PAT BUCHANAN To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
JERRY FALWELL Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what "they" call it the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrase like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that.
DR. SEUSS Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!
ERNEST HEMINGWAY To die. In the rain.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
GRANDPA In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
ARISTOTLE It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
KARL MARX It was a historical inevitability.
SADDAM HUSSEIN This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
RONALD REAGAN What chicken?
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
FOX MULDER You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?
FREUD The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES I have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
EINSTEIN Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken"? Could you define "chicken" please?
GEORGE W. BUSH I don't think I should have to answer that question.
LOUIS FARRAKHAN The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.
THE BIBLE And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, And there was much rejoicing.
Posted by Javert (Member # 3076) on :
ENDER: Because the other side is down.
Posted by JaneX (Member # 2026) on :
quote:FOX MULDER You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?
Posted by esl (Member # 3143) on :
Who's Farrakhan?
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
esl - Farrakhan is the (controversial) leader of the Nation of Islam. He is always crusading for his "black brothers who have been and still are being oppressed by the evil white man".
Posted by knightswhosayni! (Member # 4096) on :
I can't find the LOTR version of this thread.
FRODO: I will take the chicken across the road, though I do not know the way.
Ni!
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
KING ARTHUR For it was seeking the Holy Grail!
Posted by Darth Vader (Member # 3584) on :
ME Because it was his destiny.
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
Because he knows that rednecks hunt chickens.(Little does he know that we will also eat roadkill.)
Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
I bumped the LotR version, because it's one of my babies and I'm partial to it.
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
We used to have a thread with answers from Hatrackers...what Slashy would say, what TomD would say, what DB would say...
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Slash: I figure he wanted to commit some strange form of suicide.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Centurion: I helped coordinate Operation Chinken Across, when I was in the Marines, and I can tell you, there were good reasons why it had to be done. National interests, however, prevent me from being more specific.
Nighthawk: I have worked 138 hours in the last week on a procedure to determine the chicken's exact reasons...Now as soon as I click here...Dammit! Why isn't this working?!
Maeth: i have nothing to say...well i guess it really depends on what the chiken relly wanted. i mean, how do we know it crossed the road anyway there are so many better ways to get from point 1 to point b and for a chicken walking across the street seems pretty dumb cause it could ggetrun over by a car of something why doesn't it fly across or maybe jump onn a car. i think we talked about this at school but i wasnt listening cause the teacher was dumb anyway. I might be rambling a bit.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
Oh dear. Orange juice all over the keyboard.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
To try and get away from Colonel Sanders.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Baldar--Because its the chicken's right to cross the road. The government should never try to force the chicken not to cross the road or to cross the road. The liberals want to spend money on chicken monitoring systems all paid by our tax dollars.
Bob_Scopats--Because he couldn't hitchhike. I've heard of chicken wings and chicken fingers, but nobody's ever heard of chicken thumbs.
Posted by Strider (Member # 1807) on :
Leto:
quote:why did the chicken cross the road?
You always ask questions without thinking for yourself first. Do some research. Learn about chickens. Their walking habits. You are so lazy. Life isn't about easy answers and I have no respect for someone like you. Why don't you do yourself a favor and read through these websites. And this one. And not just the first page! Read thoroughly. Then maybe if you come back with something constructive to say I'll listen to you. Till then, grow up!
Primal Curve: Do your own homework!!!!!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Ralphie:
Because it wanted me to spank it.
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
*LOL!* Yes, keep this thread going... I need more humour to lighten up my free period.
-pH
Posted by knightswhosayni! (Member # 4096) on :
Severian: because the chicken needs sweet sweet love!
edit: becky can't type
Ni!
[This message has been edited by knightswhosayni! (edited September 25, 2002).]
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
knightswhosayni!:
To get another shrubbery!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Tom D: We should wait until he actually makes it across before we even TRY to figure out its motive.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
The Silverblue Sun (unauthorized version):
The chicken...
the road and God and the devil
<<I>>
Edit: Me neither, Locke:.
[This message has been edited by jehovoid (edited September 25, 2002).]
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
I want to do a Thor but I don't feel authorized...
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
LOL Jehovid and Strider!
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
[This message has been edited by Frisco (edited September 25, 2002).]
Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :
Jettboy:
Isn't it cruel that we make the chicken cross the road? Are we better than them? Who are watching the watchers that see who crosses the road? I'm tell you, don't try to make me cross the road.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Belle:
I had a close friend who once encountered a chicken crossing the road. She was unable to cross, because the chicken became agressive and started pecking at her. She was crushed. Now, granted, I was not there. The chicken may in fact have been a rooster. But I just think that we all need to not be so quick to jump on the chicken's side here. There are two sides to every story, and to say that chickens can cross the street wherever they want strikes me as arrogance.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
(LOL, Frisco, that was great!)
Olivet:
Because the Baptist Chickbo was there, and Robird just can't resist her.
Posted by xnera (Member # 187) on :
*dies laughing* Oh my... too, too funny!
Posted by Kama (Member # 3022) on :
Shlomo: BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T LET IT TYPE IN ALL CAPS!!!
Posted by Slash the Berzerker (Member # 556) on :
Jeni:
Chicken threads are so lame.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Lalo - Because it wanted to be immortalized screaming on the hood of my car!!
[This message has been edited by ludosti (edited September 25, 2002).]
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Slash:
It was a futile attempt to escape me. *belch*
CT:
Well, it was a healthy chicken, and wanted to stay that way, so I recommended that it get plenty of exercise and drink lots of water. For further reference, I suggest that you look for this book, which can be ordered here: http://www.storeybooks.com/new_sell_sheets/611-8.html
Posted by Carrie (Member # 394) on :
Oh dear, this is too funny Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Ender: I think its impossible to really understand this chicken, what it wants, what it believes, and not know why it wants to cross the road.
Mazer Rackham: The chicken is your teacher. The chicken is your enemy. Only the chicken can teach you. From now on, the chicken is your teacher, and the teacher is your chicken.
Bean: He's trying to survive. He's obviously running from something chasing him.
Bonzo: The chicken is nothing but a fart eater. He's always looking out for himself.
Peter: There is something over there that is important. Watch as I convince him to get it and bring it to me.
Valentine: The chicken is varelse and is going to attack something.
Miro: Nossa Senhora! What do I care about a chicken?
Orson Scott Card: I do not know why he is crossing the road, but I will watch him and I will write about it.
Posted by Polemarch (Member # 3293) on :
OLOHADO I have no idea why it's crossing the road, but I can give you an instant replay of every moment of it's crossing.
Posted by Queen Lucy (Member # 4281) on :
It was not the chicken, it was Chani. She saw the chicken screamed, and ran across the road, never to return to hatrack ever again.
[This message has been edited by Queen Lucy (edited September 25, 2002).]
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
Irami: Isn't it interesting that the chicken chooses to cross the road? Why it runs instead of flaps? Why it crosses in the middle instead of using the crosswalk? I really can't say I agree with this philosophy.
Slash: Chickens are yummy, but not when they're roadkill.
Ralphie: Because there was a red light.
TomD: Actually, that's not true. It was the egg that crossed the road first.
Posted by Dragon (Member # 3670) on :
Man, I wish I got funny junk mail, this is wicked cool!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Me: I believe that the chicken does in fact have a purpose in....*blahblahblah*.... and thats why I like cheese.
Posted by ladyday (Member # 1069) on :
Edit: oh my goodness...these were -so- not funny. Just...forget it. Good grief!
[ March 20, 2003, 01:36 PM: Message edited by: ladyday ]
Posted by Magson (Member # 2300) on :
It heard there was a man over there laying bricks and she wanted to see it for herself.
Posted by Paul (Member # 3904) on :
Me:
**** the ****ing chicken! Can't you filthy ****ing flesh-devouring ****ers just leave the ****ing chicken alone!!!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Hesheit Hesheit
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Malcom (in the Middle): Stupid chicken, why does it always have to cross the road when I'm watching? I mean its not like I don't have enough problems already, my Moms about to ground me because I forgot to move the garbage and my Dad ran into the cans and wrecked his car, its not my fault!
Bobby Hill: This is so cool, can we actually see the chicken Dad?
Hank Hill: Yep
Hobbes
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Boomhower: Dang man. mumble with its cluck cluck and its... mumble... crossin that road man. Know wha I mea?
Posted by Sal (Member # 3758) on :
This is great! LOL
Baldar: I have to dispute that it crossed the road. Your source is not credible.
Eddie: Because it needed to burn fat. It ran back and forth across the road for six months in order to get back its sexy body.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Orson Scott Card: To get to the other side.
I think OSC has enough sense to answer the question.
Blacwolve: I saw we grab all our nukes and blow the chicken up. Unfortunately those thoughts are conflicting with my dying morals. Gosh I just want to freakin kill that stupid chicken!!!
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
Becuase there was a totally hot rooster on the other side.
Because the rooster on her side wasn't respecting her space as a chicken.
Because she had had enough and was going over to join with the Colonel Sander's KFC.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Geoffrey Card: I've been anxious to find out, but my friends only somewhat told me about this chicken. I'm waiting to find out if it does in fact exist, or if its made up for the purpose of entertaining us.
*prepares to be smacked*
Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :
BYUCnslr (Bernard): To escape from the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal! (and that's only because it didn't have a towel)
Sorry man, I had to.
Feyd
Posted by BYuCnslr (Member # 1857) on :
feyd: I could have sworn it went across to rent a scooter from some green guys with wings.
Satyagraha
Posted by JaneX (Member # 2026) on :
*falls off chair* Posted by aspectre (Member # 2222) on :
JaneX: because The Truth Is Out There
Posted by enjeeo (Member # 2336) on :
*wipes tears from eyes*
Oh Strider that Leto take was brilliant. I just burst out laughing and the guy at the next desk thinks I'm weird, but it was worth it!
Posted by Fossil (Member # 2958) on :
Me: Because it's free! FREEEEEEE! HAHAHA! FFFFFRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEE!!!
Posted by Centurion (Member # 3956) on :
Yes!
I knew it would happen!
My greatness has finally been recognized!
Yep, Leto said I was "THE MAN!"
"There's a new sherriff in town and don't y'all forget it!" Eddie Murphy
I'm so smilin'
Posted by zgator (Member # 3833) on :
Leto II : Just because you think the chicken crossed the road doesn't make it so.
TomDavidson : I will believe the chicken crossed the road when it appears before me in a whirlwind or a burning bush.
The Pixiest : We have all the proof we need. I say nuke the chicken before he can cross the road and kills us all.
Jacare : Ummm...chicken. <grins toothy smile>
Posted by Strider (Member # 1807) on :
David Bowles:
The chicken crossed the road because of an inherent "cross the road" meme which has been passed down through chicken generations since the dawn of roads.
enjeeo, thanks. I tried to go for an overboard Leto, but I think I ended up more mellow than Leto actually is.
[This message has been edited by Strider (edited September 26, 2002).]
Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
Baldar, The article I posted above from a right wing newspaper proves beyond all question that the chicken was able to cross the road solely because of Reagan's visionary economic policies. Even though liberal critics have disproven every fact reported in the article, I can say that I know the chicken personally and the basic thesis of the article is valid even if we can't produce a single verifiable fact to support it.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
William Shatner:
Why? Did the chicken? Cross the ROAD??? It was..the pain! The sorrow...it felt...as it stood there...on one side...looking at all that good feed...just WAITING to be EATEN!
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Strider: To get the Green Skittles.
Posted by Strider (Member # 1807) on :
Woo Hoo!
I told you so!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Apparenly Im too nice of a guy for anyone to do one about me... Or maybe I just did myself so well that no one else can do better.
Posted by Strider (Member # 1807) on :
Jacare did a much better job than me on DB.
Posted by General Sycophant (Member # 1056) on :
Belle: Well, all I know is, if you're trying to imply that it was a southern chicken and that southern chickens are stupid, I'm going to have to say something about that.
aka: Because Belle wouldn't adopt it.
Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
Okay, who used GS because they didn't have the nerve to post under their real name?
Me: Because the chicken was new and needed some welcome cookies
Patrick. To lurk. Unsuccessfully.
Posted by Dragon (Member # 3670) on :
Belle, will you please stop posting the welcome cookies, they make me hungry for chocolate!
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
ROFLMAO..I wish I were that funny..
Me-It wanted to prove it wasn't chicken.
Posted by Dragon (Member # 3670) on :
lol Mae!
Posted by knightswhosayni! (Member # 4096) on :
RAVEN: that chicken is going to be two feet long, it'll be deformed of you make it cross the road.
Ni!
Posted by Nighthawk (Member # 4176) on :
Me:
Until the Asphalt Support Layer is completed, the Poultry Abstraction Interface has no way of communicating with the Sidewalk Delivery System.
We've tried to "hack" it by using the flight subroutines, but there's a bug in the gravity code that causes the resulting "CChicken" object to shoot off in to orbit or hit the side of a building.
I've tried to get the programmers to fix it, but they're in the middle of a really good game of foozball. And I'm up next, so it's gonna be a while.
Besides, that sounds like a hardware issue to me. We can't help you there.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
(I already did one for you, though...)
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Centurion: The chicken is Dave Barry. Look at the way he crosses the road! He doesnt even deny it.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
I need to post at Hatrack more often. No one is getting me right at all. I'm a RETIRED spankalita, thank you very much.
And Slash would actually say, "My wife is better looking than that chicken's wife."
Posted by Khavanon (Member # 929) on :
Well, at least you're being gotten at all. Posted by Jacare Sorridente (Member # 1906) on :
Strider- I agree that I did a better DB than you, but not even Leto himself could do a better Leto impression than yours Posted by zgator (Member # 3833) on :
me - The chicken will not be allowed to cross the road until the contractor has achieved the necessary compaction on the limerock base and I have approved the alternate pavement design.
Posted by Strider (Member # 1807) on :
::takes a bow::
Posted by Jacare Sorridente (Member # 1906) on :
zgator- dirt engineer? You engineer dirt? Do you write specifications for # of worms per cubic yard?
Ah, well, at least you are an engineer which makes you about two orders of magnitude better than the average human being.
Posted by JaneX (Member # 2026) on :
Yay! Someone besides my mom actually wrote one about me! I feel special now.
~Jane~
Posted by Nighthawk (Member # 4176) on :
"Ah, well, at least you are an engineer which makes you about two orders of magnitude better than the average human being."
Bet an engineer put those statistics together...
Posted by pepperuda (Member # 1573) on :
Because his chicken voice was screaming, "You can't do it. You're not good enough. You're not smart enough."
And he said, "Shut up, chicken voice!"
So he did and he was squashed like a chicken with it's head cut off.
I guess you should listen to your chicken voice... if you're a chicken.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
*snort*
*bump*
Posted by JuniperDreams (Member # 3471) on :
ROTFLMAO!!! I'm showing this to my friends...
Posted by ^Saudade^ (Member # 175) on :
aka: The question is not why the chicken crossed the road, but how. We need to calculate the speed of the chicken and then the length and width of the road. After that we input the wind velocity and barometric pressure and we follow the chicken crossing formula, which mind you I remember seeing in one of my old engineering books.
other version:
aka: I couldn't bare to leave the chicken alone outside, so I brought him home today. We will call him Nugget.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
I liked your seccond one. Posted by zgator (Member # 3833) on :
Icarus : Because he noticed that players 1, 5 and 8 all had 6 or more vowels in their names and were short and swarthy. The chicken just had to get that trifecta bet in before the game started.
Lavalamp : Because he wanted to be one with my oozeness.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Ced: Hey, it beats going through years of wasted psychoanalysis and popping ineffective pills!!!
Belle: It was trying to make off with the chicken ring of power.
Zgator: It was part of the initiation ritual to become a member of the Central Florida clump.
Ela: It wasn't breastfed long enough as a chick.
Maeth & T_Smith: It needed to make it's 3000th peck.
PapaMoose: I'm just glad chickens can't engage in onanism...or post smilies.
KACARD: You people need to be more welcoming of the chicken, and, in my opinion, the chicken's behavior was way out of line so I've deleted it. Something I really don't like to do.
Cor: It was being chased by a really cute Chinese Crested Powderpuff: see how cute?
Icarus: It was part of the cockfight between games 13 and 14 at the Jai Alai fronton.
OSC: I wrote 300 pages about this during the drives between book signings. Should be out in hardcover next month.
Hatrack Muse: It's all about me, really.
General Sycophant: I agree with what Hatrack Muse said.
pH: All I know is I went along to sell t-shirts.
ginette: This American custom of crossing roads puzzles me. Shouldn't it be crossing a fjord?
Kama: If it tried that stunt here in Poland, it'd be cooking in a pot faster than you can say "soup's on."
Black Fox: Being a chicken, it flunked out of air assault school and had gone in for ranger training instead. Free ranger.
Fael: It needed some chain mesh undergarments.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Icarus alternate version: "I have a really good recipe for chicken in a bag."
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
hehehe Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Baldar: Tell me no more about this COCK and bull story, because I've got a HEN to FRYER you up. This silly thread is no ASPHAULT of mine. We should really stop EGGing it on.
Posted by Maethoriell (Member # 3805) on :
hehe..I liked OSC's..
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Bob: That chicken is TOO hilarious! Now let me try my hand at some!
Chickens like to be revered, but they're secretly doing it for the feed pellets.
Chickens don't like 'Why did the chicken cross the road' jokes. They feel it demeans their position as road-crossers and is just another example of The Man holding them down.
Chickens have a hard time using the word "McNugget" in any context.
It's a well known fact in Chicken culture that The Ugly Duckling actually grew into a beautiful chicken, but it had to be changed in childrens stories for copyright reasons.
Chickens are actually very vengeful creatures. They allow humans to swipe their eggs because not having to raise their own young gives them more time for plotting.
Chickens are the real Kings of the Jungle. It's true. Ask any chicken.
Frisco: Chickens are really underappreciated. That's why they drink so much. Not that we're talking about Chickens drinking, but I'm just saying that's why they do. Jeez. I need a girlfriend.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
sublime...I like it! Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Ralphie: The chicken was on its way to Portland, where we have SOOOO much beer. Check this out. I drank so much last night that I just started spanking EVERYBODY! Dan was getting embarassed even BEFORE I started referring to myself as Rita Spankalita! BRB...gotta go to the fridge for a hefeweizen.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Pfft. Childish.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
I agree. When will you grow up?
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Sharkey: I think he's off to Pat's uber-cool BBQ!
Patrick: I totally agree, Sharky. You're a really cool newbie, you know that?
Saruman: Man, if I were a chicken, I'd cross the road to see that hunky Pat guy.
dude: I met Pat once, and let me tell you...the chicken will taste great when that man is done cooking him.
Posted by RaIphie Clone (Member # 4354) on :
Man, Frisco...you are SOOO cool!
Posted by Noodlenoggin (Member # 4314) on :
You said it, Ralphie!
Posted by ^Saudade^ (Member # 175) on :
Living for so long here does have long term effects... Darn it, stupid Tallahassean descolada.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
[This message has been edited by aspectre (edited January 03, 2003).]
Posted by angelo (Member # 4402) on :
Peter Parker: His Spidey sense was tingling.
The Colonel: He found my secret recipe and stole my eleven spices. Damn that foul!
Concerned hen: To lay it on the line.
The Wicked Witch: He came to bring me poppies while chanting and wearing a spiffy warrior suit.
Chicken: A actually don’t like the wicked witch :reveals twin jet pack water nozzles: She just really needs a bath. We could smell her in the chicken coup. I know her husband the wiz, and owe him a favor, won’t he be surprised?
Dog: A cat was stalking it and I was hungry so it brought me lunch and an after dinner mint. Where's the chicken now? Uh.. :clucking under a dirt mound: We had a water fight earlier and now he’s… uh… napping.
Edgar Allen Poe: It was a raven NEVERMORE.
Yoda: Road you say? There is cross or no cross, there is no why.
Ash: Shhh! I gotta catchem all!
Team Rocket: HA HA HA HA!! :jumps out of a manhole: Prepare for poultry, make it sultry.
To protect the road from devastation, to unite all poultry in our nation.
To denounce the evils of youth and doves! To extend our forks to the bird above!
Jessie! James!
Team rocket prepared to feast, get out the dressing and throw in some yeast.
Meowth: What were you guy’s saying? :burps and rolls away from a pile of feathers:
Samurai Jack: It is not a question of whether or not the chicken would cross the road, rather can the chicken defeat the twenty foot tall saber toothed mechanical lion on the other side? :explosion: That answer is a no.
Power Puff Girls: It’s Mojo Jojo in disguise :beats chicken till the white meat shows:
[This message has been edited by angelo (edited January 04, 2003).]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
T_Smith: Are we even considering the chickens feelings? Look, if you really want to know why it is that the chicken is crossing the road, don't start a thread over it. Talk to the chicken (MATURELY PLEASE). Get to know the chicken, and do it in a private way. I know I wouldn't want a thread started that would wonder why I would cross a road.
Posted by Ela (Member # 1365) on :
quote:Ela: It wasn't breastfed long enough as a chick.
Hey, wait a minute! Chickens don't breastfeed...even if they do have a breast!
**Ela**
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
As a *bump* for the newbies who may not have seen this, and in their honor, I give you: Why did the newbie chicken cross the road?
coil - Congratulations, Chicken, on crossing the road! *hands Chicken celebration flag* It's always nice to see someone crossing! (:
Jon Boy - Okay, I'll admit it. I was the Chicken in the "Whoever is Posting as the Chicken is the Best Hatracker EVER" thread. Could you guys tell? Okay, specs on the Chicken:
Single: Yes! Dating style: I like to just go out with a girl chicken, maybe cross a road. Hold feet if it feels right. Something simple. I'm a romantic chicken by nature. Feathers: Naturally curly - the kind that make you want to run your wings through them. Beak: Sharp, pointed. Useful, but not too pointed. Look-alikes: Foghorn Leghorne. Age first beaked: Still waiting for right chicken.
Nick - The chicken crossed the road? That's wrong! It's obvious that crossing the road is not the Lord's intent for the chicken. I mean, that's just MY opinion, but it's SO wrong.
Show me where it says that the chicken is suppose to cross the road, or I'll continue to believe that it's wrong and unnatural.
Fitz - I think it's clear that the road gave as good as it got from that chicken. The chicken was a great influence here, no matter how it dealt with the road, and it will be missed.
[ March 20, 2003, 06:13 PM: Message edited by: Ralphie ]
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
I don't think there's been a good Ralphie one yet.
Ralphie: Why did the chicken cross the road? When you sizzle like this, baby, who can resist the flame? ::licks finger and sizzles it on hip::
Posted by Jeni (Member # 1454) on :
How did I ever miss this thread? It's hilarious! Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
I like the Jon Boy one. Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Tom: You know, we don't know if the chicken made it across or even what ROAD it was. I wouldn't presume to judge it's motives before I had more information.
mackillian: Grrrr... I hate the fact that the chicken crosses and now I HAVE to figure out why he does. btw, Tom, is judging chicken motives like lambasting them? What sauce would you use? o_O
Ayelar: What upsets me about the chicken-crossing-issue is that we're basically trying to set this chicken's motives up as the most important thing. It's important, yes. But what about the roosters that cross? What about the ducks, for crying out loud? Why is the chicken's motives inheritly of more interest? Until we see all fowl and poultry's motivations as being of equal value, this question will just be done to death and without any benefit to society.
Chaeron: And here is exactly why I'll never be a chicken.
Mr. Squicky: ::sighs:: Okay, I'll explain this one more time. The psychology behind chicken crossing is extremely important, but it's not something that can be easily discerned with just a quick estimation of things like chicken standards, or what generally constitutes as "chicken impetus". A case study on the the individual motivations of over one-hundred chickens (found here) made the break-through discovery that chickens cross for very different reasons. Surprise! But as far as this individual chicken goes, I think it may have been something deeper. Maybe a need to see the other side, but without experiencing it. I think the chicken may have gotten most of the way there, and contemplated turning back. It's sad, and there's no way to comfort the chicken now, but perhaps it's not as tragic as it appears. Maybe it the the three-quarters of the journey that the chicken really needed.
Maybe it was all it needed.
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
Ralphie, that was the best laugh I've had in a while. Thanks. Posted by zgator (Member # 3833) on :
I think that proves that someone is reading Mr.Squicky's posts.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
If only for satirical reasons.
I also read them because I haven't given up hope that one day he'll post a picture of himself in a compromising position.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
porcelain girl: i've had friends who were chickens. like serious friendships were the chickens told me how they felt about road crossing. some of them were seriously messed up. heh some of the chickens that crossed did it for beautiful reasons and they created beautiful results after the road crossing. i'm just saying that maybe we shouldn't pigeon hole reasons or chickens. we do it all the time but we should know that what we come up with is utter crap. opening ourselves up to the fact that we MAY NOT KNOW why they are is the first step to accepting the most beautiful reasons: their own. *smile*
Irami: I posted my thoughts on the "How to Raise a Chicken Boy" thread, but since then there was a really good West Wing about this issue. *thinks* I'll have to get back to this thread after I've thought it through some, but I think chicken status plays a part somehow.
Ethics Gradient: Just because it was an American chicken doesn't mean that it's motives were as cut and dry as you think. The bigger issues can be seen more clearly from an outside perspective, IMO. I think maybe the chicken is acting preemptively, and I guess we'll all find out what the motive was after it leads to the death of possibly thousands of other poultry. That said, ::Flirts outrageously with Chicken::
(I keep wanting to do Bokonon's, but his definitive posts, which are usually mathematically based, are so far out of my league my eyes glaze. Sorry, Bok. You're too SMRT to be the fodder of satire from me. )
[ March 20, 2003, 04:17 PM: Message edited by: Ralphie ]
Posted by Jeni (Member # 1454) on :
Ralphie, those are so spot-on.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Ophelia: What's really irritating is when you have to deal with the chicken going on and on about it's own possible motive and you're stuck in the same dorm room with it!!
I remember the time when we all went out with the chicken and, after crossing a road to get to a party that my dorm friends were throwing, the chicken could not stop talking about himself, and then he hit on me. Well, I was wearing my foxy shirt. (Which can be seen here) But I still to this day can't stand talking about chickens and roads. Bleh.
Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
Perfect!
Posted by Trogdor the Burninator (Member # 4894) on :
Frisco -- I know it's a few months old, but hot damn, was that funny.
Posted by Magic (9) Ball (Member # 2502) on :
I am SO glad not to have any definitive posts.
Posted by TheTick (Member # 2883) on :
I am the antithesis of definitivity. (say THAT five times fast!)
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
Keep em coming Ralphie, these are great .
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
I would just like to express my thanks that my "Bachelor Application Format" is still being used, even in a humorous way.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
After reading that, I'm not sure how I feel on the issue. It seems that there are a lot of factors to take into consideration, and of course you have to deal with the possibility that the information isn't reliable! Sometimes a site will publish the reasons and motivations, but then you'll discover they only got half the story - you're only looking at half the motivation! I'm torn on this one.
However, if the chicken is hot, I know why I'd cross the road.
[ March 20, 2003, 05:18 PM: Message edited by: Ralphie ]
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
The Tick: I dunno. Maybe we should ask Ralphie. Ralphie - Have you spanked any chickens lately? Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
Ralphie, you rock! Posted by porcelain girl (Member # 1080) on :
jettboy: this joke was never funny.
Posted by TheTick (Member # 2883) on :
So once again, we find that evil of the past seeps into the present like salad dressing through cheap wax paper, mixing memory and desire.
Posted by porcelain girl (Member # 1080) on :
jettboy: in fact jokes are never funny.
Posted by porcelain girl (Member # 1080) on :
jettboy:and it is just as wrong for you to judge me as wrong just because i don't find them funny. i just don't think chickens are humorous; neither are jokes, or any facet of humanity whatsoever. the longer i live, and the more roads i cross, the more certain i am of this.
[ March 20, 2003, 05:56 PM: Message edited by: porcelain girl ]
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
Jettboy: And frankly, I don't care what they think. If they don't like, they know where the road is!
[ March 20, 2003, 09:31 PM: Message edited by: Kayla ]
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Jettboy: By joking about the chicken crossing you completely blindsight yourself to the fact that the chicken has to be destroyed. I don't care if anyone disagrees with me. It's about time someone took out the chicken. It's about time someone finally put an end to the road crossing. It's about time that people understand how imperative it is to destroy the chicken because if we don't do it first, the chicken will destroy us and our children. It will corrupt our society. And if you dont see that it just goes to show how far humanity has sunk.
[ March 20, 2003, 05:59 PM: Message edited by: Ralphie ]
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
quote:I would just like to express my thanks that my "Bachelor Application Format" is still being used, even in a humorous way.
Like it was such a serious format to begin with, right? Also, I'd like to point out to Ralphie that only once have I created a username and tried to keep my identity a secret, and it didn't last very long.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Do it, Kayla. Consider it a roast.
*really just hoping showing up in the thread means someone will parody her*
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
I was gonna do yours, Kate, but someone beat me to it in a thread. I thought it was this one, and it was SO spot-on, that I didn't think I could top it. But now I can't find the post. Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
And from my earlier work:
Bob: That chicken is TOO hilarious!
Now let me try my hand at some!
Chickens like to be revered, but they're secretly doing it for the feed pellets.
Chickens don't like 'Why did the chicken cross the road' jokes. They feel it demeans their position as road-crossers and is just another example of The Man holding them down.
Chickens have a hard time using the word "McNugget" in any context.
It's a well known fact in Chicken culture that The Ugly Duckling actually grew into a beautiful chicken, but it had to be changed in childrens stories for copyright reasons.
Chickens are actually very vengeful creatures. They allow humans to swipe their eggs because not having to raise their own young gives them more time for plotting.
Chickens are the real Kings of the Jungle. It's true. Ask any chicken.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Someone parodied me and I missed it? aw man.
*tries out new search function*
Posted by delenda est Carthago (Member # 2655) on :
I thought I saw it too, but I can't find it.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
delenda, who are you?
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
*lip pokes out* crap, I killed the thread.
Baldar: You thinking the chicken crossed the road when the road, in reality - as opposed to your silly, dreamed-up world - passed under the chicken is another sign of your inability to recognize the obvious. Your mind is so empty you have to borrow someone else's thoughts. Too bad you borrowed the thoughts of a one-eyed, inbred son of a failure with a third-grade education.
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
*cough*katieneedstoturnonaimonceandawhile*cough*
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
I'll have you know that the 3rd grade education guy was pretty smart when it came to chickens.
T_Smith: I'm telling you that chicken is mafia. In day one we see that it stood before the road, day 2: it crossed the road and day 3 it got to the other side. We therefore have 3 undeniable clues that point to the chicken's guilt! The chicken is mafia! The clues say so! It's unbelievable that none of you are listening to me! Sure I might have flubbed up on a few clues, but this is obvious!
The chicken tried to get me to follow him, I didn't. He failed miserably and it became obvious that he was mafia. If you don't lynch him, you have no concept of this game!
*Five Minutes Later*
Forget about the chicken, I say we go after Rakeesh for the exact same reasons as I've stated before. Rakeesh has always had it out for me, and if we don't get him now, I'm a goner.
Well, no one else had parodied me, and my mafia paranoia is memorable. Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Mr. T - You'd just be encouraging of the chicken's efforts to cross the road, ask if it was single and sigh to yourself "I thought so" when it told you it wasn't.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
*sigh* Thats how it always happens, I swear. I can't help it if I'm a chick magnet. Too bad I'm polarized the wrong way...
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Troubador: When people see images of some inept little pullet trying to make it's way across an outback fire route they think that's Australian for chickens and roads. What people don't realize is that not a single Australian would consider trying to surmise it's motivation.
We only speculate on the motivations of real chickens crossing real roads, I swear. Even the official state "banty" is not a correct representation.
We're not that rugged. But, on second thought, I could be if the right lady requested it... *weg*
Posted by Troubadour (Member # 83) on :
Well Done Tomi!
*snorting liquid out of his nose*
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
Who is Tommi and where can I get one?
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
Katharina: That's it? Just two sides? This side of the road and that side? I'd be sympathetic for your sad, sad experience that you've never realized there were more than two sides of the road.
Every Chicken wants to both feel special and fit in. *thinks* I'd say they aren't - but then, I'd hope my opinion of them doesn't matter. Most chickens don't achieve actual greatness. If the chicken felt the need to cross the road, I certainly have nothing against it.
quote:What people don't realize is that not a single Australian would consider trying to surmise it's motivation.
I suspect you don't really know what you are talking about and are trying to sound clever.
*muses* You know, my friend and I were driving down the road just the other day. We saw a chicken crossing the road. I turned to my friend and I said, "Why is that? Did the disillusionment of Clinton suck their will to live?"
You notice I didn't mention religion. That was, ahem, a choice.
NO INSULTS AT HATRACK.
(P.S. Kat, I edited that other post, so...)
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Second page? Not on my shift!
::locks, loads, bumps::
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Actually, Kate, I think the original that someone did went something like this:
katharina:
Chickens: Good Roads: Good Chickens crossing roads: Well, that's where it gets a little more complicated...
(Kayla's was great, too, though.)
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Kayla! Oh jeez! *laugh*
Okay, that was good. I was even reading it, read this:
quote:Every Chicken wants to both feel special and fit in. *thinks* I'd say they aren't - but then, I'd hope my opinion of them doesn't matter. Most chickens don't achieve actual greatness. If the chicken felt the need to cross the road, I certainly have nothing against it.
and thought, "Hey, I agree with that."
*squints* hmm... maybe I need to be more warm and fuzzy. Amused tolerance isn't the same as community building.
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
Katharina, I really cheated. Those lines were mostly copied and pasted from your old posts. I changed people to chickens in the second paragraph and made up the whole *muses* paragraph except for the quote. Took forever to read through enough of your posts to do that. I'm just not nearly as clever as Ralphie and didn't want you to think I was that original.
You are warm and fuzzy a lot of the time. However, that doesn't make a funny satire. Don't worry about it. I read plenty of posts that were very nice on your part.
The important thing...did you read the edit? Should I change it back to it's original?
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
On the previous page? *grin* I think you're good. It certainly fits.
Posted by Ayelar (Member # 183) on :
lol!!
After all my mother taught me, have I really become a bleeding heart? My god! Is there still time to change my party affiliation??
Posted by ladyday (Member # 1069) on :
Well, the one I did for Kat was okay, but the rest were just horribly unfunny. Sorry I deleted my post. Ralphie got it right, though.
Posted by porcelain girl (Member # 1080) on :
Slash: I crossed a lot of roads in high school, whereas you are just arguing about them. So if you really have beef with the chicken i can give you the address of a parkinglot we can meet in to clear this whole matter up.
Posted by porcelain girl (Member # 1080) on :
bump because i find myself hilarious, and everyone else shall, too. Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
*snort*
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Sara - Your Slash is PERFECT. Posted by Magic (9) Ball (Member # 2502) on :
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Magic (9) Ball: *waits for blue triangle* it's crossing is uncertain...
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
mackillian: Thinks the chicken should turn on AIM once in a while.
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
It's a CONSPIRACY! YOU ALL HAVE ME BLOCKED!
Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
mackillian: The chicken needed a good therapist, and there were none to be had on its side of the road. *pat pats* chicken
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
*bite*
HAHAHAHA Posted by The RubbergIue Sun (Member # 4313) on :
He will overcome the road.
Mighty, yet underestimated.
And gaze up into the eyes of his Master.
Cluck.
It begins.
<T>
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Patinator- I'm gald somebody appreciated that one.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Eddie - I thought it was so perfect that when I decided to do one for Patricia I wrote and erased about ten of them, knowing they couldn't to the perfection of your parody.
You should be gald that I appreciated it, too. Posted by MrSquicky (Member # 1802) on :
Sweet prancing Jebus, Ralphie, your shot of me was dead on. I'm almost upset at how good that was.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
quote:Walt Whitman: To cluck the song of itself Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (CENSORED) wanted to. That's the (CENSORED) reason. John Paul Jones: It has not yet begun to cross! Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it. Aristotle: To actualize its potential. Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road? William Shakespeare: I don't know why, but methinks I could rattle off a hundred-line soliloquy without much ado. Thomas Paine: Out of common sense. T.S. Eliot: Weialala leia / Wallala leialala. Groucho Marx: Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs. Karl Marx: To escape the bourgeois middle-class struggle.
Apparently, this chicken has more on it's mind than a single motivation can account for.
Looking at it's responsibilities, and our responsibilities in deciphering it's primary goals, it seems as if no one motivation can be clearer than the other. Our responsibility becomes greater, but our goals sometimes become less apparent as the chicken's goals become less apparent. Even so, and despite it's many possible motivations, I believe the discovery aspect is still important.
I hope the chicken can find it's way.
I hope we can, too.
[ March 24, 2003, 06:14 AM: Message edited by: Ralphie ]
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Stormy didn't like his? Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
Maybe he didn't read it?
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Eddie Whiteshoes: the chicken crossed the road because it has lived in the white man's society so long it has forgotten its own goals and aspirations. What does a chicken need to cross a stupid road for, anyway? Are things really so different on the other side? From a chicken's standpoint it's probably all pretty much the same: oppression by the man on both sides of the road. If that stupid chicken doesn't figure out there's nothing for it on the other side, it's going to get hit by a car and die. When that happens, don't expect me to shed a bunch of tears for it. It knew what it was doing. It took the risks willingly, all to do something of no real value anyway. To cry for the chicken when there's tons of roadkill all over the damn highway is just hypocrisy. Do you cry for all the bugs on your windshield? I didn't think so.
Incidentally, that chicken is way more white than I am.
-o-
btw, where's Eddie been? Anybody seen him recently?
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Dobbie: How do you know that's really a chicken and not a rooster under an assumed name? Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
David Bowles: Ay, ¡ese maldito pollo! ¡Qué tontería! RAC
Unmaker: Hello?! Can anybody say NINE-FREAKIN-ELEVEN?!?! The chicken had to cross the road, because the economy on its own side was stagnant! Who wants to buy eggs at a time like this?? It seems very telling that some of you conveniently forget this little fact—or choose to ignore it.
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
lol Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
dkw: Well, as a matter of fact, I looked into this quite a bit in seminary. Here are some relevant scriptural passages: GENODUS 23:15 - 17 ("15. And the LORD said unto the chicken 16. go ye forth 17. and cross every road.") III Kings 5: 23 ("And so it came to pass that in the Kingdom of Jesse II there were no roads, and there was much clucking, gnashing of beaks, and rending of down.") Leviteronomy 312:11 - 15 ("Do not allow your chickens to remain on one side of the road, for this is an abomination before the LORD. Chase them across the road, and roast those that do not cross until their juices run clear.") Isanah 42:11 - 13 ("I say unto you, 'Lo! You have allowed your fowl to roost together on one side of the road, and the LORD is mad! Repent, or ye shall truly fry!' Forsooth: he shall dash eggs against the heads of your babes!") Song of Saul 76:31 - 33 ("The LORD provideth me with yon juicy hen, and commandeth her to come hither from across the road. Her supple breasts and thighs maketh a filling meal indeed!") The Gospel of Harlan Sanders 14:25 - 29 ("For GOD so loved the world that he sent us chickens, and commanded them to cross roads to reach us.") The Gospel of Thomas 23:12 - 17 ("And Jesus came upon a rooster, and spoke to it of secret knowledge. Whereupon he took an egg from the chicken and, finding it to be rotten, cursed the chicken to cross roads until its death by oxcart.") and Paul's letter to the Thessalippians 5:3 - 16 ("Chickens, be meek before your roosters. Cross the road and offer ye up for man's meal, that your roosters may be left safe to crow each morning. For it is not meet that a chicken shall crow while a rooster is nugggetted. Indeed, if I have all the eggs in the world, but I have not chicken, what does it serve me?") Now, you need to interpret some of these with a grain of salt, so to speak. For one thing, Hebrew scripture seems to express at times contradictory attitudes toward chickens and road crossing. At the very least, our new covenant implies that ours is not an egg-cracking God. And it seems clear that Paul had some rather serious issues when it came to chickens. My interpretation is that chickens are expected to cross the road because that is what will bring them fulfillment, and our loving God knows that and wants what is best for all creatures, even the chickens.
[ March 27, 2003, 02:19 AM: Message edited by: Icarus ]
Posted by fugu13 (Member # 2859) on :
*chuckle*
Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
BUMP so that the daytime crowd will know there are new parodies
Posted by zgator (Member # 3833) on :
Those were great Icarus.
Posted by Lissande (Member # 350) on :
*adds another name to "shamelessly self-promoting" list*
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Beautiful, Icarus. Simply Beautiful.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Ralphie: This isn't a subtle commentary on my personal feelings about the Chicken. I do not feel that we are personally responsible for the Chicken's mental state or how she chooses to act based upon it. If she wants to cross the road, fine, but she better be prepared for her actions having serious consequences.
LATER
Ralphie:Why is it that whenever I talk about the Chicken no one responds? Will I forever be doomed to speaking only about Ducks, and never have my voice heard in regards to the Chickens?
LATER STILL
Ralphie:Well, anyway, I'd just like the point out that the Rooster has been flirting quite shamelessly with me for some time.
Someone Else: Oh come on, you love the Rooster!
Ralphie: Please. How could anyone love the Rooster when they can go home to This sizzliciousness?
I love my Chicken.
[ March 27, 2003, 12:11 PM: Message edited by: Leonide ]
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Awesome! I'm glad I took the chance and clicked on that link! Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
You're the first to really capture the essence of Ralphie!
Posted by Mother_Toretha (Member # 3943) on :
ROFLLMHO! I love yall! holy cards for everyone in this thread!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Does anybody know how old this joke is or have any clue? It's at most as old as roads and chickens. Of course, it could just as easily be an adaptation of a joke as old as crocodiles and rivers. It would be neat to know, because there is a great philosophical depth to the joke (and jokes in general), as the variety of possible answers proves. And also the fact that it's one of the first jokes you typically learn as a kid is telling.
Of course, jokes don't really get funny until about third grade, when you start to make sex jokes.
Posted by BookWyrm (Member # 2192) on :
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To show the Possum it COULD be done
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Leonide - You rock my world, baby.
Icarus - Sweet Jiminy, those are funny.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Frisco: Who cares why or how the chicken crossed the road...what I want to know is: What's the Chicken's Bucking the Question post count? Was she clucking pre-page 10? Did she start laying eggs on 33 BQ? When was your first BuckAW? (no, pecking doesn't count)
LATER
Someone Else: I am talking about something very serious. The chicken. The seriocity of the chicken is unparalled. The chicken might die. The chicken is very serious. Remember...i'm being very serious.
Frisco: What kind of breeder was the chicken? *posts a link to an inappropriate chicken porn site*
STILL LATER
Frisco: Vote, if you will, in the latest "Be Like The Chicken" poll!
Will #3 come back to life to receive the award, if he be it?
Sheldon, Parmy, and Waddle, folks! (I won't tell you which is which--I wouldn't want any bias).
[ March 27, 2003, 06:47 PM: Message edited by: Leonide ]
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
*this is not a shameless bump*
*thank you*
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
I love that you actually took the time to find pictures for that one.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
I love that "The Chicken" was a rooster! That just seems appropriate, somehow! Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
It took forever, but i think the results speak for themselves
Yeah, Ic, I know...the link said "red_chicken" although I agree, it is a rooster. *shrug* craziness.
Posted by Human (Member # 2985) on :
Users101:
The chickin is really crazy...really, it's because the chicken's school sucks, really bad.
You know if the chicken was thinking about it, something terrible might happen in it's coop, really weird. And that chicken might just lay an egg, and keep laying eggs. And u know, the chicken is just a chicken, u know, just doing the chicken thing.
I'm not sure, but do u think this makes sense?
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :
Be nice human! Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Okay, Leo...I'll admit the second one was me dead on. I think I proved that about five hours later with my post on the "Curse God and Die" thread. Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Yeah i know. You're so tactful Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
JohnHansen: Because this side of the road just wasn't very good.
Cor: Because it was tired of being perceived as always in Icarus' shadow.
Caleb Varns: I think the most important thing is that this was a major life-changing event and I think we should all celebrate.
Patrick: Hatrack Barbeque time again folks! Who's coming?
Pixiest: It was only trying to get to its completely justifiable settlement over on the West Bank.
Posted by Snorri (Member # 2195) on :
ME: So many attempts at explanation, yet not a single enquiry into what type of chicken it actually was. How can we assume that a Rhode Island Red will be motivated by the same ideas as a White Italian? Nor has anyone asked whether the road ran north-south or east-west, or in which direction the chicken crossed it...
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
The current incarnation of mafia inspired me to *bump* this thread.
Posted by Dragon (Member # 3670) on :
*smiles fondly*
I like this thread
Posted by Gottmorder (Member # 5039) on :
Douglas Adams: 42
Isaac Asimov: A chicken refuge will be established on the other side of the road. And another will be esablished at the other end, at Road's End.
Posted by suntranafs (Member # 3318) on :
Ok, so everbody has their theories why the chicken crossed the road, but how many of you know why the car crossed the road? HUH? HUH???
That's right, you don't know, do yuh? , do yuh?! That's because the mainstream media never told you, did they? It's what they haven't taught you in schools.
The car crossed the road because *DRRRUMROLL* the chicken was driving it.
And now you know.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
We almost lost this one! (Well, we would have in just three months.) And with so many newbies to parody!
Letting this one die is a big
[ August 12, 2003, 01:43 AM: Message edited by: Ralphie ]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
::is still waiting to be parodied::
Morbo:
Chicken? Who is this chicken you speak of? Perhaps they posted at Hatrack a long time ago and was worshipped by everyone? I need to meet this chicken. I need to know how he crossed the road. Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
T_Smith: So here's the story of this chicken that I saw today when I was on my way to buy [book by OSC]. Wouldn't you know it that I was approached by a peddler of cheap Kobe Bryant cologne! I was so preoccupied with the book I was going to buy that I let this guy sucker me into buying 4 cases of this stinky cologne for $20 a pop. I can hardly believe it.
So anyway, the chicken...he had talked to my sister who needed to borrow the car even though she is underaged and was trying to get me to let HIM have the car. He needed my parents' car to cross the road! And I was so preoccupied with [OSC book] and my mission to go get it, that I let him borrow the car. Yeah, so now I'm in a load of trouble because my parents are back in town.
I need a hug.
((((Hatrack))))
[ August 12, 2003, 02:54 AM: Message edited by: Narnia ]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
And I never smelt better. Who knew smelling like a sweaty basketball player was a good thing?
::laughs::
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
LOL... Narnia that was great. So very T..
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
And I already knew about those 3 others. I only did them myself. Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
I'm just sayin', is all I'm sayin'...
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
*whew*
(((T_Smith))) for being a good 'sport.'
HAAA!!! Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Wow, I can't believe it took me this long to find this thread! It's SO funny!!! I've spent the last 20 or 25 minutes reading the whole thing and laughing my heart out!!
quote: ::is still waiting to be parodied::
Yep, that's right... I'm in that position now too!! I hope I've been here long enough that people know how I operate
[ August 12, 2003, 05:07 PM: Message edited by: Raia ]
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
Filletted:
chick,
why are you asking us?
flish
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
also, what kind of asphalt was it?
flish
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
Sweet.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Filetted: You know, I clicked on this thread hoping to find some insightful comments about chickens, but instead I find these worn-out chicken jokes. And none of them is particularly funny. Or maybe I just don't get the humor around here. I'm particularly disappointed that none of the Cards has posted anything worthwhile in this thread. Oh, well.
Omellette anyone?
flish
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
The style is right, but you put too much into one post. It would be better spread out over three or four.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Raia: The chicken is ALMOST old enough to cross the road by himself legally. Does anyone want to hold the hand of the chick while he crosses? Being an underage chick:
Oh, well. (((((chicken)))))
(((((person who parodies me)))))
(((((Hatrack)))))
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Posted by Ryan Hart (Member # 5513) on :
Tony Blair: President Bush and I have decided that he crossed the road in order to aid those who would spread terror.
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
The chicken, withstanding the onslaught of horns, screeching tires, quixotic headbeams, and ribbings from his fellow road-crossers, merely wanted to get home after a long dreary day.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Ryan Hart: This is my last post on chicken crossing, unless the chickens beg me to return (which I suspect is about as likely as me returning to the egg).
MY BOTTOM LINE ON CHICKEN CROSSING:
1. Chicken crossing is wrong. I believe this because it's part of my heneology.
2. Chicken crossing is not poultry advantageous. Therefore it should not be condoned by our culture.
3. It is condemned in the Holy Cockalorum. Therefore all chickens, roosters, Backyarders, Praries, chicks or full-growns that cross roads are OUT OF LINE.
Here I stand (not crossing). I can do no other.
[ August 16, 2003, 09:03 PM: Message edited by: Ralphie ]
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
You've been handing out an AWFUL lot of wedgies lately, Jamie.
If the Ralphster did not have her scruples about her, she might suspect that thou wast cruising for thine bruising.
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
--I--
Posted by eslaine (Member # 5433) on :
OOOh! Chickfight. Let me get the popcorn! Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
chicken (eyeing the many and varied insults of the particular highway he was contemplating crossing), hitched up his tail-feathers, threw out his "thumb", and hoped for the best.
*squawk*
Posted by Ryan Hart (Member # 5513) on :
Another score update Ralphie:4625 Ryan: Still 0
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
"MINIONS! gather!"
*oh wait...*
*hacky tack*
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
*snerk*
ah, Ralphie. Always there to make me snerk.
I just found this one, I don't know if it was posted in this thread before....
the chicken crossed the road because he was poultry in motion
Posted by Cecily (Member # 5675) on :
I didn't fish through all 5 pages to see if this had already been posted, but I got this in an email today and I felt like it needed to be added to this list. Forgive me if you don't get the references, it's a cheesy Mormon version.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Laman: To usurp the authority of his older brother chickens and to take possession of their coop.
Brigham Young: Because this is the right place in the road.
Thomas: I don't really believe the chicken crossed the road.
Noah: Are you sure there weren't two chickens?
Lilburn W Boggs: I don't care which side of the road the chicken's on, you have permission to kill it.
Elder's Quorum President: It was the 31st and he had to get his Home Teaching done.
Relief Society President: That's where the refreshments were.
The Doctrine and Covenants: "The duty of a chicken is to cross the road when there is no other poultry present."
Mark Hoffman: Would you like to buy the chicken's original diary documenting his crossing of the road?
Lamoni's servants: We don't know why it crossed the road; all we know is it's wings had been cut off.
Martin Harris: I have never denied seeing the chicken cross the road.
Temple Square Guide: The acoustics are so good you can hear the chicken cross the road from any seat in the Tabernacle.
President Merrill J Bateman: I'm not so much concerned that the chicken crossed the road but that its feathers were not knee-length.
Gerald Lund: Not only did this chicken cross the road, but his whole family crossed the road as well. The grand, panoramic story of this chicken's family will be told in my soon-to-be-released 36 volume set "The Cluck and the Glory."
Nephi: It is better for a chicken to cross the road than a nation dwindle in unbelief.
Lorenzo Snow: As the egg is, the chicken once was; as the chicken is, the egg may become.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Thou art in violation of the 7th Hatrackian Commmandment!!
Thou shalt not commit to poultry!!
Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :
I was never parodied..... *sniff* *sniff* *sniff* *sniff* *sniff*
jk Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Whiner.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
*is still waiting to be parodied*
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Woman, I parodied you half-way up the page.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Aww, Ralphie, I'm sorry, my bad... that's hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks!
It's so good...
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Some people are just hard to parody, Nick. Personally, I don't think I post with enough frequency and personality to give anyone enough juice to parody me with Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Leonide: I was talking to my boyfriend the other day ( ) and we were discussing chicken crossing. I'm not entirely sure what I think on the issue, as so many people have brought up good points for good and bad. I enjoy the idea of a liberated chicken. I like that the chicken has the opportunity to cross.
btw - My absolute *favorite* musical features chickens, and I canNOT imagine it if crossing didn't play a prominent part. If nothing else, that would inspissisate- er, inspisserate?... solidify it right there. Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Brilliant!
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Ralphie, those are HILARIOUS!!!
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Oh, Ralphie.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Of course!
Nick - page 3, you goober. I totally parodied you.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
*cough*
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
(gives rivka a cough drop)
(coughs)
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
You know, chickens are my favorite animal.
And this thread goes way back to my former Hatrack life.
And I've still never had a chickenism about me!
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
You can't rush art, people!
Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :
quote: Nick - The chicken crossed the road? That's wrong! It's obvious that crossing the road is not the Lord's intent for the chicken. I mean, that's just MY opinion, but it's SO wrong.
That is so me!
Also
Ralphie
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
Ryan: Good riddance. Too bad he didn't go all the way to Canada. He was a gay liberal ruining the country anyway.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Morbo:
Morbo would be pleased if this puny earth chicken would be crushed in his futile attempt to cross the road.
Posted by Cecily (Member # 5675) on :
Is there anyone in the house that can do a chickenism in French so as to imitate Annie?? I would if I could darlin', but I'm just not talented enough. Posted by Cecily (Member # 5675) on :
quote:Personally, I don't think I post with enough frequency and personality to give anyone enough juice to parody me with
ditto and proud of it!! These other ones are too hilarious!
[edit to clarify: I have almost 1,000 posts as "Narnia"]
[ September 19, 2003, 01:10 AM: Message edited by: Cecily ]
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Well everyone who hasn't gotten parodied can feel better due to the fact that I've been here way longer than you guys (with 4000+ posts) and I haven't gotten parodied either.
Hobbes Posted by Cecily (Member # 5675) on :
Hobbes, I don't pretend to know you well enough...but, maybe people fear that Hatrack would overload with all the smileys that would be used? Maybe? (((Hobbes))) Y'know I'm just KIDDING!!!
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
There's a limit of 8. Which makes me sad.
Hobbes Posted by Cecily (Member # 5675) on :
Icarus: Oh great. Another popularity thread. The chicken just crossed the road so it could BE in this thread.
[Icky, you know I love you!! (((Icarus)))]
Pat: Just goes to show you that chickens cross the road to get MINIONS. That's clearly what the chicken was after.
I will personally give back rubs to ALL of Ralphie's minions that denounce her reign and parody ME!
Zotto!: I don't know why she crossed the road, but she must have had a good reason. She's probably, deep down, a great person/chicken. Just like all the people here on Hatrack. Truly. I love you guys! I love Hatrack! (((Hatrack)))
[ September 19, 2003, 01:43 AM: Message edited by: Cecily ]
Posted by tonguetied&twisted (Member # 5159) on :
Narn, that sounds just like them. Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Narnia, that was awesome!
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Posted by dan_parrot (Member # 5692) on :
I'd do democratic contenders for president jokes, but there are so many of them we'd run out of chickens.
oops. Arrrgh, and Avast.
Posted by FungusHearted Pete (Member # 5617) on :
::Bows:: Thank you, I thought they were pretty funny myself.
[edit: drat. I forgot that I was signed in as a pirate!!]
ARrrrg!
[ September 19, 2003, 04:11 PM: Message edited by: FungusHearted Pete ]
Posted by dan_parrot (Member # 5692) on :
Dean: To get a better high speed internet connection so he could donate to my campaign on a more grass roots level.
Posted by DreadPirateDamien (Member # 5703) on :
The chicken crossed the road to *die*
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
Hobbes: The chicken crossed the road on a bike. Because it was a responsible citizen.
Hobbes Posted by newfoundlogic (Member # 3907) on :
Wow, Hobbes I can actually hear them saying that in my head. Well, less so the Malcolm one but Bobby and Hank yeah.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Yep.
Hobbes Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
The chicken crossed the road because he was running from fluff.
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
Mmmmm.... chicken...
Posted by Black Mage (Member # 5800) on :
Because it had FAITH in GOD and HIS PLAN! Jesus loves you!
Ten bucks to whoever guesses who that's s'posed to be.
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
Ned Flanders?
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
It actually sounds more like Patera Incus from The Book of the Long Sun, but it's more likely supposed to be somebody like Jerry Falwell.
Posted by Black Mage (Member # 5800) on :
Jerry who?
Posted by Papa Moose (Member # 1992) on :
Brian "Bri" Knoepke, Abstinent Teen?
Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
Eruve Nandiriel To post, of course! Posted by Black Mage (Member # 5800) on :
Sure, it was Bri.
Posted by Mr.Funny (Member # 4467) on :
Hmm... must... post... more... so other people can parody me! Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Annie: The chicken didn't really cross the road, I just photoshoped it to the other side.
Hobbes Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
The chicken crossed the road because they had more smileys there.
The chicken crossed the road to get to the precious. Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Kant: The chicken didn't really cross the road, it's just a culmination of our a priori memories that we had substantiated him as being on the one side of the road when in the reality of the present he only exists on this "other side"
Hobbes Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Ringo Star: What?
Hobbes Posted by Scythrop (Member # 5731) on :
Trogdor the Burninator : *sets up shop. Waits for chickens*
Trogdor the Burninator : I'm the only *real* Trogdor.
Trogdor the Burninator : No you're not *burninates pretend evil Trogdor*
Trogdor the Burninator :Yes I am. Ha *burninates self*
Trogdor the Burninator : *Burninates Chicken*
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
*snort*
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Mack: *snort*
It seems to me that most people here at Hatrack wouldn't respond to the original stimulus.
Note: That first line withn "Mack" was my version of Mack's reason for a chicken crossing the road. Just in case there was any confusion.
Hobbes Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Mack: to *thwap* someone on the other side and --|-- --|-- --|-- Mmmm...chicken fingers....
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Do chickens have middle fingers?
Hobbes Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
I'm sure Mack's do. Maybe even five apiece.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Maybe it'll be a new KFC special.
Hobbes Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Scythrop, your parody of Trogdor was absolutely hysterical! Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
rivka: Maybe the chicken crossed the road because he was sick of all the dobies.
No, I'm just joking, I think it was because the feed over there was particularly tasty. Or maybe it was to find a new smilie to annoy Ralphie with!! (((((Toni))))) Just kidding. Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Ryuko: Maybe it was avoiding a landmark. Well, good luck to the chicken! If there's one day to be using the wave smilie, this is it!
I haven't made it across the road, or I would buy lots of anime. (sadness) Congrats to the chicken, though. Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
The Chicken Thread. Some of my greatest work. If there is a God, he will never let this thread die.
Evar.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To give Ralphie a welcome-back hug. (((((Ralphie)))))
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
I've been chickened!!! ((((Raia))))
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
(((((Ryuko)))))
Posted by Rappin' Ronnie Reagan (Member # 5626) on :
::cough::
Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
But Ryuko and Raia, does it count if you just chicken each other?
(I'm just snippy cos no-one noticed my chickening)
[ December 01, 2003, 12:20 AM: Message edited by: imogen ]
Posted by Koga (Member # 5646) on :
Buddha Boy (from the original Matrix):
"The chicken should not try to cross the road, that is impossible, in stead the chicken must try to realize the truth, that there is no road, and thus no sides of it be on, you simply must change where you are and not worry about the road"
or sort of a parody of no one, or a parodie of that character gone even more wrong then the one I just did, or simply the wisdom of the chicken:
"The chicken must accept that the road is inmaterial, when the chicken realizes that it is trying to get to it's own internal place of peace then it will find itself on the side of road where it is truly meant to be"
It was so accurate I felt I might have typed it myself.
It's TRUE! The chickens are good people!
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Kama, that was the funniest parody in this thread.
And for the record, Ryuko didn't parody me, Ralphie did! So, yes, it would count, but it didn't happen. Ha! Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
punwit:
The chicken claused the Rhodes scholar, so he eight him.
Elizabeth:
Yes, but have you kept a breast of the situation since then?
Dagonee: Yeah, after the chicken's death, they covered him in a white sheet, and now he's a member of the Cu Clucks Clan.
[ April 29, 2004, 08:11 AM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Dan_Raven:
The chicken was on its way to Russia to adopt an egg.
Posted by Alexa (Member # 6285) on :
what I mean is the fear, confusion, not always why dont new thread for the chickn. My history teacher understnds told me you wanted to hurt chicken?
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
Pun homage from Bob! Eggselent!
Dagonee
Posted by Alexa (Member # 6285) on :
Matrix boy says, "There is no chicken."
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
Phantos: ((chicken))
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
*just realised what this thread is REALLY about*
*realises she was parodied last page*
Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :
Lalo: The chicken crossed the road because it was banned for posting a picture in a public domain. I suggest you read up on the subject before you post anymore about the chicken.
Umm, will I get in trouble for this? space opera
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Yes! No more jokes for you, Space Opera!
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Someone probably posted this link somewhere in this thread, but i'll post it anyway.
To avoid a disaster from the solar system it won't learn.
Posted by Lara (Member # 132) on :
Hatrack thread:
Thread originator: I was on my way to work this morning, and a chicken crossed the road in front of me. It wasn't a big deal, but it got me thinking. So what do you guys think about chickens crossing roads? Is it okay? I guess every chicken has a right to cross if it wants to, but... why? I don't know where I stand on this yet. What do you think?
Poster #2: That subservient chicken thing was hilarious. I can't believe it was for real.
Poster #3: I know they have a right to do what they want, but I hit a chicken once and it was really hard to get over. I'm still afraid I'll hit a chicken every time I'm on the road.
Poster #4: (((poster #3)))
Poster #5: Chickens suck
Poster #3: Thanks. It's not that big of a deal
Poster #6: There's an article somewhere, I'll find it and get a link, with stats on chickens that cross roads. Something like 20 percent of them die before the age of 2. I figure its their own fault, if they're going to cross roads, they need to accept the consequences.
Very, insightful, poster #5.
Poster #5: -|-
Poster #7: If you can't link to the stats, you shouldn't post them at all. There's all kinds of misleading info out there hiding behind the word "Statistic"
[ April 29, 2004, 09:43 PM: Message edited by: Lara ]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Its funnier if you put in names.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Ok, well, poster number 3 is definately Slash.
Posted by Lara (Member # 132) on :
Sorry, I deleted my post because it was lame. It's just hatrack. Get it? I think it's funny. Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
And five is mack?
That subservient chicken thing was hilarious. I can't believe it was for real.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Revenge:
Bob: The chicken crossed the road, well, that reminds me of Dana--smooch snicker smooch smooch.
DKW: Oh Bob. cuddle cuddle smooch smooch
Saccarine sweetness I can not type follows.
Posted by Lara (Member # 132) on :
Poster #2 is jehevoid Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Sorry, I don't use smilies.
Posted by Lara (Member # 132) on :
No problem
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Ha. nice.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Phanto:
To escape the terrible, horrible, dreadful TROLLS!
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
*bump* This was an Instant Classic.
Posted by Kama (Member # 3022) on :
AJ's grandma: the chicken is going to hell.
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
Because he saw the debate coming...
-Trevor
Edit: I think that was Olive's MIL...
[ October 02, 2004, 12:21 AM: Message edited by: TMedina ]
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
CStroman:
The chicken never crossed the road.
This is all just propaganda put forth by the Liberal Media to discredit him.
Really, the Democratic Roosters are getting desperate.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Lara: Posted by Fyfe (Member # 937) on :
Leonide--
Jen
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE Yet we said The Chicken was ambitious; and we are honourable men. So are we all, all honourable men.
Posted by Cecily (Member # 5675) on :
I had to bump this!
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
I can't believe that the majority of mine are a year and a half old.
Wow.
Posted by King of Men (Member # 6684) on :
The wise chicken is told about the Road, and crosses it. The average chicken is told about the Road and searches for it. The foolish chicken is told about the Road and laughs at it. If it were not for laughter, there would be no Road.
How could it be otherwise?
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
I thought it might be fun to bring this up to the top. We have a fairly different crop of people now than we did when this thread was active.
So, I'll start a new round:
Irami I was underwhelmed by the chicken. In the end he was just some bird. A good story has a moralizing influence--I don't want to read about some chicken who scratches around in the dirt for bugs and then just walks across the road. Even if that's what most chickens are doing, I don't want to read about it.
[Edit--text of one of Irami's ivory tower posts, inadvertently included in the message, deleted]
[ March 29, 2005, 01:09 AM: Message edited by: Noemon ]
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
I don't think it's fair to just quote the subject, Noemon. That said, you're on the right track.
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
Wha...but...but I didn't. Seriously. I had a bunch of text from various posts of this flavor pasted into the composition pane or whatever you call it that I was using for reference, but one of those passages somehow made it into the posted message, and about 90% of my intended post seems to have vanished. I'd be tempted to chalk it up to technical difficulties, but I'm afraid that, given the amount of sleep I got last night and the day I had today, user error is more likely.
Hell. What I had was pretty funny too.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Noemon: Latest science news: Chicken crosses the road!
Scientists have determined a way to genetically enhance the chicken, to enable it to cross the road without any problems. A chicken who made it to the other side was examined, and found to have sores on its feet from the novelty of the long distance. With time, however, the evolutionary cycle will determine that ambitious chickens with road-crossing intentions will be able to cross the road AND maintain healthy foot conditions.
--
Isn't that cool? I wanted to share with Hatrack. Posted by Kwea (Member # 2199) on :
KoM: Because he doesn't believe in God. See, I TOLD you it was a fact! Don't argue the obvious......
Hobbes: To kiss Annie, of course..well, that si why I do it. She is cute, isn't she?
aspectre: Damn Bush, HE was chasing it right to Gitmo.
[ March 29, 2005, 02:10 AM: Message edited by: Kwea ]
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
I love this thread.
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
Raia-- I was thinking this morning about how I would parody myself, and was drawing a blank. You hit it though!
Posted by AntiCool (Member # 7386) on :
How is it that I've never seen this thread before?
Posted by Grisha (Member # 6871) on :
Marvin(from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy): I can tell you exactly why the chicken crossed the road, but you wouldn't listen.
Scooby Do and the gang trying to figure out why the chicken crossed the road:
Fred pulls the chicken mask off of the tied up giant chicken, and the whole scooby gang says together "old man smithers!"
Old man smithers: That's right, i dressed up as the chicken, and tried to scare people away so i could cross the road and look for treasure on the other side of the road by myself, and i would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you medelling kids!
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
Tom: You know, Snopes did a whole thing about the chicken a few years back. Turns out chickens never cross roads.
advice for robots: Die, thread, die!
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Tante Shvester: Silly newbie (can I make fun of newbies now that I have 3400 posts this month?). That's not a chicken, that's a rooster! Can't you see it's nuggets?
Son of Shvester: I don't know. Is the chicken cool, do you think? (Be honest.)
-o-
I just wanted to take a moment to point out how thoroughly I pwned page 4. I'm especially pleased with my dkw post. Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Icarus - (For SoS)!
Julius Caesar: Yond Chicken hath a lean and hungry look; He thinks too much: such birds are dangeorus. Marc Antony: Fear him not, Caesar; he's not dangerous; He is a noble Chicken and well crossed.
---
Geoffrey Chaucer:
(No energy for long "s"s!)
A Chik ther was, and that a worthy byrd, That fro the tyme that he first shatt a turd, To cros the road (he loved chivalrie), Trouthe and honour, fredom and curteisie.
---
Summarised John Cleese and Michael Palin:
- I wish to register a complaint about this chicken I purchased not half an hour about from this very boutique.
- Oh, yeah, Norweigian Blue, wha's 'rong wi'it?
- I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad: iss crossed the road, that's what's wrong with it!
- 'Es pining for the feaulds!
- He's not pining! He's crossed roads! This chicken has no yearn! It has ceased to will! Died on the road! For rest of time it rests in peace/piece (whichever you prefer)! It has kicked the bucket, rung down the curtain and gone to join the choir impeckable! This is an ex-chicken!
- I go'a slug...
[ August 19, 2005, 08:24 AM: Message edited by: Jonathan Howard ]
Posted by Goody Scrivener (Member # 6742) on :
ROFLMAO!!!! I love it, Jonny!!!!
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
*Thanks*; which one?
Posted by Goody Scrivener (Member # 6742) on :
Best one is the parrot sketch, but all three were good!
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Thank you... Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Ok, I'm the evil high bumper of the day. I just wasted 20 minutes skimming this whole thing and laughing my head off. (And I have to get grades in!!) I need to not look at fugu's list of threads he generated for nfl's dad. There are just too many gems in there and I would waste my whole day!!
I say we start the parodies again. Those are priceless. Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
mr_porteiro_head: I'm trying to think of something I care about less than chickens crossing the road. Nothing comes to mind.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
Blayne Bradley: China has full mobility rights for chickens. Although there were a few chickens that died in the Cultural Revolution, it was necessary for the modernisation of China.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
Silkie: Because Bush is in the chicken road-crossing lobby's pockets.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
*snort*
Brinestone: I have some theories if you'd like to hear them.
Posted by Brinestone (Member # 5755) on :
*giggles*
I thought mine was going to be about pregnant chickens. I feel like I talk about pregnancy all the time.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
I want to do a deerpark27 parody, but I haven't the talent. Posted by Brinestone (Member # 5755) on :
deerpark27
He is an old man, an old man running on a dusty road Cross at the chicken crossing over to the other side when he's been trying to get there for twenty years
Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
Dagonee: I said that the chicken crossed the road, but I did not say how. For you to jump to the conclusion that he walked is more demonstrative of your own prejudices against chicken unicycles than of my failure to elaborate on his means of locomotion.
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
Heh, heh.
Posted by Scythrop (Member # 5731) on :
Advent 115: Ret, I hear you, brother.
Posted by Scythrop (Member # 5731) on :
Reticulum: 'bout the chicken?
Posted by Scythrop (Member # 5731) on :
Advent 115: Yeah.
Posted by Scythrop (Member # 5731) on :
Reticulum:cool Posted by Scythrop (Member # 5731) on :
Cherios de Ender: I think we should elect the chicken.
Posted by Scythrop (Member # 5731) on :
Reticulum:You're not helping...
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
JT
Scythrop
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
JT, that's a great Dag impersonation. Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
But really, Scythrop is on his game.
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
Advent 115: Hey chicken. IM?
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
Dan_Raven
Papa: "What did the chicken do then?" Sasha: "It crossed the road." Papa: "Why?" Sasha: "Because that's where it wanted to go."
Posted by Onanism Thread (Member # 8525) on :
I think he crossed to get choked.
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
Ralphie: He was getting some chicken.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
ketchupqueen: To avoid being smitten by the Ketchup of Righteousness!
quidscribis: The chickens here are three feet tall with huge talons and they all cross the road together in large flocks that stop traffic for hours.
King of Men: If the chicken got run over while crossing the road would the theist chickens continue to believe that they were under the protection of a benevolent deity?
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
Scythrop wins! Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
mr_porteiro_head: Posted by Rico (Member # 7533) on :
pH: The chicken crossed the road because my rocket scientist boyfriend told it to. Isn't he dreamy? *swoons*
Posted by Scythrop (Member # 5731) on :
Thanks MPH, but bear in mind also that Dag did a very funny Reticulum earlier in the thread, to start the ball rolling which, in the spirit of authenticity, he then deleted...
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
Billy witch doctor.com: Chicken that cross road is *whispers* Ultra Mega Chicken.
-pH
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Libbie: I actually knew that chicken. He had no particular reason. I think there was some corn on the other side, but, you know, there's actually corn on both sides of the road.
Sara Sasse: I no longer give road-crossing advice to chickens, for chickens, or about chickens over the internet. If you are really concerned, I suggest you speak to a specialist.
Pelegius: The chïckæn crossed the vehicular ârtery as part of its ongoing quest for enlightenment. As with all erudite fowl, it understood that enlightenment is not to be found on this side of the thoroughfare, for it is on yonder side where the classics are, and so that is where the chicken must hùnt. My teacher told me as much (although his exact words were closer to "Yeah, whatever") and he studied under Harlan Sanders himself.
Orincoro: I'm in my third year of chicken school, and I can tell you that he's doing it all wrong.
Kwea: Because Disney World is on the other side! (By the way, this is JenniK posting. Kwea forgot to log out.)
This is another thread I love. Posted by GaalDornick (Member # 8880) on :
graywolfe: The chicken crosses the road faster than any other animal but as soon as it gets near the end of the road, it gets nervous and every other animal passes it. Same thing happens every single time a chicken tries to cross the road...It never fails. (From the Fantasy Football thread)
Posted by GaalDornick (Member # 8880) on :
Nighthawk: Those *evil* peanuts where chasing him, and "frankly" there were some *incredibly* useful computer programs on the other side that *certainly* didn't discourage him from crossing the road.
Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
Good chickens, Icky. Posted by Nighthawk (Member # 4176) on :
How the hell did I get in to this thread? I can't defend myself here!
Posted by GaalDornick (Member # 8880) on :
I remember once noticing you using ** surrounding like 10 of your words in a single post and after that I started noticing at least one word surrounded by "" or ** in your posts. Posted by Lavalamp (Member # 4337) on :
Now, granted, I was not there. The chicken may in fact have been a rooster. But I just think that we all need to not be so quick to jump on the chicken's side here. There are two sides to every story, and to say that chickens can cross the street wherever they want strikes me as arrogance.
That chicken is TOO hilarious! Now let me try my hand at some!![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Mad]](mad.gif)
I hate the fact that the chicken crosses and now I HAVE to figure out why he does. btw, Tom, is judging chicken motives like lambasting them? What sauce would you use? o_O![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
But as far as this individual chicken goes, I think it may have been something deeper. Maybe a need to see the other side, but without experiencing it. I think the chicken may have gotten most of the way there, and contemplated turning back. It's sad, and there's no way to comfort the chicken now, but perhaps it's not as tragic as it appears. Maybe it the the three-quarters of the journey that the chicken really needed.![[Frown]](frown.gif)
)![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
That chicken is TOO hilarious! ![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
![[No No]](graemlins/nono.gif)
![[Laugh]](graemlins/laugh.gif)
HAAA!!! ![[ROFL]](graemlins/rofl.gif)
![[Grumble]](graemlins/grumble.gif)
![[Cry]](graemlins/cry.gif)
![[Kiss]](graemlins/kiss.gif)
![[Taunt]](graemlins/taunt.gif)
![[Evil]](graemlins/evil.gif)
![[Wave]](graemlins/wave.gif)
![[The Wave]](graemlins/thewave.gif)
![[Party]](graemlins/party.gif)
![[Evil Laugh]](graemlins/evillaugh.gif)
![[Dont Know]](graemlins/dontknow.gif)
![[Cool]](cool.gif)
![[Hat]](graemlins/hat.gif)