist ending and totally ruined the surprise for himself. Also, somebody somewhere told him that Ender's Game is "Mormons in space," which would be totally awesome, but it's not that at all. So now he's hesitant to read it because he thinks it's all fraught with religious commentary.
Now I'm working on him with Wyrms. "It's got awesome, preserved, talking heads...LIKE IN FUTURAMA!" I might get him to relent on Wyrms.
Anyway, back to the topic:
____________________________________
More funny moments from OSC books: Just about anything that passes between Rebekah and Laban. They're so authentic as siblings. It reminds me of how my mom and her brothers talk to each other...still...in their 50s! Their teasing is really funny, but you can also feel the love. It's great.
Posted by Blayne Bradley (Member # 8565) on :
this thread is like travelling back in time.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Mormons won't be in space. We'll be on earth, selling tickets, making babies, and buying real estate. Later, we'll send missionaries.
Posted by BlueWizard (Member # 9389) on :
I did a quick scan and didn't find this one. I love the exchanges between Peter, who is struggling so hard against the traits Ender has given him, and Wang Mu, who is totally out of her element.
I don't have my books handy, so this will be greatly paraphrased, but I like Wang Mu's sarcastic humor.
After Wang Mu decides to join Peter, and they leave in the 'box', Peter and Wang Mu are talking and Peter asks something to the effect 'Do you know how this box works?"
To which Wang Mu replies, 'Apparently one sit in it and is spoken to rudely by strangers'.
I love that line.
Steve/bboyminn
Posted by Libbie (Member # 9529) on :
quote:Originally posted by Orson Scott Card: Mormons won't be in space. We'll be on earth, selling tickets, making babies, and buying real estate. Later, we'll send missionaries.
Man, you are on fire tonight. Did you ever do stand-up?
Posted by Rawr (Member # 9326) on :
I love the part in The Crystal City, I think, when Calvin is escaping from the the Mexican city and sees Alvin and the tohers holding hands. He laughs at that and everything until he realizes how much faster they're going and he's about to be caught.
Obviously, it's no where near funny when I say it, but how OSC writes it is hilarious.
Posted by JonHecht (Member # 9712) on :
"'Is it really important to shoot the messenger?' 'When the messenger won't tell you what the hell the message is, my trigger finger gets twitchy'" - Ender's Shadow
Posted by RunningBear (Member # 8477) on :
Ah, futurama...
Now we know where OSC gets his ideas!
he looks into the future and picks ideas off of animated comedy shows.
Ill bet a donut that Empire ends up revolving around a balding yellow donut lover who works at a Nucular Power plant.
If I lose, you can buy a donut, and feel good in donating a donut to a poor bet-maker, who gave it to you mentally.
Posted by Rawr (Member # 9326) on :
Which would explain the talking heads in Wyrms, as well...
Posted by happysmiley (Member # 9703) on :
in shadow of the giant i think when they have a reunion for the battle schoolers and either dink or carn says "wiwl de name a pwanet aftah us?" and pretty much that whole meeting, especialy w/ Graff trying to get them to call him by his first name.
Posted by BandoCommando (Member # 7746) on :
quote:Originally posted by JonHecht: "'Is it really important to shoot the messenger?' 'When the messenger won't tell you what the hell the message is, my trigger finger gets twitchy'" - Ender's Shadow
I, too, love this line.
Posted by Loki (Member # 2788) on :
From Treason
"We call her "Stump"
From Lovelock
Everything. Sure would be nice to see that next book in the trilogy...
Posted by Ecthalion (Member # 8825) on :
I thought most of the emails that came before the chapters were funny. But definately the conversation about eros was the funniest.
Posted by striplingrz (Member # 9770) on :
I wanted to add to this thread... finally... lol
I'm only going to quote "The Seventh Son" for now (I'm reading it again for the 4th time - so its fresh on my mind).
I've always thought Chapter 7 had some of the funniest stuff I'd read, maybe its cause I'm a country hick myself. But if you'll forgive the length, I have to quote my favorite verbatim...
"All the excitement had Alvin Junior feeling pretty spunky, and he hadn't figured out yet that sometimes he ought to keep all that jumpiness locked up tight. It happened that Matilda, who was sixteen and fancied herself a lady, was walking up the stairs right in front of him. Everybody hated walking anywhere behind Matilda, she took such delicate, ladylike steps. Measure always said he'd rather walk in line behind the moon, cause it moved faster. Now Matilda's backside was right in Al Junior's face, swaying back and forth, and he thought of what Measure said about the moon, and reckoned how Matilda's backside was just about as round as the moon, and then he got to wondering what it would be like to touch the moon, and whether it would be hard like a beetle's back or squishy as a slug. And when a boy six years old who's already feeling spunky gets a thought like that in his head, it's not even half a second till his finger is two inches deep in delicate flesh." I love that paragraph.
Then of course that is followed a page later with the interaction between Al Sr. and Al Jr. at the outhouse. I love the part where Al Jr. doesn't know who is in there and he says "If you don't come out I'll do it right in front of the door so you'll step in it when you come out!" That reminded me of a few campouts with the Boy Scouts.
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