Frodo: I will take the chicken across the road, though I do not know the way.

Gandalf: (to chicken)You shall not cross!

Aragorn: Elendil! I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn, Isildur's heir and Behold! I wield Anduril - the blade that was broken and has been re-forged....errr...what was the question again?

Sam: Of course you're crossing the road, chicken. And I'm coming with you!

Gimli: (lines up three chickens and cuts off their heads with one stroke) Three! Top that, Legolas!

Arwen: I will take the chicken across the road, because it cannot take itself and besides Glorfindel isn't here.

Treebeard: Hoom hom! Why the big rush to cross the road? Let's not be hasty!

Nazgul: Roooaaad! Chickennnn!
 

Gandalf- I'll bless the stupid chicken just to shut you up Sam.

Sam- Coitado do Guigo! Espero que os lobos nao tenham comido ele!
 

The Road goes ever on and on Out from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone, Let the chicken follow if it can!
 

Boromir-If any mortals have claim to the chicken it is the men of Numenor, and not the Halflings. The chicken is not yours save by unhappy chance. It might have been mine. It should have been mine. Give it to me!

[This message has been edited by Toretha (edited January 07, 2002).]
 

Nazgul: 'Come not between the Chicken and his road!

[This message has been edited by The Rabbit (edited January 07, 2002).]
 

The Goddess
 

[This message has been edited by jacare (edited January 07, 2002).]
 

Gollum: (eats chicken - raw)Isss it nice, Hobittses? Issss it a crunchable, tasssty chicken?

Balrog: Did the chicken have wings?

 

Sauron-One chicken to rule them all

Wormtounge-The wizard bewitched him! The chicken will go off to fight, leaving the Golden Hall of all his ancestors undefended
 

The Ents vent chickens?
 

Sam: Ah you're a dundering fool Sam McGee! You knew that bit of chicken would come in handy sometime and yet you let it cross the road right before your eyes.

Frodo: GET OFF THE ROAD!!

Gollum: (whining voice) but we KNOOOWSSES preciousss, that the chicken doessssn't have any pocketsss...nasssty lying chicken!

Tom Bombadil: (in a lusty baritone (or is he a tenor?)
Hop along, chicken friend, and cross where you may.
As Tom kindles candles to light your way.
Well-remembered your ancient whose riddle puzzled
Men and hobbits, round camp fires huddled
Debating chicken-egg scenarios
And never thinking to ask Bombadilllyo
Who saw it all, that fine, chuckling fellow
Whose jacket's bright blue, though his boots are yellow.

Nazgul: ... (nothing, it's horse just fell into the river)

Gandalf: The danger is in knowing how easily I could do without the chicken. Too close, and I feel the hypnotic pull of 11 herbs and spices.

Eowyn: Am I to stay while a CHICKEN chooses its own course?

Strider: A chicken could surely have a worse travelling companion.

Boromir: A bunch of cowering vegetarians, never understanding the true value of a chicken in the right hands. You send it across the road as if could serve no finer purpose. Well no more. Stand aside, consumer of rabbit-fare, the chicken is mine!

Galadriel: Sweet-hearted chicken, it is a long and weary road you have crossed.

Tree-beard: We will grant it safe passage, for we also hate the farmer's axe.
 

LORD OF THE RINGS: BREADBOX EDITION

THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RINGS

FADE IN (SORT OF):

EXT/INT. DARKNESS

NARRATOR: Once upon a time, Sauron got the great idea of ruling the world via some rings.

SAURON, who looks like a kitchen appliance gone horribly wrong, shows off his flashy new jewelry.

NARRATOR: Not everyone was thrilled with this idea, so there was a war.

Lots and lots of ELVES and MEN fighting ORCS. ELROND looks pissy.

NARRATOR: Sauron had the One Ring and was therefore whacking people left and right.

SAURON kicks the ass of ISILDUR’S FATHER and menaces the hell out of ISILDUR.

NARRATOR: But, Sauron rather stupidly reached toward Isildur with his Ring hand and Isildur chopped it off.

First of many shots of SAURON’S FALLING FINGER with THE RING.

NARRATOR: Isildur could have destroyed it then and there, but nooooo. He was a big dope and kept it. The Ring was not happy with this and quickly arranged Isildur’s death.

RING calls in A HIT on ISILDUR. ISILDUR gets jumped by an ORC but somehow ends up in a RIVER with arrows in his back. RING ends up UNDERWATER.

RING: Well, this is inconvenient.

NARRATOR: And everyone pretty much forgot about the extremely important war.

GOLLUM goes swimming and picks up a GIANT PEARL, I mean, THE RING.

NARRATOR: The Ring did wonders for Gollum’s social life.

GOLLULM: Precioussss….

RING: Hoo boy.

BILBO finds THE RING. GOLLUM freaks.

NARRATOR: Which brings us to…Now.

EXT. THE HAPPY, PERKY SHIRE

FRODO: Hi there. I’m extremely adorable.

GANDALF rides up, singing the only poem they bothered to write a tune for.

GANDALF: Hello, Frodo. Why don’t I not tell you things.

FRODO laughs. It would behoove the AUDIENCE to remember this sound, as they will never hear it again.

GANDALF randomly drops off FRODO and goes to see BILBO.

BILBO: I’m going to say some vaguely disturbing things while Gandalf engages in some slapstick.

GANDALF smacks his HEAD.

GANDALF: Let’s have a smoke.

EXT. THE HAPPY, PERKY PARTY

BILBO: We need to make several clever references to The Hobbit.

MERRY and PIPPIN do something stupid, thus establishing themselves as COMIC RELIEF.

BILBO: Now, I will make an insulting speech that no one will understand because you can barely add fractions.

God, I’m clever.

BILBO’S EGO implodes, causing him to DISAPPEAR.

GANDALF: Oh, for heaven’s sake.

GANDALF berates BILBO for wanting to keep THE RING.

BILBO: Remember those vaguely disturbing things I said earlier? Now I’m going to say some blatantly disturbing things.

GANDALF talks BILBO down by putting on a LIGHT SHOW, or more to the point, A SHADOW SHOW.

BILBO: Okay, I won’t do that freaky thing with my eyes again.

GANDALF: Leave the Ring for Frodo. I’m sure he won’t mind having to keep the evil object.

BILBO goes off, also singing the only poem they bothered to write a tune for.

GANDALF: I’m going to wait for Frodo to come home so I can not tell him things.

FRODO: I’m home! Why do we keep having extreme close-ups of Bilbo’s ring?

GANDALF: I can’t tell you that.

GANDALF rides off to the CGI CITY OF MINAS TIRITH to have a FLASHBACK of the FLASHBACK.

EXT. THE CGI CITY OF BARAD-DUR

GOLLUM

Shire…Baggins!

The EXCESSIVELY CREEPY BLACK RIDERS go off looking for someone named SHIRE in the land of BAGGINS.

EXT. THE HAPPY, PERKY, BUT NOT FOR MUCH LONGER, SHIRE

FRODO: La, la, la. Life is good. Nothing can possibly go wrong.

GANDALF: BOO!

FRODO: Oh, Sh it.

GANDALF: The Ring is evil.

RING: Hey, I’m in the room!

GANDALF: You have to go. Gollum told everyone.

GANDALF shows us a FLASHBACK we didn’t need to see.

GANDALF: I’m going to see the obviously evil Saruman.

FRODO: That’s great. I’m sure you’ll be captured and I’ll waste time waiting for you.

GANDALF: Hmm…You can’t go alone, so…

GANDALF pulls SAM from thin air.

SAM: Ack! Gardening! At night!

GANDALF: Whatever. I need someone to obsess about Frodo.

SAM: I’m your man.

GANDALF goes off to get captured and FRODO and SAM go off to find MERRY and PIPPIN doing something stupid.

FRODO: The excessively creepy black rider is coming! Hide!

BLACK RIDER: Dammit, why can’t I find this Baggins place?

RING: Hey, you! I’m down here!
Frodo, put on the Ring!

FRODO looks adorable while fighting off the RING.

BLACK RIDER gets frustrated and screams like the SUBWAY ARRIVING.

THE HOBBITS run like hell to the FERRY.

BLACK RIDER: Hey! You! Can I get directions?

FRODO: Argh!

BLACK RIDER: Wait! I need help here!

FRODO leaps five whole feet onto the FERRY.

INT. ORTHANC, HOME OF THE OBVIOUSLY EVIL SARUMAN

GANDALF: I need your help.

SARUMAN: Blegh. I vant to suck your blood.

GANDALF: Despite your creepy demeanor, I’m going to reveal some secrets.

SARUMAN: I work for Sauron.

GANDALF: You are the wisest of the Wise.

SARUMAN: I’m evil.

GANDALF: I trust you implicitly.

SARUMAN: I’ll make you break dance.

GANDALF: You ARE evil!

GANDALF and SARUMAN have a really silly looking fight.

EXT. THE TOWNSHIP OF BREE

FRODO: Gandalf isn’t here. I wonder why.

MERRY: Let’s get drunk!

PIPPIN: I see no reason why not.

RING: Those damn Ringwraiths are lost again. Frodo, put me on so the Eye can give them directions.

FRODO: Ack! Now I must look sad and tormented.
And adorable.

PIPPIN does something stupid. FRODO goes to stop him and, OOPS!, falls. RING lands directly on his finger.

RING: Score! I thought that was going to take weeks!

FRODO appears in the FREAKY-DEAKY world of DARKNESS.

EYE OF SAURON: ROAR! I…My god, your eyes are blue!

FRODO: Well, I am adorable.

BLACK RIDERS: Oh, so it was someone named Baggins in the land of Shire!

BLACK RIDERS scream like NAILS ACROSS A BLACKBOARD.

FRODO pulls off the RING just in time to be molested by STRIDER.

STRIDER: There’s been enough adorability. Time for some rugged handsomeness from Strider the Ranger.

AUDIENCE: Thank God!

SAM: Frodo’s been out of my sight for three seconds!

STRIDER: I’ve come to guide you to the next plot point. We need to set it up so the audience thinks the Black Riders are killing you, while you are actually somewhere safe with me.

BLACK RIDERS stab beds, while shots of SAM are shown. INFANTS and SMALL DOGS are not fooled. BLACK RIDERS scream like a CARNIVAL RIDE COMING TO A COMPLETE STOP.

AUDIENCE: Enough already!

STRIDER: Oh, my name is actually Aragorn.

FRODO: You didn’t pretend it was Strider for very long.

ARAGORN: Well, multiple names are cumbersome. Just ask Mithrandir.

SAM: Who?

EXT. WEATHERTOP A.K.A., THE NEXT PLOT POINT

ARAGORN: I’m going to conveniently wander off.

FRODO: I’m going to conveniently go to sleep.

Without supervision, PIPPIN immediately does something stupid.

BLACK RIDERS: Oh, there they are!

AUDIENCE: You guys aren’t very bright, are you?

BLACK RIDERS surround the HOBBITS. It’s all very creepy and scary. FRODO falls.

AUDIENCE: Oh, for the love of…

BLACK RIDER stabs FRODO.

AUDIENCE: Noooo! Will his cuteness suffer?

FRODO: No, I’m just going to get cloudy contacts, varicose veins and start making funny noises, but I’ll still be the cutest thing you’ve ever seen.

ARAGORN manages to show up.

SAM: It’s about time.

ARAGORN: Sorry, traffic.

ARAGORN whups the BLACK RIDERS with fire.

BLACK RIDERS: Fire bad!

There is one BLACK RIDER left. ARAGORN throws the burning brand in his face.

BLACK RIDER: Well, I’ll just be going then.

EXT. THE ENCHANTED WOODS

GLORFINDEL: Well, it’s just about time for me to go save Frodo.

Suddenly, a SHOVEL thwacks GLORFINDEL across the back of his head. ARWEN is shown holding the SHOVEL.

ARWEN: Sorry, Glory. This movie is sorely lacking female participants, so you’re out and I’m in..

ARWEN unceremoniously dumps his body in a ditch somewhere with that of TOM BOMBADIL.

ARWEN: Hi, honey. I’m here to save you.

ARAGORN: Arwen! I’m glad to see you. But, where’s Glorfindel?

ARWEN surreptitiously kicks some dirt on the bodies.

ARWEN: Beats me.

ARAGORN: Oh well. Can you save Frodo?

ARWEN: Like, fer sure!

ARWEN grabs FRODO and rides like hell.

BLACK RIDERS: Hey, you can’t take him! We stamped him ourselves!

ARWEN: Like, come get him, dorkwads!

ARWEN steals her FATHER’S JOB and starts the flood herself.

BLACK RIDERS: ARGH! First fire, now water! Nature sucks!

FRODO passes out and has TRIPPY DREAMS about architecture.

(part two to follow)

 

Ni!
 

::has laughed himself voiceless::
 

The Goddess
 

Aelysium
Who hopes

For the country of death is the heart's size
And the star of the lost the shape of the eyes
 

I'll take partial credit for posting one of the funniest things ever, but I cannot take complete credit.
 

INT. THE OVERBLOWN ELF CITY OF RIVENDELL

FRODO: No, I hate Baroque! What? Where am I?

GANDALF: Hi, Frodo.

FRODO: Gandalf! Where the hell were you?

GANDALF has a FLASHBACK.

EXT. ORTHANC, HOME OF THE OBVIOUSLY EVIL SARUMAN

SARUMAN beats up on GANDALF.

SARUMAN: Idiot! Of course I’m evil!

But, because Gandalf can speak MOTH, he catches a ride on one of the BIG-ASS EAGLES OF MIDDLE-EARTH.

END FLASHBACK

FRODO: Um…Gandalf? Hello?

GANDALF: I’m sorry, what? You know I can’t tell you anything. Say hello to Elrond.

3000 years later, ELROND still looks pissy.

GANDALF: And Bilbo.

BILBO looks like he’s been put in an OVEN for a while.

FRODO: Wow, you got old quick.

BILBO: It’s one of those vaguely disturbing things from the beginning.

FRODO gets some brief happiness before the really depressing part of the movie begins.

GANDALF: Now what?

ELROND: Now we will have a flashback to explain why I look so pissy all the time.

The FLASHBACK of the FLASHBACK starts again, this time from ELROND’S POV. ISILDUR refuses to give up THE RING. Again.

AUDIENCE: Why didn’t ELROND just chuck ISILDUR into the fire, ring and all?

EXT. THE OVERBLOWN ELF CITY OF RIVENDELL

LEGOLAS and UNIMPORTANT ELVES arrive.

GIMLI and UNIMPORTANT DWARVES arrive.

BOROMIR and THE OLD GUYS OF GONDOR arrive.

BOROMIR studies the picture of SAURON offering to make ISILDUR Julian fries with his headgear. Then, BOROMIR disrespects the SWORD-THAT-WAS-BROKEN that others obviously revere.

BOROMIR: There, I think that establishes some tension between Aragorn and myself.

ARWEN: Don’t let him get to you honey. Let’s have a saccharine moment.

AUDIENCE: <pukes>

INT. THE NOT-SO-SECRET COUNCIL OF ELROND

BOROMIR: I will further establish myself as trouble.

LEGOLAS: I will go on the offense.

GIMLI: I will get indignant.

ELROND: We must get rid of the Ring.

RING: Just try it, Pissy Boy.

GIMLI tries to break the RING, but only succeeds in shattering his AX and giving FRODO a headache.

ELROND: The Ring can only be destroyed where it was made. In Mordor.

AUDIENCE: That’s convenient.

ELROND: So, who wants to die?

FRODO: I’ll go. Better than listening to The Ring reciting that damn poem over and over again.

GANDALF: You’ll need an old guy.

LEGOLAS: And my ability to be delicious without being gay.

GIMLI: AUCH! And my accent.

ARAGORN: I must go to assuage my self-doubt.

BOROMIR: Well, you need some conflict, so I’ll go too.

SAM: And if I lose sight of Frodo, I’ll panic.

MERRY AND PIPPIN: Hey, you’ll need comic relief!

ELROND: At least we’ll only lose one elf.

INT. BILBO’S ROOM

BILBO: Do you think I could possibly, you know, see the Ring?

FRODO: I’m not sure if that’s such a good…

BILBO spontaneously turns into GOLLUM.

AUDIENCE: HOLY SH IT!

FRODO: Okay, time to leave.

EXT. PLACES THEY AREN’T GOING

GANDALF: We can’t go this way.

AUDIENCE: Well, that was a waste of time.

EXT. ORTHANC, HOME OF THE OBVIOUSLY EVIL SARUMAN

SOME ORC: What does The Eye want now?

SARUMAN: We need to create the mutant from Small Soldiers and pull down some trees to guarantee the animosity of the Ents.

AUDIENCE: Cut your nails!

EXT. MORIA, OR THE REALLY BAD PLACE

GANDALF can’t figure out how to open a door.

PIPPIN does something stupid and attracts the attention of EVIL.

SAM says goodbye to BILL THE PONY, world’s most underrated character.

FRODO figures out the riddle that GANDALF missed and the door opens.

AUDIENCE: <throws their arms in the air>

Turns out, there are LOTS O’ DEAD PEOPLE in MORIA.

BOROMIR: This is not encouraging.

AN EVIL THING immediately goes after FRODO.

AUDIENCE: It’s the giant squid from 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea!

GIANT SQUID traps everyone in MORIA.

AUDIENCE: That’s convenient.

LOTS OF DARK SHOTS.

FRODO: Hey, isn’t that Gollum? Too bad he’s not dead.

GANDALF: Don’t be judgmental.

FRODO: Yeah, but if Gollum were dead, Mordor wouldn’t know we had the Ring and all this would be a moot point.

GANDALF: Shut up. He’s some part yet to play.

AUDIENCE: <bites at the air>

GIMLI discovers the BODY OF A KINSMAN and get EMOTIONAL.

LEGOLAS: Must…move…on.

AUDIENCE: Really.

PIPPIN does something stupid and attracts the attention of EVIL.

ORCS appear for the FIGHT SCENE. CAMERA switches to BLAIR-WITCH-O-VISION.

NINE PEOPLE utterly kick the asses of dozens of ORCS.

CAVE TROLL bursts through the door.

AUDIENCE: Argh, Harry Potter flashbacks!

YET ANOTHER EVIL THING goes immediately for FRODO.

FRODO gets stabbed.

EVERYONE ELSE: Nooooo!

AUDIENCE: Not again!

Filled with RAGE at FRODO’S “death,” EVERYONE attacks the CAVE TROLL. Which dies. Twenty minutes later.

FRODO: I’m not quite dead yet.

EVERYONE runs like hell. They are pursued by the EVIL, RED LIGHT.

GANDALF: Come on, today folks!

EVERYONE runs like hell down the WINDING STAIRS. GIMLI thinks he can make a twenty-foot leap. Right.

The EVIL, RED LIGHT catches up with them. It’s a BALROG.

GANDALF: Aw, hell.

GANDALF stops on the NARROW BRIDGE to keep the BALROG from following.

BALROG: Screw Gandalf! Where’s this Ralph Bakshi guy?

GANDALF: None shall pass.

GANDALF takes the BRIDGE out. BALROG falls to its demise.

AUDIENCE: Does that thing have wings? If so, why doesn’t it just fly?

BALROG takes GANDALF out.

GANDALF: I can manage to be insulting moments away from death.

ARAGORN and BOROMIR drag FRODO away from making a FOOL of HIMSELF.

ARAGORN: Time to run like hell again.

EXT. THE EVEN MORE ENCHANTED WOOD

HALDIR: Stupid dwarf.

GIMLI: AUCH! I must get indignant again!

CELEBORN: I’m a non-entity. Feel free to ignore me.

GALADRIAL: I’m creepy, vaguely threatening, not respecting of others’ mental autonomy and I look like Joan Osborn.

GALADRIAL creeps out FRODO.

INT. THE ENCHANTED VILLAGE OF THE EVEN MORE ENCHANTED WOOD

GALADRIAL wanders by.

FRODO follows GALADRIAL to check out her MIRROR, VANITY and DRESSING TABLE.

GALADRIAL: Mwhahaha. Want to see something really scary?

THE EYE OF SAURON shows up again.

EYE OF SAURON: Hello? Anyone out there?

FRODO: My life is going to be miserable, isn’t it?

GALADRIAL: You can take one friend with you, and you still have your adorability.

FRODO: That’s true. Do you want the Ring? I feel obligated to ask everyone I meet.

GALADRIAL also puts on a LIGHT AND SHADOW SHOW.

GALADRIAL: Nope.

EXT. ORTHANC, HOME OF THE OBVIOUSLY EVIL SARUMAN

SARUMAN gives an inspirational pep talk to his ORCS.

SARUMAN: Give ‘em hell in the fourth quarter!

EXT. THE RIVER

ARAGORN: Thanks for the boats!

GALADRIAL gives FRODO light from a STAR and shows off her MANICURE.

GALADRIAL: Same guy who does Saruman.

MANY NICE NEW ZEALAND RIVER SHOTS.

ARAGORN: Look at the Argonath!

THE ARGONATH: Stop! For the Love!

LEGOLAS: We need to stop so Boromir can attack Frodo and so Gimli can rest.

GIMLI: AUCH! Indignation!

EXT. THE SHORE

FRODO: I’m going off alone!

ARAGORN: Later.

AUDIENCE: Frodo’s not too bright either.

RING: Psst. Boromir. C’mere.

BOROMIR: Hey, Frodo. What’s up? I was
wondering…

BOROMIR jumps FRODO. FRODO uses the RING to escape.

BOROMIR: D’oh!

FRODO runs like hell through the FREAKY-DEAKY world of DARKNESS. THE EYE OF SAURON makes him fall. ARAGORN manages to show up.

FRODO: I’m leaving. Alone.

ARAGORN: What did that moron Boromir do?

FRODO: Never mind. Orcs!

CAMERA switches to BLAIR-WITCH-O-VISION again.

There is an EXTENDED FIGHT SEQUENCE while FRODO runs away. Alone.

ARAGORN, LEGOLAS and GIMLI kick serious ass.

BOROMIR tries to protect MERRY and PIPPIN. He does a poor job and REFUSES to DIE. AUDIENCE is either IMPRESSED or LAUGHING.

ARAGORN saves BOROMIR. Sort of.

BOROMIR: Aragorn. I always loved you.

ARAGORN: Um…

BOROMIR finally DIES.

FRODO is ELSEWHERE, trying to escape alone. SAM is too paranoid and too crafty and manages to catch up.

SAM: I can’t let you leave my sight!

FRODO: Oh, for the love of…

FRODO saves SAM from DROWNING.

THE MOMENT: Hi there. Have some emotion. I’ve got plenty for all.

ARAGORN, LEGOLAS and GIMLI watch Boromir’s body go over a huge waterfall.

ARAGORN: I let Frodo go to Mordor by himself, so you guys wanna go hunt some orcs with me?

GIMLI: YEAH!

LEGOLAS: Cool.

THE MOVIE ENDS.

AUDIENCE

WHAT!? NOW?!

FRODO: Unless you want to sit through another six hours.

AUDIENCE: YES!

ENYA ON SOUNDTRACK

The Goddess
 

saddle the chickens - we're riding out...
 

Hehe, j/k. It's hilarious.

Though Bilbo aged quite a bit after he left the ring in the shire it was not very quickly. Though the movie didnt show it... Gandalf was gone for 17 years after Bilbo's party. So, his age just caught up to him.
 

I did say I specifically liked the horses

I understand your POV, but I think the sucess of a film can be judged by how the individual responds to it.

And, right or wrong, if enough people respond to a cinematic presentation of a story, then it IS a sucess.

Will it endure? I don't know. The books have, and that with good reason, IMO. I remember enjoying Titanic, even taking my mother to see it. It had the power to touch people (admittedly with some cheap shots of doomed mommies tucking their doomed kiddies in bed), but I don't know how well it will wear in 50 years.

The books remain unchanged. That is good.

This thorough thread derailing has been brought to you by:
 

*is now lost*

Perelandra, he said the NUMBER e, too, which means it's all up for grabs.
 

I do like shoes though.
 

ROFL!

The Goddess
 

LOL!!!! Wow Belle that was funny and awesome.

Now I will revert back to the question of this Topic. "Why did the Chicken cross the Road LOTR style."

Gandalf: (to the chicken) Fly you fool!!
Better yet why don't you let the dark riders trample you to death, to rid us of your stupidity!

Pippin: Hey I'm supposed to be doing the stupid stunts!

Merry: Hey Pippin! Light the chicken's tail on fire and see if it does cool firworks!!

Pippin: Hey the chicken comes in pints?!! (runs after the chicken)

Borimir: The chicken is a gift! Let us use it against the evil.

Elrond: The chicken must be destroyed.

Legolas: I will destroy the chicken!

Glimli: I will not live to see the chicken in the hands of an elf!!!

Legolas and Glimli quarrel, because they want more attention in the movie.

Sam: Wait Master Chicken! Gandalf told me," don't let him out of your site, Sam Gamchee." And I don't intend to!....I don't intend to.

Enya: Sail away Sail away Sail away.

[This message has been edited by unicornwhisperer (edited January 12, 2002).]
 

Do you have something against me Perlandra? I seem to recall this is the second time you have said "Grrrrrr" on something I posted.

Or maybe you just like saying "Grrrr." Like I like saying "Mwa ha ha ha ha ha1!!!"

 

Somebody bumped up one of my babies!

I'm so proud!
 

Belle and everyone ~ this is great stuff! Someone should preserve the funnies on this thread and make a web page out of it.

We'll call it Lord of the Wings
 

You've read all three books more than ten times.

You've kept it hidden and safe.

Since you've seen the first one of the three LOTR movies you're listening to Enya all day long.

You think it is a strange fate that we should suffer so much fear and doubt for so small a thing.

Words like "Yrch" make sense to you.

You dedicate all your free time to learning Sindarin or another Tolkien language.

You know when Durin IV lived.

You've become strangely obsessed with mushrooms.

Whenever you close a door, you say "They have a cave troll!"

When you come to a dead end you're still convinced that the road goes ever on and on.

There's a sign on your door saying "Speak Friend and enter!"

Whenever you get a chance, you burst into song. Preferably one that has more than 20 verses.

The only map you can read is the one of Middle Earth.

You're starting to make strange hissing noises when you speak and call all your possessions "my precious".

You change your name by deed poll to a Tolkien character and seriously consider naming your children after LOTR characters.

You have more than thirty sets of the books - and several are in languages you can't read.

You buy the bookmark with "the one ring" tied to the tassel, and then wear the ring around and pretend to be invisible.

Every time you see birds in the sky you have the urge to say "Fly you fools!"

When someone knocks on your door you grab them, pull them inside and ask "Are you frightend?... Not nearly frightend enough!"

You try to walk on top of snow like the elves do.

You think about getting toupees for your feet.

You have made up names for all the nameless characters in the movie, like various hobbits at Bilbo's party or the elves at the Council of Elrond.

You are able to reenact the whole movie in character.

Your computer's screensaver is a marquee reading, "Ennyn Durin atan Moria: pedo mellon a mino" and the password is actually "mellon".

You print out the whole movie script and religiously study it.

You've highlighted all your favorite parts of the books, and your highlighter has run out of ink.

You have a special clock that always tells you how many days, hours, and minutes are left until the next part of the movies opens in theaters.

The last five times you went to see the movie, you only went to see the preview trailer.

All day you hear words such as 'habit' and 'going', in your mind as 'hobbit' and 'Gollum'.

Whenever you see a tree you give it a hug and say "Hail Treebeard!".

You grow long hair and tie it back, and prance around delicately - and you are male.

You get someone to shoot you with 3 arrows, just so you can reenact Boromir's death scene.

You start to put 'elvish' down as your religion.

You cannot see a beer without blurting out "It comes in pints? I'm getting one!"

You manage to bring the words 'hobbits' and 'Mirkwood' into every sentence.

Your friends instantly know you are going to say something about LotR even before you open your mouth.

You get a long blond wig and give yourself an elvish name.

You learn all 25 pages of Very Secret Diary off by heart and say phrases from them at all times

You just can't keep yourself from saying "nobody tosses a Dwarf" at inappropriate moments.

You point out one word differences between speech in the film and in the book.

You notice everyone else goes "aaaahhh" at the same time when Legolas gets off his horse.

You're certain that tiny bits have changed since the eighth time you've seen the movie.

You have organized your bookmarks into subcategories "elivish" and "Legolas".

You devote free time to drawing sketches of LotR characters from the various posters around your room, then realise you don't need the poster, you know the faces by heart.

A shadow and a threat is growing in your mind.

You stayed up 'til 5am watching the Oscars (in the UK) and threw things at the screen when Ron Howard/Russell Crowe/Jennifer Connelly appeared.

You go to lordoftherings.net and spend hours refreshing the page, just to hear the actors say "Hello, I'm Elijah Wood (or whatever). Welcome to lordoftherings.net"

You start saying "a star shines on the hour of our meeting."

You're determined to refresh lordoftherings.net until you discover how to pronounce 'Viggo'.

You have more than 20 LotR sites in your favourites

From http://www.moonrainstar.com/index.html

Not from me.

 

You find yourself writing out the script to the movie

You start lighting a votive candle under your poster of the Fellowship

Geez...I fufilled way to many of those conditions
 

"You desired the chicken because the thigh was succulent," said Faramir. "But I say to you that this frog leg is just as tasty."

"Hinder me! Thou fool, no living cock may hinder me!"
Then Merry heard of all sounds in that hour the strangest. It seemed that Dernhelm clucked, and the clear voice was like the thunk of the cleaver's knife. "But no living cock am I! You look upon a chicken."

p.s. - The first half of that script was out of hand.
 

Does anyone mind if I save this to my website? I have fond memories of this thread -- I had read it days before I learned to play the TCG, which caused me to giggle constantly during that first game. My best friend and I still quote "There is a fell chicken on the road" whenever we play a Legolas card.

Now I MUST stop posting and get some work done already!

--xnera
 

I think I found it in the 40s somewhere, because somebody bumped it once before.
 

Does anyone remember that ooooold thread that started out which a chicken across the road and turned into a parody of hatrack posters?

That one was hilarious!
 

Those breadbasket things were reminiscent of MST 3K.
 

Because kwsni was looking for it.
 

Ni!
 

*is obsessed right along with Olivet*
 

They were a free download for voicestream customers.
 

My Google searches have so far turned up only European ringtone services.

Oh, and isn't it nice of me to bump this, then hijack it? Bah.
 

quote:

---

There's a sign on your door saying "Speak Friend and enter!"

---

I ACTUALLY have that handwritten in Angerthas on my door...lol..
 

Why? To paraphrase a scene from FotR to apply to TTT:

"Are you excited?"
"Yes."
"Not nearly excited enough"

quote:

---

Words like "Yrch" make sense to you.

You're starting to make strange hissing noises when you speak and call all your possessions "my precious".

Your friends instantly know you are going to say something about LotR even before you open your mouth.

You point out one word differences between speech in the film and in the book.

You notice everyone else goes "aaaahhh" at the same time when Legolas gets off his horse.

You dedicate all your free time to learning Sindarin or another Tolkien language.

---

Yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes. And Quenya.

quote:

---

Your computer's screensaver is a marquee reading, "Ennyn Durin atan Moria: pedo mellon a mino" and the password is actually "mellon".

---

I've never tried that, but it's actually a good idea...

One more to add (this has actually happened to me - recently):

You find yourself yelling "Edro!" at your locker when it stubbornly refuses to open.

~Jane~
 

Belle...

----------------

Fellowship of the Ring - Abridged version
----
Frodo: Hi, Gandalf!
Gandalf: Bilbo, give him your ring.
Bilbo: Okay. Bye!
Gandalf: See you at the pub, Frodo.

Frodo: Doo-de-do.
Nazgul: Boo!
Frodo: Eeeek!
Merry: (pops up out of nowhere) Eeeek!
Pippin: (ditto) Eeeek!
Sam: Ha ha, can't catch us now!

Tom Bombadil: Hello little friends!
Frodo: No time for you, weirdo.
Tom Bombadil: (disappears)

Saruman: See, all I had to do was cross out "Good"
on my business
cards and write "Bad," and I'm all set.
Gandalf: I never saw /that/ coming.
Saruman: Excuse me while I tend to my vast army of
evil orcs and war
machinery which were in plain sight.
Gandalf: Alas, if only he had imprisoned me at the
top of a high
tower without walls or ceiling so that he could not
prevent a giant
eagle from rescuing me, instead of in the canonical
dungeon deep
underground. Oh, wait.

Frodo: (whispering) Keep a low profile.
Pippin: (loudly) And don't mention your real name,
right?
Merry: (loudly) Or the ring either, right?
Strider: Right. Don't mention the ring. (laughs)
It's okay, I'll
save you.

Pippin: (whining) Are we there yet?
Nazgul: Bwa ha ha ha. Give us the ring, little
worm.
Frodo: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but
names-
Sam: Hmm, looks like swords work too.
Strider: Go away, bad men!
Nazgul: The five of us must flee, for we are
outnumbered by this one
Ranger!

Frodo: Wow, we're in Rivendell!
Merry: That was easy.
Pippin: Don't knock it.
Sam: Elves are cool!
Elrond: Get the hell out of my place, I don't need
trouble.
Gimli: You can't throw them out while I'm here!
Legolas: Same for me!
Elrond: Right, all of you wankers leave now.
Gandalf: But I just got here.
Boromir: I'll just invite myself along. No real
reason. Certainly
not because I have larceny on my mind. Nope.
Strider: Look, they fixed my sword! (swish)
Wheeeee!

Frodo: Such beautiful scenery. The green grass and
leaves are so-
[THUD]
Pippin: Where the hell did all this snow come from?
Gandalf: Don't blame me. Who knew that mountains
could be cold on
top?
Gimli: Told you we should go through the mines.
Strider: Let the dwarf have his way.
Legolas: Fine, whatever, just open the door.
Gimli: Ummm, I have no idea how to get inside.
Boromir: What a bunch of dicks.
Gandalf: Of course! (applies C4 to the problem)
[POOF]
Sam: Such magic.

Merry: Ooooo, dead dwarf over here!
Gimli: Boo hoo.
Pippin: HEY MONSTERS, COME AND GET US!!
Gandalf: Twit.
Orcs: Oh good, we were getting hungry. Do you have
any idea how
difficult it is to keep an army fed in these
abandonded mines?
Boromir: (Slash)
Legolas: (Pfft)
Gimli: (Whack)
Orcs: This is definitely putting a damper on our
relationship.
Frodo: Ouch!
Strider: Alas, the Ring-bearer has perished! Our
quest has failed!
Frodo: Just kidding. I did the
slide-blade-between-arm-and-chest
trick hile I was standing in profile to y'all.
Pretty funny, eh?
Balrog: Dammit, I was sound asleep. That really
ticks me off.
Gandalf: We are so doomed.
Strider: Not if we run away! (does so)
Boromir: First good idea you've had. (follows)
hobbits: (already in the lead)
Gandalf: (trailing) It matters not! You cannot
outrun the demon!
Legolas: We don't have to . . .
Gimli: . . . we just have to outrun *you*.
Balrog: Your ass is mine, wizard. (drags Gandalf
down with him)
Strider: Woe is upon our company, that Gandalf has
fallen!
Frodo: I'm over it.
Sam: Yeah, let's go, there's no food here.

Legolas: Wondrous are these woods!
Gimli: And full of cutthroat elves.
Celeborn: We were told of your coming. Well,
"warned" is more
accurate.
Galadriel: I know you better than you know
yourselves.
Sam: You've got nothing better to do with your
time?
Galadriel: Wake up, Frodo, and look in the mirror.
Frodo: Geez, can't a guy get some sleep around
here? What mirror are
you babbling about, there's just this birdbath full
of water.
Galadriel: But it shows magic pictures of things
that may or may not
be!
Frodo: I'm guessing you're a day trader. Here, you
take the ring.
Galadriel: I will not. (hangs her head) I lost
the instructions.
Frodo: Great, I'm still stuck with it.
Celeborn: Check-out time!

Pippin: (singing) Row row row your boat, gently
down-
Gimli: Shut the hell up. Seven hours of that is
enough.
Strider: All this beautiful scenery is giving me a
very bad feeling.

Boromir: Give me the ring.
Frodo: Notice as I put it on that it not only makes
me invisible, it
also apparently teleports me away from your
clutches.
Boromir: Arrrrrgghhh! I'm just trying to save my
kingdom! Where is a
rake I can step on, that it might strike my head?
Ah, this will do
nicely.
(whack)
Frodo: Best thing for me to do now is head for the
most dangerous
place in the world.
Sam: Works for me. (they leave)
SuperOrcs: Kill kill kill!
Merry: Help, help, Auntie Em! (waves his tiny
sword pathetically)
Pippin: Christ, look at the size of these guys,
we're dead meat.
Boromir: Fear not, little hobbits, I shall blow my
special horn and
we shall be rescued by soldiers... who are...
hundreds... of...
miles... away... guess we are pretty stuffed after
all. (dies)
SuperOrcs: Kill kill kill!
Legolas: Look at my form. Damn, I'm good.
Gimli: I'm environmentally friendly --- blood makes
the grass grow.
Strider: Looks like Frodo got away. Well, there's
no chance in hell
I'm going to step one foot closer to Mordor, so
let's go the exact
opposite direction.
Legolas: Okay.
Gimli: Sure.

THE END

 

Belle-do you remember where you found that breadbox FotR? do they have a TTT version?
 

Gimili: Looks like we have to follow the chicken along and across the road though Moria.

[This message has been edited by Nick (edited December 28, 2002).]
 

"What?"

"The chicken can't make the jump! Toss it!"

"Sure!"

"But not a word to the rooster."
 

That was one of the better Gimli-as-comic-relief scenes in TTT. The others were pretty silly.

~Jane~
 

FOTR received a... similar treatment by some gamer friends of mine in an IRC chat room. I warn, it's not for the faint of heart; this is FOTR done in "l33t sp33k" (though there isn't much of the numbers-for-letters thing, it's more the grammar/style that is "l33t"). It's a little slow to start, I suppose, but quickly picks up in frenzy and sheer ridiculousness. ^^

http://www.evolutionarily.org/forum/index.php?board=5;action=display;threadid=357
 

That was awesome, Belle - when do we get the TTT?
 

just for fun