Okay, so I'm getting pumped about going to the book signing this Saturday - even stopped and picked up another copy of "Enchantment" so I could get it signed for a student of mine.
I was reading the suggestions of what to do at a book signing on this site, and trying to figure out how not to make a fool of myself, and thought it would be funny to collect the top things that you should NOT do/say at an OSC signing.
A couple off the top of my head:
"I just LOVED your Dragonriders books!"
"So, when are you going to write a Star Trek novel?"
Your turn!
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
1) Don't call him Orson. 2) Don't squeeze his belly. 3) Don't tell him how much you liked his earlier work, but think his newer stuff doesn't measure up. 4) Don't ask him how he can write such affecting prose about such open-minded, atheist characters when he's really such a bigot. 5) Don't tell him that you were a super-intelligent child prodigy or are secretly a Maker, and you're so relieved to find someone else who knows the Truth.
Posted by hugh57 (Member # 5527) on :
Don't walk over to the DVD section of the bookstore to buy him a copy of The Spongebob Squarepants Movie.
Don't sugggest either Haley Joel Osment or Jake Lloyd for a role in Ender's Game: The Movie Posted by Lanfear (Member # 7776) on :
6) Walk up with your iPod in tow, and proceed to show him that your listening to Shadow of The Giant on audiobook?
Posted by PUNJABEE (Member # 7359) on :
Mr. Card doesn't like Spongebob?
oh jeez!
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
Oooh. I now want to buy the Spongebob movie and ask him to sign it.
Posted by 0range7Penguin (Member # 7337) on :
I think that would create a slight ackward moment just before you are asked to leave the store.
Posted by hugh57 (Member # 5527) on :
Do not ask Mr. Card for Advent Rising cheat codes!
Posted by Jiminy (Member # 7917) on :
"Hey, I think it's really cool that you modelled Ender after Hitler; he was such a misunderstood man!"
What you SHOULD do, though, is start up an intensely personal conversation about his family, based on things you read in "Lost Boys," and be sure to refer to everyone by their first names, then go home and cry when you learn that he never actually knew you existed.
On a related note, where can I learn, like, general book-signing etiquette? I've never been to one before, and I'm planning on going to see OSC when he's in town this month. Is it one signing per person? "A few" per person? That sort o' thing.
Posted by Hazen (Member # 161) on :
This should answer your questions.
Posted by Jiminy (Member # 7917) on :
It did. Thanks much.
Posted by Ginosion (Member # 7066) on :
Don't bring your cat
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
I'm fine with people owning and listening to iPods. Especially listening to my audiobooks that way.
Here's the biggest one:
Don't say: I bet you don't remember me!
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
I think the best response in that situation would be either to feign amnesia or break down and admit that you're actually just an OSC look-alike, OSC having tired of book tours some time ago and resolved to spend more time with his family.
Posted by Taalcon (Member # 839) on :
"I'm your Number One Fan".
Posted by Don Domande (Member # 8287) on :
"How much do you think this book will fetch on eBay if it's signed?"
How about asking him if he'll do a novelization of the SpongeBob SquarePants movie?
I like the idea of an OSClone!
Posted by Oobie Binoobie (Member # 8059) on :
quote:Originally posted by Orson Scott Card: Here's the biggest one:
Don't say: I bet you don't remember me!
But, what if you really *don't* remember me? *sob*!
It would break my heart and all, knowing that you don't remember someone as important as me, even though we've never ever met before. Posted by Don Domande (Member # 8287) on :
Remember Old Man Wormsley?
Nope...
Me neither.
I wish I could remember where those lines came from...
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
quote:Originally posted by Orson Scott Card: Don't say: I bet you don't remember me!
"I bet you remember me! What's my name?" is better? Posted by TheHumanTarget (Member # 7129) on :
I was thinking something along the lines of, "Were your wives able to come with you?"
Posted by Lanfear (Member # 7776) on :
quote:Originally posted by TheHumanTarget: I was thinking something along the lines of, "Were your wives able to come with you?"
Beautifully said.
Posted by Eck (Member # 8324) on :
Ask him to sign your latest copy of Michael Moore's work.. Ask him why he makes mistakes in his books 10 years after writing the first one.. Ask him why he hasn't written anything other than the Ender books...
/duck
Posted by TheHumanTarget (Member # 7129) on :
Ask him to sign a copy of Bill or Hillary Clinton's book.
Posted by Gsee (Member # 3479) on :
Going with the EBAY theme how about.
"Can you please personalize it to "highest bidder" "
Posted by TheHumanTarget (Member # 7129) on :
Could you make it out to 'Your friend at the Greensboro phone company?'
Posted by Enderwillsaveusall (Member # 6227) on :
Mr. Card did you remember to put your shopping cart back at the local A&p?
Posted by Occasional (Member # 5860) on :
Don't tell him he has gained wieght since the last time you saw him.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Oobie, of course I remember you. I've had a webcam in your bathroom for years now.
As for an OSC clone ... a friend of mine, Dan Shade (of "Lost Books" fame), looked enough like me, about twenty years ago, that we joked about how I'd send him to conventions claiming to be me and see if anyone noticed. We never did it, and now he's all grown up and doesn't think it would be fun.
Of course, back then I didn't have my picture anywhere. I finally had to start putting my picture up online and on my books so that the twits who've been getting laid by telling women they were me, writing under a pseudonym, can't get away with it anymore. The irritating thing is that BEING me never got any woman to feel all romantic; apparently you have to claim to be Orson Scott Card AND be devilishly good looking and charming all at once.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
You could always recruit punwit. I'm sure he'd be happy to be your Amidala.
Posted by Stray (Member # 4056) on :
OSC, have you ever seen a picture of the Hatracker known as punwit? I'm sure he'd be happy to stand in for you if you get tired of touring Posted by Stray (Member # 4056) on :
Hah! Jinx, katie! Posted by Don Domande (Member # 8287) on :
quote: Oobie, of course I remember you. I've had a webcam in your bathroom for years now.
I REALLY hope you've used that line before during a book signing!!!
Posted by Don Domande (Member # 8287) on :
Katharina -
Don't you think the long, blonde hair would be a giveaway???
.....
OH! You mean the guy with the goatee!
Posted by DavidGill (Member # 8166) on :
"I love you, man!"
Posted by Sid Meier (Member # 6965) on :
oh god this was funny, umm lemme see now... Damn I can't think of anything mean. But the wives reference was I think the funniest.
Posted by WheatPuppet (Member # 5142) on :
Don't bring a printout of the entire Atomic Rockets web site and a guide to bringing his next book "up to scratch" for the hard sci-fi community.
BTW -- I love Atomic Rockets, but it's definitely incompatible with OSC-style science fiction. Posted by Eisenoxyde (Member # 7289) on :
Don't bring a copy of your Ender's Game battle school fanfic and ask him to autograph it.
Jesse
Posted by romanylass (Member # 6306) on :
quote: The irritating thing is that BEING me never got any woman to feel all romantic;
Really? Now, would Kristine agree? Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
When we got married, I was not the author of anything much, just an editor. She married me out of optimism, untempered by experience.
I'm fine with "I love you man." I just answer the way Jack Nicholson did in Terms of Endearment. Or was that the sequel?
Posted by lego feet (Member # 8093) on :
I imagine it would be pretty funny if a fan began reciting a monologue from one of your books and completely butchered it.
Or they performed an action that was done in one of your books. How about someone coming dressed up as a pequenino?
"Now where did I put that M.D. Device..."
Or how about at an internet cafe?
A fan walks in brandishing a sword and starts destroying computers.
"First, MY autograph. Second, other fans. Last, THE SELF!!!"
Posted by Occasional (Member # 5860) on :
Asking questions like,
"So* what was your inspiration for the Red Prophet series" or "What was your inspiration for Memories of Earth?"
And, one of my all time favorites I have heard before "Do you think you could tell me where I could read Zina's real Journal? I teach Sunday School using your book."
Posted by ailurophobic (Member # 8343) on :
My vote still goes with pulling off your clothes and running naked circles around his table.
Posted by Earendil18 (Member # 3180) on :
quote:Originally posted by Orson Scott Card: I'm fine with people owning and listening to iPods. Especially listening to my audiobooks that way.
Here's the biggest one:
Don't say: I bet you don't remember me!
Oh gawwwd, GUILTY.....GUILTY!!!
(sob)
Posted by Christy (Member # 4397) on :
I just about choked when the guy at Borders in Madison called you Orson and I couldn't stifle the giggle when the second question was about the Ender movie.
Hope you arrived back home without much ado and thanks for stopping in Madison!
Posted by Don Domande (Member # 8287) on :
Unfortunately, due to some car-seat issues and a weak diaper, I missed part of the question/answer session. I loved what I heard, though I wish the PA system was a little better we had a hard time hearing from the back...especially when the "bathroom reader" alarm kept going off!
Christy - I must confess, I was a little nervous when some of the questions turned to politics and religion, considering the average political make-up of Madison. I was glad to see that everyone behaved, though!
Thank you, Mr. Card, for a great experience, and your graciousness - rest assured, I'll be watching for more signings in the future!
So, one more "no-no" to add, based on the Madison signing:
- Do NOT take an OSC book into the bathroom at a signing - the alarm confuses everyone.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Hey, Don, were you Julianna's (sp?) father? The guy with the tattoo partial to opera (the guy, not the tattoo)? We're Sophie's parents.
-----
I liked the "do you have the gift of prophecy, too?" question. *grin* Mr. Card handled it very graciously, I thought, although that poor woman probably drove home in tears, thinking, "Not even Orson Scott Card thinks I can see the future."
Posted by aiua (Member # 7825) on :
He was in Madison? -sobs-
Posted by aiua (Member # 7825) on :
He was in Madison? -sobs-
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Yesterday night, in fact.
Posted by Exploding Monkey (Member # 7612) on :
I got one:
"Man, your wife is hot! She free tomorrow night?"
Posted by Don Domande (Member # 8287) on :
Tom -
Yeah, that was me...it's a birthmark, though - not a tattoo!
I didn't hear the woman ask about prophecy...yikes!
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Welcome to the site, Don. It was a pleasure to meet you and your family.
Posted by Kama (Member # 3022) on :
"why aren't you wearing your KamaCon t-shirt?"
Posted by Jiminy (Member # 7917) on :
I knew OSC was gonna be in Madison on the 9th. I knew it was the 9th. I forgot to go. Why? Brilliant question. Apparently I hadn't quite fused the real world with the "OSC Book Signing" one in my head, or something. I am a tool, and I deserve to die alone.
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
>> I didn't hear the woman ask about prophecy...yikes!
Somebody better 'splain. . .
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
*grin*
"Mr. Card, you write about characters who have the gift of prophecy with such a clear and accurate description. You obviously know what it's like. Do you have the gift of prophecy yourself, or do you merely know someone who does?"
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
And what was the answer?
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
He believes the gift of prophecy exists, but doesn't think he has it himself, and moreover admits to immediately ignoring whatever else someone says after they claim to have the gift of prophecy.
Posted by Don Domande (Member # 8287) on :
Oh, my.
Wouldn't you love to hear all of "those" type of questions and comments that OSC has heard over the years?
On another note, how scary it must be for that person to feel like she has those kind of visions, and yet be all alone in believing it.
Yikes.
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
Thanks, Tom!
Our Q&A for 'Shadow of the Giant' was decidedly more tame.
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
quote:Wouldn't you love to hear all of "those" type of questions and comments that OSC has heard over the years?
I would.
Posted by R. Ann Dryden (Member # 8186) on :
Maybe it is just me, but it seems a tiny bit hypocritical of OSC to claim to believe that prophecy exists but he doesn't believe anyone who says they are a prophet. To me that says he doesn't actually believe in prophets after all.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
No. It means he doesn't think someone with the gift of prophecy would proclaim themselves in this way.
Posted by Jiminy (Member # 7917) on :
Or, due to it being overwhelmingly probable that the person making such a claim is lying or deranged, it is pragmatic not to believe them.
You believe in people who have bowled a 300, yes? Do you believe everyone who tells you they have?
[ July 11, 2005, 10:23 PM: Message edited by: Jiminy ]
Posted by Miriam (Member # 8351) on :
So Madison was great, but who's up to Carmel IN? I think it's only about 1 1/2 hours farther from my house than Madison was. Sophie and Juliana are adorable. I was somewhere behind you in line.
I'll probably have my little 22 mo old bundle of terror/energy w/me there (until I beg my oldest and my almost daughter to take him to the children's section).
Mr. Card - My daughter thought you had a great sense of humor. Now I have to take my son to see you and my almost daughter.
[ July 12, 2005, 01:15 PM: Message edited by: Miriam ]
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
Or OSC could believe that the gift of prophecy exists, but is not intended to be shared with others. Or if it is to be shared, it would come with more credentials than "I have the gift of prophecy."
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
*prints up nifty Certified Prophet credentials on her laser printer*
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
By "almost daughter," do you mean "daughter of a fiance?" Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
quote:Originally posted by TomDavidson: By "almost daughter," do you mean "daughter of a fiance?"
By almost daughter I mean my daughter's best friend. She calls me Mom and moved into my house "temporarily" tonight. She has a mom, but her biological mom is going through a rough time right now. She's a great kid and I just want her to have someplace where she feels secure and loved. (but man, two hormonal preteen girls in the same house! I must be insane)
No fiance. I am lucky to have been married to my best friend for several years. The man who has never complained about me buying clothes for a child not our own and who didn't say a word when I called and told him she was staying w/us for a while.
The joke in his family is that I seem to collect other people's kids. It's not intentional. I just can't say "no" if I see a child that needs something.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
BTW, I haven't welcomed you to Hatrack yet, so welcome! Posted by Roseauthor (Member # 148) on :
Okay, Since a friend of mine is guilty, I'll list this one.
Never put Mr. Card on the spot by handing him a Cell PHONE and say, "Here, could you talk to my friend in Colorado who couldn't be at any signings!!!" (I was the friend! It was a surprise to me also when he did this.) Mr. Card was the ever so gracious man and we survived the awkwardness. Though, it was joyful and amusing to me, I would still say, Don't do it!
Posted by CRash (Member # 7754) on :
I remember a "Spokane is Reading" Ender's Game discussion last year where somebody asked Mr. Card to say hello to his son, even though said son was not present and I'm pretty sure was nowhere within hearing range (I believe he was across the state in Seattle).
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME ABOUT THE SIGNING!!!! You guys know me. I would have come, hell or high water, if I had even been aware it was happening! Stupid work that has had me in a cave.
*throws tantrum*
However as far as things that have or have not been said to OSC about his books. My own contribution:
"Yeah it got a little wet, I read your books in the bathtub."
AJ
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
hmm... looks like I could see him in Indianapolis at the end of this month.
AJ
Posted by Chris Kidd (Member # 2646) on :
this is something i did while at endercon. I put my character names From VBS on my name tag. when he asked what the names where for. when i told him that the names where from VBS. I wasn't sure if he was weirded out by it. or that i was just another nutty fan.
Posted by Moonshine (Member # 7893) on :
Dude...as Orson Scott Card is my hero, last night was definately one of the highlights of my life. I got to meet my hero and ask him questions. How cool is that? How many seventeen-year-olds get to do that? I feel so lucky.
Thank you Mr. Card for coming to Pasadena and signing my books. Thank you for giving me some advice and thank you for at least acting like you cared.
P.S. Do you remember me? Just kidding... Posted by Palliard (Member # 8109) on :
"Dude, you don't remember me? I was the guy with the purple pants! Remember that purple pants guy? That was so totally me, dude!" hehehehe
Ah, memories. I remember, at one science fiction convention, Harlan Ellison, at a speech he was giving, singled me out of the crowd to serenade me with a song about Branch Davidians, sung to to the tune of "The Lumberjack Song".
I think it was because I was conpicuously eyeing the exit and looked like a refugee from The Gap(tm).
At least that wasn't as bad as that time I took a swing at Carl Macek.
Posted by Papa Moose (Member # 1992) on :
Moonshine, which person were you? Several of us were there last night (myself, rivka, docmagik, jd2cly60 <don't ask>) and I know I would have loved to meet another Jatraquera. I was one of the guys with very loud but well-meaning children.
--Pop
Posted by Moonshine (Member # 7893) on :
I was the tall red headed girl. I've been told that I do not look 17.
Posted by Moonshine (Member # 7893) on :
Also...my dad was the guy that OSC asked to stand up.
I thought I heard the words "Hatrack" and "PWeb..."
Posted by Papa Moose (Member # 1992) on :
I wasn't there for several parts, including anyone being asked to stand up -- I kept attending to children. Is it possible I sat directly behind you? Were you in (I think) the second row, pretty much center?
Posted by Verily the Younger (Member # 6705) on :
Stupid jerks with your inhabited regions, think you're so great because people live near where you are, and you have things like get-togethers and fancy-shmancy book-signings. Try living out on the frontier for awhile, where you only know the outside world by reputation. That'd show you. Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Yes, Pop. She was directly in front of us. Hey, Moonshine! I was the one with the snood who kept heckling OSC. Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Ok, I'm late for this, but I got one.
"You see this birthmark? It looks just like your left ear if you squint really good. You know what that means? I'm your long lost brother!"
Edit: I just wanted to point out that I chose a completely random OSC body part. In no way am I insulting OSC's left ear.
Posted by Moonshine (Member # 7893) on :
Yeah that was me in my "retro" NSYNC shirt...(sarcasm)laundry day and I was still cool enough to find it. Oh well.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
About the "prophecy" thing - my disdain is for people who claim they have the gift of prophecy in order to get you to do what they want - like pay them money <grin> or obey them. That is very different from having a position of authority within an ecclesiastical organization, where by virtue of your position you are believed to be empowered to speak the will of God (cf. the Pope, the Mormon Church president, etc.)
In the context of the question as I understood it, she was asking whether I accept the idea that people have a gift of prophecy that they can exercise at will to tell other people of their future. And I don't believe such a gift, as thus explained, exists. It is the stuff of sci-fi or fantasy.
Instead, I believe in the ability to know things that could not have been known through rational means, but the knowledge comes from God for God's purpose; it cannot be exercised by people on demand, and the gift doesn't belong to THEM but to God, and is bestowed only when and where he needs to have that knowledge made available. That's a very different proposition, and it's very rare, and I believe it's far too sacred a thing for me to use it in my fiction, so I don't. I use the other, nonexistent kind <grin>.
Posted by Lanfear (Member # 7776) on :
i was at the pasedina signing as well. lol. I was wondering where my fellow hatrackers were, even though im relatively new here. I'm only 15, and i was there with my sister. I was wearing all black. It was awesome meeting OSC. He's such a cool guy
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
I think there were several young males wearing all black . . . Sorry.
Catch you at the next one. Posted by Roseauthor (Member # 148) on :
SPOILER: MAGIC STREET ****Danger Will Rogers!!!!*****
In Magic Street Word gives 'words of knowledge,' and Healing under the guise of prophetic voice/power. Later finds out that it's the power of the Oberon-thus not from the Holy Spirit.
In the end however, Puck goes back to fix all the wrongs that were done. Does that mean that they will be restored to original state or that Tamika, and the like will be 'healed?' or granted their true wish? (I don't know if I missed this clarification.)
If they are granted their wish, doesn't that put Word back on the 'healer, evangelical, penticostal' pedistal? All that he prophesized did come to pass if so. (Their wishes/prayers come true, as prophesized by Word.)
Just a thoughtful reflection and question after reading the book.
I hope I conveyed that well enough.
Posted by Tinros (Member # 8328) on :
Verily- I lived in Anchorage for two and a hald years, on Elmendorf AFB. I feel your pain. However, it's so much more beautiful up there than it is anywhere else in the country, and I'd give anything to go back, even just for vacation. However, money prevents all vacations at the moment...hmm, maybe after college.... in like five years...
Posted by Moonshine (Member # 7893) on :
Hey...Lanfear...were you in the front row?
Posted by Lanfear (Member # 7776) on :
No.. lol we were like five minutes late. I was sitting on the floor in the bottom left corner. It was still amazing though
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
*takes notes from thread* I'll be going to a signing in two weeks, yipee! I already bought my hardcover copy of the book (and I *never* buy hardcover).
In light of a recent thread, here's another one: Don't ask Mr. Card for a hug. And don't put your arm around his shoulder.
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
OSC: "Okay, who'm I signing this to?"
Reply: "Jonathan, sir, Jonathan Howard."
Posted by Chris Kidd (Member # 2646) on :
From pictures ive seen OSC likes to squich his fans heads. i think theres thre or four floating around.
Posted by Moonshine (Member # 7893) on :
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