Many newbies have made the mistake of spending a lot of time and mental energy in making an incredibly cool topic, only to have it fall endlessly down to the depths of page 121 and finally oblivion without a single response.
The problem? The headline sucked. It lacked any punchy verb or obscure word to draw the reader in.
For instance.
Many years ago, Olivet started a thread entitled "The joys of a freshly shaved scrotum." Now, wouldn't that just make you want to open the thread? To this day, I can't remember what the topic was about, but that title still makes me shudder today like it did long ago.
Take time to put some serious thought into your title, and you WILL be noticed. Now this is not to say you should swear, or be crude or write something so stupid people will just ignore you. Just take your time, and it will come.
Posted by Ethics Gradient (Member # 878) on :
Lesson #2
Say something very funny and / or controversial in the first post. There are some really bad ways to start a thread: For example, "George Bush sucks. What do you think?" is a very bad first post.
If you post a link, be sure to provide some commentary and consider quoting an excerpt or two. When creating a fluff thread, do something original... And be funny.
For example, be like Bob Scopatz. Or Pat. These two individuals are currently neck and neck in the race for the "All Time Bestest and Coolest, Also Funniest, Threads Ever" award.
Bad first posts include:
1. "Hey, who thinks they should make an Ender's Game movie?" 2. "Abortion and / or homosexuality is wrong. Burn in hell, sinners!" 3. "a/s/l?"
[ June 19, 2003, 09:55 PM: Message edited by: Ethics Gradient ]
Posted by Pat (Member # 879) on :
Holy Cow E.G. you barely beat me here, Mr. Member Number 878!
--Member number 879
Posted by Slash the Berzerker (Member # 556) on :
Pshaw. 300 point behind the times losers...
Posted by Ethics Gradient (Member # 878) on :
Pat, never noticed that! Freaky stuff. Maybe we're both Cedrios. That would be the revelation to end all revelations.
And Slash... We're also at least 300 points better looking. So Posted by Pat (Member # 879) on :
Lesson #3 -- Stroke a few egos along the way. (See Ethics' post above for a great example!)
If you want to make sure to get a lot of posts on your thread be sure to pass out a few phrases like "HEY KAYLA! CAN YOU LOOK SOMETHING UP FOR ME?" or "David Bowles, what's a meme?" or "I'm wondering what Tom Davidson thinks about this" or "Hey Ralphie! you totally rock!" or "Does Belle know her LOTR's trivia or what?" or "Tresopax, I finally found someone who agrees exactly with my bizarre political views" or 'For example, be like Bob Scopatz. Or Pat. These two individuals are currently neck and neck in the race for the "All Time Bestest and Coolest, Also Funniest, Threads Ever" award.'
Doing this accomplishes a two-fold purpose. First of all, these people will notice you more. Second of all, they will now start to watch your thread just to be sure someone else praises them in one way or another.
[ June 19, 2003, 11:11 PM: Message edited by: Pat ]
Posted by Slash the Berzerker (Member # 556) on :
EG, if you turned out to be Cedrios, I would have to start liking him again. Please don't let that happen. Neither of us wants that.
*whispers*
(was that flattering enough Pat?)
Posted by Pat (Member # 879) on :
That was great Slash. You've always been my most favorite Hatracker.
And now, Slash is hooked to this thread.
**bows**
[ June 19, 2003, 10:25 PM: Message edited by: Pat ]
Posted by Slash the Berzerker (Member # 556) on :
I can honestly say that you, Pat, are not the Hatracker I most want to see shot out of a cannon at a brick wall. And I deeply admire your choice in Internet Bulletin Boards. And I have never been close enough to detect an unpleasant odor, so in my experience, you do not stink.
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
Here are some of my titles, to support Pat's theory:
LOTR Wenches (a magnet to LOTR fans; I never expected this one to go big, but it did.)
It's Not Okay To Be Pretty (a somewhat controversial thread about appearances; I actually thought very hard about a title that would draw attention)
Mommy Bugga Bugga (appropriate to the topic and weird enough that people would check it out)
Current titles that intrigue me:
This is not the country I ordered - may I return it? by ssywak: I can tell this will be a political thread with interesting discussions and unique points of view.
Out of context by celia60: This one is bound to be hilarious.
Off-topic Abortion Question by Geoff Card: Okay, how can this kind of question be off-topic? I find it irresistible to open.
There are no other titles on the current first page that are just begging to be opened.
Posted by Ethics Gradient (Member # 878) on :
Lesson #4 - Be sure to make your thread self-referential
If you want people to not just open your thread and read the last two posts but actually the whole thing, you need to make sure that there are jokes littered throughout the thread that refer to other jokes made earlier in the thread. For example, "be like Bob Scopatz. Or Pat. These two individuals are currently neck and neck in the race for the "All Time Bestest and Coolest, Also Funniest, Threads Ever" award."
Then, once they're hooked, they'll keep reading your thread endlessly trying to "get it" rather than reading other, competing threads.
Also, that Kayla is so hot right now.
[ June 19, 2003, 11:20 PM: Message edited by: Ethics Gradient ]
Posted by Slash the Berzerker (Member # 556) on :
I would like to point out that Jenny has no taste in thread titles, having failed to see the superiority of the "Movie Rules" thread.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
the movie rules thread is, in itself, very awesome. the title leaves something to be desired.
"Movie Rules" is not very exciting. (ripping off Ebert) in parantheses is not very exciting. Perhaps...
Movie Rules: Ripping off Ebert (although that makes it seem like an ebert-centric thread)
What Makes a Movie a Good Movie?
Hot Air Balloons Make Poor Films
*******
okay, i've drawn a blank...you need something more grabbing than Movie Rules, though, do you see what i'm saying? Honestly, i haven't posted a thread in forever. Seriously, it has to have been over a month now, maybe even two. Because a) i never have any good new thread ideas and b) when i think i might, i worry about a catchy thread title. They are essential to the success of a thread, imo.
Posted by Slash the Berzerker (Member # 556) on :
Someone is taking this all very seriously... Posted by Slash the Berzerker (Member # 556) on :
The sad truth is that I've been here so long, and started so many threads, that I put very little thought into my titles any more. Maybe I should start.
Posted by Pat (Member # 879) on :
Go ahead Slash, give it a try.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
i'm only taking it seriously because i've oftentimes overlooked threads that turned out to be very interesting because of poor titles Posted by Slash the Berzerker (Member # 556) on :
Well, for you two, I'll give it the old college try!
*gives emphatic thumbs up and stupid grin*
Posted by Cynicism (Member # 4804) on :
Not that it'll work or anything...
Posted by Slash the Berzerker (Member # 556) on :
Now THAT'S funny!
Though pessimism might be a slightly better screen nick.
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
Lesson #5
Make sure your facts are right because someone will check them. ::whistles and looks at ceiling::
Lesson #6
Avoid flirting with Kayla, then totally ignoring her. This will drive her crazy and she will ruin more than one of your threads. Just ask Jon Boy about this one.
Lesson #7
While posting about how cool some people are, make sure you leave out some favorites. That way, you will either annoy someone into posting (telling you they are offended they didn't name you) or others will chime in as to how that kind of thread sucks because someone's feelings are bound to be hurt, and of course, a few who will tell you how they never post to that kind of thread for just that reason. Not that I'm upset that I haven't been mentioned once in this thread.
Lesson #8
If after following all the rules, your thread is dying a painful death, find a relative newbie who inadvertantly posted to your thread and call him a troll/Cedrios. This is sure to bring out most of hatrack; a third defending him, a third threatening to beat him up and the last third wondering why we can't all get along.
Posted by Slash the Berzerker (Member # 556) on :
I've long suspected you were a Cedonym, Kayla. This clinches it!
Posted by Pat (Member # 879) on :
Kayla is Cedrios?
Posted by Slash the Berzerker (Member # 556) on :
*has started the ball rolling*
*sits back and waits for the bashers, defenders, and "can't get alongers" to show up*
Posted by Gottmorder (Member # 5039) on :
the #1 way to make a cool thread?
three words: blackjack and hookers
In fact, forget the blackjack! In fact, forget the thread! Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
Mistakes recently made by Slash.
1. He didn't mention how cool I was in earlier post.
2. He didn't start this thread, it's not dying a painful death, and I'm not a relative newbie.
Good things Slash did.
1. He mentioned Kayla.
2. He said something funny/controversial.
Bonus points for Pat for going back and editing in good things about Kayla. Posted by Ethics Gradient (Member # 878) on :
Yeah, but Pessimism is already taken.
Kayla, #8 is just too true!
Posted by Ethics Gradient (Member # 878) on :
Lesson #9 - Get on the Bandwagon
If someone does something cool that gets noticed, make sure you do it too. For example, see the way I also edited my earlier post to catch Kayla's attention? This was a brilliant move because it fulfilled a number of the Guaranteed Cool Thread Criteria™ (including flattery, self-referentiality and Kayla mentioning) as well as adding fuel to the ready-to-be-re-ignited Post-Editing Controversy.
Posted by Slash the Berzerker (Member # 556) on :
EG, copying stuff is totally gay.
(This is a good move too. It invites a variety of responses, including a chest thumping macho rejoinder from EG, EG calling me on the fact that I am essentially copying too, and/or a horde of PC bullies coming in to say that calling people 'gay' as an insult is not nice to actual gay people.)
Posted by Pat (Member # 879) on :
EG is gay?
Now I know why he praised me so in his first post.
Posted by Slash the Berzerker (Member # 556) on :
Which takes us to
Rule #10 - Trolling and Insults
If nothing else works, insult someone. The tidal wave of flames and lectures about being nice will ensure that your thread lives a long and ill tempered life. Eventually, it will even draw in a few defenders for you (there is ALWAYS at least one bleeding heart hatracker willing to defend you even if you're satan himself).
[ June 19, 2003, 11:28 PM: Message edited by: Slash the Berzerker ]
Posted by Ethics Gradient (Member # 878) on :
I'm not gay... I just happen to like men who look like George Clooney. That's all I'm saying.
Posted by Ethics Gradient (Member # 878) on :
I just wanna so, though, that, while Slash did insult me, it's really okay and I don't want everyone jumping on him. He's just misunderstood. Maybe someone could find that FAQ for newcomers thread again! Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
Lesson #11
Mention some yummy thing you are now eating.
Like, right now, I'm eating s'mores. (Of course, Bob will need to pop in to tell you that Icarus and Cor have very stale Graham Crackers, some will be horribly jealous and others will tell you about what they are eating that is better.
Posted by Ethics Gradient (Member # 878) on :
And then Tresopax will come and explain that eating is just another word for consumption and that you must, by definition, be eating sneakers made in Malaysia by small, underfed children who never get to eat McDonalds.
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
And mention Troubs when you mean EG or any one of the other Aussies. This is sure to raise some hackles and get most of them to post.
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
Lesson #13
Post the wrong lesson #. This is guaranteed to garner at least one post pointing out your mistake.
Lesson #14
Use really bad speeling/grammer. This will bring about at least a half dozen self appointed grammar nazis.
Lesson # 15
Tell everyone that you have the last post, you killed the thread, or that you don't want anymore replies. This will bring out the oppositional hatrackers who feel the need to post anyway.
Posted by BelladonnaOrchid (Member # 188) on :
Hee hee hee...Kayla-I'll trade you my pink lemonade for your smores! ::snickers:: Posted by Danzig (Member # 4704) on :
Less hun 12: Obveeusly me thred this kilt
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
Lesson #... um..15:
If you really want a 30-page thread, insert the parenthetical :(a game): after your title. Examples:
Begging the Question (a game) Think of a Lyric (a game) Word Associations (a game) Abortion is evil (a game) George Bush sucks (a game) Boost Annie's Ego (a game) Is this Annie or Shakira? (a game)
You know.... that's what gets them going
[ June 20, 2003, 12:47 AM: Message edited by: Annie ]
Posted by Fodi (Member # 5297) on :
I feel so enlightened after reading this thread. I feel like maybe I could make a cool thread! Haha what was I thinking.
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
Man, does this thread suck.
Posted by Ethics Gradient (Member # 878) on :
Now, yes. Thanks, Frisco.
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
EG- what if I like women who look like George Clooney? I'm finding this so informative. I am trying at this very moment to figure out how to present something I found droll. My only big thread was about homeschool, and it ended with a post so unbelievably bigotted that it died on the spot. Maybe I'll dig out the stinking, rotted carcass for Pat's erudite examination. I'll have to edit this if it turns out the thread was killed by one of the immortals, but it will lend purpose to my evening.
Posted by Ethics Gradient (Member # 878) on :
That just means you have good taste, Pooka Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
quote:Avoid flirting with Kayla, then totally ignoring her. This will drive her crazy and she will ruin more than one of your threads. Just ask Jon Boy about this one.
It's true. That darn Kayla has it out for me now. She destroys my threads whenever she can.
Lesson #16: Register a username for the express purpose of spoofing someone else. Then start a dobie of a thread that person started. For example: "Hi. My name is Sharkey" and "Hi. My name is Snarky." This is sure to make everyone like and/or dislike you. If the target of the spoof is funny and well-liked, like my evil master Patrick the Great, then you will be well on your way to Hatrack fame.
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
Lesson #17: Once you've made sure that people like you, start a thread about how nobody likes you. Dozens of Hatrackers will flock to your aid to tell you how wonderful you are.
Lesson #18: Start a thread that allows people to compete with one another in a (somewhat) friendly way. For example, start a thread in which all of Hatrack's bachelors (or bachelorettes) can talk about themselves and strut their stuff. This will attract the attention of members of the opposite sex, who will then want to go out with you.
Lesson #19: Get engaged, preferably to a fellow Hatracker. This will guarantee pages upon pages of congratulations and grinning emoticons.
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
Okay, I can't find a link, but there was a headline on people magazine that said "Kate Winslet and 4 other celebs to wed". Did that strike anyone else as funny, or only people from Utah?
That was my droll thing.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
You need to create a real cool sheep before you can create a real cool thread.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Exactly which lessons did I follow for my Hug Thread? Or am I just cool?
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
Annie:
quote:Lesson #... um..15:
If you really want a 30-page thread, insert the parenthetical :(a game): after your title. Examples:
Begging the Question (a game) Think of a Lyric (a game) Word Associations (a game) Abortion is evil (a game) George Bush sucks (a game) Boost Annie's Ego (a game) Is this Annie or Shakira? (a game)
You know.... that's what gets them going
I know, I know. I am such a trendsetter. However, I have to take issue with your ignoring the fact that "Begging the Question" is simply a brilliant thread title. This is inexcusable of you.
Assuming that coolness is commensurate with post volume, regardless of the nature of such posts,
Lesson #20: Imply that you are about to commit suicide.
'Nuff said.
[ June 20, 2003, 12:28 PM: Message edited by: ae ]
Posted by WheatPuppet (Member # 5142) on :
What if I have a really cool Llama? Could I make a cool thread with that? That is assuming that the llama won't kick me, spit on me, or chew on my hair before I can get near him. Stupid llamas.
EDIT: Woah, ae and I just caused a populatione explosion of "mad" smilies. Now they can have mad sex and produce thousands of little mad smilies! It will be glorious.
[ June 20, 2003, 12:25 PM: Message edited by: WheatPuppet ]
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Lesson #21: If you want to strut your writing skills stuff and are particularly bloodthirsty or funny, announce the start of a Mafia game. You can't play it here, but you are more than welcome to distract a significant portion of Hatrack away to your game.
Possible Suggested Themes for Mafia (or, the only other ones left since we've done most already): Ballroom Dancing Mafia Spongebob Squarepants Mafia High School Mafia Home Redecorating Mafia (Trading Spaces Gone Wrong)
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
Lesson #22: Create a warm 'n' fuzzy thread like "Hugs for everyone who needs a hug" or "What made you happy today?" People eat these up.
[ June 20, 2003, 12:29 PM: Message edited by: Jon Boy ]
Posted by ae (Member # 3291) on :
Man, these things breed like rabbits.
Posted by Slash the Berzerker (Member # 556) on :
Lesson 23: Just be this guy. Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
#24 Reference your cool thread in somebody else's thread. That way, you intrigue readers to check out your thread.
Posted by qsysue (Member # 5229) on :
My favorite threads are the threads about how to make a good thread.
Posted by Pat (Member # 879) on :
Lesson #25 -- The Shameless bump
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
Ah, yes! There's nothing quite like the shameless bump.
Posted by Bumper Car (Member # 4981) on :
::vroom, vroom::
Bump!
Posted by Dragon (Member # 3670) on :
Nathan, you're just cool.
*takes notes so future threads will have a decient chance at life*
Posted by Saruman (Member # 2275) on :
Nathan has nothing to do with this thread, if anything, it was posted for his benefit.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Now that's success - all coolness is automatically attributed to you.
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
Lesson #26: Automatically attribute all coolness to yourself.
Posted by Saruman (Member # 2275) on :
I attribute this thread's coolness to your evil master Patrick the Great. And yes, you can be his squire.
Posted by Snarky (Member # 4406) on :
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
<-- would like to point out that Dragon was merely answering Nathan's question on page one. For those of you who obviously didn't read it. . .
quote:Exactly which lessons did I follow for my Hug Thread? Or am I just cool?
Lesson #27.
Say something that is sure to be taken the wrong way. That way, you get at least a half dozen posts telling you what an idiot you are before you come in and explain yourself (or some nosy busybody does it for you) and then you get another half dozen apologizing for the misunderstanding. And, it's quite possible that that the thread could go on for another 3 pages or so while others, who weren't involved in the origingal misunderstanding, debate the merits raised in it, even though they don't even apply anymore.
Posted by Olivet (Member # 1104) on :
Pat, it was a game along the lines of "Name that movie quote or reference". It was quite fun. The title was taken from an Austin Powers movie. Dr. Evil is cool.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Lesson #28
Even if you don't have anything new to add to the discussion, chime in anyway.
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
quote:
Say something that is sure to be taken the wrong way. That way, you get at least a half dozen posts telling you what an idiot you are before you come in and explain yourself (or some nosy busybody does it for you) and then you get another half dozen apologizing for the misunderstanding. And, it's quite possible that that the thread could go on for another 3 pages or so while others, who weren't involved in the origingal misunderstanding, debate the merits raised in it, even though they don't even apply anymore.
The irony, she is overflowing. Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
I just felt like this deserved a good bump.
Posted by Trogdor the Burninator (Member # 4894) on :
Yes, Lesson #25 has always been my favorite.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
This thread is just as much for me, as it is for you, as it is for everyone who has no clue how to make a really cool thread.
Ok, so it's for me mostly.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Lesson #29:
Sleplnig ins't irpmponatt.
Posted by Ryan Hart (Member # 5513) on :
Kayla- Am I the victim of one of those curel "Cedrios" plots?
Or did everyone just hate me.
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
Lesson #30: References to Homestarrunner.com, especially Strong Bad e-mails, are cool.
Posted by Deirdre (Member # 4200) on :
I don't know about that, j. I think sleeping is very important.
Posted by Pat (Member # 879) on :
bump for anthro
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
Bump for the 75 newbies who have registered in the last 10 days
Posted by HRE (Member # 6263) on :
\^/00+!
I follow crowd now!
Posted by skrika03 (Member # 5930) on :
Bumped because I miss Pat.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
You guys should make a Dummies book on How to create a cool thread. I'd buy it
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
That would be the revelation to end all revelations.![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
Not that I'm upset that I haven't been mentioned once in this thread.![[Mad]](mad.gif)
![[Cool]](cool.gif)