Hatrack River Forum: One line descriptions of people

This is topic One line descriptions of people in forum Books, Films, Food and Culture at Hatrack River Forum.

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Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Just thinking of trying to describe a person with a single sentence. Here's my first attempt:

Bob was so afraid of commitment, even his smile was lopsided and done by half measure.

Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :

Half of Georgia's favorite avacado-and-banana sandwich lay untouched to impress an audience she hoped was watching.

[ June 27, 2003, 02:05 PM: Message edited by: katharina ]

Posted by Slash the Berzerker (Member # 556) on :

He hated himself so much that he condemned the world for allowing him to exist.

Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :

At 6'4", David used his height and easy smile to soften the silence when he cut her off.

[ June 27, 2003, 02:22 PM: Message edited by: katharina ]

Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :

When they created Chester they broke the mold, they didn't quite scrape all of it off, but at least they broke it.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Clay was the sort of person who would pull out a calculator on a date.

Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :

LOL! I've been on that date. [Smile]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

It was a little known secret about Bob that one could always tell what mood he was in that morning by his choice of hosiery -- today was argyle.

Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :

The more horror her co-workers expressed at the height of her heels, the broader Gail's beauty-triumphant smile.

Posted by T. Analog Kid (Member # 381) on :

She had a smile that made me look away for fear of defiling anything so innocent and pure.

Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :

She's got a smile that, it seems to me, reminds me of childhood memories, where everything was as fresh as the bright blue sky.

Oh, wait. [Embarrassed]

Posted by T. Analog Kid (Member # 381) on :

If we're going to copy other people's song lyrics:

I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral.

-or-

I have a history of taking off my shirt.

-or-

Hey mister, I really like your daughter; when I'm horny like thirsty, she's a bottle of water.

Posted by Alucard... (Member # 4924) on :

Anyone Lived in a Pretty How Town

-e e cummings

Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :

She had all the grace of a three-legged gazelle falling down an escalator.

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

Alex laughed at every dirty joke he thought of and blushed whenever he said it.

[ June 27, 2003, 04:26 PM: Message edited by: T_Smith ]

Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :

That's an awesome sentence, T.

Posted by Head Ditch Digger (Member # 5085) on :

Scott's mind worked like a computer; everything was right or wrong, black or white.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob carried a hammer with him wherever he went.

Posted by Head Ditch Digger (Member # 5085) on :

Scott could have been anything he wanted, but, fortunantly for the world, he shot low.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

It was as if someone had taken the recipe for making a well-rounded human being, left out one crucial ingredient, and the result was Bob.

Posted by Head Ditch Digger (Member # 5085) on :

Very few things can make Scott laugh out loud, but hearing of the creation of Bob, put Scott on the floor.

Edit to fix dangling modifier.

[ June 27, 2003, 04:39 PM: Message edited by: Head Ditch Digger ]

Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :

In the case of poor Jill, the wheel is spinning, but the hamster is dead.

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

::applauds Bob::

Christy reminded people of a swan. She had a long neck and a huge beak.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was the human equivalent of coffee and cigarettes for breakfast.

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

Bob, you crack me up!!!

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

Many people thought Nolan was a funny guy, but very few realized he wasn't telling jokes.

Posted by Head Ditch Digger (Member # 5085) on :

Scott looked in the mirror and thought, "Damn, I look good!"

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

People generally agreed that Bob was the sort of man one would find late at night wearing tattered clothing and howling at the full moon.

Posted by Head Ditch Digger (Member # 5085) on :

The voices got louder as Scott started to lose control.

Posted by Alucard... (Member # 4924) on :

(Bob,

That explains the excess body hair. Men with hairy backs unite!)

Will thought life was going great when he found out he came in 2nd place, until he realized everyone else tied for 1st.

Posted by Head Ditch Digger (Member # 5085) on :

Will thought everything was going great untill, while walking across an open field, he heard the cry, "Fire at will."

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was certifiable, and had the certificate to prove it.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob had that look about him that said "Ask me anything about Portapotties, anything at all!"

Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :

Caleb was about to do some good old fashioned procrastinating when something else caught his attention, so he had to put it off.

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

Nathan dreamed of working in a Pickle Factory.

[Wink]

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

Steve focused most of his time and energy into making sexual innuendos out of Band. In his own words, his Clarinet was always close to hand.

Posted by Alucard... (Member # 4924) on :

Chewbacca, being the constant Rebel, decided to blow off shaving for a few days.

Posted by BebeChouette (Member # 4991) on :

Jepson cringed every time they called him a shrinking violet.

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

Jon and Pat liked knowing they were surrounded by people like themselves.

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

Doug was the kind of teacher who knew that life was a load of crap, yet continued to have his students shovel.

Posted by Snarky (Member # 4406) on :

[Cool]

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Unlike most, filetted took pride in being called a gutless wonder.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Abby was just like a picture by M.C. Escher: there were a few key things wrong with her, but at first glance, you couldn't see them.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was a homebody, not through natural inclination, but by virtue of his court ordered ankle monitor.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob had a birthmark in the shape of a giant target on the inside of his skull.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

filetted fancied flavorful foods, save sushi.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Ooooohhh, Nice alliteration, filetted!!

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie was God's gift to hungry camels.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie was born with a Dobie in her mouth.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie made finals week look like 3-day old greasy hushpuppies...

(This is way too fun...)

Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :

She had a long graceful neck, but not too long - somewhere between the neck of a Russian ballerina and one of those African tribal necks with all the gold bands on them.

(some of these could be entries in Bulwer-Lytton)

Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :

Bob was the type of guy that resembled a cell phone - you wanted to have him around if you ever got into trouble but he was damned annoying in a movie theater.

[ June 28, 2003, 12:24 AM: Message edited by: Belle ]

Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :

She was the consummate Southern Belle, she had a vindictive streak a mile wide, but one coy look and she'd have a man sitting up and begging for a glass of sweet tea.

[ June 28, 2003, 12:26 AM: Message edited by: Belle ]

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

Trisha was someone who saw everything in life as an art and decided to paint a masterpiece.

If you took a crazy soccer fan, doubled the energy, put them in a girls body (if a guy) and dropped them in High School at a sporting event, you just might come across someone to resemble Jessica.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Belle resonated with the onerous tones befitting the man who pulled her ropes.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie was a shoe-in for the county fair's "Vegetable Critter" competition.

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

There wasn't a single line in any of Shakespeare's works, no painting or line of poetry, no song or story, to do justice to the beauty of Lindsay.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

T_Smith was a poet, and don't I know it.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Shakespeare wrote several sonnets capable of describing Annie's beauty, but they remained undiscovered until the Current Affair team showed up in Stratford for the filming of "Will Unmasked - Was Shakespeare Actually Morbo?"

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

HAHAHAHAHA

::applauds::

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

Some one decided to play a practical joke on Mother Nature and created Sam.

Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :

John came here and somewhere a village was left without an idiot.

Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :

Joe had the blazing intellect and quick wit of a cat who had been shut in the fridge for ten minutes.

Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :

Joe was as graceful as a hippo and as tough as a ballerina.

Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :

People often wondered if Joe was the illegitimate love child of Joan Rivers and Gilbert Gottfried.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Having read the myths, Icarus flew as low as he could..

Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :

Other men had love; Joe had television.

-0-

Joe was a legendary chef; thirteen deaths from one dinner party will do that for you.

-0-

Joe was the sort of person who ate sherbert on a cone.

-0-

Joe was always the first to remind women that penile size did not matter.

-0-

It took dozens of cosmetic surgeries to get Joe up to ugly.

-0-

postcount++;

[Big Grin]

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Joe liked to use a 0 or O thing with cross bars.

how would joe depict a coffin?

Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :

code:

  

  ___________________
 /                   /|
/___________________/ |
|                   | |
|       >->-):      | /
|___________________|/

[ June 28, 2003, 03:42 AM: Message edited by: Icarus ]

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

*backs away*

joe knows what he's doing!

*purchases 100 shares of undervalued ICAR stock)

Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :

And now it's improved!

[Big Grin]

Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :

People often said Joe wasn't fit to sleep with pigs, but in fact he was.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

can we call "icarionic" a type of pine? (tm)

Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :

Joe knew a good idea when he had one; it was back in fourth grade.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

oo.... "pig pine". yer, yeah, yah, that's the colloquialismish we need.

"Why that piece of furn-chure weren't made of some knotty pine nonscent horshit, that's were't what we made out of the high ridgeback porkypine..."

right cuz?

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

*stuffs dollar bills in Icarus's mouth and points at frothing wandering clients*

Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :

fil was a man of rare brilliance.

Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :

fil was as indispensible as the radishes on a burger.

[Wink]

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Flish holds up sign "Flying Radish Burgers!"

*looks over at Icarus*

Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :

fil made a living close-captioning silent movies.

[Wink]

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

*flish attempts sign language while holding biz sign*

"Rarely silent Radish burgers, inside!"

*sweats profusely under the burden*

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

*frantically gestures to Morbo for help*

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob spent much of his time wishing he was a dog.

Posted by Alucard... (Member # 4924) on :

John Johnson felt lucky that he worked at the Department of the Reduncancy Department.

[ June 28, 2003, 10:44 AM: Message edited by: Alucard... ]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was of the age at which people stop buying round trip tickets.

Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :

Bob knew the age of continence was rapidly nearing its end, and he was inclined to begin researching products now.

[ June 28, 2003, 01:46 PM: Message edited by: Icarus ]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob believed that God traveled constantly at his side, waiting for the opportunity to shove him into the path of an oncoming semi.

Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :

LOL!

[Big Grin]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Icarus' primary reason for having children was that his wife was allergic to cats.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob's main attribute that made him "marriageable" was his easy trainability.

Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :

In other words, Bob had the brain of a dog. [Big Grin]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Among his close friends, Bob was known as the idiot savant of mashed potatoes.

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

Nathan was the most likely person to produce a musical entitled "Ahab and the Amazing NonTechnicolored Mammal"

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Morbo is definately the huffiest of his kind. [Smile]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob's dreams were populated with images of ladies' shoes.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

My favorites so far (chosen because they reveal something of the character of the described person in a very interesting way):

Katharina: Half of Georgia's favorite avacado-and-banana sandwich lay untouched to impress an audience she hoped was watching.

T_Smith: Alex laughed at every dirty joke he thought of and blushed whenever he said it.

Me: Bob was the human equivalent of coffee and cigarettes for breakfast.

T_Smith: Nathan dreamed of working in a Pickle Factory.

Ryuko: Abby was just like a picture by M.C. Escher: there were a few key things wrong with her, but at first glance, you couldn't see them.

Belle: She had a long graceful neck, but not too long - somewhere between the neck of a Russian ballerina and one of those African tribal necks with all the gold bands on them.

Annie: Annie was a shoe-in for the county fair's "Vegetable Critter" competition.

Icarus: Other men had love; Joe had television.

Icarus: Joe was the sort of person who ate sherbert on a cone.

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

Very few people have the time and energy to look and act like a corpse, but Sam had found a way to do it every day.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie's was the type of wit that made you seriously reconsider your line of work.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie resembled Captain Ahab in philosophy, Dickens in intelligebility, and Rocky Road in flavor.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie was the type of girl you secretly wanted to send screaming from the room.

Posted by Shy Violet (Member # 5241) on :

She had the kind of eyes that looked as if someone had just ran over her puppy, and the kind of vapid personality that made one want to back up and finish it off.

*Sorry for the puppy violence... [Frown]

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

Nathan had the kind of mother who would ask when the last time he went on a date was.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

#^-^# (Blushes at the thought that the man who created the God thread thought something she wrote was clever)

Abby was the kind of person who tried really hard to get compliments but tried really hard not so seem like she did, and you could tell.

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

Ryuko, you are actually more clever than I think you give yourself credit for. Such as in the above post. [Smile]

Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :

Eddie's the type of guy who'd call you every day, even if it was just to tell you that you make a crappy snow angel.

Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :

Godric was.

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

To avoid the hassle of lung cancer, Kevin went right ahead and got addicted to patch without ever smoking a single cigarette.

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

To avoid confrontation, Nathan just constantly nodded his head, reminding people of a Bobble Head doll.

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

Many people who die deserve life, some that live deserve death- Matt realized it was his sole duty to determine who these people were.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was the kind of guy people remember to invite to funerals.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob had a well-trained ear for wine -- buying only those bottles that other people said were good.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

If there ever was a perfect fool or a complete idiot, Bob was that person.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob used computer software the way most people use personal hygiene products.

Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :

Joe used personal hygiene products the way most people used computer software.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob used people the way most people use computer software or personal hygiene products.

Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :

Joe was the type of person who would ruin a movie you just enjoyed by immediately pointing out every flaw in the film.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob vowed, for the umpteenth time, "Never again!" as he tossed aside the now-empty can of WD-40.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was the kind of person who goes to the movies for popcorn and conversation.

Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :

Bob was the kind of person who saved old Burger King cups and AMC popcorn bags so that he could get free refills months later.

[Razz]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob dared people to prove him wrong, and then would go into a weeks-long funk when they invariably succeeded.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob is the kind of person who would swap his soda and popcorn with someone else's when they weren't looking.

Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :

Joe was the kind of person who would spit in his own food just in case anybody took it.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob practiced conversations before he had them, and made detailed notes after-the-fact of things he would remember to say next time.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob would "swap spit" with anyone just to see whose immune system was better.

Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :

Joe was the sort of person who would keep trying to compete long after it was clear he had been bested.

[Smile]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

To Bob, vacuuming was akin to erasing the memories of all the good times he'd had.

Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :

Lindsay had the energy of a chipmunk, and the intelligence of one to boot.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Flish was the sorta guy who refused to read user manuals because of the negative implications.

Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :

Here's one that my friend said about the two of us:

They have the sense of direction of two very small, rather drunken rocks--they usually know which way is down, but even that's uncertain.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Ayelar's compulsive pursuit of obsolete graphic protocols was really starting to scare her.

[ June 29, 2003, 06:50 PM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Morbo was the kind of guy you'd follow into battle, on your burro.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Morbo decided he should be honest in all the little things so when he really went for broke and told the Big Lie some would buy into it.

[ June 29, 2003, 06:52 PM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Kayla cursed the chain letter that smoked out her e-mail address to the world, because now everybody and their dog was pinging her for advice.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was a paleontologists' paleontologist.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie was the kind of girl you consulted your Magic 8 Ball about.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie preferred iceberg lettuce when the weather was frosty.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie was like the perfect piece of toast.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Abby was usually quiet until you smoked out the topics she knew everything about in which case she never ever shut up.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

ha ha ha ha ha! I have a friend named Abby who is exactly like that!

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Annie, You too?

[Roll Eyes]

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

flish was the kind of person who made politics and anaphylaxis work sensibly together in a sentence.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

For flish, obscurity could not be overwrought.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Flish always thought that compliments work best when they're over the top.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie lived by the maxim: "When in doubt, overdo it."

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

After consulting their magic 8-ball about Annie, many suitors would decide to verify the bizarre and often chilling warnings by going to at least 3 gypsies and a voodoo priestess to confirm them.

[ June 30, 2003, 10:49 AM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob had an overwhelmingly large collection of sensible shoes.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Bob often wondered if people were laughing with him or at him, but decided it didn't matter so long as they laughed.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

For Ayelar, defending her friends or the weak came before all else (hardly a vice.)

Posted by Ayelar (Member # 183) on :

:: wince ::

Morbo, really...

[Embarrassed]

Now I'm going to have to go out and torment some kittens to prove that I'm not a jive-sucka.

[ June 30, 2003, 12:10 PM: Message edited by: Ayelar ]

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

what? I said it wasn't a vice.

Sorry if it looks sarcastic...not intended.

Good luck with the kitty-hunt. Bag one for me.

[ June 30, 2003, 12:13 PM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :

Jeromy went through several lipsticks a month writing obscure warnings backwards on storefront glass.

Bob only started games he knew he’d beat everyone at.

Posted by Ayelar (Member # 183) on :

No, it's just that I have my gruff outer image to maintain. I have to keep my street-cred, you know. Like Eminem.

[Wink]

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Why don't you and greNME switch aliases Ayelar?

Now that would be funny.

My little game wouldn't hold a candle to that.

[ June 30, 2003, 12:20 PM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :

Morbo stepped out of character more times than he liked to admit.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Morbo stepped out of character more times than he could count, which is why no one suspected the perspicacious Advice for Robots.

[ June 30, 2003, 12:33 PM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :

Jeromy did not necessarily know what "perspicacious" meant, but was a good enough writer to know when it would work in a sentence.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Although Ayelar thought she fooled people with her gruff exterior, anybody who met her could tell she was really a softie at heart.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Perspicacious means perceptive,huh --when am I ever going to need that,thought Morbo?

[ June 30, 2003, 12:40 PM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :

Kayla was perspicacious, Then came the toddler years and it has been all downhill since.

Posted by Ayelar (Member # 183) on :

Ayelar was the kind of girl who would eat a heaping bowl of teeth for breakfast.

Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :

Kayla's definition of perspicacious is "acutely insightful and wise." Other definitions are equally valid, she supposes, but this is the one that works best for her purposes.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was the kind of person who formed deep-seated resentments when others used his threads to hold personal conversations.

[ June 30, 2003, 12:45 PM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Should I kill him or just wound him, mused Morbor about the kid who dug up his cable.

Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :

Jeromy had a dictionary he carried in a belt holster; when people used big words on him, he’d smile and nod, then whip it out before they realized he was bluffing.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

This plan backfired on Jeromy when someone convinced him that "gullible" is not in the dictionary, and he just had to check.

[ June 30, 2003, 12:49 PM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob spent the years 1972-1975 in an ashram learning to lick his elbows.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Bob's elbow licking saved him time and time again.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Morbo's Varley obsession was finally paying off.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Fred confused the bum by asking for change before he could get his hand out.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Sadly, menu pranks were the only thing that kept Steve going anymore.

(no off button---someday I'll tell why that's funny to me.)

[ June 30, 2003, 02:28 PM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

Posted by Snarky (Member # 4406) on :

Morbo was the kind of guy who didn't have an off button.

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

Following the beat of his own drummer, Nathan never was the star of the dance floor.

Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :

Reuben had seen the warning signs; they were written in lipstick on his front window.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was the kind of person who would borrow a favorite book and return it 20 years later having never read it.

Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :

Jose would snub girls as being beneath him, then turn and watch to make sure they noticed.

[ June 30, 2003, 03:19 PM: Message edited by: katharina ]

Posted by Head Ditch Digger (Member # 5085) on :

Scott was the type of person who would sit and stare at the computer screen trying to figure out a clever one line discription of himself, finally deciding that there just were not enough words in one line to correctly describe how he honestly felt about his perfect self.

Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :

Tom was the kind of guy who'd never seen a side of himself he didn't like.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob had a green thumb which the doctor removed in the nick of time.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob carried a cushion to sit on wherever he went.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was "godlike" in the sense that all humans were created in God's image.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

For Vito, it was not a question of "is stealing wrong," but rather "which bank has the weakest security? and are there good escape routes?"

Posted by BebeChouette (Member # 4991) on :

When Abby was one she learned how to make a leaping grab at her older sister's hand and end up with her sister's sandwich.

Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :

Gawain had a raven named Poe tethered to his gauntleted wrist, as the nobles of Arimathea had once done with hawks; they spoke to each other but not in words.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie was the type of girl you just longed to see in the yellow pages.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie was like a ninja star - multi-faceted and sharp.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Annie was like a ninja star - multi-faceted and sharp
and considered a concealed weapon.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

That's what all my exes say, at least... [Smile]

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Belle's rule of thumb had always been that you could say the worst things about someone and it's ok as long she said " but bless her heart!" afterward

stolen from Cate Blanchett interview about the gift.

Posted by Amy Wong (Member # 5345) on :

Gawain had a raven named Poe tethered to his gauntleted wrist, as the nobles of Arimathea had once done with hawks; they spoke to each other not in words but by nibbling.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Flish was the sort of person who couldn't discriminate among "veiled", "backhanded", and "over the top", bless his heart.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

When in doubt, flish.. overdo it.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Bob resented the fact that Nick sometimes referred to him as "Doctor Green Thumb".

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

At the first sign of trouble, Flish was the first to jump overboard.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Annie became a star ninja after showing up at the dojo with sequins sewed onto her tabby boots.

Posted by Amy Wong (Member # 5345) on :

At the first sign of trouble, Flish was the first to jump overboard, and somehow you could tell he would pull you out to get back in.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Flish believed in teaching others to swim the old-fashioned way.

[ June 30, 2003, 11:00 PM: Message edited by: filetted ]

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Flish was the kind of guy who had to consult his own name tag when introducing himself.

Posted by WheatPuppet (Member # 5142) on :

Nick always said he had a license to kill, but he left it in his other pants; however, many wondered if he even had another pair of pants.

Nick played video games like they were his life, and played life like it were a hobby.

Nobody agreed with him, but they keep nodding their head so they can prolong the silence.

Nick's quest to find a girlfriend was like shooting fish in a barrel--with a squirt gun.

[ June 30, 2003, 11:17 PM: Message edited by: WheatPuppet ]

Posted by Amy Wong (Member # 5345) on :

"Finally!," thought the mother as the last of the little thieves left for school.

[ July 01, 2003, 06:20 AM: Message edited by: Amy Wong ]

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

Justin would forget to call Nathan, but would proudly announce to him that he and others had a great time without him.

Posted by Amy Wong (Member # 5345) on :

Although few bought into it, Darrol would proudly intoduce himself as an astronaut.

Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :

Lindsay found the idea of death intensely amusing; when she started laughing softly to herself, others knew that it was time they backed away.

Posted by Amy Wong (Member # 5345) on :

Jilly could never tell when it was time to stop busting someone's chops, so she kept it up until someone took her aside.
Morbo [Wink]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Squirrels and people in clown outfits found Bob intensely interesting.

Posted by Amy Wong (Member # 5345) on :

Squirrels and people in clown outfits found Bob intensely interesting because of the nutty balloon animal hats he always wore.
Morbo

Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :

Kira was the sort of girl who would force cats to sit on her lap for the company.

Posted by Amy Wong (Member # 5345) on :

Kira was the sort of girl who would force cats to sit on her lap and juggle for the company.
Morbo

[ July 01, 2003, 09:26 AM: Message edited by: Amy Wong ]

Posted by ^Saudade^ (Member # 175) on :

They didn't just give her a name, oh no, that'd be too easy, they branded her with a word that would follow her around forever, with nearly as much psycho devotion as death or a very rabbid squirrel.

Posted by Amy Wong (Member # 5345) on :

As the greenpeace fund raiser rambled on and on, Jimbo thought to himself "Jeeez, when is this fruitcake goin' to give up and move on, didn't she see the gunrack in my pick-up?"

[ July 01, 2003, 09:51 AM: Message edited by: Amy Wong ]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

As a lad, Bob decided to strike out on his own and has never been asked to play baseball since.

Posted by Amy Wong (Member # 5345) on :

haha good one

Kathleen always wondered why her friends never came by anymore, because she never read obits.

[ July 01, 2003, 09:43 AM: Message edited by: Amy Wong ]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

The one thing that kept Bob going was the hope that his goldfish Burt, dead lo these many years, would be waiting for him in Heaven.

Posted by Amy Wong (Member # 5345) on :

"Man, I'm a playa's playa tonight, I'm bound to score" thought Willie as the girl laughed behind her hand.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob proposed by saying "grow old with me," to which his future bride replied "that shouldn't take long."

Posted by Amy Wong (Member # 5345) on :

Janine waited impaitiently to see the rock as her boyfriend just couldn't seem to wrap up the proposal.
Morbo

(Bob, this is a fun game.. I've never tried it and it helps imagination and writing both.)

[ July 01, 2003, 10:50 AM: Message edited by: Amy Wong ]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was like a sore that would not heal so that one would eventually accomodate it, and even miss it were it to finally go away.

Posted by Amy Wong (Member # 5345) on :

As the 6th grader shook the dirt off and dazedly looked around, little Timmy could somehow tell he was going to see the Tooth Fairy tonight.

[ July 01, 2003, 11:59 AM: Message edited by: Amy Wong ]

Posted by Fishtail (Member # 3900) on :

He told her he wished he could wave a magic wand to make it all right, but never asked if she believed in magic.

Posted by Amy Wong (Member # 5345) on :

"Now's my chance!" , yelled Stevie as the babysitter went outside with her cell.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was the kind of person who, after witnessing the miracle of the loaves and fishes, would've asked for a nice juicy cheeseburger and some fries, to go.

[ July 01, 2003, 12:43 PM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]

Posted by Amy Wong (Member # 5345) on :

On his death bed, the gasping old man (rarely introspective) looked back over his life and realized he had never fooled anyone about his real reasons for loving his poodles.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was the kind of person who would FedEx a birthday present to his mother's old address and spend the rest of the day trying to find a way to have it redelivered.

NOTE: This is actually happening as we speak. Arrrrrrgggggghhhhh!!!!

Posted by Anti-Chris (Member # 4452) on :

Sometimes in life, you come across people with Egg Plant costumes for baggage; Nathan was one of those people.

Posted by Amy Wong (Member # 5345) on :

too bad about Fedex

As Sal walked along the shore, it came to him that he could care less if he ever saw a technical acronym explained again.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan was the type of person who cursed Bob for creating this thread when Dan had so much work to do.

Dan often laughed out loud for reasons none but him knew, and this scared everyone, even Dan.

Dan Raven had a noble named Poe tethered by the wrist, as the nobles of Arimathea had once done with hawks.

Dan was so ugly, inside and out, that God considered making an 11th commandment--"Thou shalt not Dan".

He collected matchbooks of places he had never been and kept them in the back of his closet where their siren call could barely be heard.

He was stupid with a capital Z.

Posted by Amy Wong (Member # 5345) on :

When the friendly stranger giving directions said "you can't miss it," Judith took it as a personal challenge.

Posted by the Professor (Member # 5319) on :

Belle had always wanted to see Paris, but they wouldn't hear of it.

[ July 01, 2003, 09:08 PM: Message edited by: the Professor ]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob spent most evenings begging people to play strip poker with him, and then purposefully losing.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Belle put the curve in the Bell Curve.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

the Professor yearned for his misspent youth, then counted his birthday candles on two hands.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Abby tried so hard that it was sometimes hard to tell if she was trying.

Posted by Anti-Chris (Member # 4452) on :

Nathan got misty eye'd listening to songs like "Do you know the muffin man."

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

It was hard to appreciate the building's Ryuko leapt over given the booming grunts she exhaled as she did it.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Nathan's chronically misty eyes obscured his excellent taste in music.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie was the type of girl who put the fun in fundamentalism.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie spent several years of her early adulthood giving off the impression that she had a severely busted chop.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie was the type of girl who put the mental in fundamentalism.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Annie was the type of gal who'd sprint right past the fun and the mental, and dive straight into the ism.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Flish liked to shamelessly mock other people's self descriptions, but he was good at it. [Big Grin]

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Mock-flish was the soup de jour.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Flish was the kind of person for whom tedium was an intriguing dictionary-look-up.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Slowly but inexorably, trivia became a cruel mistress to flish.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob spent a great deal of time mentally composing insulting letters to local government leaders.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Sooner or later, the thought police were bound to catch up with the infamous Bob.

Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :

Fred Jones was worn out caring from caring for his ashen, screaming and crying wife during the day; he couldn't sleep at night for fear that she, in a stupor from the drugs that didn't ease the pain, would set the house ablaze with a cigarette.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

The smug, soulless and vapidly diabolical headmaster thought desultorily of how easy it was to toy with defenseless children and have them goose-stepping along like little storm-troopers and rolling over on their bunkmates like stray dogs; then he counted his money again and just couldn't stop laughing. [Mad]

[ July 02, 2003, 12:23 PM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :

When Katharina was waxing especially poetic, she would begin to quote Ben Folds Five songs.

"She's like the wind, and that boy couldn't sail." —Tonic, "Mr. Golden Deal"

[ July 02, 2003, 12:12 PM: Message edited by: Jon Boy ]

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

George put the "Oh! Gee!" back in Orgies.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob carried two steel-wool pads in his underarms for "protection."

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Bob is like a Slinky . . .. not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see him tumble down the stairs.

Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :

quality, Dan. [Smile]

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

"Let us be grateful for what we are about to receive..." prayed the soldier awaiting the artillery barrage.

[ July 02, 2003, 04:33 PM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

"Now the boys will play by my rules..." cackled little Susie when she got contacts.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

The aged matriarch Julia proudly and firmly told her men-folk and sworn retainers assembling in her courtyard to "come home with your shields or on them!", then stumbled blindly to her chambers where she kept her own counsel and wept privately till the battle was decided. [Frown]

[ July 03, 2003, 06:10 PM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

Posted by BebeChouette (Member # 4991) on :

Every time a horn honked Bebe thought that the honk was directed to him.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

"Merry Christmas, guys, look , my uncle finally believed me!..." said the kid in the Jamaican cult as he passed around the ammo.

Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :

Everyone knows there's more than one way to skin a cat, but only Kyle knew exactly which other ways.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

lol Jeh

As the millers apprentice wrestled with the huge greasy axle, he wondered why nobody ever appreciated him.

[ July 02, 2003, 05:30 PM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob devoted the wee hours of the morning to his two favorite pursuits: planting trees in potholes and swapping the covers on containers of Haagen Dazs Ice Cream.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

If "I think therefore I am" is a true statement, then everyone had reason to doubt Dan's existance.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

The old wizard calmly pushed his apprentice in front of him as a deep, booming voice began to thunder from a shadow in his loft.

Posted by BebeChouette (Member # 4991) on :

Bebe had the mistaken belief that he was one of the lucky few who didn't need deodorant.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Jimmy high fived the guys and slicked his hair back before going outside to talk to the old lady looking at the bondoed Pacer.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

The con was a real boatride, the dewey-eyed mark was really chompin' at the bit--until Bullet-tooth Tony (well past his salad days) blew the gaff by asking the sucker for busfare.

(Bullet-tooth is from the Brad Pitt movie Snatch)

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

*looks around for competition*

*hears crickets* [Big Grin]

Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :

quote:
(Bullet-tooth is from the Brad Pitt movie Snatch)

now, now -- just because he was in it doesn't make it a Brad Pitt movie. Although he did rock. it was such an ensemble piece!

*Kira was the kind of person who appreciated ensemble pieces.*

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Flish felt dootybound to compose sincere and lengthy replies to every bit of spam he found in his mailbox.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Flish was the type of guy who'd boycott films simply because they were directed by someone named "Guy".

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Flish missed the Halloween party, but that didn't stop him from putting his Bender costume to good use.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Leo I just threw in Pitt so they wouldn't think porno

While the burly sniper was exausted, the thought of getting just one more Nazi officer kept his spirits up. [Smile]

[ July 03, 2003, 12:17 AM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

The Duke was mentally planning the victory feast as the battle was coming together nicely, he thought--until dragons tilted like hawks out of the haze and stooped onto his army. [Smile]

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

After her makeover, Annie looked like a snake who just spent 23 hours rubbing off its skin.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

In his classic Avanti, flish considered himself the queen of drag racing.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Although flish preferred cars from a long-defunct maufacturer, he really dug his friends' Chevette and decided to steal it when the coast was clear.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie reminded most people of a Yugo - in more ways than just the stick shift protruding from her back.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Everyone at the show agreed that the Annie model was a sweet ride.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie spent most Wednesdays feeling oddly like a convertible.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Flish took one look at his new chevette and thought "low rider".

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Nobody thought it could be done, but Annie tooled around town on 3 wheels.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

"He beat me outta the gate, but I smoked him!" yelled flish as he creeped ahead of the old man with a walker in his dope Chevette.

Night, flish [Smile]

[ July 03, 2003, 01:30 AM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob brought really large rolling papers when his friends invited him over to smoke a turkey.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

For Annie, the thought of writing a sentence without her name filled her with a strange dread that lasted till bedtime.

(just teasin')

[ July 03, 2003, 09:51 AM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

Posted by BebeChouette (Member # 4991) on :

Bebe wondered why he was always having to take small steps toward his interlocuters to stay close enough to them during conversations.

Posted by Head Ditch Digger (Member # 5085) on :

Scott was the type of person who, when told a seceret, had to tell someone, so he told it to himself.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was a shining example of what happens when you wrap yourself in aluminum foil.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Sonny had always heard that three people can keep a secret, but only if two are dead, and he was really going to miss old Scratchy and the man with the plan.

man with plan=Chris Walken in Things to do in Denver when you're dead...Andy Garcia's best film

Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :

quote:
Bob was a shining example of what happens when you wrap yourself in aluminum foil.

Classic Bob, just classic.

He was only reliable in his unreliability. (10 points if you can name the OSC character [Smile]

)

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

Here comes Bill, one arm just as long as the other.

(old Adirondack saying, meaning he was coming to visit without bringing anything with him)

Posted by Alucard... (Member # 4924) on :

Willie Skivins was the kind of fellow who thought dental hygiene was a kind of denim.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was two species shy of becoming his own ecosystem.

Posted by Gwynaria (Member # 5365) on :

Gretchen was the girl with kaleidoscope eyes.

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

No matter which way you looked at him, Nathan always had a different side hidden from view.

Posted by Head Ditch Digger (Member # 5085) on :

The only thing Scott knew was that he didn't know anything.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was a master of the triple entendre, or so he thought.

[ July 03, 2003, 08:57 PM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Bob was a master of the triple entendre, or so he thought, until he met the beat chick who decyphered them all before a big crowd.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Darrel revved the engine and thought idly of ditching his new-found friend, but decided not to as she might have a little more gas money.

Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :

Katie was the sort of girl who always was where everyone else wasn't.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Right after "cracker!" left his lips and the music seemed to stop, Jerome knew he'd better be fast on his feet to have a prayer of leaving the trick'd truck show on his own steam. [Smile]

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Pulling the wool back up over his eyes, Flish realized he'd become the master of self-deception.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Flish was the kind of guy who frowned on applause in the middle of a performance, as he had ADD and it never failed to distract him.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

The ancient, ravaged sorceror flish was pleased with how the spell was developing, until his idiot assistant stuttered his lines and blinding yellow light punched through the cracks in the wall.

[ July 03, 2003, 10:34 PM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

Nathan felt that to truly make an impression, one should say a line about the character of a person, rather than try too hard for a laugh, unless you said something about character and it was still pretty funny.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Nathan left a lasting impression, often better than the one he was shooting for.

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

Nathan was as deep as the ocean, even if people managed not to see past their own reflection.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

The critic relished the chance to have at the film, as it was all he had left to keep him going.

[ July 03, 2003, 10:52 PM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :

John was the kind of guy who would pull the wool over your eyes and then compliment your sweater.

[ July 03, 2003, 11:00 PM: Message edited by: Leonide ]

Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :

Diosmel was the sort of girl who felt bad about lying, even while playing mafia.

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

Sam was a true believer in the statement: "Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never watched Lost in Space".

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Flish was the kind of guy who'd pull his sweater over his head and squeeze the condiments in your direction.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Flish looked forward to the day when "running with scissors" became an Olympic event.

Posted by WheatPuppet (Member # 5142) on :

Nick was a deeply shallow person.

Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :

Reuben secretly subscribed to the "live and let live" philosophy, but was often disappointed that nobody seemed to notice.

Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :

quote:
Nick was a deeply shallow person.

What's up with that? [Confused]

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Nick gingerly plumbed the depths of his shallow psyche.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

When confronted with deep philosophical questions, Flish liked to belt out the themes to James Bond movies.

[ July 04, 2003, 01:19 AM: Message edited by: filetted ]

Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :

quote:
Nick gingerly plumbed the depths of his shallow psyche.

Are you just using my name in a sentence, or are you seriously describing me that way? [Confused]

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

to Nick posting [Confused]

it's an identity-free, "alls good" thread. enjoy it as such.

Even while surfing the tubes off Maui, Bob insisted on wearing his water-wings.

Posted by MattB (Member # 1116) on :

Matt was the sort of person who would lean over to you at the climax of "Dances with Wolves" and whisper, "Kevin Costner's fly is open."

*sits back and waits for people to watch "Dances with Wolves"*

Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :

Lindsay always sang along, even when she didn't know the words and had never heard the tune.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob thought of himself as a born leader and could never understand why everyone else was facing in the wrong direction.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan had the headache from Hell, which was fitting since that was his hometown as well.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Morbo tended to let his emotions run away with him, which was cool as he often needed help fending off frisky hoboes.

[ July 04, 2003, 03:57 PM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

Posted by Head Ditch Digger (Member # 5085) on :

Even though Scott was physically unfit, he could always move as fast as he needed to, lukily that usially meant about the speed of a crawling snail.

Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :

Even though Scott was cool and intelligent, spell-checker seemed beyond him.

Kayla's motto in life was, "I don't have PMS. I'm always a bitch."

Posted by Head Ditch Digger (Member # 5085) on :

Scott was the type of person who left the correct use of english to those who really cared. [Smile]

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Everyone knew Kayla had a heart of gold, even though she would go around muttering her motto to anyone who would listen.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

The hatrackers' dreams of finally winning an argument with Kayla went down in flames as she downloaded the Library of Congress in her defense.

Posted by enjeeo (Member # 2336) on :

quote:
Joe was a legendary chef; thirteen deaths from one dinner party will do that for you.

Hey I didn't even eat the mousse...

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Little Timmy, with his well-taught eyes , was trembling with anticipation after he spied the pocket to pick to end all pockets to pick in Piccadilly during the parade. [Smile]

[ July 04, 2003, 04:19 PM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

Posted by Head Ditch Digger (Member # 5085) on :

Scott was the type of person who would futilly hit the refresh button every thirty seconds, in hopes that some one else was just sitting on their computer writting things on the Hatrack Forum.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Morbo as well had worn a groove into his refresh button, but as he loved to talk to himself, it scarcely mattered to him if anybody was listening or not. (not true)

Posted by MattB (Member # 1116) on :

There once was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it.

[Smile]

(I'm not claiming this, by the way, but it's the classic example)

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Herwig Schlunk bided his time in high school, seeming to ignore the jokes but actually writing them all down every night in a little notebook he treasured.

(Herwig was a grad student in mathematics at U of Chicago when I went there briefly. Either name is bad enough, but put them together and its a real train wreck. Cool guy, though) [Big Grin]

[ July 05, 2003, 02:51 AM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob held out high hopes of one day meeting his maternal aunt in a dark alley and giving her an anonymous note about what a mean person she is, or maybe whispering this to her after she fell into a coma.

(I went to school with kids named "Lansing Pillsbury" and "Bud Weiser" -- wonder what his mom and dad were doing when he was conceived...)

Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :

Bob was the sort of person who got up early in the morning just so he could start posting at Hatrack early. [Razz]

Bob was also the sort of person who appears to have missed his big day...

Hobbes [Smile]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was living proof that "every dog has his day" and that once it is over, it's over.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie was such a catch, Red Lobster named a special after her. [Razz]

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

If Nathan was an album, you would more than likely find him mishelved between Billy Joel and the Beatles on the discount rack.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Flish navigated life like he drove through rush-hour traffic; music blaring and his thoughts elsewhere.

Posted by Head Ditch Digger (Member # 5085) on :

Scott was the type of person who could make fun of himself and laugh all day.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Morbo had always wanted to join the circus, but when the Ringmaster led him into the elephants' cage and told him to get crackin', he bailed like a French soldier with no wine.

[ July 05, 2003, 08:11 PM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Despite the inherent appeal of the job, Flish glanced back and forth from the Ringmaster to the elephant costume with great uncertainty.

Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :

Lindsay wanted to get a dog just so she could name it something stupid like Puffycakes.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Puffycakes wanted to get a human just so she could get it to do something stupid, like Lindsay often would, for her amusement

*just teasin' ,mighty Ophelia *

[ July 06, 2003, 08:40 AM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob wisely stopped listening to the internal soundtrack of his life when he found out about backchannel dubbing.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Steve decided it was definitely time for a cold reboot of his brain.

*"the Woj"?[edit:Woz, from fugu] at Apple supposedly did this after head trauma and memory problems. It worked.*

[ July 06, 2003, 11:45 AM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

Posted by fugu13 (Member # 2859) on :

Heh, you mean "the Woz" aka Steve Wozniak.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

yes,thank you that's why i put question mark, it didn't feel right

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

fugu13's mastery of Apple lore was second to none.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

No matter what he wore on the outside, Bob's mind was always cloaked in a shiny suit and pointy Italian shoes.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

No matter what he wore on the outside, Morbo's mind was always wearing flip-flops, cut-offs and a Pink Floyd T-shirt.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Close to her breaking point, the aged Christine slowly backed away her computer's rather rude error messages..

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was the kind of person who liked to see just how much of him other people could stand.

Posted by Alucard... (Member # 4924) on :

Desmond Finklesbaugh was a person who didn't have a pot to piss in or 2 nickels to rub together, but had a cell phone and a pager to stay in touch with "his people".

Posted by Alucard... (Member # 4924) on :

Dracula's dog was definitely different, its bite was worse than its bark...

Posted by Alucard... (Member # 4924) on :

Lenny was the kind of guy who kept his BSing to a minimum, and you rarely needed boots because it was only ankle deep, but then again, Lenny always dived in head first, too.

Posted by Alucard... (Member # 4924) on :

To Jonah all the world's a stage, and he is merely in the audience.

Posted by Alucard... (Member # 4924) on :

Rocco was definitely in touch with his feelings, all 3 of them.

Posted by Alucard... (Member # 4924) on :

Jude bent like a reed in the wind, even when the wind wasn't blowing.

Posted by Alucard... (Member # 4924) on :

Alucard <-----OO looks up and realizes no one is listening...

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was the sort of person who would rip the page from the yellow pages every time he looked up a number, even at home.

Posted by Alucard... (Member # 4924) on :

Luke was the accident that already happened.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie was the type of girl to be offended when people she met didn't care that she once shook hands with Steve Wozniack.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

The Great and Powerful Woz!
(bows)
I am impressed,Annie.

Bobby knew he had 2nd base cold off the hit, but he slid high anyway to nail the shortstop.

Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :

Lisa had been waiting all her life to be complimented, but had never had anything worth complimenting.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie was the girl who used a Mac so faithfully she would throw guests in the trash can when it was time for them to leave.

Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :

Hobbes was the kind of person who read the time off to the second.

Hobbes [Smile]

Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :

Kenji was the sort of person who thought that opening a window by his computer counted as outside exercise.

Hobbes [Smile]

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Flish had been waiting all his life to be complicated, but had never had anything worth complicating.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

(mutant meme arises from Teshi's post)

Flish had waited his whole life to be constipated, but had never eaten anything worth constipating.

Flish had waited his whole life to be conflagrated, but had never douced anything worth conflagrating.

Flish had waited his whole life to be conjugated, but had never encountered anything worth conjugating.

Flish had waited his whole life to be consecrated, but had never believed in anything worth consecrating.

(make it stop!)

Flish had waited his whole life to be condemnated, but had never done anything worth condemnating.

Flish had waited his whole life to be congregated, but had never met a group worth congregating.

Flish had waited his whole life to be consummated, but never mastered the art of consummating.

Flish had waited his whole life to be concatenated, but never managed to queue-up for the concatenating.

.
.
.

Posted by Avadaru (Member # 3026) on :

Jane was crazier than a bag of wet cats.

My brother-in-law said this about me earlier today. [Razz]

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

You could call Annie just about anything, as long as you didn't call her a cab.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Gary ignored all the warning signs and let the rainman into the back of his cab.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

After the 15,000th utterance, Gary decided to let the rainman have the wheel and prove what a good driver he was.

Posted by unit 3000-21 (Member # 5224) on :

and that was it. he was dead.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Despite the 3000-21 label on his forehead, and the looming soundtrack, Flish downed the bottle of vitamins, kicked the door aside and strode out into the sunlight.

Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :

Janeen complimented people on what secretly thrilled them about themselves.

[ July 07, 2003, 10:57 AM: Message edited by: katharina ]

Posted by Diosmel Duda (Member # 2180) on :

katharina, I love yours. [Smile]

Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :

Reuben was unapologetically addicted to convenience.

Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :

Madeliene falls in love with her fingers crossed.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

He was a bear of a man, tall and large and warm and scarey.

She had a smile that could not be touched by any anger or hatred you might wish to spew at her.

When she smiled up to her eyes my anger vanished, my fears ran, and I could never help but smile back.

She did not understand hate, did not comprehend anger, did not tolerate pain, did not care about rejection.

He danced with joy and laughter, but not with grace or skill. He did not care.

Dan's mind slowly registered that for a corpse, he was moving quite rapidly and almost gracefully.

He was as ugly as a deformed toad, but not as bright.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan was unapolagetically apolagetic, especially about his spelling.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Abby didn't take no guff from nobody... or she wouldn't have if she had known what guff was.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Kat, those last two were fantastic!

Bob woke with a feeling of sheer joy which quickly turned into an overwhelming panic as he contemplated actually getting out of bed today.

Bob left so many important things to the last minute that when his time finally came all he had to offer was a big "I'm sorry" to the world.

Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :

He was an odd sort of fellow, which is to say that there was only one of him, and if there were more than one of him, there would be three, or five, or seven.

Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :

Bob and DD: *glows* Thanks!

The Janeen one was my mom, and I thought of that phrase several years ago when I was trying to describe to my roommate why my mom was so good at her job and at being in charge of people.

[ July 09, 2003, 12:21 PM: Message edited by: katharina ]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob's pet peeve was people with pet peeves.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Bob kept his pet peeve in a little pet peeve cage by his bed where he could feed it and water it and train it to KILL, KILL, KILL!!!

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Bob's pet peeve was kept jerkined to his wrist as the knights of yore were wont'd to in many a tale, and communicated mainly by whining, with some bitching when the weather turned bad.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

"To die, to sleep; to sleep perchance to dream. Aye that's the plan" thought Morbo as he sharpened the thirty six inch long knife he called "Muffin".

Posted by Head Ditch Digger (Member # 5085) on :

Muffin was the type of blade that was sleak and sharp and could slip in between two ribs with little force.

[ July 09, 2003, 05:04 PM: Message edited by: Head Ditch Digger ]

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

"Little Force" was his self-chosen Indian name, though he was not an Indian, never visited an Indian tribe, and really had not interest in Native American culture.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Although he liked his muffin blade, Morbo saved it as a backup for close combat; his weapon of choice was his trusty neutrino laser (or NASEN) he fondly called "Siva." [Smile]

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

quote:
I'm Susan Ivanova, Commander, daughter of Andrei and Sofie Ivanov. I am the right hand of vengeance, and the boot that is gonna kick your sorry ass all the way back to Earth, sweetheart. I'm death incarnate and the last living thing that you're ever going to see. God sent me

OK. Its a bit more than 1 line, but its good. Babylon 5, 5th season, "Between the Light and the Darkness.

Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :

Anthonie lived his life only in theory.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

quote:
"...when yo' see the angels in heaven you can tell them I was in a vendetta kinda mood.."

Chris Walken as mobster in True Romance

Dennis Hopper's comeback:"Sicilians are descended from niggers"

*much shooting*

Chris:"I hadn't killed anybody since 1985, you happy?"

[ April 11, 2005, 05:37 AM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

Rivka was the sort of person who wondered if "jury of your peers" meant other mothers spending all summer with small children.

Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :

Daniel said all the words he thought a father should so the kid would leave him alone to live his real life.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

If Annie's life were a term paper, it would have serious problems following MLA format.

Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :

Sam was an aging man who had been completely devoted to Mina his entire life.

Mina was a perfectly normal funnel web spider except that she was more than sixty years old, communicated directly into Sam's consciousness, and was the size of an adult human male.

EDIT: Post 400! In your collective face, Hatrack! [Razz]

[ July 09, 2003, 08:01 PM: Message edited by: :Locke ]

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

The asthmatic fat kid lumbered to his least favorite class:"Studies in state-sponsored urban terrorism;" or as others called it "gym, with dodgeball."

[ July 09, 2003, 08:18 PM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Flish's eyes shone with light, reflected from the horrified fisherman's lantern.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

wouldn't that be "from the Flisherman's light"

Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :

He never finished anything he ever

Posted by BebeChouette (Member # 4991) on :

[Big Grin]

Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :

He liked to break the rules. Like writing two lines instead of one.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob studied the Bible and the US Constitution looking for loopholes.

Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :

He liked to carry a Chip Clip, just in case.

Posted by Alucard... (Member # 4924) on :

Posable man was an articulate guy, all 27 points of him.

Posted by Alucard... (Member # 4924) on :

Barry was painfully and continually reminded of all the things that rhymed with his name.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

*smiling at the Chip Clip*

Annie's character was like a fine French pastry; flaky on the outside, but full of wholesome goodness.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie was so witty she used metaphors like Norwegians use diacritical marks.

Posted by Alucard... (Member # 4924) on :

Harry, Larry, Cary, Carrie, Darry, Gary, Kerri, Mary, Perry, Terry, and Terri all sympathized with Barry

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie loved her fellow man like a recovering smoker loves his Wrigley's Doublemint gum.

Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :

The ailing and aged driver pondered stopping to investigate the bump and howl and determined that life could only be what one made of it.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Abby really loved the phrase 'Three times', it seemed to roll so nicely off the tongue; unfortunately, since she was unable to find many reasons to use it in practical conversation, she was forced to take to mumbling it under her breath at odd intervals.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

As the hapless private stumbled over the top, he realized he'd been lying to the Sarge; he really did want to live forever.

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

To put it simply, no matter how long it was, the true nature of Nathan could not be described in only one sentence.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Dixie was the type of phony who would coo "hey! Good to see ya!" loudest to the people she hated most.

(my step-mother)

Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :

Greg had an emotional memory unencumbered by details.

(That's a paraphrase of a favorite - I can't remember the exact quote. It's from Silas Marner.)

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

She had the looks that could best be described as "Pretty from a distance."

He had the looks only a mother could love, and he had shot his mother earlier that day.

Everyday Dan planned to conquer the world, but always got stuck in traffic instead.

My voice is not a lethal weapon, but those who hear me sing wish it was just to end the torment.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Mannie and his mojo idly surveyed the nightclub for the fresh talent, and then he desultorily imagined what the girls would seem like to a wolf-pack of sharks--the cute bartenders working like octopii, with their inky "work ethic" defensive cloud , there, a group of co-workers like a shoal of graceful dolphins (dangerous in their numbers), against the wall a pod of whales mournfully wailing their sad songs...but then he saw her, all alone at the end of the bar, a pretty young thing with tattoos, piercings, and a tattered Blind Faith tee, knocking back Tequila shots like she'd never had a Tequila hangover, she was the girlish equivalent to a wounded baby seal!
Mannie gleefully glided in for the kill before the other sharks could scent blood in the water.

[ July 12, 2003, 04:13 AM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Morbo, silly - these are descriptions, not stories.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Mannie was the type of guy who might equate a woman with a wounded baby seal.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

The horrified fisherman's lantern struggled to expand his dimensional perspective and get a look at his costars.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Annie, one long run-on sentence plus a short one is a story?
The first sentence came to me in a dream, and I never argue with my dreams.

The hacker gathered all his resolve and spunk, and for the 4th time that night tried to explain fonts and icons to his well-meaning but clueless friend.

(I'm no hacker, but this happened to me tonight.)

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

Nathan relished the idea of eating a pickle and was put in a pickle when putting on relish.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob had saved himself from himself on so many occassions that he felt he deserved some sort of award.

Posted by Chaeron (Member # 744) on :

Neal was the kind of guy who would drink Corona when he needed to sober up.

-|-

He would fly of on an angry tangent at any opportunity, like that time we were all watching a movie, and he starts ranting about his girlfriend or something, and we all just want him to shut the **** up; I mean, who feels the need to do this all the goddamn time; it gets so old, always shouting away about the most minor goddamn thing, carrying an angry diatribe about everything that has ever happened to him, grow the **** up. Christ.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Morbo never argued with his dreams, so when he dreamed he could fly, he bought the red tights and the cape and made his way onto the roof.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Dan_Raven too often would bicker furiously with the falcons jerkined to his wrists, especially on long car trips.

[ July 15, 2003, 03:47 AM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Annie was the type of prez that when threatened, would bounce straight to DEFCON "Chinese menu," to the dismay of her more seasoned advisors.

[ July 15, 2003, 03:56 AM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie was a mouthful of grits on a sultry summer morning when the only sound was the roaches scuttling to and fro through the warped pane of the screen door.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Morbo was a spoilsport in the worst sense of the word - you know, that sense involving botulism and cricket.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

When people talked about the "bright lights, big city" thing, Annie always wondered what all the fuss was about Billings.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Morbo prided himself on always following the rules; his opponents often forgot that he made them up as he went along.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie had eyes that glowed like the sparkling lights atop the Western Sugar factory in Billings, Montana.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Annie always seemed to know a guy's sore spot, even if she'd never met him.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie was a sore spot to every guy she'd ever met.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Beneath his sarcastic surface, Morbo was a really sweet guy. Sweet and sour, you might describe him.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Morbo forgave all menu references after one sentimental remark; he would soon be kicked out of the Curmudgeons' Club.Hmmph!

[ July 15, 2003, 04:07 AM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

Rivka was the sort of person who thought this little interaction showed precisely why Hatrack was so much fun: escalating cross-thread reparte, followed quickly by sweet sentiments. [Big Grin]

[ July 15, 2003, 04:18 AM: Message edited by: rivka ]

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Glad that had a peaceful ending. Fortune cookie, anyone?

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Rivka would obviously never have a shot at an invitation to join the hallowed Curmudgeons' Club.

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

Rivka's curmudgeonly tendencies must be more deeply buried than they once were.

Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :

Hobbes was the sort of person who would hide his taskbar to get more screen room on a 1600x1400 screen.

I know someone who once got a fortune cookie that said: "The blue bird of happieness will crap on your birthday cake". [Eek!]

Hobbes

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Flish would tremble in fear as he cracked open his fortune cookie and then ask one of his fellow diners to read it for him.

[ July 15, 2003, 11:20 PM: Message edited by: filetted ]

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Morbo's numerous sore spots posed a big problem for the doctor trying to diagnose his illness.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Annie had eyes that glowed in the dark, under the floorboards, of the Western Sugar factory in Billings Montana.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Flish would never forget the eyes he saw glowing in the dark under the floorboards of the old sugar factory his class toured, and he often embarrassed himself by whimpering about it to whomever would listen.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Flish recounted the horrors of his visit to the Western Sugar factory as Morbo frenetically sketched out the details (pausing only to wipe the sweat from his brow and roll his eyes).

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Morbo's job as a verbal sketch artist for terrified 7-year-olds who see imaginary eyes under floorboards was just not paying the rent; he decided to include 6 and 8-year-olds as well.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

The landord paused in his rapping on Morbo's door to pluck down the chicken-scratched note:

"Gone to Montana. Will return shortly. Please take in my mail and menus."

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Jeeez, always with the menus. Can't a guy have just one paranoid freakout and live it down?

[ July 16, 2003, 03:23 AM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

After the first incident, the local Chinese restaurant took care to advise their menu-toting marketers to ignore Morbo's door.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Tragedy struck the menu-toters community today, when a local forgot he had armed his land-mines.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Through the smoke wafting through his front yard, the eyebrowless Morbo delivered his interview to the local news station.

Posted by the Professor (Member # 5319) on :

The disgruntled SWAT sergeant grumbled to himself as the panel van rumbled through the night on his squad's mission-- for the 3rd time in 2 months, they were going to deal with some jerk named "Morbo!"--this time, Morbo would pay, he vowed.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Flish, swaddled in teflon and kevlar, chose to nap and cuddle his diary on the way to the SWAT team's raid on the nefarious Western Sugar factory.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Can we change this thread title to "One-line harrassments of Morbo?" [Wink]

Way to keep up the good work, Flish.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Don't sweat it, Annie. [Big Grin]

Morbo=the Professor
I know flish is just kidding, that's why I played along. As long as there's no dogpile.

And that eybrowless Morbo phrase was very funny, flish.
(after launching rocket with Bart and Homer)
Milhouse: My eyebrows, my beautiful eyebrows!!

[ July 16, 2003, 08:04 PM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Annie waited patiently under the floorboards for the next tour group to terrorize.

[ July 17, 2003, 09:27 PM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

He was a dark and stormy knight.

Posted by Doug J (Member # 1323) on :

"He sure ain't no me."

-Albert Einstein

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

He was the sort of guy who's fortune cookie's were almost always blank. (I actually got a blank fortune cookie once. My future wasn't.)

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bored with Summer reruns, childless, and beyond draft age, Bob had finally reached a place in his life where he felt he could really get behind a good war.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan strove hard to be one of the good guys, despite his occupation as goon, hit man, and mafia weasel. He tipped well.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

I wouldn't come right out and say that Bob was a bloodsucker, but he was known to sleep with a measure of his native soil.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Even his "friends" suspected Bob must brush his teeth with Preparation H.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Whenever Gloria entered a room, the ambient temperature would drop several degrees and everything would shift a millimeter or two in a counter-clockwise direction around her.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was celibate by choice -- of everyone else.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Bob came out for his 2000th encore to find that his audience had expired in their seats.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Susan attained perfection in her timing and delivery as she left the dressing room after the show.

[ July 19, 2003, 04:43 AM: Message edited by: filetted ]

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

flish, the French call that l'esprit d' escalier--the wit of the stairs.
I hate that feeling.

Morbo flashed on the perfect devastating put-down he should've thrown in that cocky bouncer's face just as his mug shot was taken. [Big Grin]

[ July 19, 2003, 10:00 AM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Sara was a rare instance of that classy, etiquette school-type dame who would go out of her way to say a few kind words to a stranger even when she was heartbroken. [Frown]

[ July 19, 2003, 07:24 AM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

The other nurses nudged each other as Nurse Marie began scrutinizing the patient's chart because they all knew she would instantly see the glaring lab and dosage errors, and that she would soon give the snotty young intern his comeuppance; she had been known to change med students minds with a single, well-placed hmmph!?

Sara, your mother sounds like the kind of nurse we all pray we get.
May le bon Dieu look over her always.

My 1000th post, dedicated to her memory.

[ July 19, 2003, 10:55 PM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob entered the room as if he were a one man parade.

Posted by the Professor (Member # 5319) on :

Despite the often pitiful pleas of horrified bystanders, Bob would often belt out the Ethel Merman show-tune standard "III love a parade!" in an off-key falsetto while waiting in line. [Wink]

Possibly inspired by Ben Stiller in Permanent Midnight

[ July 19, 2003, 04:37 PM: Message edited by: the Professor ]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob cherished those special moments when people would laugh nervously at his jokes and show genuine relief when he left the room.

Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :

Morbo, wow. A dedicated 1000th landmark post -- now that's a tribute.

Thank you.

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

Nathan was like a steak drowned in BBQ sauce; he had an excellent flavor all to himself, but no one would ever know because of all that sauce.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Engrossed in the playbill, Flish missed the entire show.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Nathan was like the perfect steak served up to vegisaurs, rare and juicy but doused in sauce or ignored altogether.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan liked the perfect steak, but he liked gallons of steak sauce too.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Some girls are the kind of girl that comes along once in a million years. Annie was more like the kind of girl that comes along every fortnight, but she was still pretty spunky.

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

[Smile]

That one made me smile.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

In the great book of Life, Bob was entered in the margin with a notation reading "dies while doing the dishes after everyone else adjourns to the living room to play parlor games."

[ July 25, 2003, 10:00 AM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]

Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :

quote:
He was the sort of guy who's fortune cookie's were almost always blank. (I actually got a blank fortune cookie once. My future wasn't.)

Really Dan_raven? You're supposed to add "in between the sheets" to all fortunes. "You have no future. . ."
[Big Grin]

jk couldn't resist

Posted by Papa Moose (Member # 1992) on :

Barth preferred that his small side-salad be seasoned lightly with a quart of mayonnaise.

Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :

[Big Grin]

at Papa Moose.

Jill was the kind of girl that would run through life wearing 6 inch platform sandals, and it was only a matter of time before she missed a step and fell into some cowpies.

[ July 25, 2003, 01:14 PM: Message edited by: Nick ]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was forever detecting strange unpleasant odors and mentioning them to any who would listen.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Bob was forever making strange unpleasant odors and mentioning them to any who would listen.

(ps. Nick, I did, and I cried!!!)

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Save for his penchant for digging holes and then living in them, Bob was generally considered "marriage material."

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Abby shot like a rocket from the starting blocks, unless she was occupied by butterflies on the sidelines.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob dedicated his later years to making urban legends come true for an unlucky few teenagers who were out late at night doing things they weren't supposed to do.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Abby was faintly stout, but she carried her surplus flesh sensuously as some women can.

(I stole that from The Great Gatsby)

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

He enjoyed telling puns far more than any human or earth enjoyed hearing them.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie was cosmic before the New Age movement even happened.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie was a spunky, sexy socialist with occasional monarchist outbursts.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie's excessive use of eye makeup was an excellent indication of the decadence and depravity of modern morality.

(plus, she was an avid aspiring alliterationist)

(edit: this is post number 500! What do I win, what do I win?)

[ July 25, 2003, 09:12 PM: Message edited by: Annie ]

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Morbo lived a quiet life of contemplation and doodling-- until he became a Usual Suspect.
da da daaaa *cheesy music swells*

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was the sort of person dogs like to sniff.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

and those are a rare breed, Bob. [Smile]

Hey - thanks for making me expel some pent-up tidal air, Mr. Scopatz.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Flish missed his cue as the cheesy music swelled, and mistakenly pointed at Bob in the line-up.

[ July 25, 2003, 09:28 PM: Message edited by: filetted ]

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Morbo delighted in making up plausible sounding phrases like 'tidal air' and seeing if Annie would take the meme-bait.

(Just kidding. I did read that phrase somewhere.)

Posted by Papa Moose (Member # 1992) on :

Tom was the kind of guy whose humor required both "j/k" and a winking smilie, just in case.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Flish's moods ebbed and flowed with the complexity of his many-mooned home-world.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob's eccentric wardrobe was simply a by-product of his oddly creative mind and a rather unfortunate choice of bulb wattage.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Hannah's choice of clothing was either the result of an extremely skewed sense of fashion or a partial blindness.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie collected useless crap with the firm conviction that she was insuring the future of the antiques industry.

(I love the many-mooned homeworld, flish [Smile]

)

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Upon meeting Bob, Annie inquired as to whether he might be willing to part with a portion of his wardrobe, as she reckoned it might fetch a high price at her aniquities store.

Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :

Godric wasn't the type of fellow one could look at and say, "That's a fashionable fellow."

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

As a last resort, Flish toyed with the idea of putting himself on consignment.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Bob had a gift, and he pulled it off the shelf every once in a while to admire the wrapping and gently tug at the ribbons before putting it back.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Abby didn't like to spend much time trying to match her clothes, which eventually resulted in a wardrobe of clothes that all matched each other and were all green.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

On jungle missions, the crack-squad of wardrobe designers would ring Abby in a panic to match the clothes to the local greens.

[ July 28, 2003, 12:55 AM: Message edited by: filetted ]

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

When she really got going, Annie's charm sang like the rim of a crystal glass in the hands of a 15-year-old.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Alan's presence, much like his absence, left the audience in a slack-jawed state of puzzlement and concern.

Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :

Insert name here, being the ass that he/she is, makes everybody in a party feel better about themselves just by showing up.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

The only thing that distracted her 15yr old classmates more than the scratching noises beneath the floorboards was Annie's blinding crystal charm bracelet.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was known far and wide as the "Lance Armstrong" of poultry inspectors.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Midway through his omelet, Lance threw his fork down and insisted on a tour of the chicken coup.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was so fully of whimsy that he sometimes just floated away.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie kept a cryptic notebook titled "Questions to ask God when I get there" and scribbled in it furiously from time to time.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Flish's whimsical collection of loose-leaf "Questions to ask Dog when he comes back" bore the telltale pawprints of the pup in question.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie spoke with all the self-assurance of someone who knew what the hell they were talking about.

Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :

Annie spoke with all the self-assurance of someone who thought that they knew what the hell they were talking about.

[Razz]

Hobbes

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Hmm... I worked on that line in my head all day today. I wanted to portray that she spoke with that assurance but didn't actually have it. That's one reason I left the grammatically incorrect use of they in there.. thought it would make it more distant. How can I tweak it to make it mean what I mean it to mean?

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Their was no other way of putting it, as Hobbes was just plain mean .

[Smile]

or not.

[ July 30, 2003, 04:01 AM: Message edited by: filetted ]

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie spoke with all the self-assurance of someone who knew what the hell they were talking about; unfortunately, she normally didn't have a clue - she was just being mean.

No... doesn't quite have the punch that brevity gives it.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Annie spoke with a mean self-assurance.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Annie spoke with all the self-assurance of someone who knew what the hell they were talking about.

Annie spoke with the magniloquent dissembling of someone who haughtily affected to know what the hell she was talking about. [Smile]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob mimicked the self-assurance of someone who knew what the hell he was talking about.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was the sort of person who needed more practice smiling.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Morbo spoke with a pretentious and peremptory tone that made him look foolish when he was often proven wrong, although he was right just enough to keep everyone guessing. [Wink]

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan was a pirtiwuck, which was a made up word, confusing but of no meaning or signifigance. The same could be said of Dan.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob practiced for hours each day until he could literally ooze sincerity from his every pore.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob had an innate desire to do good while amassing a great fortune.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Once Alan realized he could fake sincerity, the world was his oyster.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

quote:
Bob had an innate desire to do good while amassing a great fortune.

Bob starved to death young.

He was the type of guy that could love two women at one time, and date both of their sisters.

Posted by Potemkyn (Member # 5465) on :

Potemkyn cleaned his Kalashnikov with his 2ft long knife.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob eventually mastered the art of stealth so effectively that he simply disappeared, never to be seen again.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob spent the latter part of the 1970's and the first half of the 1980's with a piece of corn stuck in his front teeth.

Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :

Reuben was living proof that people will drink anything.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan was proud of the fact that fourteen states and the soveriegn country of Canada had outlawed the importation of Dan.

[ July 31, 2003, 03:02 PM: Message edited by: Dan_raven ]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was Cupid with poison arrows and a crossbow.

[ July 31, 2003, 03:30 PM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Cupid, despite the deadliness of his poisoned arrows, was cross-eyed and had trouble hitting the barn in front of him.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Despite the effectiveness of his cloaking-device, Bob's presence couldn't be ignored, what with all the poking and plucking at one's clothing.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Duhspite was his name, but he answered more frequently to Duh.. than to the latter.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Alan's impression of an oyster was spot-on, right up to and including the wince as the lemon juice hit him in the eye.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob had been a dirty old man since the age of two.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob spent most of his money in a futile search for Weapons of Mass Destruction in his neighbor's yard.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was living proof that it's a fine line between "civic mindedness" and insanity.

Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :

CT walked that fine line between persnicketiness and outright niminy-piminy.

Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :

There were many ways for CT to try to make friends, but unfortunately, she choose the rather unsettling strategy of hitting strangers over the head.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was so ahead of the curve that his name became synonymous with "court precedent."

Hey CT, let's not meet by accident, okay? <ouch>

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob had "death" written all over him, but his mother said it was nothing a good bath and years of intensive psychotherapy wouldn't get rid of.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob had championed so many lost causes that he became one.

Posted by Alucard... (Member # 4924) on :

Alucard had become so complacently bored with things recently that, wait a second, what was the topic?

[ August 03, 2003, 10:53 AM: Message edited by: Alucard... ]

Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :

[Big Grin]

Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :

CT was even better at being bad than she was at avoiding housework: thus, the use of a dusty chandelier for high entertainment.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Flish could juggle one ball with one fin.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Abby was the type of person who would run herself into the ground doing completely silly and pathetic things, then get up in the morning and do it all over again.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob had the kind of superior intellect that few others ever recognized.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan had the kind of intellect that showed itself on his face as a blank gaze and befuddled look.

She was such an ugly and diseased prostitute that the king himself proclaimed, "You cannot send a knight in with a Dog like that."

He thought marketing breast shaped headphones with the phrase, "The Hills ARE alive with the sound of music" was clever and witty.

He was as bright as a unplugged burnt out christmas tree light on a cloudy, moonless midnight.

Dan prided himself on being a black hole of thought.

He lived for the pun. He died for the pun.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob's fear of papercuts became so overwhelming that he kept his fortune in coins.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob actually had a nickel for every time he'd heard that.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan believed he deserved This nickel everytime he made Bob laugh, though by his count he'd still be poor.

Posted by Punchdrunk (Member # 2654) on :

Reuben kept his keys clipped to his cat's collar, so when he wanted them all he had to do was open a can of tuna.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob is the kind of person who will get into heated debates over matters of faith, and then feel bad about it later.

- Sorry...

Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :

Sam supported his friend Todd's self-respect by telling the truth straight-out: Todd is grand.

[ August 05, 2003, 01:14 PM: Message edited by: katharina ]

Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :

Gina frantically built walls if she accidently trusted someone.

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

She wore her heart on her sleeve, but, unfortunately, used the sleeve to wipe her nose.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Liz wore his heart on her sleeve, after all, he wouldn't be needing it anymore, not buried in the backyard with all the others who ever insulted her fashion choices.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob wore his esophagus in his left boot, thus earning himself the sobriquet "Old Squishy."

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Abby liked to keep her body parts inside her where they belonged, thank you very much.

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

Dan wore his heart on a string, even though he was dead in Liz's back yard, just so he could keep her in line.

edited for readability

[ August 05, 2003, 05:01 PM: Message edited by: Elizabeth ]

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

He was a heartless dolt, mainly due to Liz's sharp knife and a disagreement over the the proper use of smileys. [Evil Laugh]

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

Dan was all heart, because that was all that was left, preserved in a jar on Liz's shelf.

Posted by Punchdrunk (Member # 2654) on :

Reuben’s prose was so invisible that nobody read it, period.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

On cartilagenous elbows, Flish struggled across the hot asphalt toward Wonderwoman's jet.

Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :

Marek wore his heart on his shirt sleeve and then misplaced the shirt it was on.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Abby's heart was invisible in the sense that neither she or anyone else had ever seen it, but everyone assumed it must be there...

Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :

Marek had made no assumptions what-so-ever about Abby's heart, it's probably...Darn! nevermind

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Flish's world-view spun round and round as he tried to escape the laundry.

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

Nathan came to the conclusion that the only reason AOL had any business is because people are just flat out stupid.

Nathan knew for a fact, that unless you threaten to scrape someones eyes out with a spork, they more than likely won't want AOL.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Flish could purse his fat-flishy lips together in the most obnoxious and silly ways, driving his sideshow to the forefront of the clown parade.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Nathan wrote, and writing was what he did, and writing was what he did well...., or so he liked to tell himself.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Despite the applause and inquiries, Bob chose to write himself into a box.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Fred was fed bread, led to bed, and then Ed shot Fred in the head till he bled red and said, "Ed!"

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

Sally's bread always landed butter side up, so that when she stepped on it, it would stick to her bare feet.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob has killed off more SIMS characters than any other person on the planet.

Posted by Book (Member # 5500) on :

Dinsdale Piranha was born on June 23, 1907, and his brother was born two weeks later, and again a week after that.

Book went to the bar and came back two drinks louder.

Book had the reflexes of a cat, only with less bladder control.

Book was so overwhelmingly brilliant that he eventually figured out being smart wasn't worth the effort.

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

Sam would proudly walk around singing "Isn't it Awefully Nice to have a Penis" just to view the reactions of the girls.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Over the years, Bob had amassed a large collection of the letter "i" cut from the pages of glossy magazines.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob's internal shouting match had lasted 17 years, 14 days, and 6 hours, at last count.

Posted by Feyd Baron (Member # 1407) on :

Everyone said Feyd had ADD, but he doesn't even know that that m.... Hey look, a cat.

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

Graham's OCD mad it hard for him to writ, bcaus h flt a complusion to ras all the "'s."

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was the model for Piltdown man.

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

Bob was the mascot for "Piltdown Man's,"a barbecue joint.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob got some sort of juvenile pleasure out of having his posts start a new page in the thread.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Sir Dan got a pleasure from his juvenile page, but when discovered, Dan's heart was nailed to a new post.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Flish unknowingly slithered into the waters of Lake Envy (made transparent after years of acid rainfall).

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

Thankfully, not many people other than Dan knew the real meaning of the term "paging someone."

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

LOL...it's kind of like "interning" someone, isn't it!

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

Bob, yes. Plus, I just watched the PBS presentation on the Spartans. Those poor babies.

Oops! Sorry, back to regularly scheduled humor!

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Flish flipped over, rubbed the itchy bits between his dorsal spines on the rocks of the floor of the lake, blew bubbles and watched them rise to the surface and burst.

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

The Airport Security Guy only lifted his eyebrow when he found purple tights in with Nathan's luggage.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

To Nathan's dismay, he'd made it through the metal detector only to be waylaid by the guy with the wand.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Mike sipped his coffee, watched the planes taking off, and wondered where all those people might be going.

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

On his return trip, Nathan was very disconcerted when he saw a woman in the lobby he was sure was the Security Guy, wearing his favorite purple tights under a pretty yellow dress.

[ August 11, 2003, 12:22 AM: Message edited by: Elizabeth ]

Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :

Yeah, yeah, dude looks like a lady . . .
yeah, yeah, dude looks like a lady . . .

I can't help it - y'all just make me sing around here.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Flish slurped the foam off his cappucino and pondered the nature of complimentary colors.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Abby preferred to be left alone, unless there was something in it for her, like money.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Flish glanced at the singing-lady just returned from St. Martin's and thought to himself "I gotta go there sometime."

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Day, after day, after day, Abby shot eye-daggers of death into the chest of the bank vault's security guard. That was HER job.

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

In a fit of bitterness, Nathan edited his post.

[ August 11, 2003, 12:39 AM: Message edited by: T_Smith ]

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Flish finished his coffee, tossed the cup out of the tank, and slithered around his aquarium while waiting to be loaded into the belly of the the airplane bound for who-knows-where.

[ August 11, 2003, 01:36 AM: Message edited by: filetted ]

Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :

Deep guitar sounds in the distance . . .

Ain't it stormy outside (bum, bum-bump-bum bum)

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Guitar lost a string and the chords would never be the same.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Then, flish waited for the page-turner.

Posted by Shy Violet (Member # 5241) on :

Shy Violet lurked around Hatrack, reading over your shoulder like that creepy old man that lives at the bus station.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Ooh, that's a good one, SV...

Bob decided it was easier to name his hernia than have it repaired.

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

Bob chose to ignore his hernia, as his behavior modification instructor said it would stop acting up if it didn't have so much attention.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan was a pleasant and easy going fella, for a Hernia.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was like having your favorite movie, homemade popcorn and hot cocoa when you aren't feeling good.

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

Bob was like having your favorite movie, homemade popcorn and hot cocoa spill all over the floor when you aren't feeling good.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was like throwing up popcorn and hot cocoa all over your favorite movie when you aren't feeling well.

Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :

Audra changed switched her smile for each friend in turn like changing her lipstick.

Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :

Jose berated his friends for not seeking his approval.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was like a human high colonic -- he brought out the worst in people.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob is a lot like sausage -- no matter how much you like him, you don't want to know what's inside.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Bob liked sausages, perhaps more than a bit too much.

Bob was like a sausage patty, quick to heat and serve, but greasy and bad for the digestion.

Bob was like a pork sausage on Yon Kipur, something about him struck everyone as not quite kosher.

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

Bob sat and ate his sausage quietly in the corner of his evil stepmother's cottage, wondering where that cute little poodle had gotten to this time.

Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :

Jimbo was carpet fuzz on the dropped bubblegum of life.

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

When Ben got gum on his shoe, then got it stuck on his fingers trying to remove it, he just said, "What the hell," scraped it off his fingers with his teeth, and popped it into his mouth.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was the fraying twist-tie on life's "bag of fun."

[ August 12, 2003, 04:36 PM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

{from a short story I am working on}

The Magnificent Le'Fon was a skinny little clumsy and geeky mouse of a birthday magician whom the all powerful beings of darkness had decreed, "Must Die!"

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie was exposed to a bit too much disco in utero.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Abby was exposed to a bit too much James Taylor in utero..

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

LOL disco in utero! Now a little JT...sublime.

Bob's greatest ambition was to have power of attorney over his entire family, just for one day.

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

The attorney could feel his power dwindling, as Bob took the money and ran.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie aspired to, at some point in her life, be referred to as the "main dish."

Posted by TwosonPaula (Member # 5511) on :

Maureen towered over all the boys, and STILL wore high heel boots with a smile.

edit: What the heel is a high hell boot? I don't know either...

[ August 13, 2003, 08:39 PM: Message edited by: TwosonPaula ]

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Ooh... I do that.

Posted by TwosonPaula (Member # 5511) on :

What, spell heel like hell, or tower over boys?

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Abby used to tower over the boys, but most of them caught up.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan longed for just once in his life to be considered the "Main Dish" and not just the sleezy "Sweet and Creamy Desert Tart."

Posted by TwosonPaula (Member # 5511) on :

mmmmmmmm...tart... [Evil]

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Abby was fixated on the color green to the point that she thought everything would be at least a little better if it was green...

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

Abby's obsession with the color green ended abruptly when she opened an old carton of cottage cheese.

[ August 13, 2003, 10:01 PM: Message edited by: Elizabeth ]

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

That was when Abby's obsession with cottage cheese ended. Green's still good.

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

The ivy-covered Abbey looked green, and reflected in Peter's eyes as he gazed upon it, as he tried to catch a glimpse of his imprisoned love.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Abby was the kind of person who would desperately ressurect every fluff thread she knew, just so she could do her first landmark post.

Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :

Flish slithered onto the rocky shore of Lake Envy, pressed his fins on his gills to keep them shut, and expelled the acid waste from his system (censor: disgusting bio-oratological noises)

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob went to a toga party and ended up three sheets to the wind.

Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :

Marek read Bob's post and laughed so hard he dislocated his jaw.

Posted by BelladonnaOrchid (Member # 188) on :

Orchid cheered enthusiastically when her new computer was delivered to her.

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

Orchid's computer jeered derisively when it was turned on.

Posted by Emperor Palpatine (Member # 3544) on :

Having no luck looking for dates at Star Wars premieres, Emp decided he was looking in Alderaan places.

[ August 17, 2003, 06:42 PM: Message edited by: Emperor Palpatine ]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

LOL! Now we KNOW you're evil!

Bob's pet peeve was people with pet peeves.

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

Bob's pet pees on the rug, but loves people.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob's webcam has been rejected by the Internet -- all of it!

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie likes to plan her wardrobe as "part of this balanced breakfast."

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Bob spit orange juice all over his balanced breakfast when he saw Annie walking down the street wearing nothing but toast.

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

quote:

Having no luck looking for dates at Star Wars premieres, Emp decided he was looking in Alderaan places.

Best. Line. Ever.

Being a jello fanatic, Nathan realized that he just didn't fit the mold.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

He was, however, full of enough fluffy crap to be accepted at any Mormon potluck.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

I actually own a toast t shirt, Ryuko.

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

T_Smith figured the best way to make the world sane again was through insanity.

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

The only way Nathan realized he could feel a little better, is if he made today the "Official Flip of a Deserving Person day" complete with parades and cards.

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

Rewarding Nathan for being such a help, the guy on the other side of the phone told him that "it was a really good idea to invest in Dollar Tree stores" and that "he really wanted to do this. Trust me."

Posted by Emperor Palpatine (Member # 3544) on :

After scoffing at said Dollar Tree investment, Nathn would soon see its stock rise 6 dollars.

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

With a serious look on his face, Nathan threw Emperor Palpatine down a shaft and casually walked away.

Posted by Emperor Palpatine (Member # 3544) on :

Having totaled his car, Nathan realized he just threw his ride home down the shaft and jumped after Emp in desperation.

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

Having seen a bunch of opertunities to say something that would more than likely be put in the Out of Context thread, Nathan figured it was best to just leave things the way they were.

Posted by Emperor Palpatine (Member # 3544) on :

Horribly fatigued, Nathan combined atrocious spelling and overwhelming nerdiness in one post.

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

Nathan, as always, smiled and blamed society.

Posted by tonguetied&twisted (Member # 5159) on :

Nathan was so funny he laughed uncontrollably whenever he looked in a mirror.

Posted by Emperor Palpatine (Member # 3544) on :

Nathan knew he was a reject when even his mirror laughed at him derisively.

[ August 19, 2003, 04:06 AM: Message edited by: Emperor Palpatine ]

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

Emperor Palpatine completed his journey to the Dark Side when he decided to work for McDonalds.

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

Emperor Palpatine then decided to rule the galaxy, and turned his sights to AOL.

Posted by Emperor Palpatine (Member # 3544) on :

Having conquered AOL, Emp ordered the complete destruction of the Microsoft Order.

Posted by Evie3217 (Member # 5426) on :

*bump*

This thread is just too good, I can't let it go. It provides WAY too much amusement!

Some people kept their heart on their sleeve, except Evie, who, for some reason had a very hard time spelling sleve.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Evie decided not to keep harts on her sleeve any more, when they became covered with those tiny round poos...

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie spent most of her time looking for Social Life version 2.0

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan had the hands of a master violinist, the brains of a Nobel Lauriette, and the shoulders of an NFL Linebacker, all safely packed in alcohol and buried in his back yard.

She was built like a porn starlette--by a group of doctors in Beverely Hills.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie found most of her epiphanies in the produce aisle.

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

When Elizabeth thought about the story of her life, it always put her to sleep.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

As his life flashed before his eyes, Dan's last thoughts were "I can't wait to see how this ends."

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

I think someone may have already quoted this here:

quote:
Prioritizing had always been a problem of Tony; it was why he liked shotguns.

Callahan's Con by Spider Robinson.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

The secret of Bob's success could be summarized in two words: lowered expectations.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

*snicker*

It's been a while since we've had a good Bob description.

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

Nathan's ambition throughout high school was to go to a formal dance in the orange Dumb and Dumber tux.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was the kind of host who would run out of food and drink, but always had an ample supply of bathrobes on hand.

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

Of all the colors in the spectrum, Nathan loathed purple the most, mainly because it just seemed so damn stuck up.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie's secret ambition in life was to stick a pig.. just to see how badly it would actually bleed.

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

Nathan had a habit of reading things very... very... wrongly.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

is it "bleed like a stuck pig" or "squeal like a stuck pig?"

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

The whole bleed/squeal quandry led Annie to reevaluate her secret goals; after moping she decided to buy a herd of pigs and get to the bottom of it.

[ October 06, 2003, 01:44 PM: Message edited by: Morbo ]

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

He had the face like the bottom of a herd of pigs, and a smell that makes us envious of the bottom of a herd of pigs.

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

He had a face like a bottom.

Posted by JonnyNotSoBravo (Member # 5715) on :

He had a bottom like a face with really bad breath and a scraggly beard...

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Morbo decided to stampede a herd of pigs through his apartment management office to bolster his bargaining position. [Evil Laugh]

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

After graduating from Vassar, RRR planned to take Dijbouti by storm and form a trivia utopia.

Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :

Leroy was just going to get himself some chicken.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

I just worked out a short story and this is the description of one of the main characters.

"My friends call me Eddy Putz" said the tall, thin, dark haired young man with the smile of an imp and the momma's boy face.

(Momma's boy face--Eddy Putz-- Think about it).

[ October 08, 2003, 04:23 PM: Message edited by: Dan_raven ]

Posted by Robespierre (Member # 5779) on :

He's a hero to us all, blind in one eye and can't see out the other.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Eddy Putz...that's great!!!

LOL

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

(groans) That was terribly punnish, Dan... [Big Grin]

Bertha was the kind of lady that chewed you up, spit you out, and stuck you under the desk for more chewing later.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

ha ha ha ha ha!

And a couple more

ha ha ha ha ha!

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob's personality was like an onion, not so much because of all the layers, but because every time you got inside him, you couldn't help but cry.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was like a piece of corn stuck in the front teeth of society.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob decided that this was one of his favorite threads of all time.

Bob was the kind of patient who would adversely affect the nursing home's toilet paper budget.

Bob lay awake at night wondering how you measure a ruler.

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

Rivka was the sort of person who would suggest using a Royal Tape-Measure.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was the intellectual equivalent of mixing Danish modern and Victorian furniture.

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

Whenever something odd or funny came up, Nathan was relieved he could always fall back on the excuse: "Ya, I'm from Utah."

Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :

Narnia never did think that Nathan's "Ya, I'm from Utah" excuse fully accounted for all of his idiosyncrasies.

Posted by BelladonnaOrchid (Member # 188) on :

She sat at the keyboard, impatiently trying to think of a one line description for the thread.

Posted by Koryu (Member # 5922) on :

Yeah, Abby was one of those people who tried really hard to make it seem like she didn't care, but it never worked out too well for her.

Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :

She was one of those people who didn't understand blonde jokes.
[Big Grin]

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

I have gone over every page, and decided to make a list of some of the ones that really made me smile or really described the character.

Slash:

quote:

He hated himself so much that he condemned the world for allowing him to exist.

Bob:

quote:

It was as if someone had taken the recipe for making a well-rounded human being, left out one crucial ingredient, and the result was Bob.

Bob was the human equivalent of coffee and cigarettes for breakfast.

Bob dedicated his later years to making urban legends come true for an unlucky few teenagers who were out late at night doing things they weren't supposed to do.

Bob believed that God traveled constantly at his side, waiting for the opportunity to shove him into the path of an oncoming semi.

Bob went to a toga party and ended up three sheets to the wind.

Bob held out high hopes of one day meeting his maternal aunt in a dark alley and giving her an anonymous note about what a mean person she is, or maybe whispering this to her after she fell into a coma.

Bored with Summer reruns, childless, and beyond draft age, Bob had finally reached a place in his life where he felt he could really get behind a good war.

Bob has killed off more SIMS characters than any other person on the planet.

To Bob, vacuuming was akin to erasing the memories of all the good times he'd had

Bob had been a dirty old man since the age of two.

Bob was a shining example of what happens when you wrap yourself in aluminum foil.

Bob was the kind of person who, after witnessing the miracle of the loaves and fishes, would've asked for a nice juicy cheeseburger and some fries, to go.

The one thing that kept Bob going was the hope that his goldfish Burt, dead lo these many years, would be waiting for him in Heaven.

Bob spent the years 1972-1975 in an ashram learning to lick his elbows.

Bob spent the latter part of the 1970's and the first half of the 1980's with a piece of corn stuck in his front teeth.

Bob dared people to prove him wrong, and then would go into a weeks-long funk when they invariably succeeded.

Bob was a homebody, not through natural inclination, but by virtue of his court ordered ankle monitor

Bob studied the Bible and the US Constitution looking for loopholes.

Bob had that look about him that said "Ask me anything about Portapotties, anything at all!"

Clay was the sort of person who would pull out a calculator on a date.

Katherine:

quote:

Jose would snub girls as being beneath him, then turn and watch to make sure they noticed.

Janeen complimented people on what secretly thrilled them about themselves.

Madeliene falls in love with her fingers crossed.

Daniel said all the words he thought a father should so the kid would leave him alone to live his real life.

Anthonie lived his life only in theory.

Half of Georgia's favorite avacado-and-banana sandwich lay untouched to impress an audience she hoped was watching

TAK:

quote:

She had a smile that made me look away for fear of defiling anything so innocent and pure.

Sopwith:

quote:

John came here and somewhere a village was left without an idiot.

She had all the grace of a three-legged gazelle falling down an escalator.

T_Smith:

quote:

Nathan dreamed of working in a Pickle Factory.

Nathan was as deep as the ocean, even if people managed not to see past their own reflection.

Sometimes in life, you come across people with Egg Plant costumes for baggage; Nathan was one of those people.

The Airport Security Guy only lifted his eyebrow when he found purple tights in with Nathan's luggage.

Many people who die deserve life, some that live deserve death- Matt realized it was his sole duty to determine who these people were.

Justin would forget to call Nathan, but would proudly announce to him that he and others had a great time without him.

Nathan got misty eye'd listening to songs like "Do you know the muffin man."

Following the beat of his own drummer, Nathan never was the star of the dance floor.

Nathan, as always, smiled and blamed society.

Alex laughed at every dirty joke he thought of and blushed whenever he said it.

Ryuko:

quote:

Abby was the kind of person who tried really hard to get compliments but tried really hard not so seem like she did, and you could tell.

Abby was just like a picture by M.C. Escher: there were a few key things wrong with her, but at first glance, you couldn't see them.

Belle:

quote:

She had a long graceful neck, but not too long
- somewhere between the neck of a Russian ballerina and one of those African tribal necks with all the gold bands on them.

Icarus:

quote:

Other men had love; Joe had television.

Joe was a legendary chef; thirteen deaths from one dinner party will do that for you.

fil was as indispensible as the radishes on a burger

Joe had the blazing intellect and quick wit of a cat who had been shut in the fridge for ten minutes.

Annie:

quote:

If Annie's life were a term paper, it would have serious problems following MLA format.

Annie loved her fellow man like a recovering smoker loves his Wrigley's Doublemint gum.

Some girls are the kind of girl that comes along once in a million years. Annie was more like the kind of girl that comes along every fortnight, but she was still pretty spunky.

Annie kept a cryptic notebook titled "Questions to ask God when I get there" and scribbled in it furiously from time to time.

Annie was the type of girl you secretly wanted to send screaming from the room.

Frisco:

quote:

Eddie's the type of guy who'd call you every day, even if it was just to tell you that you make a crappy snow angel.

Advice For Robots:

quote:

Reuben kept his keys clipped to his cat's collar, so when he wanted them all he had to do was open a can of tuna.

Reuben had seen the warning signs; they were written in lipstick on his front window.

Dan_Raven:

quote:

Bob is like a Slinky . . .. not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see him tumble down the stairs.

Dan's mind slowly registered that for a corpse, he was moving quite rapidly and almost gracefully.

Everyday Dan planned to conquer the world, but always got stuck in traffic instead.

He had the looks only a mother could love, and he had shot his mother earlier that day.

Morbo never argued with his dreams, so when he dreamed he could fly,
he bought the red tights and the cape and made his way onto the roof.

He was the sort of guy who's fortune cookie's were almost always blank.

Dan liked the perfect steak, but he liked gallons of steak sauce too.

Bob practiced for hours each day until he could literally ooze sincerity from his every pore.

Dan strove hard to be one of the good guys, despite his occupation as goon, hit man, and mafia weasel. He tipped well.

The Magnificent Le'Fon was a skinny little clumsy and geeky mouse of a birthday magician whom the all powerful beings of darkness had decreed, "Must Die!"

He thought marketing breast shaped headphones with the phrase, "The Hills ARE alive with the sound of music" was clever and witty.

Liz wore his heart on her sleeve, after all, he wouldn't be needing it anymore, not buried in the backyard with all the others who ever insulted her fashion choices.

He was a heartless dolt, mainly due to Liz's sharp knife and a disagreement over the the proper use of smileys.

Dan was so ugly, inside and out, that God considered making an 11th commandment--"Thou shalt not Dan".

Jehovoid:

quote:

Everyone knows there's more than one way to skin a cat, but only Kyle knew exactly which other ways.

WheatPuppet:

quote:

Nick was a deeply shallow person.

Hobbes:

quote:

Kenji was the sort of person who thought that opening a window by his computer counted as outside exercise.

Morbo:

quote:

Morbo prided himself on always following the rules; his opponents often forgot that he made them up as he went along.

The asthmatic fat kid lumbered to his least favorite class:"Studies in state-sponsored urban terrorism;" or as others called it "gym, with dodgeball."

Alucard:

quote:

Barry was painfully and continually reminded of all the things that rhymed with his name.

ClaudiaTherese

quote:

There were many ways for CT to try to make friends, but unfortunately, she choose the rather unsettling strategy of hitting strangers over the head.

Elizabeth:

quote:

She wore her heart on her sleeve, but, unfortunately, used the sleeve to wipe her nose

Shy Violet:

quote:

Shy Violet lurked around Hatrack, reading over your shoulder like that creepy old man that lives at the bus station.

Emperor Palpatine:

quote:

Having no luck looking for dates at Star Wars premieres, Emp decided he was looking in Alderaan places.

Again, these are just personal preferences.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob changed his mind the way most people change a watch -- by pulling out the stem and twisting.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

T_Smith was the kind of person who wouldn't merely bump a thread, but make it his own at the same time.

Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :

Bob, can I use the watch (stem removal and twisting version) for a great story opener? Can I pretty please? Please? Pleeeeaaassseee?

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Sure, as long as you are confident that I didn't plagiarize it from someone else, it's yours to do with as you wish.

[Big Grin]

PS: to the best of my knowledge, I didn't steal it.

PPS: I have a memory like a swiss cheese, though.

Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :

You're a swell guy, Bob! [Monkeys]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob had a mind like a steel trap -- every time it caught onto something, you had to reset it, and ideas would actually gnaw off their own leg to escape!

Bob was raised by a maiden aunt who possessed the largest collection of antique porcelain bed pans in the world.

Bob learned the hard way that it was impolite to ask a woman if she was post-menopausal.

Bob had a death wish -- it mainly centered on indefinite postponement and not arriving during waking hours.

[ January 04, 2004, 04:35 PM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Shan, may I see this story when you are ready?

Posted by MoonRabbit (Member # 3652) on :

The way I look makes heads turn - unfortunately, it's from morbid curiosity.

Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :

*Gasp*

You actually want me to tease the plot out of my head and onto paper?

*End - Gasp*

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Abby was well on her way to gaining her doctorate in making things difficult for herself.

She was the kind of lady who defied understanding, even by herself.

Ideas occurred to Abby like rainstorms, sometimes slowly and idly, sometimes in a quick burst, but usually with a darkening of countenance.

Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :

Stop reading my journals, Ryuko . . . [Grumble]

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

(sighs) Too busy writing my own.

Unfortunately, Abby spent too much time musing over what she'd write about her life that she forgot to actually live it.

Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :

Robey was always being serious when he was suppose to be joking and joking because he took nothing seriously.

[Hat]

Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :

Ouch!

I promise that st some point you WILL stop living vicariously through your journal. I do promise . . . just don't ask when that will happen . . .

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Don't worry, it was something of an exaggeration... I'm all right. [Big Grin]

Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :

[Smile]

I knew that -

[Big Grin]

Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :

Abby was the type of person who saw kodak moments as potential live journal avatars. [Smile]

(inspired by your reaction to the RotK parody)

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

[Razz]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob spent much of his day attempting to immitate his favorite smiley. [Big Grin]

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Ditto: [Evil Laugh]

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan had a severe, nausea making, hair aching, bright light sensitive, pretty colored light embedded on the brain,headache, and was darn proud of it.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Abby was often a severe, hair aching, bright light sensitive, pretty colored light embedded on the brain headache, and she had worked hard to become that way.

Posted by odouls268 (Member # 2145) on :

Ooh! Ooh! somebody do me!

Posted by odouls268 (Member # 2145) on :

NO ONE post that in the out of context thread!!

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

O'douls was the type of person to demand everybody "do ME!!" then try hard to cover it up.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

At the risk of turning this into an onanism thread, I'll just add that Odouls should do himself.

That's what we all do.

[Big Grin]

Posted by Rhaegar The Fool (Member # 5811) on :

This line desribes the peron to a tee.

"He's Irish"

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

In search of Stress relief, Dan often came to the One Line Description thread and posted his wit, all in the hopes that others would discover his hidden talents and sign him to a multi-book deal.
.
.
.
.
.

Well, I'm waiting.

Dan was the type of person who waited a lot.

Still waiting.

Dan never played the lottery, he attacked it as a full time job.

Dan was the type of person who noticed the similarities between a "Full time job" and a "Fool time job."

Still waiting.

Dan once thought he was crazy, but the voices in his head convinced him he was sane.

Whenever given the choice between a rock and a hard place, Dan always choose to back up and find a different route.

Posted by Javert Hugo (Member # 3980) on :

Janet noticed that women are patient with and change for men much more often than men are patient with and change for women.

Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :

Chris has the heart of a lion-- well, ever since the hunting accident, that is.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan was as thirsty as a re-dried raison in a box of salt, which made him wonder why he was eating re-dried raisons in a box of salt.

The only time anyone ever called him bright was when he french kissed an electric outlet, and that was mostly due to the glow from his melting underwear.

Ned had no given name. He stole his name from a corpse at AJ's funeral home and caterering service.

I'm still waiting.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

To Bob, the glass was always half-full, but it had a cigarette butt floating in it.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

He was the worst kind of Grammar Nazi, the skeletal thin kind, with a short dark mustache and a sub-machine gun.

He was a hairless round monk from the church of the third path, alway quoting the catcheism, "When forced to pick between A and B, always choose C."

Tiny grinned for there are few things in this world more dangerous than a tiny man with a big sword.

Many people said he was a pretty boy with a big and ugly gun, mainly because he asked them too, and he did have the big and ugly gun.

"Who's Your Daddy" he screamed over and over again, with his eyes clenched tightly closes and sweat pouring from his body, which was pretty strange since he was sitting alone in a quickly emptying bus on his way to Trenton New Jersey.

Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :

Never one to suffer fools lightly, Grant brought a cheesecake to his mother-in-law's afternoon tea.

Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :

The only law Mike was abiding to was Coles Law so he lived a life of crime and barbecue.

Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :

(Dang Dan, the Who's Your Daddy one still has me crackin' up)

Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :

Eddie was the type of person who would read about a mass-murderer and think, "What a go-getter!" (Izzard reference)

Jeffrey was the type of person who would footnote his jokes. (Which I really do in real life,ugh.)

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Jeff considered himself really real in reality, which was a surprise to everyone who thought he was a figment of some demented mind.

(I'm still waiting)

Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :

Reuben worked hard day-to-day to leverage his resources on a going-forward basis.

Reuben's living room wallpaper consisted entirely of yellow post-it notes in homage to a former girlfriend who used to work for 3M.

Reuben had an unnatural fear of the Enter key and never did start using it until the latter half of 2002 during what his psychologist called a major breakthrough period.

Posted by Wussy Actor (Member # 5937) on :

Matt always slept with a baseball bat under his bed so that if someone broke in, they couldn’t find it.

Matt flunked freshman literature because he refused to recognize anything that didn’t rhyme as poetry.

Matt was the kind of guy that you would cross the street to throw a brick at.

edited to call attention to the preposition at the end of my sentence

[ January 07, 2004, 05:37 PM: Message edited by: Wussy Actor ]

Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :

Cecily wasn't one of those people that jumped on the bandwagon...she always seemed to get run over by it instead.

Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :

Jeffrey would often engage strangers in walking contests on the sidewalk, even though they were completely unaware of it, and if he ever lost, it is only because he refuses to step on the cracks.

Jeffrey invented the word meta-invention, and then went cross-eyed.

[ January 08, 2004, 01:50 PM: Message edited by: jehovoid ]

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

The first thing most people noticed about Dan was his infectious smile, and rarely noticed the infectious growth four inches to its left.

He was tall as a post, but the post won hands down when it came to brains.

He could talk a tree into taking a walk, though the tree was usually just avoiding his bad breath.

She was as quiet and timid as a neon orange double-d tank top would allow her to be.

[ January 08, 2004, 04:53 PM: Message edited by: Dan_raven ]

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

She was hovering in the purgatory of greasiness that lies between being noticeable and being repulsive.

He was one of those guys that actually read Playboy for the articles.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Oh Ryoku, there are NO such guys. Even gay guys look at the pictures (if only to critique the outfits). [Big Grin]

Bob was the sort of person whose Christmas cards came exclusively from Dentists, Insurance Companies and local realtors.

His lifelist now complete, Bob felt it was high time that he ... dang, I got nothin'.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

When she showed up for the annual horseback ride with her Gucci boots, Coach saddle, and the stirrups she'd borrowed from her Gynecologist, everyone realized that Maggie's "down-home-country-girl" thing was just an act.

Bob stopped swimming in public pools after seeing Jaws.

Bob took great personal pride in knowing the individual who had coined the word "gridlock."

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

After much soul-searching, Bob decided to use his powers of making really kick-ass grits only for good.

Bob had that dream of showing up for a meeting naked...and acted on it.

Bob was the sort of person destined to have his neighbors remark "he always seemed so nice...well it just goes to show you."

Last Tuesday, Bob unknowingly became the person on the most internet-based lists in the world.

If it is true that we are all connected, Bob is the short-circuit.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Some people have been known to spend vast sums of money to prove that there are more than six degrees of separation between themselves and Bob.

Ever the optimist, Bob preferred to see the diaper as half empty.

Bob's claim to the secret knowledge of alchemy rested solely on his ability to make chicken bullion.

<okay, that last one may be too subtle. I bet Dan gets it though...>

Posted by Javert (Member # 3076) on :

There once was a man from Nantuckett, and Chris found that they had very little in common.

Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :

Bob, Ryuko must have been thinking of my grandfather. I'm absolutely certain he only read Playboy for the articles.

The Braille version doesn't have pictures. [Razz]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Just lots and lots of lumps!

[Razz]

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan was the type of person who understood the subtlety in a alchemicist/chicken bullion joke. :lol

He was like, well, [Grumble]

, and that was only on his good days, which were April 9th and every third friday.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was mean but very polite about it.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob takes his favorite pillow with him wherever he goes.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob thought the term "napkin" referred to relatives you sleep with.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

quote:
(if only to critique the outfits)

Or lack thereof... [Blushing]

The articles, I was surprised to find, are quite interesting... [Dont Know]

Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :

Eddie's the type of person who expects to be disliked by people, but gets offended as all hell if he's shunned by a cat.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Ryuko, yeah, it is rather surprising, isn't it? Over the years, Playboy has published some very good sci fi too. Not that I read it...

I just looked at the pictures.

Then I realized that there isn't a woman on the planet who actually looks like that in real life. I mean, shoot, they could probably air-brush a picture and turn me into a centerfold. And I bet that staple tickles!

Oh well.

I actually did read the sci fi in one or two issues. And it was good.

I often wonder how that magazine survives, though. I don't know a single (or married) man who subscribes. I knew one guy who did all throughout college.

I haven't heard anyone even mention an article or a photo layout in years as being important or a "must see."

And yet I know it must sell a lot of copies...

Maybe it's all those junior high kids.

[Eek!]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob preferred sleeping on a twin bed mainly because the Hot-Wheels bedspread only came in that size.

Of all the drivel in the world, Bob liked meaningless drivel best.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Meaningless is my favorite kind of drivel, too!!

Anyway, yeah, Playboy is also kept afloat by easily-amused college girls on a weekend away. ^_^V

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob's the kind of guy who would hold a Superbowl party and then make those little corner-wedgie sandwiches with cucumber and cream cheese.

Bob once held a dinner party where he forced Peruvians to try tempura.
(Okay, that one's true)

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

(drools) If you made those sandwiches, I would GO! Hehehe, OK, maybe not, TX is a little far. But them're good.

Posted by Javert Hugo (Member # 3980) on :

quote:
Bob took great personal pride in knowing the individual who had coined the word "gridlock."

Really??? That's so cool!

Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :

Upon becoming a young man, Jeffrey set out into the world to sow his Quaker oats.

Jeffrey interpreted the ancient Eastern philosophy of "becoming one with the universe" as trying to have sex with as many people/things as possible. He never achieved a state of spiritual oneness, but he did achieve many, many threenesses.

[ January 12, 2004, 02:44 PM: Message edited by: jehovoid ]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

kat, yes indeed. His name is Samuel I. Schwartz and at the time he was commissioner of the Traffic Bureau of the NYC Department of Transportation. Nowadays, he's a consulting doing traffic plans. He's doing the studies in support of the redevelopment of the WTC site.

Very interesting guy. Great to work for.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was known for his ankles.

Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :

Hannah was one of those rare individuals who looked good in yellow.

Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :

I love this thread. [Smile]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Many was the day that Bob spent sorting his socks into enigmatic patterns on the kitchen floor.

She was both flattered and slightly disturbed to learn that Bob had named each and every one of her freckles, and then formed them into constellations.

Bob's imaginary friend broke all his toys.

Bob began to doubt his own sanity when he discovered that the pet he'd shared his home with for over ten years was really just a washcloth stretched over a wire frame.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Dangling there, Bob thought of a pun about how he'd finally reached the end of his rope.

Bob took a trip to recharge his soul, but the astral plane went down with no survivors.

Bob decided to get serious about his health after his doctor said "if you were a dog, I'd have you put to sleep."

Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :

Jeffrey was never sure whether he was awake or dreaming, which explains why he got arrested for public nudity so often.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob went to so many conferences that he ultimately decided to wallpaper his bedroom with those "Hi, My name is ___" stickers.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan learned something new every day (like the history of gridlock), but he forgot something old every hour.

Amnesia was a forgettable girl with an unforgettable name.

Dan's mental compass never pointed north, but instead it led to a mythical island that only he could visit.

Dan often dreamed about being a pirate, but realized he hated to sail, disliked the sea, was not into violence, and was basically looking for an excuse to hang around parrots.

Dan loved everybody and everybody loved Dan, which just goes to prove that opposites do attract.

Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :

Reuben never did fully recover from the pencil wound he took defending his adjustable swivel chair in the Office Equipment Riots of '02.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob found that it was very effective to turn the other cheek -- you almost have to to get in a good roundhouse kick to the lower jaw.

Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :

Whenever Jeffrey stood behind someone in lines, he would think to himself, "I know you can read my mind, person standing in front of me," just to see if they would turn around, but when they invariably did not, it really didn't prove anything since if they really could read minds they wouldn't blow their cover like that.

afr, that was pretty funny.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Where other people would cross the street to avoid the beggars and downtrodden, Dan had no qualms of walking right up to them and kicking them in the shins.

He was filled with a deep throbbing uncontrolable rage, topped with a marichino cherry.

His smile had that natural sincerity that only comes from hours of practice in front of a mirror.

Dan wore out his VCR taping comercials.

Every day Dan strove to be the best Dan he could be, which, when all was said and done, wasn't that great anyway.

Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :

Likewise, jehovoid--I have a good chuckle at every one of yours. [Big Grin]

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie tended to have momentary epiphanies of the true nature of the universe that really freaked her out.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

When Annie left a room, people tended to let her linger in their thoughts for hours, mostly out of sheer morbid curiosity.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie could keep a secret as well as a really bad spy.

Posted by Wussy Actor (Member # 5937) on :

Just for kicks, Matt filled out his income tax forms in roman numerals and paid his bill in pennies.

Matt brought a suave, James Bond-like, demeanor to the position of assistant garage door installer.

After years of hard work, Matt realized that “owner of the world’s largest can opener collection” is not really all that enviable a title.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Dan...are you just posting your favorites? Seems like we've seen those before.

Bob was blessed with a really poor memory and consequently lived his life in a perpetual state of surprise.

Bob's use of colorful metaphors was really just a cover for the fact that he couldn't string a coherent sentence together.

Everything about Bob -- his hair, his clothing, and even his attitudes -- was best described as "wind blown."

Bob cheated at Solitaire and lost.

Bob approached his career the way a three-year-old approaches a tall stack of building blocks.

Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :

If the human race was a cosmic hitchhiker, Jeffrey was the thumb.

Killing kittens wasn't fun for Jeffrey, but dammit, it's what he was good at.

Jeffrey would often compliment someone else's post just for the return compliment.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Like a lighter, Abby seemed innocuous until someone knew just what to say to set her off, at which point she became violently fiery.

Abby didn't limit herself to shooting off her mouth, she did it with the rest of her limbs as well.

Abby had the aspect of someone who could go off at any moment except when she actually felt that way; this she used to her advantage.

Abby was free with laughter, but not with smiles.

Abby had built a wall between her emotions and her face.

Certain verses were such a part of Abby that sometimes when she was half-asleep, she felt that she was made of them.

Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :

Faye had a mind like a steel trap with a dead bear in it.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan thought his redundancy was unique, but he didn't have the memory to be sure.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

pooka...LOL!

Bob was a man who was hard on cell phones.

Bob liked Christmas lights so much that he had a string of them surgically implanted under his skin.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was so childish and illogical that no-one could follow his choo-choo of thought.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob lived his life according to a very detailed roadmap of a town he did not live in.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was a maverick, or maybe he was a Pinto, or a Vega -- anyway, he was some sort of crappy car from the 1970's.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob fell asleep writing about himself

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob wasn't important enough to have an inferiority complex.

Bob was a real lady-killer who would melt the girls hearts -- reason enough to hold him in a maximum security facility if you ask me.

Posted by lcarus (Member # 4395) on :

Joe was the type of person who tried to e-mail his friend Bob, only to be balked by the fact that his e-mail address was hidden from his profile, and Hatrack's e-mail thingy would not forward the message. Ever resourceful, though, Joe was also the type to send the e-mail to every potentially out of date e-mail addy he had lingering in his contact list for Bob, and hope his friend received it.

Joe was also the type of person who was currently on AIM.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was the type of person who would see his friend's post hours too late and call the friend's house while he was out rehearsing for Barefoot in the Park but then promise to call on Wednesday when his friend would be in.

After much trial and error, Bob finally narrowed down all his problems to a single source -- the stuffed monkey he'd been given as a gift from a stranger many years before.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was so shy, he had to get drunk to discuss the weather . . . with friends.

Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :

Lindsay's roommate dressed not wisely, but too well.

Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :

In high school, Jeffrey was voted most likely to die from choking on his own saliva.

Jeffrey was a self-made man, but a plastic-surgeon-made woman.

Jeffrey viewed the world through a pair of prescription rose-colored glasses.

If Jeffrey didn't know what it was or what it was used for, then by golly he would tinker around with it until he found out.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was so full of whimsy one morning he just up and floated away.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob had half a mind to...no, that's it, Bob just had half a mind.

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

Which half?

Posted by kwsni (Member # 1831) on :

Hominy was dead, but that wasn't the problem.

Ni!

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

rivka: Why the witty half, of course! [Razz]

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Abby was so easy to cheer up that it unsettled even her.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Abby was slowly becoming reaccustomed to the idea of post-whoring.

Posted by Dr. Seuss (Member # 2487) on :

BECKY! That line isn't for here...

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

The possible negative consequences of her actions hovered inexorably above her head.

Posted by kwsni (Member # 1831) on :

is too! it's a PERFECT one line discription!

the story won't suffer for me having posted it.

Ni!

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Once people understood that Bob truly enjoyed being confused, everything made perfect sense.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Once people understood that Abby truly enjoyed confusing them, they were wary of playing cooperative games with her.

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

Once Rivka was confused.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan had half a mind to...well, actually he had a closet full of minds he took home from his job at the mortuary, but that wasn't important here.

Dan was confused by Confucius, which Dan considered far better than being budded by Buddha.

He was not so much Yin to her Yang, as Cinnamon to her Broccoli.

He stood as tall and proud as his five foot three inch body would allow in its pink tights and chartruese crepe ruffles.

Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :

Jeffrey had the reflexes of a cat, which is why he always grew suddenly hungry whenever he heard a can-opener.

Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :

Dana was the kind of person who knew exactly which end of the screwdriver to hit the nail with.

Though she often hit her finger instead.

Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :

If brain cells were Jews, then Jeffrey was a Hitler, and his skull a veritable Auschwitz.

Jeffrey ate his cookie dough raw not because he was lazy, but because he had a strong sense of adventure.

Jeffrey never shot a man in Reno just to watch him die, but he did drop his fork in Hooters just to watch the waitress pick it up.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Jev, who hasn't.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was so full of questions about life he couldn't decide whether to live it or end it.

Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :

That just made me think, we should have a thread devoted to one line descriptions of peoples. For instance:

For the French life is an art, of which they are all harsh critics.

Although I guess this would just become a stockpile of stereotypes, instead of the people thread, which is a stockpile of idiosyncracies. I should've just made it into a Dobie, or combined it with the one I already did. Oh well.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Five Faces of Evil

John, an almost invisibly average looking man in his middle years called this gathering together, for only John's uncompromising bueaurocratic heart could consider and flawlessly, uncaringly, implement such a plot.

Baron Raphael Elan arrived late, as was his desire which, in his perfectly tailored silk suit, was how he did most everything, and out of his suit, how he did most everyone.

T-17 was a self replicating, self aware, all destructive computer virus with no wit, no voice, no heart, and no way it could ever be stopped.

The Reverend Doctor Jimmy Antigone was a master at twisting the sacred into the profane, and the profane into the sacred and himself with his down home ruffled suit and killer smile, into the hearts of those who wanted easy salvation.

Jenny Baker was the most dangerous and evil of them all, being a sweet looking, spoiled twelve year old girl who firmly believed the world revolved around her, and that anyone who did not believe that she knew best were dangerous and had to die, preferably slowly but without too much of a mess.

Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :

BannaOJ has obscene thoughts partially involving Opus pop into her mind every time she sees the "Smack the Penguin" thread title.

Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :

Jeremiah was a Balrog.

Posted by Ayelar (Member # 183) on :

Aja was the kind of girl who never noticed her bathroom lacked electrical outlets.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was like water to a drowning man.

Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :

"Arrive late," is that what the kids are calling it nowadays?

pooka-- that was awesome!

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Pookah [Smile]

Let me continue--

Galdaf sings, "Jerimiah was a Balrog,
the Demon in the mine.
I never understood a single word he said,
but he had some fun a die'n.

Yes we had some fun a die'n."

[ January 23, 2004, 12:55 PM: Message edited by: Dan_raven ]

Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :

"Woe to Middle Earth;
All the rings are cursed.
Woe to the hobbits and the dwarves and men,
Woe to Lorien."

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

[Hail]

Jev

Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :

Faye was so culturally limited, she only knew the first line of "Jeremiah was a Bullfrog" from watching "28 Days" with Sandra Bullock and Viggo Mortensen.

Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :

That's what I think about now whenever I hear the song too. It never dawned on me that that was Viggo Mortensen until now though. After LotR, I started seeing him in all kinds of other movies that he had already done.

Posted by enjeeo (Member # 2336) on :

Debbie was an all-powerful master computer set to take over the world and hoping no-one would remember where the switch was.

Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :

What could you say about Jeffrey that hasn't already been said in the police report?

Jeffrey knew that he wasn't really a superhero, but dammit he looked good in a cape!

Jeffrey's favorite time of the day was the 5 minutes after he woke up, just before reality sets in.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was a "Darwin Award" just waiting to happen.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan's singing was not a deadly weapon, but those listening to it wished it was, just to be put out of their misery.

Dan often fantasized that his life was a sit-com that never made it into syndication.

Dan had the military genius of Napoleon's dead rotting corpse.

Dan often strove for the wealth of Micheal Jackson, the spiritual convictions of Ghandi, and the chance to sleep with Madonna. Unfortunately as a child he ended up with the spiritual convictions of Madonna, the wealth of Ghandi, and Mr. Jackson kept looking at him funny.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Scazdagit! I just love this thread!!!

Bob didn't have a forked tongue, but his nose was decidedly cheese-grater shaped.

Bob was 100% behind the even-numbered commandments.

In high school, Bob was voted "most likely to be written up as a case study in The Journal of Modern Mortuary Science."

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Bob was the kind of person who loved fluff threads on the internet, and fluffy green mold in the refrigerator.

Dan was the kind of person who kept fluff threads in the refrigerator and fluffy green mold on his computer.

He was a fluffy green refrigerator mold that had evolved into a concious state that thought deep thoughts such as, "I wish I had a refrigerator too grow fluffy green mold in."

When they said that the fluff thread had a life of its own, they never guessed it was the life of a serial killer.

He collected the odd cereal boxes that came with TV cartoon characters, movie stars, and super heros on them. (Actually describes a coworker)

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob spent his days classifying injuries in automobile crashes based on the type of vehicle, the belt system used, and whether the vehicle had rolled over or not.

(sad to say, this is indeed the truth).

Bob died without having left a single fingerprint on any life.

In his blue blazer, long underwear, mask, fins and snorkel, Bob was one who was surely equipped for greatness.

Bob was fond of saying that things were "over the top."

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan's life was littered with the chocolate coated fingerprints left by Bob.

Dan spewed innuendo like a drunken frat guy spews used beer.

There were some gross images that once inflicted on the mind, were impossible to pry loose. Dan was one of those images.

Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :

Why do we all use the past tense in this thread? One line descriptions of dead people? Oh well.

Jeffrey didn't like being pushed around, but being in a wheelchair and having no arms kinda forced the issue.

Jeffrey was goofier than a giraffe in roller skates.

When the voices in his head said "jump," Jeffrey asked "how high."

Jeffrey wanted to change his name to Ghando the Magnificent for practical reasons.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Jeff was as tall as a good sigh, with hair the color of burnt marmalade, but he had the personality of zesty taco cheese gone bad.

Dan loves to give descriptions that make no sense, but sound deep and thoughtful.

Dan makes no sense, but sells it as being deep and thoughtful.

Bob's biggest regret last weekend was that Janet flashed the right one, when the left was Bob's favorite.

Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :

Robey always buys that for a dollar.

Whenever Robey enters the room people stop to stare, get up and leave.

The only way Robey can get a word in edgwise is to talk to himself, but then he isnt sure if anybody is listening.

Robey's humor is as about as sharp as a cumcumber and not half as piercing.

Robey got so tired of being subtle and missunderstood that he now carries around a note pad with preplanned flow charts on them.

Robey got so tired of being misunderstood that he now carries around a translator(named guido) with a baseball bat

Robey would rather be fishing but his tounge is still sore from the last time he used it as bait.

Robey would rather be hunting but the women seem to be able to smell him before he can see them.

[ February 02, 2004, 06:36 PM: Message edited by: Yebor1 ]

Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :

Robey decided that "whatever" was not a positive reply to his pick up lines.

The more Robey's freinds said he was off and something was defiantley wrong with that man the harder he tried to make them laugh.

Robey has plenty of experience talking to hands.

Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :

Ps if i repeated someone elses I am sorry,
I didnt want to read them first so I would not get contaminated and use someone elses description.

This way it is purely coincidental and the plaugerism is simply because great minds think alike.

Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :

Robey is like a paint by number painting, the farther away you get the better he looks.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob loves this thread.

Bob claimed to be a one woman guy, but nobody believed he'd ever had that many.

One thing you could say for him, Bob was cultured -- so long as you mixed the agar just right.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob had a heart of gold, which is why he's been hooked to a blood pump since birth.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Around the office, Bob was known as the Osama bin Laden of free donut Fridays.

Bob saved his entire life to afford a gravesite with a view.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

quote:
One thing you could say for him, Bob was cultured -- so long as you mixed the agar just right.

that's priceless. [Smile]

Spending enough hours with Annie was enough to make anyone crave shortenin' bread.

Annie was born, eerily enough, whistling "Dixie."

Annie could make hush puppies just by lookin' at 'em.

Posted by Wussy Actor (Member # 5937) on :

Matt had unheard of approval ratings in the 12 to 14 year old dyslexic little person demographic.

Matt had a heart for youth, although he wished he could have given them a brain.

Matt was a compulsive liar. Not really.

Matt liked to fill the bathtub and turn on the shower so he could pretend he was in a submarine that had been hit by a torpedo.

Matt frequently got complaints from his neighbors for teaching their dogs to curse in Yiddish.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was sick and tired of being probed by aliens...or was it being asked for that overdue report...one of those anyway.

Everytime someone gets a hug in Hatrack's hug thread, Bob names a Sim in their honor.

Bob never met a simile he didn't like.

[ February 08, 2004, 09:35 PM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]

Posted by the fro (Member # 2070) on :

jeff threw his last dart and wondered why she walked out the door without saying goodbye.

Posted by Anthro (Member # 6087) on :

Phillip was the type who'd be immortalized in urban legends and stories told 'round the campfire.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was strangely excited by the fact that Nilsson Schmilsson has been re-released on CD after lo these many years.

Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :

Wussy Actor, the submarine bit was particularly hilarious.

Jeffrey's dream was to move to California and stick his head up his own ass.

Jeffrey was king for a day, but the peasants were revolting.

Luckily for him, Jeffrey had one of those lives that would eventually come to an end.

Jeffrey died in his sleep while dreaming that he had died in his sleep, and this confused the hell out of God.

[ February 10, 2004, 12:07 PM: Message edited by: jehovoid ]

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Jeff, don't turn this into another God thread.

God was the type of omnipresent person who, when he sat around the universe, enjoyed the idea that he sat around the universe.

Dan knew the secrets of political success, and strove with all his powers to avoid them.

Dan figured it was OK to laugh at God since, he believed that God giggled constantly at him.

Having no grammatical skills, even less mathematics, and no logic skills at all, George decided to be the education candidate.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was a sociopath's sociopath.

Bob had 1/4 Indian blood -- that'll happen when you get a transfusion in Oklahoma.

Bob wondered why all of his relationships ended with curdled milk, a half-eaten danish and a nasty rug burn.

Bob had really ripped abs, but the surgeon was able to fix most of the damage.

Bob had angry eyes and sweet, sweet eyelashes.

Bob was a study in contradictions...well, not really.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was considered an excellent prospect for a long distance relationship or marriage after death.

Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :

BOB!!! <BIG SIGH>

FG

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

preferably both

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Dan...LOL. That really SHOULD have been "and/or"

[ROFL]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob's greatest ambition was to get a tattoo saying "if rash develops, discontinue use."

Posted by Wussy Actor (Member # 5937) on :

Matt was the kind of person whose painful reminders were provided by tiny fairies with tiny cattle prods.

Matt liked to think of himself as a newer, hipper, Pat Boone.

Matt went to graduate school to get a masters in deferring his student loans.

Matt decided that if they made just one more flavor of fritos he might have to hurt somebody.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

FG:

quote:
BOB!!! <BIG SIGH>

Bob was used to women sighing over him, but only recently discovered that it was mostly out of pity or remorse.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was so unhappy with his new bookcase that he was bordering on shelf-deprecation.

Posted by Taalcon (Member # 839) on :

Dave loved sleep, but sleep was secretly filing for a divorce.

Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :

[ROFL]

Bob, you're incorrigible.

FG

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Funny, my seventh grade teacher called me that. Oh, and belligerent too.

B!

Oh, forgot to mention, her name was Sister Juliana.

Frequin' penguin.

[Evil Laugh]

Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :

Jeffrey put his pants on one leg at a time, but this still made the other people at the bus stop uncomfortable.

In her golden years at the nursing home, Helen was said to have the face that broke a thousand hips.

Apart from actually knowing, Jeffrey rather enjoyed telling people why you parked in a driveway and drove in a parkway.

Jeffrey's phone always seemed to ring while he was on the can.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan used his formidable mental powers to call other people whenever they were on the can.

People called Dan "Sick and Wrong" but unfortunately he was quite healthy.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

A friend asked Bob to float a loan, so he waded out into the middle of the Atlantic.

To Bob, having children was the highest form of revenge.

Bob was the inventor of those alarming statistics that go "every 62 minutes a <insert horrible event here>."

Bob was the first person to tell Gene Roddenberry that "to boldly go..." was a split infinitive.

Bob wanted Ginger on a Mary-Ann budget.

Posable_Man is thinking of moving in on Barbie now that Ken is out of the picture.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Barbie, like to many women, imagined a poseable man made of wood was the perfect male companion.

He was red as a drum beat and twice as confusing as this sentence.

She often confused deep thoughts with deep bull. In other words, she was a normal human being.

He often worried that he would go into the election booth and come out as someone else.

With the advent of cell phones, and the loss of good telephone booths, Dan's dreams of changing into superman had stalled.

Bathroom stalled to be exact.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob joined the KKK when he found out that the sheets were 800 thread count Egyptian cotton, but they kicked him out when he asked for Queen size.

[ February 16, 2004, 09:19 PM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]

Posted by reader (Member # 3888) on :

quote:
Apart from actually knowing, Jeffrey rather enjoyed telling people why you parked in a driveway and drove in a parkway.

Sounds like me. Very much so, in fact. [Smile]

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan had a deep gut wrenching fear that he would type in the wrong word: "to" when he meant "too" or "blue" when he meant "blew".

Yes, Dan was Homonymaphic.

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

Rivka was the sort of person who fretted that it actually ought to be "homonymaphobic."

Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :

Dan had a deep gut-wrenching fear that he might actually be afraid of hominy.

[ February 17, 2004, 12:36 PM: Message edited by: jehovoid ]

Posted by Anti-Chris (Member # 4452) on :

Man, I love this thread. Helps pass time.

::looks at watch::

Wow, 2 minutes. Where DID that time go?

Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :

"Never again" were words that Jeffrey uttered all too often.

Jeffrey was like bubble wrap. He was clear and simple, he protected fragile things from harm, and little kids took a delight in trampling him.

Posted by Banna_Oj (Member # 6207) on :

Farmgirl was the Kansas version of Miss Cleo, except Farmgirl owned a real pitchfork.

(sorry read this thread and then the Passion thread and I couldn't help it!)

AJ

Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :

Jeffrey only spoke in either the hypothetical or the parenthetical.

Jeffrey actually could eat just one.

I would say that Jeffrey was the missing link but then that would imply that somebody actually missed him.

Ya'll always spoke of yourselves in the 2nd person plural.

Jeffrey preferred crunchy peanut butter because it made a more satisfying thud when hitting someone in the back of the head.

[ February 19, 2004, 02:51 PM: Message edited by: jehovoid ]

Posted by EmoKid (Member # 6215) on :

Emokid was tall in the way that made short people envious, and really tall people scoff.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob used to worry that people hated him because he kept such a neat desk, but then he realized that people hated him for so many more reasons than that and that, in point of fact, his desk was a complete mess.

Bob's clothing always looked better on the people who'd donated it.

Bob managed to avoid all of the seven deadly sins, but he was completely under the power of the 32 sins that'll make you midly ill for about a week.

It got so bad that Bob finally had to go on a 12-step program to wean himself from 12-step programs.

Bob prided himself on being out in the fringe of society where no support groups dare to tread.

Bob led a very compartmentalized life, and would continue to do so for 5 to 20.

[ February 19, 2004, 04:59 PM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan had a deep gut wrenching fear of wretching from his deep gut.

He would spend hours fretting over lost minutes.

She lost a weekend once, but found a Tuesday right where she knew it shouldn't have been.

As usualy she blamed the Tequilla when in reality it was the Mint Julep

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Welcome EmoKid

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was the absentee landlord of his own destiny.

Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :

:: sticks pitchfork in AJ ::
[Smile]

I hardly ever read this thread, so I almost missed your post.

You'all are good at this!

FG

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan was an absenty War-Lord, which pretty much explains his lack of military success.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob actually WAS the path of least resistance.

(corrollary: And if you don't believe me, just try him!)

[Razz]

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan liked to play with large electrodes and high voltage batteries, and those volunteers who dared him to find if they were in fact, the path of least resistance.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Reminds me of the pauper who worked on the train that ran into a powerline. He was the only survivor. Because he was such a poor conductor.

[Big Grin]

Posted by scottneb (Member # 676) on :

I laughed out loud on that one Bob.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Funny, I groaned out loud.

Posted by scottneb (Member # 676) on :

Maybe I'm just in too good of a mood. I just got back from the chiropractor.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

(noogies Emo Kid)

Abby had a sneaking suspicion that she knew Emo Kid from somewhere....

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob wasn't a blank slate, he was more of a muddy stream someone had tried to write on with a big floppy vine.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan had a sneaky suspicion that he had lived this life before, only better, and involving fewer green olives.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob's sole reason for going to church was so that he could safely yell out "Amen" whenever the voices in his head came out with a really good bit of sarcasm.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was weaned on shoe leather, turpentine and rattlesnake venom -- he was one tough hombre.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

That night, Bob learned never to do the limbo with a group of Chiropractors on a junket.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob discovered the smallness within himself and shared it with the world.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Of all the macaronis, Bob liked elbow macaroni the best.

Bob was sending out signals, but mostly they just interfered with navigation and caused bats to fly into the side of buildings.

Bob was an avid collector of Band-Aids.

Bob is the reason most elementary schools no longer do "Show-N-Tell."

Bob was so in touch with his feelings, he recognized 157 variants of the emotion "eh."

Bob was a poster child in search of a cause.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie was sweet and tender, like mascarpone.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie over-employed the subjunctive, lest it fade from her vocabulary.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie refused to sign her artwork, unless it was edible.

Posted by Wussy Actor (Member # 5937) on :

Matt felt a very deep conviction to immediately report anyone he saw flouting the city ban on flagpole sitting.

Matt once unsuccessfully attempted to jump his motorcycle over the grand canyon. His failure was due mainly to the fact that he didn’t have a motorcycle and nobody would give him a ride to Arizona.

Matt was a man with a song in his heart. Except when he went through a tunnel and lost reception on his AM/FM pacemaker.

Matt thought having two different kinds of fish in his aquarium entitled him to use the word dichotomy in regular conversation.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie had overcome flagpole sitting years earlier, due less to moral fortitude than to the sheer uncomfort of the habit.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Abby hid like a child, but she was always a woman to me.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Abby knew exactly what was good for her and sometimes she did the opposite.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

quote:
Annie over-employed the subjunctive, lest it fade from her vocabulary.

quote:
Matt once unsuccessfully attempted to jump his motorcycle over the grand canyon. His failure was due mainly to the fact that he didn’t have a motorcycle and nobody would give him a ride to Arizona.

quote:
Matt thought having two different kinds of fish in his aquarium entitled him to use the word dichotomy in regular conversation.

Posted by Sanya_of_the_Slavs (Member # 6230) on :

Sasha's goal in life was to be a hermit.

Posted by Sanya_of_the_Slavs (Member # 6230) on :

Everything Sasha knew about God she learned from a book about the Devil.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan sought to convert the world to his way of thinking, as soon as he found a way of thinking that didn't give him headaches.

The phrase "Ugly is only skin deep" was never applied to Dan, for good reason.

Dan was a master of the Ancient forgotten martial art of "cho Mu Tan" which was forgotten mainly becuase of its complete uselessness in being able to defend oneself.

Irving was the 142 fastest gun in the west. A hundred and forty one were faster than he, but he was looking for number One Forty Three.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob learned everything he knew about kissing from his dog.

Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :

Jeffrey marched to the beat of the same drum, but he was humming a different tune.

Jeffrey always arranged his m&m's alphabetically before he ate them.

Jeffrey believed that underwear was for cowards and people wearing jeans.

Jeffrey thought that the light-headed sensation was due to his gradual balding.

In his younger and more vulnerable years, Jeffrey's father imparted to him a piece of advice which he didn't pay any attention to because he was reading something at the time.

Jeffrey had Peter Pan syndrome from an early age.

Posted by Sanya_of_the_Slavs (Member # 6230) on :

Sasha knew that the only course of action was to burn down the house when the Thing-under-the-bed started having secret meetings with the Moster in the closet.

Posted by Sanya_of_the_Slavs (Member # 6230) on :

She enjoyed reading, thinking and other quiet activities such as quietly following people late at night.

Posted by UofUlawguy (Member # 5492) on :

Dave's ducks obstinately refused to get into a row.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was the only person in the history of American jurisprudence to subpoena himself -- it was never served though because he kept ducking out when he least expected it.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan held a presidential primary in his own head. Hussein won most of the votes, but Daffy Duck had a good second place showing.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Little did Bob know that when they said he'd be cured, they would just dip him in brine and stick him in a smokehouse for 20 days.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob thought buying a map to the stars' homes was Celestial Navigation.

Posted by Wussy Actor (Member # 5937) on :

Matt secretly believed that he was a long lost Duke of Hazzard.

Posted by Wussy Actor (Member # 5937) on :

Matt promoted this to his number one favorite thread, but didn’t tell homosexuality thread number 73 because he didn’t want to hurt its feelings.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

[Big Grin]

Friends don't let friends drive Bob.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Abby would have slept with one eye open, but she hated the crusty feeling she got in the morning...

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Sometimes Abby wondered just what the heck she was doing with her life... ...And then she remembered, she was posting on Hatrack...

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob finally got a handle on his life and then found out he'd installed it right under the spout.

[ February 24, 2004, 09:49 PM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was like a broken clock -- he was right twice per day -- except that he was more like a broken calendar.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob couldn't believe his good fortune, so he opened another cookie to see what IT would say.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan was a Cancer on the cusp of Virgo, but Astrologically speaking, he was a Libra.

Posted by Banna_Oj (Member # 6207) on :

On a good day AJ looked like a bad passport photo.

Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :

Jeffrey may have been a little drunk, but if you were only 4 feet tall, you'd drink too.

When Jeffrey tried to make a belt out of his wristwatch, everyone laughed, calling it a waist of time.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

[ROFL]

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan held a bitter and violent grudge against those assorted people who made worse puns than him, including Jeff.

She wanted to be queen for a day, but looked more like Prince, the German Shepherd.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was pleased but vowed never to show it.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan adored his fear so much that he feared losing it, to the point that he often had panic attacks whenever he wasn't having a panic attack.

Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :

Jeffrey ignored himself because he thought he would eventually go away.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was at that awkward point in life where he didn't know what demographic he was covered under.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan hated the thought of growning old alone, so that's why he built the universal super aging machine.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was the kind of guy that women loved to drop off at the airport.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan was the type of guy women loved to drop out of airplanes.

Dan was the type of guy who love to pick up women at airports, but they always complained and the security guards started carrying those stun guns, so Dan started picking up luggage at the airport instead.

[ March 04, 2004, 05:51 PM: Message edited by: Dan_raven ]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

In the art of seduction, Bob never learned to color inside the lines.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Among the world's great arsonists, none could hold a candle to Bob.

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

Jack tried holding a candle to Bob, but his jacket was flame-retardant.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob always seemed to be one sizzling fajita platter away from his goals.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was really into Designing Women until someone turned it into a sitcom and told him to stop.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob wrote novels of different lengths so that people could buy just the right one to prop up their table legs.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob no longer had the time or the energy to be manic-depressive, so he just became ma-ssive.

[ March 04, 2004, 10:34 PM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob spent years collecting recipes for a dinner party he would never have.

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

Two hundred and six.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

At the age of 45, Bob finally mastered the art of talking to women -- just so long as it was on the phone, and the woman called him, and, okay, it was just this one woman really, and she wasn't really that into phone calling anyway, so there weren't such high expectations.

Posted by Book (Member # 5500) on :

Bob wasn't quite the noble, bold captain of his life, but he was kind've the drunken, disheveled chauffeur of his life.

If the different drummer had been one armed and epileptic, his beat would've been the one Bob would march to.

Although the sun rises on both the righteous and the wicked, Bob was damned to hell for being just utterly boring.

Bob was never visited by the bluebird of happiness, but he had often been visited by the cuckoo of vague disorientation.

It was time for Christin to stand tall and be a man, despite the fact that she was a relatively short, rotund woman.

Life was like poker; you can't argue with the hand that you're dealt. Bob, however, never had the money to ante up.

Bob was the kind've jerk who would pay for a date entirely in change.

In the road of life, there are passengers and there are drivers. Bob was the drunken hitchiker.

Bob was the kind've guy who thought Taco Bell and boxed wine were good enough for a special night in.

Bob's routine had him up at six in the morning; at 6:01 he was back in bed, because that's far too early.

Posted by Book (Member # 5500) on :

"The crows are calling my name," thought Caw. [Taunt]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob figured that if life was a roller-coaster, he might as well make sure it had at least a couple of loops and a corkscrew.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

When the cheesy music started, Bob finally realized that his life had been put on hold.

Posted by Shardok (Member # 6247) on :

Sam was the kind kind of guy you took home to your parents because they won't leave your house.

Posted by Shardok (Member # 6247) on :

Sam finally realized he wasn't atrractive when his cat died of laughter when he undressed.

Posted by Shardok (Member # 6247) on :

Kelly knew she needed a breast reducer when she stretch one morning and fell on the cat.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

She had the eyes of an Angel, and Satan was willing to deal for them.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob felt like he was ready to take wing, he just didn't know how he'd get it past airport security.

Posted by Shardok (Member # 6247) on :

Sam felt like a new man. And for $50,000 to the plastic surgeon he'd better.

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

Bob always thought the waiters were stupid for taking the cork OUT of the bottle rather than pushing it in.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob's first impression of the business meeting was "it's like monkeys hammering on bullets."

Posted by cochick (Member # 6167) on :

If all the worlds a stage the Elizabeth had missed her entrance.

If all the worlds a stage then someone forgot to give Elizabeth her script.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Abby walked like she thought the sky had a personal grudge against her.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

[Big Grin]

Good one Abby...

Bob was fond of saying that he was fond of saying things.

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

Carissa sang like a humming bird; few vocals, lots of flapping.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

[Big Grin]

Posted by Mankind (Member # 2672) on :

Mick had beaten Super Mario Brothers in under three minutes, had streamlined the networks of three different Fortune 500 companies, had rewritten a major chunk of the Linux source code to reduce processing time, and once had almost, almost had a complete conversation with a girl.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was the kind of person who brings their own empty Tupperware containers to a wake.

Bob has an amazing collection of Chex Mix™ going back to the 1960's.

Bob is like butter -- when left out first he softens, then he turns rancid on you.

Posted by Geomancer (Member # 6299) on :

Vince was so lost inside his love, he forgot entirely how to hate.

*Waves* This is Val 014's bro. I'm new here.

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

Stella's love was hard-won; first you had to bellow from the street below, and then you had to go up and open her window... so she could hear what you were bellowing.

Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :

Geomancer is new.

**************************************************

Welcome! [Wave]

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

Bob was not a poet, and he did know it.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Hi Geomancer! Welcome to the 3rd best thread in the history of the Internet!

Bob became so adept at promoting himself that no-one noticed until it was too late that he accounted for 92% of the payroll budget.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was refreshing like two aspirin after oral surgery.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob wasn't sure if he'd look better as the naked truth or a bald-faced lie.

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

Bob had two good sides, with and without the makeup.

(nevermind the pantyhose over the camera lens)

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Abby liked to eat big round numbers, like 1000.

Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :

Hey Ricky. You don't know me, but I already feel quite brotherly toward you [Wink]

.

Glad you are now allowed to post here now, and that you stick around. It is a really awesome place when you get to know it. [Big Grin]

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

quote:
Bob was refreshing like two aspirin after oral surgery.

It's true!! [Big Grin]

Abby liked violence, but only in small and sweetened doses.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Despite being a fairly intelligent person, Abby had a low IQ, that is, a low Initiative Quotient.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Zombies, vampires, and werewolves didn't scare Abby nearly as much as the prospect of having to run to get away from them...

Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :

Derrell is happy for all the Hatrackers who are finding love, but sad that he doesn't have a girlfriend. [Frown]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Abby, that last one ----> [ROFL]

Knowing Bob was like eating your favorite aunt's rum cake -- at first it's really not very good, but you keep going out of politeness, and finally after awhile you just don't care anymore.

[ March 07, 2004, 10:34 PM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob's nickname around the company was "Cholesterol" because his main function seemed to be gumming up the works.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob had vintage clock repair in his blood, which is probably why he died a horrible death from internal bleeding.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

There were those days Abby wished she could sleep through, and then there were those days Abby could have sworn she did sleep through, if not for all the stuff that somehow got done.

[ March 07, 2004, 10:39 PM: Message edited by: Ryuko ]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Some men work a lifetime merely to end up a footnote to History whereas Bob sat around doing nothing and ended up a Post-It Note to Zoology.

[ March 09, 2004, 07:13 AM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob considered himself half of a trio.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

For Abby, the people of the world stayed comfortable blanks until she started caring about them, at which point everything became a hundred times more complicated.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Once Abby latched onto you, it was hard for her to let you go; she thought it was the claws, but it could have been the velcro on her palms...

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

Bertha broke bricks.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob's mind was a figment of its own imagination.

Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :

Derrell wished he was half as funny as Bob Scopatz

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Abby was exactly half as funny as Bob_Scopatz.

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

When bertha wasn't breaking bricks, she was laying brick-layers.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

[Eek!]

fallow!!!

<cough>family Board<cough>

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob drove a hard bargain, all the while wishing he drove a Volkswagen.

[ March 08, 2004, 06:56 AM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

Bob was the kind of guy who could post like there was no tomorrow -- or like tomorrow was the day he would ease ahead.

(One hundred and thirteen.)

Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :

Dan would like to participate in this thread, but is only witty enough to post a regular sentence in third-person.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

If there's one thing Bob was sure of, it was that he wasn't posting in the 3rd person.

Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :

Imogen had a really funny one-line description of herself she thought of last night, but she can't remember it now.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob had a really funny one-line description of imogen that he decided he'd better not post because imogen might turn out to be a weapons expert.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob fell asleep during his own one-line descr.... [Sleep]

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Abby [Wink]

was

proponent

the gratuitous [Cool]

use

smilies.

[ March 08, 2004, 03:09 PM: Message edited by: Ryuko ]

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

Rivka believed that smilies were never gratuitous [Big Grin]

-- simply underappreciated. [Cry]

Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :

Reuben based the next ten years of his life on a chance meeting with Boy George in SoHo.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan loved using the "royal We" not to mention the Royal Wee-wee room.

Dan was one of those people... well, that pretty well describes him to a T.

Dan didn't try to figure his Scopatzian Humor Quotient, but was happy to be considered exponentially funnier than the dweeb from "Full House".

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

On a scale of 1 to 10, Bob was a "Q"

[ March 08, 2004, 05:30 PM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob could make his pupils dilate to different sizes, but it required a sharp blow to the head with a blunt object.

Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :

Bob knows how to write e-mail that makes his grouchy girlfriend feel cherished.

Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :

Imogen kind of wishes she had met Tony online, just so she could be part of cool Hatrack couple clique.

Posted by Lara (Member # 132) on :

George was the kind of guy nighttime talkshow hosts love to see in a public office

Posted by Lara (Member # 132) on :

Lara had long since outgrown expecting magical things to happen if she posted on the web site of her favorite fantasy author. But it didn't stop her from coming back just to make sure.

Posted by Ryan Hart (Member # 5513) on :

And he smiled at his fate and said "So be it"

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

DKW was continually using Bob's own words for him.

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

Eunice? What did she write? She didn't write anything. She edited eulogies, printed in the right-hand column.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Abby cherished that special joy that comes from getting back in touch with a friend you believed long gone.

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

Hermin hefted the cherrywood plank up to his proboscis.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Abby choked in the cold fear of losing a friend you believed would never leave you.

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

Stenforth snorted chunks of sawdust out his nose.

"Hmmm?"

From that day forth, he applied said chunks to his woodworking joinery, with gusto.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

dkw! [Kiss]

Bob was feeling all mushy inside, so he scheduled an x-ray.

Some women "catch" a man with sweet talk, feminine wiles and a fair amount of whining -- Dana caught hers with intelligence, humor, and a well-planned program of sleep deprivation.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie realized in horror that the best years of her life were costing her 10 grand a semester.

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

Fallow glued rhinestones to his crutches to distract from his lameness.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was the human equivalent of a McDonald's styrofoam container -- he'd outlived his original purpose but he was still considered useful for crafts projects and sorting spare parts.

[ March 10, 2004, 09:38 AM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob liked to maintain a circus-like atmosphere at work, but mainly so that he could wear his big squeeky shoes and rubber nose.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was the heat rash on the body-politic of America.

[ March 10, 2004, 09:55 AM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan strove in vain to be the kind of person that other people would never strive to be unless illegal substances or sleep deprivation were involved.

If good looks could kill she could have made a living reviving the dead.

If there was one thing that never tempted him, it was adultery, for he didn't like blind women, and only they would see him as appealing.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob treated his body like a temple -- a big old scary Druid temple with human sacrifices at every full moon.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob had multiple personalities that were all the same.

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

*snort* I think there was a particular requirement for those sacrifices . . .

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Note to Human: Don't visit Bob during a full moon.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob lost his inner child in a custody battle.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

He earned a nefarious living by kidnapping other people's inner children and selling them to a certain one-gloved fading pop star.

She made an ugly living blackmailing other people by threatening to take her clothes off.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob had a heart as big as all outdoors, and that was about as messy as you'd expect.

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

Elizabeth had a problem with completi

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob invites you all to have a heapin' helpin' of his hospi-tal-i-teeeee!

[Wave]

Set a spell. Take your shoes off. Y'all come back now, y'hear?

[ March 10, 2004, 05:39 PM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob's emotions ran the full gamut from screwball to madcap and back.

[ March 10, 2004, 05:38 PM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was feeling young again, which probably explains the acne outbreak and the sudden octave changes when he talks.

Posted by Wussy Actor (Member # 5937) on :

While he thought that drive-by shootings were reprehensible, Matt was a great practitioner of drive-by cruelty to animals.

Despite his valiant efforts, Matt failed in his quest to single-handedly raise the price of Taco Bell stock.

Matt liked to tell people that he was the person who coined the California state motto.

Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :

Daniel was embarassed to admit that he coined the pathetic state motto for Arizona.

[ March 10, 2004, 08:09 PM: Message edited by: Da_Goat ]

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

Debra dallied, Sallie slipped, and Mitch went down on a bitch of a ride 'cross the peninsula.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob finally stopped courting disaster and started courting dkw instead.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was larger than life, but only by .01%.

Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :

Rich was so schizo that even the lining of his winter coat was made of bi-polar fleece.

[ March 11, 2004, 12:45 PM: Message edited by: Sopwith ]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

[ROFL]

bipolar fleece!!!

[ROFL]

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan's life motto, "Bi-Polar, Sell Equator" was almost as useless as Dan himself.

Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :

Rich had two right feet and could dance up a storm. Sadly, after dancing up a tornado one night, he was no longer allowed back at the disco.

Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :

Jeffrey never looked the other way but he often turned the other cheek.

Jeffrey walked as if he was making a conscious effort to keep his butt behind him.

Jeffrey always had his pants put on for him one leg at a time.

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

Jessie wondered aloud, while Claude surveyed the crowd, and Humphrey embarassed them both.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Sometimes Abby wonders where her reality really lies.

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

Helena had a helluva hard time harnessing her hard-won heart-sports.

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

Alice maligned, "The stars are not in their proper arrangement"

[ March 12, 2004, 03:27 AM: Message edited by: fallow ]

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

Moose flatulated, sniffed, and concluded.. "My job is done."

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Like a Magic-Eye picture, Abby was hard to understand the first few times you saw her; it took a long period of looking straight at her and crossing your eyes a little bit to realize what she really was.

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

Bob's milkshake was better than theirs, and he didn't charge.

Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :

......pssst, fallow!
*whispering in ear*
Most of the posters in this thread seem to use only their OWN name in their descriptions (like Bob always posts a one-line description that uses the name Bob, and Dan uses Dan, and Ryuko uses Abby, etc. I think that's to keep from the possibility of offending others through the one-line description......

FG

[ March 13, 2004, 01:37 AM: Message edited by: Farmgirl ]

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

farmgirl,

nice to meet you!

fallow bob mortengale

PS. I think it's "ok" not to use one's name. I've yet to see an offensive post in this thread.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Farmgirl: Flish has been doing this since the thread began. He's like the silly little brother that we pat on the head every so often.

(pats flish on the head)

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

(pats Ryuko on the heinie)

<resume thread>

Hortence abhorred horrendous horses. Ponies were more princely.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob would use other people's names if he could spell them.

Bob had a chip on his shoulder -- it beamed a signal to the County Sheriff's Office at random intervals as ordered by the court.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

By the way, fallow, don't mess with Ryuko, or her mom & I will go all "hippy wannabe" on you!!!

(hands fallow a daisy)

Posted by Wussy Actor (Member # 5937) on :

Matt had the annoying habit of copying other people’s annoying habits and of doing them better.

Matt could never bring himself to admit his undying love and yearning for Ethel Mirtz.

Matt wanted to be a cowboy baby, with the top pulled back and the sunshine shining.

Matt started a largely ignored movement to change the name of Number 2 pencils to Number 1, since that’s all anybody ever used anyway.

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

Liz was born too late to be a hippy and too soon to be a hippy wannabe, so she just ate a lot and got hippy.

[ March 13, 2004, 05:16 PM: Message edited by: Elizabeth ]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was an Oompah Loompah wannabe.

Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :

Nature couldn't provide Rich with the height and coloration to be an Oompah Loompah, but it did eventually get around to giving him the hair style.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was completely attached to his mother right up to the point when the doctor cut the umbilical cord.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was the model for Don Quixote, or was it the windmill?

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob liked to keep his hand in the game, which is why none of the other hunters would let him gut the deer.

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

Ha ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

They asked Liz if she was game, and she said yes; they loaded their guns, and told her she had a ten minute head start.

Posted by kinglear (Member # 6211) on :

As bad as Jon is, he's still better than a bout with the plauge.

Posted by Javert (Member # 3076) on :

Chris kept trying to find ways to be original, but Bob beat him to it every time.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Bob, you keep outdoing yourself, and I don't see how that's possible. [ROFL]

[ March 13, 2004, 10:51 PM: Message edited by: Annie ]

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

While his fondness for kebabs was familiar, fallow's ineptness with a skewer came as a shock to his dinner guests.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie was your typical, straight up Mormon girl, but not so straight up Mormon girl as to own The Man From Snowy River on dvd.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie wondered if painting two birds on one stoneware platter was admirable enough to brag about.

Posted by Javert (Member # 3076) on :

Chris thought it was awesome that his post count was Seven Eleven...but he didn't realize it until it was Seven Twelve.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

It was only late in life that Annie realized that "early to bed and early to rise" didn't really pertain to baking.

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

His viola case tucked firmly away, Fallow ducked and dodged his way to Heissman's house.

[Mad]

[ March 14, 2004, 12:02 AM: Message edited by: fallow ]

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

Fancying an adventure of uncommon magnitude, Fallow locked his door, turned, hefted his garden weasel to his shoulder, rolled his good eye to the sky and set foot to pavement.

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

Fallow bellied up to the bar. "I''ll have mine straight up, with a twist."

[ March 14, 2004, 01:32 AM: Message edited by: fallow ]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was as important as the words to your favorite instrumental.

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

Elizabeth was as important as the words to your favorite instrumental, the kind where you just start making up any old words to go with the music.

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

shamalamadingdong!

Fallow reached for his mobile.

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

Fallow held fast to the belief that there were two kinds of people in the word; those that believed there were two kinds of people in the world, and those that didn't.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob spent the night canvassing the town and then the following 3 days rolling all that fabric back up to sell on e-bay.

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

Liz just kept hitting the Refresh button, over and over again.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Hatrack was Abby's crack, but less like crack and more like caffiene, but less like caffiene and more like that thing you really miss when your network cable is willingly surrendered and you're all alone with nothing but your thoughts and a half-finished French paper...

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

Halfway down the block, Fallow stopped short in his tracks, dashed back to the house, grabbed his spade and a bottle of 409 and headed back out.

Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :

Daniel is terrible at this game. See?

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob could go from the solid to gaseous state without passing through the heretofore mandatory liquid state, but nothing could precipitate his return.

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

Bob, are you claiming to (be) sublime?

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

"I don't practice Santeria"
"I ain't got no crystal ball"
"Well, I had a million dollars, but I..."
"I spent it all."

*whir*
*whirrr*
*whirrrrrrr*

Fallow's garden weasel made a mess of the abandoned boombox. His spade hid the evidence.

Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :

Daniel almost thought he liked fallow, but was disappointed to discover fallow only posted the first four lines. Legal repercussions or no legal repercussions, Daniel knew there was no excuse for that. And as if to emphasize his suckage of this game, Daniel described himself in three lines rather than one.

[ March 17, 2004, 01:20 AM: Message edited by: Da_Goat ]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

rivka! [ROFL]

Actually, I'm quite noble.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

And you're a catalyst for bad puns.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Early scientists believed Bob was made of cheese.

Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :

Later scientists, however, believed Bob to be a new and important find in the medicine world; penicillin.

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

Fallow learned the meaning of "anaphylactic shock" the hard way, via an introduction into the more obscure or historically accurate names for antibiotics and their cousins, the bread molds.

Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :

Every once in a while, Jonathon wished that somebody would ask him about the Great Vowel Shift.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was the kind of person who would see and ad on TV and obediently ask his doctor if that drug was "right for me."

Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :

Pooka was the kind of person who would explain the Great Vowel Shift without any invitation.

Posted by delicate flower (Member # 6260) on :

Rachel felt that her life was one big Broadway muscial, but she couldn't sing or dance, and everyone else was making a Sci-Fi movie.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

good one. [Big Grin]

Bob never let the little things in life bother him, which is why he was so surprised when he got that nasty bacterial infection.

Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :

Rich enjoyed the light, subtle humor of life and often finished his meals with a big slice of sublime pie.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Getting Bob's vote on abolishing the use of sports-related analogies in business meetings was a slam dunk.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan was the type to refuse the Great Vowel Shift, because he was used to driving an automatic.

Bob was a gas.

Dan bypassed the Garden Weasel and bought the cheaper Garden Generic Rodent.

Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :

Dan was confused as to why gopher holes started appearing in his yard...

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was so vague that most people look at him and have to rub their eyes.
[Eek!]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Just seeing Bob inspired others to blend into their surroundings using the natural cover available in the environment.

Posted by kinglear (Member # 6211) on :

Jon's love of sleep was only interupted by his chronic insomnia.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Abby felt that sleep was worth its weight in gold, and once she figured out a way to weigh sleep, she started to collect the toll.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

LOL Abby.

Dana was the human equivalent of a giant flourescent pen -- she highlighted the best and most important parts of everyone she met.

Posted by CalvinMaker (Member # 2032) on :

Noah grows weary of the world.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Abby felt that one of the best feelings in the world was when you vaguely hoped that Bob would LOL at your post, and then he did.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob's political ambitions died when he was told the only way he'd ever become a Cabinet member was if he died and they made a chest of drawers out of him.

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

Fallow's retroumbilical ambitions died when Doctor Smith made the decisive stroke.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob always talked in the abstract which eventually forced the museum to ban him from the Picasso exhibit entirely.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was such a nerd he brought cable crimpers to a networking party.

Posted by alath (Member # 6150) on :

Allison was like a baby pool, warm and repulsive.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan was like a wet diaper, warm and repulsive, with just a hint of bad odor.

Like an overloaded diaper Dan sagged in all the wrong places.

Dan fought off sleep at work with the same unwaivering ineptitude in which he hunted for sleep the previous night.

Posted by The Thnikkaman (Member # 6330) on :

Reuben had to put off talking about the Great Vowel Shift and concentrate on cleaning up the Great Bowel Movement that had happened in his 1-year-old's Huggies.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was the barb wire fence across the open range that was Hatrack River.

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

Bob was the type of wire fence they had in Boston.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was like a high-voltage electric fence -- he had to wear a giant red warning label in six languages.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Barb, the buyer and reseller of stolen goods, had drunk way to much coffee. Yes, she was The Barb Wired Fence.

Posted by Tiger Eye (Member # 6353) on :

He gave me a wink and a shadow of a smile, hinting that the joke was on me.

[ March 22, 2004, 10:11 PM: Message edited by: Tiger Eye ]

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

Fallow stepped out of the shadow, winked, said "Knock knock..." and scrambled over the fence before a reply was spoken.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Don't turn out the lights, keep your children indoors, and keep your pistol at the ready, Abby's a-coming!!!

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Terror was a new feeling to Abby, she embraced it gently and tearfully.

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

Fallow flicked the wipers on, and the defrosters, too. A small fickle shudder ran up his right calf. The passing scenery in a fog, he latched onto the wheel and swung a hard..."

Southpaw. That's what we need.

[ March 23, 2004, 03:09 AM: Message edited by: fallow ]

Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :

Fallow, I think you've missed the idea on this thread. Start at the beginning to see what Bob had intended.

Descriptions... not random sentences.

Like:

Rich was the kind of guy who told jokes at funerals, but always botched the punchlines.

[ March 23, 2004, 07:18 AM: Message edited by: Sopwith ]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Aww, leave fallow alone. I figured he was doing surreal portraits or something. Anyway, some of his are really interesting. (some suck, of course, but then they can't ALL be good). [Wink]

Except...
It's all good.

Bob was a Rorschach test folded into an origami boat left to sail wherever the ripples and tiny breezes took it. Mostly.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Since she ended up mothering everyone around her, Abby started dating people with Oedipus complexes.

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

Rivka had perfected kibitzing to an art form.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Abby!!! [ROFL]

That's two in less than a week!!!

Bob was amazed that he was the only one to come prepared with hiking boots and a walking stick to the class on "how to scale a fish."

Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :

CT couldn't help being an overachiever - even her dreams were exemplary.

***

the context

[ March 24, 2004, 09:44 AM: Message edited by: imogen ]

Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :

Jeffrey was like a comic strip with footnotes.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob had a military bearing -- part #45/299-122B -- it was a gift from the corporal in charge of the supply depot.

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

Fallow's penchant for crayon coloring was always at odds with his myopia when it came to gold stars.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Bob- I think I shall aim for one LOL a page.

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

Fallow swam to shore. Finding a competent morse-code operator lazing about in lit.-reflux, he began sending "S.O.L" messages in random directions, patting out the beat on Ryuko's heinie.

unfortunately, none of the messages got through. ..Whether it was the fault of Fallow's spelling or the translators' machinery remains but a guess to this day.

[ March 25, 2004, 02:53 AM: Message edited by: fallow ]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Okay, I warned you about messing with Ryuko, fallow. Don't make me stop this thread!

Bob realized with the glee that only comes from exercising an arbitrary power that he really could stop this thread.

[Grumble]

morsecodemachines,indeed [Grumble]

[ March 25, 2004, 11:26 AM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

[Big Grin]

I loves me some Bob_Scopatz.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

I'm tellin Dana.

He entered the bar like the curse of a shadow, gliding along in the dark as if the light itself feared to touch him.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Abby loved her some Bob_Scopatz in a completely platonic, even filial, manner.

Abby edited her messages like a stealthy ninja of message editing... Unfortunately, ninjas were never as stealthy as they seemed in the movies...

[ March 26, 2004, 02:10 AM: Message edited by: Ryuko ]

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Well, yeah, who doesn't?

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

When inspiration hit Nathan, there was always a lawsuit to follow.

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

Rivka wondered if Ryuko meant "filial" -- or if there was a secret she (he?? [Eek!]

) had been keeping.

Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :

Cecily was the type of person to blame the bank robbery on misunderstood revelations from God.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

It was a measure of the expanse of Abby's heart how very happy other people's happiness made her.

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

Fallow ran about and about with tape trailing behind seeking to measure the bounds of a heart.

Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :

Rich's idea of the "Big Ol' Slurpee Machine of Whoop-Ass" wasn't a financial winner, but it sure did make the late shift at the 7-11 more interesting.

Posted by Shardok (Member # 6247) on :

Sam realized soon after the blood stopped draining from his nose that not everyone enjoyed his sarcastic wit.

(am I doing okay at this? My other posts are on page 20) [Confused]

Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :

The stranger came into town half dead, and his other half wasn't so much living as trying in vain to appear so.

Posted by Phil Tice (Member # 6370) on :

He entered the room with a mission. That mission was to find clean socks. Find them, or die trying.

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

Melanie's plan fell to pieces when it was revealed that she'd never actually owned a palm pilot. Just a tin of mints and an unyielding desire to jab at it.

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

Helsinore's snores couldn't wake the dead, but hubby's rustling's frightened even the Dread Pirate Roberts.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

Shardok, I love it. :Locke, LOL!!

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

ryu, babe.

This breaking character tosses a monkey-wrench into the flow of the thread. It's like vomiting up an asphalt speed-bump in lieu of spitting out your bubble gum.

fallow

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

flish: [Razz]

Although I did like your "Melanie..." one. [Big Grin]

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

stop calling me flish!!!!

lord above, what did I do to deserve that name for the rest of my days on this blasted forum?

[Razz]

PS. Never mind. I get what I deserve.

[ March 28, 2004, 03:41 AM: Message edited by: fallow ]

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

It's what I gotta do! Otherwise I forget that you were once my on-again, off-again rival/nemesis. [Big Grin]

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

you was? I don't remember bonkin' heads with you.

(as long as we're breaking character...)

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

now that kinda bothers me. nemesis is kind of a strong term, no?

Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :

Laziness, in Keith's opinion, was a dirty word. He preferred "artistic stagnation".

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

:Locke turned the key and came to the sudden realization that he'd forgotten to change the locks.

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :

fallow: It was a joke. [Razz]

I remember being very angry at you once, but that's about it. [Big Grin]

Now I think you're AOK.

Posted by Wussy Actor (Member # 5937) on :

Matt was like a refrigerator magnet. He lacked the ability to hold a piece of construction paper and there was a picture of a real estate agent on his forehead.

Matt collected posters with pictures of kittens doing cute things and inspirational blurbs at the bottom. Or maybe it was baseball cards.

Matt was a sucker for romantic comedies. Or at least he would have been if prop masters in Hollywood weren’t such sticklers for what they called “real props”.

Matt missed his fifteen minutes of fame waiting in the wrong line at the post office.

Matt felt that the cure for any ailment was a big old helping of Grandma’s chicken soup. Then he died.

(edited to apologize for that last one coming out darker and more morbid than I meant it to)

[ March 29, 2004, 09:56 PM: Message edited by: Wussy Actor ]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Shardok, 's'all good!

Bob decided to fool everyone and change his keys instead of the locks.

Bob felt like everything was going for him -- usually armed with truncheons and small daggers.

Bob and sepia-tone photography were simply made for each other.

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

Fallow's fondness for flashing lights in the dark depths manifested in an annoying desire to flick the lightswitch on and off, on and off, on and off, on and off, on and off, on and off...

Posted by Kwea (Member # 2199) on :

Rob had a face made for radio...

Well, if you have any questions, my name is Rob....Actually, even if you don't, my name is still Rob...(said to customers who say "I'm just looking...}

Rob is so pale he makes Casper the Ghost look like he has a tan...

Kwea

[ March 30, 2004, 02:35 AM: Message edited by: Kwea ]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob had chocolate on the brain, which is probably why he's now written up in medical textbooks.

[ March 30, 2004, 09:39 AM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]

Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :

Jeffrey is one of those things that go bump in the daytime.

Jeffrey never cried "wolf," he just pointed as he ran in the other direction.

If Jeffrey was ever a step ahead of anybody it's because everyone else had stopped at the edge of the precipice.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan felt like the whole world was gunning for him, when in truth, it was only about 3% of the population.

As Dan laid down to sleep he never stopped to wonder if the voting booth was the most comfortable place to lay.

Dan was an undecided voter, either a Republicat or a Democan, or if he was feeling really out there, a Aqua-Marine liberal.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was known for his ankles.

As a fair weather friend, Bob found it was a lot easier living someplace cold and damp.

Bob knew enough to come in out of the rain, it's just that everyone else knew enough to keep their doors and windows locked.

Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :

Bob was named for his uncles.

Jeffrey was voted in high school most likely to end up in prison for something he didn't even do.

Jeffrey would go through the pain of a sunburn just for the joy of peeling off the dead skin.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan was happy to get the most calls for his performance on that natiowide quasi-reality show, until he discovered it was America's Most Wanted, not American Idol.

Then he was even happier.

Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :

Jeffrey never got road rage, but he was prone to fits of sidewalk frustration.

Jeffrey was no David, but then again he was made of stronger stuff than marble.

Jeffrey never got road rage, but he did get elevator fury.

Jeffrey liked to try new things, which is why he always kept a large supply of test subjects.

Jeffrey never got road rage, but he did get golf-cart apathy.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob had the thick skin of someone who had spent a lifetime on the open ocean -- it was the rind of the ancient mariner.

[ May 07, 2004, 03:59 PM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Bob fought, perhaps a wee bit to hard, for the hackademy award for best pun.

Dan's philophy in life was, those who lived by the pun, died by the pun.

Dan knew that those who lived by the sword died by the sword, but he wasn't to sure about those who lived right next door to the stay puff marshmallow man.

Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :

Darren (aka punwit) procrastinates all the time which is why he is waiting until tommorrow to post something witty as well as timely.

Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :

Jeffrey had a smile that could light up a room, thanks to fiber optics and new breakthroughs in orthodontistry.

Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :

George seemed like an intelligent person, full of knowledge about diverse subjects, unless you had seen last night's episode of Jeopardy.

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

::bump::

One of my favorite threads, ever.

Posted by MacBeth (Member # 5670) on :

<---Mikes bank acct is emptied whenever 1000 or more has been deposited.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

bump

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob stocked his larder in anticipation of someday having the chance to show the elves a good time.

Friends worried that Bob's collection of aluminum foil was just a cry for help afterall.

Bob was known in the neighborhood for his atristry with Round-Up.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob had a reputation for sweeping women off their feet until the townspeople got together and took away his broom.

Just as every neighborhood has a "cat lady" or a "jolly postman" Bob's neighborhood had barred windows and round the clock patrols.

Bob figured that by eating cannibals he really was at the top of the food chain.

[ August 22, 2004, 11:55 AM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

The fun and games always started after Elizabeth left the party.

Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :

Jeffrey was really quite sticky.

Posted by Wussy Actor (Member # 5937) on :

Matt was the only person in history to develop a career out of being allergic to coconut.

Matt held sacred his conviction that there was more than one way to skin a cat, but never got around to trying number seven.

Matt was shocked to learn that the Righteous Brothers werenâ€™t really either.

Mattâ€™s secret to success was his knowledge that 137 is the funniest number.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob had an incurable fear of forgetting what his incurable fear was.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Always a good sport, in his role as runner-up, Bob was second to none.

Posted by Cashew (Member # 6023) on :

Nelson had so many creases in his forehead he had to screw his hat on.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was the sort of person people liked to bounce things off of -- like anvils.

Posted by Alucard... (Member # 4924) on :

Nemo will not be the last fish in the sea to swim into a wall, and say "Dam!".

When in comes to crapping thunder and pissing lightning, Ivan has Rocky Balboa's butt kicked 8 ways to Sunday. Advantage: Ivan.

Joe was the guy we all depended on for farting on command.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was a true believer in Eric Hoffer.

Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :

quote:
Bob had an incurable fear of forgetting what his incurable fear was.

I'm sorry, I just had a very strong image of someone freezing and whispering in crazed fear to himself: "What's my incurable fear? What's my incurable fear?"

I have nothing witty to add.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was like having a Wal-Mart move into your community -- people would band in protest in the light of day, but they'd come slinking back eventually because it was the only place to get a coffee maker at two in the morning.

Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :

Joe had a magnetic personality. Unfortunately, what he attracted was hurricanes.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was the kind of person who would bring lighter fluid to a celebrity roast.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan often had nothing witty to add, and added it anyway.

Dan believes they are called Hurricanes, and not Him-icanes, for a reason, and enjoyed talking about that reason until the incident with the female rugby team, the tuning fork, and the strange limp.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob learned by doing and when he finally stopped falling into holes, everyone had to admit he was well educated.

Posted by Little_Doctor (Member # 6635) on :

Greg often wished he had a kryptonite corss, that way he could keep both dracula and Superman away.

Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :

"His eyes glittered like the sins of angels, and his smile was the downfall of saints."

I'm sorry - not an original. It's from Terry Pratchett, and I'm quite enjoying this book.

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

Liz is the type of person who almost remembers things.

Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :

Witches Abroad, Greebo. [Smile]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was 99 and 44/100th's percent pure.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob is what used to happen when future fathers watched too much Marx Brothers during puberty.

Posted by Little_Doctor (Member # 6635) on :

Greg is the type of guy who takes the paper off of crayons and giggles because they are "naked".

Posted by Corwin (Member # 5705) on :

R*** is the kind of guy who likes mysteries, but always forgets that he gave the solution earlier...

Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :

Jeffrey preferred to stew in his own juices.

Jeffrey gave new meaning to the phrase "getting up on the wrong side of the bed" when he decided to live a treehouse.

Jeffrey was a mall cop's mall cop.

Jeffrey thought that being canonized had something to do with the circus.

Jeffrey's third left toe was much angrier than his right elbow.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

He was as high as a Griaffe's bow tie.

He was as low as a cockroach's odor eater.

He was the type who fried Twinkie's to insure freshness.

Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :

Jeffrey was as dumb as the day is long-- in Alaska during the summer.

Jeffrey was like a sandbox in the middle of the desert.

Jeffrey lived in the spooky manor on the top of the hill near the edge of town without electricity or running water for months at a time.

Jeffrey had a veritable army of prepositional phrases.

Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :

Fred was so nervous the butterflies in his stomach were throwing up.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

[ROFL]

Bob lived on the side of a hill so he could share his inclinations with everyone he met.

Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :

Jeffrey's spider-sense was telling him that he didn't have spider-sense, stupid.

Jeffrey was larger than life-- that is, after the accident with the bicycle pump and the road flares.

Posted by Trisha the Severe Hottie (Member # 6000) on :

Fran had conjugated one too many verbs in her day.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob blamed his mother for his obvious lack of a virgin birth.

Posted by dragonfoss (Member # 7155) on :

He doesn't know [Dont Know]

Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :

Good one, Bob.

Jeffrey was a slave, but he preferred to be called a man's man.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan dreamt of being a slave to fashion, instead of the slave to fashion designer Gene "silk leisure suit" De Froid.

Posted by Lucky4 (Member # 1420) on :

Abby tended to march to the beat of her own drummer, but the only song he seemed to know was Wipe Out.

Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :

In March Jeffrey beat his own drummer.

Posted by Trisha the Severe Hottie (Member # 6000) on :

Fran was the person that the chinese had based their science of mole reading upon.

Posted by Daring Rooster (Member # 7252) on :

Always outwardly calm, no one ever suspected the depths to which he perpetually fought the volatile nature of his inner self.

...my first post! Howdy do to all...

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Blaming his name of Rooster, he had a tendency to crow at odd times, like when introducing himself with a Howdy-doodle-do.

And Welcome to the forum.

Posted by Daring Rooster (Member # 7252) on :

LOL! Nicely done... [Wink]

Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :

Jonathan Howard is an Apogee Minded Eccentricity, and he wants a registered trademark for that brilliant idea of his; isn't that apogeticly-minded and eccentric?

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

Nathan rode the short bus of the universe.

Posted by Homestarrunner (Member # 5090) on :

Reuben couldn't help but take stop signs personally.

Reuben really tried hard to be a bird of a feather, but nobody ever wanted to flock.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Nathan [ROFL]

HSR ... flock... [ROFL]

Bob was held up as definitive proof that "intelligent" design wasn't really the right description.

Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :

Teshi was like a hot drink on a hot day.

EDIT: Or a cold drink on a cold day.

[ January 18, 2005, 05:53 PM: Message edited by: Teshi ]

Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :

Jeffrey was a robot sent back in time to save the future, but it was vital to the mission's success that neither he nor anyone else knew this.

Jeffrey usually watches the Superbowl for the commercials.

Jeffrey both admired and hated monkeys for the same reason: they had good throwing arms.

If Jeffrey's hair got any bushier it would get hired by FOX news.

Jeffrey liked to blend in with the crowd, but he didn't like getting sucked out of a straw by giants with the crowd.

[ February 08, 2005, 10:38 PM: Message edited by: jehovoid ]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was a sight for sore eyes. Bausch & Lomb swore by him.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob looked around the room and calculated the BTU content of all he surveyed.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was rather bookish, well, really more of a pamphlet.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was the black hole of emotions, and the rest of us were just vortex fodder.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob tried the dance of the seven veils, but they made him stop at three and promise never to return.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was hell on wheels, and he wasn't very easy on toilet seats either.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was the kind of dinner guest who would go through your medicine cabinet, tell you how to raise your kids, offer six suggestions for pleasing your spouse in bed, and somehow manage to offend the dog within six minutes of arriving on the doorstep.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was playing with a full deck, sure, but he didn't know the rules and kept mumbling things like "2 no trump" and "go fish."

Posted by Jay (Member # 5786) on :

He wept

Posted by scottneb (Member # 676) on :

"Bob was hell on wheels, and he wasn't very easy on toilet seats either."

[ROFL]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was so lazy he put out the candle at both ends.

Posted by alluvion (Member # 7462) on :

*lights a votive in honor of Bob's largesse*

Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :

Reuben loved how Einstein liked to put cute little 2s in his equations.

Reuben used to brag about stopping at every railroad crossing, but nobody really seemed to care.

Reuben took pride in knowing exactly how many yards of floss he had used in his entire life.

Reuben had a goldfish that a previous owner had named Chainsaw; Reuben was a little scared to change the name.

Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :

Melvin never failed to delight in outsmarting Chief by throwing an airball for him to fetch.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob lay awake at night wondering if he was paying too much for toothpaste.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was noticeably underequipped to wear a hat.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob was voted most likely to be reincarnated as a virus.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan was like an itch on the eyelid, irritating, and yet something to make you say, "How'd that get there?"

Posted by Pelegius (Member # 7868) on :

In the end, Pel reflected, lying in a pool of bloody penguin bile, death cometh also to Archdeacons.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan thought "Happy Feet" was a porn movie about people really into penguin feet on crack cocaine.

Dan lost sleep wondering where June Bugs go in August.

Posted by Orincoro (Member # 8854) on :

"Bob was a looker, and sometimes people actually looked back"

Posted by JimmyCooper (Member # 7434) on :

Jim knew he had financial sense and his newly acquired $54392.25 of credit card debt for 0% interest until Thanksgiving of 2006 would finally prove it!

Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :

BlackBlade knew his arguing was obnoxious, he could annoy the occupants of any cemetery into a desperate stampede, some cursing as they were trampled in the rush.

[ November 23, 2006, 01:15 AM: Message edited by: BlackBlade ]

Posted by Shawshank (Member # 8453) on :

Shawshank was one you could always remember, now it may not be for the right reasons or in a good way, but you could always remember him.

Posted by Eduardo St. Elmo (Member # 9566) on :

As he surveyed the ruins around him, Estelmo decided it might be better to retreat into the comforting solitude of his cavernous home, and venture out only when he'd figured out exactly what his transgression had been and the manner in which he could make up for it.

Posted by anti_maven (Member # 9789) on :

Deep within his inner self he knew it was wrong, but the temptation to stick a fork into the power socket was too strong.

Posted by anti_maven (Member # 9789) on :

No-one ever suggested that Rich "just be himself".

Posted by Swampjedi (Member # 7374) on :

No one ever forgot Swamp. He was exceptionally average in every way - remarkable only in how forgettable he was.

Posted by Flaming Toad on a Stick (Member # 9302) on :

Toad never ceased to amaze his audience.

Posted by Flaming Toad on a Stick (Member # 9302) on :

Namely himself.

Posted by Shawshank (Member # 8453) on :

From the time he was a fetus, he knew he was special if even a little sheltered.

Posted by Juxtapose (Member # 8837) on :

The pastry unnerved her to such an extent that her adrenaline reached near-fatal levels.

Posted by Juxtapose (Member # 8837) on :

It never ceased to amaze him how the simple act of tearing a quarter in half could dissuade even the most determined pursuer.

Posted by Juxtapose (Member # 8837) on :

His third nipple itched furiously in times of danger.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

All the boys in Utah thought Annie was tight, like unto a dish.

Posted by JennaDean (Member # 8816) on :

[Big Grin]

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

I'm pretty sure it's true.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

He saw life as a great big hoagie, always ruined by the sourest of pickles.

Posted by Lavalamp (Member # 4337) on :

He was the only documented case of someone getting carpal tunnel syndrome from playing too much air guitar.

Posted by Lyrhawn (Member # 7039) on :

He knew trouble was stalking him, like an angry ex girlfriend after a bad break up.

His accent was pretentious and annoying, like that of a Frenchman trying to constantly correct your grammar.

James viewed dating the way most people view lawyers; totally unnecessary until you find yourself in need of representation.

Posted by Lavalamp (Member # 4337) on :

Bob learned early on to hold his head high, even it doing so caused people to scream and faint dead away.

Bob didn't mind being thought of as an "old hand" at the Internet -- it was the web fingers jokes that really got to him.

Bob was so secure in his masculinity that he could dress like a coquette and not even bat an eye.

Bob's flashbacks wouldn't have been nearly so noticeable if he would've just stopped wearing those Nehru jackets, beads and Birkenstocks.

Bob was circling the drain until a kindly policeman came by and politely asked him to take his chalks and get out of the street.

Posted by porcelain girl (Member # 1080) on :

Sara had determined that chiffon and body glitter could diffuse any awkward situation.

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

Most people bat eyelashes, but Bob could bat his entire eye.

Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :

People usually quiet down upon entering libraries, but only Rivka could make a library more peaceful.

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

(I think I was just insulted, but I'm not sure. [Wink]

)

Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :

In retrospect I suppose it could be taken both ways. [Big Grin]

Posted by Todoni (Member # 10460) on :

She spoke so she could think, which most people found very annoying.

Posted by bluenessuno (Member # 5535) on :

Jerry esteems pigeons and will tuck their feathers in his curled black hair.

Posted by Flaming Toad on a Stick (Member # 9302) on :

Alex didn't ask where babies came from, but, after seeing his newborn sister for the first time, he told his mother to "send it back".
(True story)

Posted by Flaming Toad on a Stick (Member # 9302) on :

Alex could believe it wasn't butter, but he chose to delude himself anyway.

Posted by vonk (Member # 9027) on :

Nick didn't make it.

Posted by Flaming Toad on a Stick (Member # 9302) on :

Alex didn't do it.

Posted by Qaz (Member # 10298) on :

Jerry had the broad shoulders of a bodybuilder and pectorals any man should be happy to have, but sadly enough, whenever guys got a look at these endowments, they lost interest in her. The beard didn't help either.

Posted by Qaz (Member # 10298) on :

Everyone knew Janet as fearless, and the reason was simple: she knew that there is no need to fear what you don't understand, and that pretty much covered it.

Posted by Qaz (Member # 10298) on :

Frightening the little ones with spooky stories was a snap when you looked like Uncle Wilbur.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Annie was quite the man's lady.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan had the broad shoulders of a bodybuilder, in a glass case in his basement where nobody ever saw them, without buying a ticket

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan could smell genius from a mile away, but since they could also smell him, he never got to meet any.

He had a face only a mother could love, unless it was his mother.

His grandma, like his grammar, was his constant violent enemy.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

He was more ugly than mean, and meaner than he was ugly: a walking feedback loop that screeched against the eyes and souls of all who had to endure him.

Posted by Qaz (Member # 10298) on :

That last one is so good it makes me cringe!

Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :

When they found what was left of Charlie, only by deducing what the remains could not be, was the almost comedic truth made plain.

Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :

Robey Hates it when goods threads die.

Robey was was once known as the thread ressurector as well as the thread killer because at one time he seemed to have the last post on every thread that died

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Robey would learn to become good friends with disappointment, very good friends, very very good friends (wink, wink, nudge nudge) if you know what I mean.

(PS Thanks. I love these)

Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :

Robey has learned to never get caught dead in a situation.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Dan could see the future, could see what was coming, could see all of the answer's to life's questions, he just couldn't see the semi-truck barrelling down on him.

Dan thought that if he could give his headache a name, think of it with a personality, a history, as an individual he could communicate with, the headache would soon realize that it could do better than Dan and leave him.

Humor was his strong point, so he set out to prove himself totaly pointless.

Posted by calaban (Member # 2516) on :

He was so afraid of being exposed to potential ridicule that he would often balk at communicating in even the most anonymous of situations.

Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :

Norman had brown hair.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Norman had a brown hair, that was his most precious of possessions.

Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :

Norman had many hairs in his collection, his most treasured was the brown hair he garnished from the very first victim he had murdered.

Posted by rollainm (Member # 8318) on :

Norman murdered and shaved orangutans to acquire the magical properties of the brown hairs found on their left big toes.

Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :

Reuben firmly believed he could wake up a baby in the next room just by thinking about it too hard.

Posted by Joldo (Member # 6991) on :

Reuben died of an aneurysm, having thought about things too hard.

Posted by rollainm (Member # 8318) on :

Reuben was an orangutan.

Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :

He had a heart of gold.

Posted by Jaiden (Member # 2099) on :

It was too bad the first time Elizabeth had a vision of the future (lottery numbers) a truck (in the real world) was about to hit her.

Posted by rollainm (Member # 8318) on :

Norman had planned on killing Reuben, adding his toe hairs to his collection, and extracting the magical properties contained within said hairs, but much to his surprise, Reuben was already dead, sprawled on the floor with a look of pure agony upon his face, his right hand clutched tightly upon what, curiously, appeared to be a heart made of solid gold.

Posted by JonHecht (Member # 9712) on :

George always said what he believed to be the truth backed up by reason and facts: an unforgivable mistake in our society.

Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :

Robey would laugh out loud at posted comments then get really quiet as he relized he was alone in the room and laughing to himself yet once again.

Posted by Flaming Toad on a Stick (Member # 9302) on :

Alex was a friend through thick and thin, but was only a fairweather enemy.

Alex is pitied by everyone but Mr. T., who hasn't heard of him yet.

Alex was the kind of guy who took five flights of stairs to buy a chocolate bar. Or two.

Alex is convinced that his beard makes him sick. His beard believes otherwise.

Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :

Robey looks real good in an orangutan suit.

Posted by LargeTuna (Member # 10512) on :

Henry was convinced fortune cookies were self-fulfiling, so was afraid to have Chinese food.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Henry purchased diet fortune cookies, since they were only half self-fulfilling.

Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :

Reuben once got a fortune cookie with no fortune in it. It was the only one that ever came true.

Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :

You could never tell with Jerry, but then again nobody had told him anything for years.

Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :

Jerry had a problem, he couldn't keep a secret. Which wasn't that bad of a problem in itself, but Jerry loved secrets. He was always trying to hide the fact that he was a blabbermouth but even that secret was out. In fact I'm Jerry, and I couldn't keep a secret to save my life.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Jerry Spartacus (you didn't know that was his first name, did you) couldn't stop himself. When that Roman Legionaire asked, "Who is Spartacus" of course Jerry raised his hand.

Posted by LargeTuna (Member # 10512) on :

The only secret Jerry knew was that he knew a secret. He forgot the original secret and told the secret about the secret to his online buddies on hatrack. Jerry is secretless.

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Bob wished for time travel so that he could find out if dinosaurs were as tasty as they looked.

Bob was known as a hunter's hunter -- that's pretty much why he's locked up.

Posted by dantesparadigm (Member # 8756) on :

Greg always looked both ways when crossing one way streets.

Greg could never pull off that tight shirt.

Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :

Bob could always make Dan laugh, but during Bob's brain surgery, Dr. Dan realized that wasn't always a good thing.

Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :

Dan caught a bad case of the flu, and kept it in his basement next to the case of Amontillado and the case of whooping cough that just wouldn't be quiet.

Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :

She was not the smartest girl in the room, even in the room of Boy Scouts.

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

(Girls can join the Boy Scouts. My older daughter is one.)

Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :

Ok, She was not the smartest girl in the room, even a room full of boys.

(actually happened to me. High School girl at a scouting event was happy they had a "bassoon thing player" refering to the bagpipes.)

Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :

quote:
Originally posted by rivka:
(Girls can join the Boy Scouts. My older daughter is one.)

Really?! I'm very interested in this, but I can't find anywhere that states when the policy changed.

真的嗎？我對這個有多新出。我找不到在那裏有這個改變。

[ January 24, 2010, 10:59 AM: Message edited by: BlackBlade ]

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

BB, the policy has not changed. There's a (relatively) new division: Venturing.

Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :

quote:
Originally posted by rivka:
BB, the policy has not changed. There's a (relatively) new division: Venturing.

Ah, thanks rivka.

啊，多謝rivka.

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

Can't say "rivka", huh? [Big Grin]

Posted by tt&t (Member # 5600) on :

Venturers is awesome. I was a Venturer (and am a girl) [Smile]

Although here in NZ, girls can be Scouts anyway at any age. Venturers here is just the name for that age group of Scouts. It goes Keas, Cubs, Scouts, Venturers, Rovers, for both boys and girls.

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

We have Girl Scouts as well as Boy Scouts; but they are separate organizations run under separate guidelines.

Venturers is open to boys and girls, but there are both Boy Scout and Girls Scout troops/classifications for the parallel ages.

Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :

Dan worked for the Hatrack railroad, fighting the losing battle to put wayward threads back on track.

Dan was the type of person who greatly appreciated really silly threads, especially in his tuxedo.

Dan thought that the "One line description of people" predated Twitter, but would make a good Twitter Game.

That's right, I'm putting these up on twitter--eventually.

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

[Big Grin]

Posted by Lisa (Member # 8384) on :

There might be a book deal in it for you. A sort-of-sequel to the one about the six word stories.

Posted by Orincoro (Member # 8854) on :

He was the kind of man who did a lot of typing... and it showed.

Posted by Darth_Mauve (Member # 4709) on :

Dan fought hard against the commercialization of St. Valentines Day, preferring the historical symbolism of mass murder, tommy-gun deaths in a dirty gas station, and an ode to organized crime.