Yes, this is posted in the other forum, but a lot of people in here don't really go over there, or visey versey, and I need as much feedback as I can get.
I've been working on a story, which looks like it's going to be novelish in length, and I'm looking for kind souls to read it so far and give me feedback on what's workin' and what ain't. It sort of segues from a relatively ordinary setting to a decidedly strange one, and I want to make sure it isn't *too* confusing. Although I want the reader to feel some the protagonist's bewilderment, I personally get fairly annoyed by excessive opaqueness in fiction and want to make sure I'm not guilty of the same sin. And, of course, I'd like any and all feedback, even-especially, actually-feedback that may be a bit painful to hear, so don't spare me.
Many many thanks in advance to anyone willing to read it.
A word to the wise also on the Prologue; it intentionally imitates Spanish speech patterns in English, since Juan is a native Spanish speaker. He is assumed to be a very educated one, but even an educated and fluent speaker of another language will unconciously project some of the patterns of his native language onto it, even when he's completely grammatically correct. The Prologue very much reflects a Spanish rythm, especially when the characters speak, and this may make the prose feel a bit odd. If you think I should change it to be more conventionally English in feel, let me know. I would like to retain at least some of the Spanish feel, but if it's making the beginning sound awkward that's got to be changed.
The later dream sequences may feel even stranger; much of the style there is directly influenced by Spanish poetry and prose.
Posted by Will B (Member # 7931) on :
You might try the writers' workshop part of this site.
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
I recommend that you remove the link. Having it avilable on the web could be considered "publishing" it on the web.
Make it available to those who ask for it, but don't make it public.
Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
Excellent advice on general principles. But we have a workshop here precisely to meet this need. So I urge that Yank go to the workshop where people assemble precisely for this purpose. And for that reason, I am closing this thread.