This is topic Bob's next adventure in forum Books, Films, Food and Culture at Hatrack River Forum.


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Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
 
Aura and I are divorced (as of 10:00 am this morning). I debated how to tell everyone here since I consider you all to be very important people in my life.

Just so you don't feel guilty (or start worrying about your own lives), the divorce has nothing to do with my Hatrack addiction. If anything, it made it easier for Aura to request the split simply because she was no longer worried about me having some supportive friends.

This has been brewing for awhile. We tried to work things out, but neither one of us was willing to change the things we cared most about. There's a strong element of selfishness in this, of course, but it's also an element of fairness too. The rules aren't supposed to change midstream, and certainly not after so many years of being together and establishing them.

On the other hand, stagnation is no good either. And Aura wants some things in her life that I can't give her. And conversely, I want things in my life that she's not able to give me. At the abstract level, that's really the bottom line in any sort of breakup, I believe.

What I really wanted to post about was the next steps in my life's adventure. Here's what I'm thinking or planning at the moment:

1) If I can afford it (meaning that we get our money out of the house), I'll be moving to Texas as soon as possible. This is so I'll be working at our headquarters office at a time when the company is doing extremely well, expanding, etc. It will mean that I can participate in that growth more effectively. No real ideas of a "promotion" per se -- were a small company and my part of it is really a group of colleagues, not a place where we need a VP or something.

2) Take some time to write, learn to play guitar, and maybe work on some other interests. But those two come first.

3) Get in shape. My life has been turned upside down for at least the past year. Some people can't eat when they are upset. I eat more. So, I'm in need of less stress and some time to exercise and get back on a more healthy diet.

4) Give myself a year (or thereabouts) to rediscover myself in quasi-isolation. In other words, I am not seeking any romantic involvements for awhile. And since I'm not the kind of person who seeks sexual conquests, it means I'm not going to be dating or hitting "the scene" for awhile.

5) Buy a new place. I haven't decided exactly how I want to live in TX, but I've seen some very cool historic houses with no land and I've seen some pretty neat parcels of land with either a lousy house (think aging double-wide here) or no house at all. I'd really like some land and a cool old house, but one that has modern utilities or can be renovated within my budget.

6) So that leads to my plan to do a heck of a lot of home improvement once I find a place. I figure I'll do most of the finish work myself and hire out the electrical, plumbing, HVAC, etc.

Well that's about it. I realize I haven't been my usual laid back self in a few of the more serious threads lately -- I've offended at least Belle, rivka and Geoff Card, that I know of. I'm not making exuses, mind you, but my mood has been a bit sour of late and I apologize if it fell on your shoulders and you didn't understand why.

If you want to offer good wishes or condolences, that's fine. I'm not really brooding over this. It's done and there's nothing else to worry about. But I'm very excited about the future. I have some good opportunities and I'm not dead yet, so what the heck. Just another adventure to experience.
 
Posted by Kasie H (Member # 2120) on :
 
(((Bob)))

Best of luck with everything, Bob. Although I'm sure you won't need it. [Smile]
 
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
(((((((Bob)))))))

Oh my word, Bob. *hug* *hugs again fiercely*

And you have friends in Texas. Um, it's a big place, but between DB and TAK and I, there's only ten hours. Thor's in the middle (sort of).

*hug again*

[ August 12, 2003, 12:12 PM: Message edited by: katharina ]
 
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
 
Oh, Bob. I'm sorry. Good luck on your journey.
 
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
 
I'm sure the Central Florida Clump will probably miss you, but at the same time, I'm more likely to see you since I get to TX more than I get to FL.

Enjoy your new blank page.

AJ
 
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
 
((Bob))
I'm so sorry you are going through this.

[ August 12, 2003, 12:24 PM: Message edited by: LadyDove ]
 
Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
 
Mr. Scopatz, you rock. If I ever find myself divorcing someone, I'll be running to you for advice since you're handling this better than anyone I've ever seen or heard of. [Smile]
 
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
 
Well, at least this explains why you're willing to drive to KC for Thanksgiving. I was wondering how you'd manage the drive from Florida. It's quite a bit closer from Texas. (You did say you were going, right?)

Hope it all works out well Bob. You'll be in my thoughts. (Aren't you always, though?)

[Group Hug]

[ August 12, 2003, 12:26 PM: Message edited by: Kayla ]
 
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
 
[Eek!]

With that out of my system, condolences!!!

My advice? Don't plan on doing too much. Don't plan on changing everything in your life. The result will be disapointment when you get only most of them done.

I was hoping to meet you when I do my next trip to Florida, in a year or so. Instead I'll have to settle on the rest of the Florida clump.

Well, that wouldn't actually be settling, now would it.

What ever you need, someone here will help. Hang on and endure.
 
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
 
I’m so sorry. Support and prayers and best wishes for figuring out your next steps. And remember that you have a standing invitation to dinner if ever/whenever you’re in the neighborhood.
 
Posted by Ela (Member # 1365) on :
 
I think I'm speechless.

Bob, I wish both you and Aura the best in your separate futures. So sorry you couldn't work out your differences. I enjoyed both of you when I met you in Orlando.

I'm afraid we won't get to see you again so soon if you move to Texas, though...

Best of luck in everything, and lots of hugs.

[Group Hug]

**Ela**
 
Posted by Papa Moose (Member # 1992) on :
 
Damn.

(((Bob)))
 
Posted by asQmh (Member # 4590) on :
 
Man, I'm sorry, Bob. I wish I knew what to say.

Q.
 
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
 
I'm sorry, Bob. Divorce is tough. (((((Bob))))) Good for you for taking time for you before looking for a new relationship -- I think that's such a healthy attitude! [Hat] Best wishes!!!

Oh, and just to allay your concern -- I was not offended. Bothered, maybe. Slightly annoyed, even. [Wink] But I hope I'm a lot harder to offend than that! [Big Grin]
 
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
 
(((((((Bob))))))))

Good luck Bob. Do something that you want to do, that's my advice.
 
Posted by zgator (Member # 3833) on :
 
I'm sorry about you and Aura and I'm also sorry you're leaving Florida.

[Frown]
 
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
 
You are the other hatrack person that I've admired from my first day here. I'm so sorry!!!

(((((Bob)))))
 
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
 
BTW, that dinner invitation includes Christmas if you don’t already have plans. (But you have to put that “I’m not seeking any romantic involvements” in writing. I’ve already had one out-of-the-blue Christmas Eve proposal of marriage and it made Christmas dinner very awkward. [Wink] )
 
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
 
I am sorry to hear that you and Aura are divorced. But, I trust that it will be the best thing for both of you. I wish you (and her) luck on your new adventures! [Smile]
 
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
quote:
(But you have to put that “I’m not seeking any romantic involvements” in writing. I’ve already had one out-of-the-blue Christmas Eve proposal of marriage and it made Christmas dinner very awkward. )
dkw, that sounds like an awesome story. What happened? [Smile]
 
Posted by Papa Moose (Member # 1992) on :
 
dkw -- my dad proposed to my mom on Christmas. I'll swap stories with you some time, ok?

Bob, to throw a totally selfish thing into your thread, are you still planning to visit Santa Barbara in October?
 
Posted by Vána (Member # 3262) on :
 
I'm very sorry, Bob, but I'm glad that you're excited about the future, and that you're making solid plans. I know things will work out well for you, because you'll make sure they do.

*hug*
 
Posted by Jaiden (Member # 2099) on :
 
I hope when/if difficult times come I will be half as strong as you are.

Here's to lifes ups and downs, to starting new and to taking tough steps.

(((hugs)))
 
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
 
(((((Bob)))))
 
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
 
Well, Bob Dammit.

Have good adventures, Bob.
 
Posted by Olivet (Member # 1104) on :
 
(((Bob)))

We're all here for you, and happy to call you 'friend'. [Smile]
 
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
 
Fare well, wherever you fare.
 
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
 
(((((Bob)))))

I hope things work out for you, man.
 
Posted by Zalmoxis (Member # 2327) on :
 
You know, I'm having a hard time imagining Bob as a Texan, but I'll get used to the idea. Good luck, man.

I'm glad that you and Aura realized the situation and did this now rather than remaining in the grip of inertia. It's always sad to see a couple who perhaps would have been better off separating (or aggressively fixing their relationship), but instead have stayed together and sucked each other dry.
 
Posted by Bob's replacement (Member # 4445) on :
 
Bob, Aura isn't by any chance looking for a replacement?

...

I'm sorry, that was off color. i couldn't help it.

Bob, all the best. I hope you are happy in your new adventure.

<---Strider
 
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
 
(((everyone)))

Thanks all.

I hope to come back to visit the Central Florida Clump on occassion -- Bike Week, for example.

special to dkw -- in writing??? All of Hatrack would dogpile me if I ever treated you so shabbily as to make an unwanted proposal! Anyway, I don't think I'll be able to do the Christmas thing, but I will in fact be in MN for another one of those traffic records week-long meetings. It's 9/14 - 9/19 in St. Paul. I'm not likely to be able to tack many days onto the trip this time, but if I can get in or stay for either the 13th or the 20th, I'll see if you're in town. That'd be totally safe as I'll still be too shell shocked and misogynous to propose all through the month of September. [Evil Laugh]

zgator -- I'm going to miss jai alai season! I'll really miss getting to know the little z. Although you may not have wanted me anywhere near your offspring anyway.

To the Texas clump -- I'll be in College Station. Home of the Aggies. IF all goes according to plan. It may not, though. Still waiting to hear on the financial side of things. Might get stuck here in Orlando for awhile if we have to sell the house instead. I'll keep you posted.

Papa MOose -- the October plans are still on. I haven't purchased plane tickets yet because I don't know where I'll be living at that point. But as soon as the dust settles, I'll contact you with possible itinerary ideas.
 
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
Perfect. Dinner on Sunday at my house the first day you can after you arrive. College Station is almost exactly midway between Houston and Dallas. Everyone is invited. [Smile]
 
Posted by KarlEd (Member # 571) on :
 
(((Bob)))

Hey man, I know how you feel. I envy your opportunity to pull up the roots and go somewhere new. Lord knows I could use a change like that.

Drop me a note if you ever wanna chat.

Karl
 
Posted by asQmh (Member # 4590) on :
 
Bob - just don't become one of those Texans who is obsessed with the fact that Alaska is bigger and there are other states with larger cities. . . and please, please, whatever you do, don't shout "WOOOOOOOOO!" every time someone says the word Texas. Please? I respect you far too much to let that happen to you. If there is even the slightest possibility, tell us now and we'll arrange an intervention of some sort.

Q.
 
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
 
Strider, I'm not sure Aura could go for a man with such a low post count. (Bob's replacement, that is.) [Taunt]
 
Posted by Godric (Member # 4587) on :
 
(((Bob)))

Is Texas ready for you, Bob? Do you think they're ready for your humor?

This may be the best thing to happen to them since Davy Crockett visited the Lone Star state... [Big Grin]
 
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
 
Well, damn. I sincerely hope that you two remain friends, you worked well together. And I wish you both all the luck there is.

And there had better be a gathering before you leave, or I'll post the Bob drawing here.

On the plus side, that means you're available for the mass Hatrack wedding! No pressure, you can ease in anytime.
 
Posted by asQmh (Member # 4590) on :
 
I thought being married was no obstacle to participating in the mass marriage.

Out of conscience, though, I can say that I'm only consenting to marry the unmarried and male of the pack. It's kind of like beta testing.
 
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
 
[Group Hug]

now get back to the funny!
 
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
 
[Laugh]
quote:
now get back to the funny!

 
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
 
Well Bob, you seem to be dealing with this pretty well, if your posts here are any indication. I'm really sorry that this is something you're having to experience though. Do you expect that you and Aura will remain in contact with one another, or will you be heading your seperate ways completely?

Good luck--you know we love you.
 
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
 
(((Bob)))

we love you bob [Kiss]
 
Posted by Bob the Lawyer (Member # 3278) on :
 
Have fun ruling Texas with the same iron fist that you used to rule central Florida. [Smile]
 
Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :
 
Sounds like big life changes, Bob, couldn't think of a person more likely to succeed in every way. Keep strong, be happy and the best of luck to ya!
 
Posted by fugu13 (Member # 2859) on :
 
((Bob))
 
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
 
*hug* [Frown]
 
Posted by Bob's replacement (Member # 4445) on :
 
quote:
Strider, I'm not sure Aura could go for a man with such a low post count. (Bob's replacement, that is.)
i never was an adequete replacement for the real Bob. Damn his wit. Probably why I suffer from such a low post count. There's only one Bob and he's irreplaceable. [Hat]
 
Posted by ginette (Member # 852) on :
 
(((((((((Bob)))))))))

You and Texas...seems right to me, for some reason.

If you ever want to come to the Netherlands you are very welcome to stay in our old house.

I hope everything will work out fine for you and especially do I hope you will write (and publish of course, because I want to read it).
 
Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
 
(((((Bob)))))

I'm sorry about the divorce. [Frown]

But I'm glad you're thinking about moving to College Station. Hopefully you'll move there before I leave Houston in May, and we can have a Texas Hatrack Picnic while I'm still in the state! [Smile]
 
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
 
(((((Bob)))))

I'm really sorry, Bob. That's hard even when it's fairly amicable.

Good luck in the move. As a fellow telecommuter, I think I can sympathize with the desire to be in the home office during expansion time. Probably a wise decision on your part. We need a packing boxes smilie.

As a fellow divorced person, (other than the move) I recommend you not make any major, life-changing decisions for the next year or so. It takes a while to work through it and adjust to being single. A friend of mine gave me that advice during my divorce, and in hindsight, I could see that he was right.

[Group Hug]
 
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
 
Bob, if you can make it for either the 13th or the 20th I’ll call Sebastian Joe’s and demand that they make the roasted garlic-almond-fudge chip ice cream they cheated us out of on your last trip. I’m sure that if you check your ice cream book you’ll find it’s a known remedy for shell-shock, bitterness, and other post-divorce symptoms.
 
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
 
dkw! I just checked the book and you are exactly right!

Plus it does a good job lowering cholesterol.

I'll try to make sure I get at least one Saturday out of this trip! Perfect!

Ophelia...still waiting to hear on financials. Jeez, they originally said we'd know last week. [Angst] But the plan is for me to move to CS in the next few weeks.
 
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
 
*big hug*
 
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
 
[Angst] [Angst]
[Angst] [Angst]

(((Bob)))

::cries::

[Frown] [Frown]
[Frown] [Frown]
 
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
 
Even the most amicable of separations have their tough spots - know you are not alone and good luck.

Hugs to you - and take care.
 
Posted by asQmh (Member # 4590) on :
 
Garlic-almond-fudge chip ice cream?

Is that even legal??

Q.
 
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
 
No.
 
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
 
Its illegal, immoral and fattening. Sounds just up Bob's alley.

Pssst. Bob, you do know there is no Disney World in Texas.

The closest thing they have to Disney World is Six Flags. Major let down.

The Closest thing they have to Epcot Center is the Houston Space Center. Epcot has more advanced robotics, computers, and especially Cryogenics.

The closest thing they have to Epcot's World Court is a quick dash across the border to Tijuana.

They still have some of the worst of Florida, heat, humidity, mosquito's the size of commercial aircraft, and the occasional hurricane to lighten the afternoon.

Texas is no Florida. I believe they are both happy with that situation.
 
Posted by Zotto! (Member # 4689) on :
 
(((Bob))) [Frown]

I hope things go well with you and your new life.
 
Posted by JaneX (Member # 2026) on :
 
((((Bob))))

I guess this means I'll never get to walk on your lawn, huh? [Frown]

~Jane~
 
Posted by Troubadour (Member # 83) on :
 
((((Bob))))

Good luck, man.
 
Posted by tonguetied&twisted (Member # 5159) on :
 
(((((Bob)))))
 
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
 
JaneX, I'll probably have an EVEN BIGGER lawn to obssess over when I move to TX.

(((everyone)))

Still waiting to hear about the stupid finances. This is driving me nuts! I just want it over with already.

Sheesh.
 
Posted by Papa Moose (Member # 1992) on :
 
They have lawns in Texas?
 
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
sprinkled with cacti and mesquite bushes, yes.
 
Posted by Lalo (Member # 3772) on :
 
Man.

Aura's making a big mistake. (So are you, by moving to Texas [Grumble] , but her mistake is more costly.)

I'm sorry, Bob. Bet all the female jatraqueras are celebrating right now, though.
 
Posted by JaneX (Member # 2026) on :
 
Yeah, but when will I ever get to go to Texas to walk on it? [Grumble]

~Jane~
 
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
 
They now have real lawns in TX. You may not WANT to walk on them, though. The new regulations on septic tanks require a "sprinkler" system to spread the stuff out over a drainage field. Green grass, for sure. But at what cost???

[Angst]
 
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
Bob.

I can't believe you know that. *impressed*
 
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
 
Eww, gross! [Eek!]

(Now here would be a good place for a barf smilie.)
 
Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :
 
And you thought it was bad when the neighbor's dog pooped on the yard....

[Monkeys]
 
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
 
kat, I even know that there's already growing momentum for a repeal of that silly law!!!

Sopwith, lol!
 
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
 
Sounds gross to me....people's dogs probably walk there or roll in it then go back in the house and get on the furniture. ick.

I'm sorry, Bob, to hear of your divorce. You will get LavaLamp and Posable Man, won't you?
 
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
 
Oddly enough, LavaLamp and Posable_Man hold no interest for Aura at all. That right there should've told me something! [Big Grin]

Two out of three of my personalities are just inanimate objects from her point of view.
 
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
 
Whereas I think all of your personalities are pretty inanimate . . .

[Razz]

Sorry, it begged to be done.
 
Posted by Dobbie (Member # 3881) on :
 
Now that Aura's available, would you mind posting a photo of her?
 
Posted by filetted (Member # 5048) on :
 
Are you freakin' kidding me?!

what a load of BS!!!
 
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
 
Dobbie...let me see... I should have one around here somewhere...

Icarus, at least I have a personality.

[Kiss]
 
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
 
<insert comment that this is not the insult thread here>
 
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
 
Okay, point taken. Icarus change my last post to:

"I think your personality's pretty too!"

[Kiss]
 
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
 
No, no, you were supposed to say it isn't the <insert> thread, or something like that.
Sheesh. Too early I guess.
 
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
 
<insert statement of confusion over Bob's use of kissing Graemlins>
 
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
 
[Wall Bash]
 
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
 
((Bob)) [Frown] [Frown]
Maybe it's for the best for you both.
Best of luck, Bob.
I wish I could have 1/100 of the maturity your 1st post shows when I try to deal with stressful situations.
 
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
 
Well thanks. It's not maturity. It's realism mixed with a strong measure of defeatism. Some days, the "all for the best" mode takes over. Other days, like today, when things aren't going very well in the "planning the next step" department, it gets really tough.

Just one example. I'm having the hardest time trying to figure out what kind of trailer to buy. The one I wanted is too much money and I can't afford to finance it. But the one I can afford has serious drawbacks. Now, normally, something so minor as this wouldn't bug me. But today, I'm just frustrated into inaction. Of everything I set out to accomplish this weekend, I did exactly 3 things:

1) Looked at houses on line. Got somewhat encouraged.

2) Researched necessary items for trailering a motorcycle. Got VERY discouraged.

3) Bought some tape for boxes.

Mind you, I was planning to start packing this weekend. I've done nothing. Oh, except buy the tape.

I'm wallowing in self-pity at the moment and then I think I'll go eat lunch, take a nap and prepare for my business trip tomorrow.

Ugh.
 
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
 
Bob,
Do you have a friend who could drive the car while you rode the bike? Then, you could pay their plane ticket home? It might be cheaper.
 
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
 
(((Bob)))
 
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
 
Or he could not move . . . that would be cheaper still!

[Wink]
 
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
 
Okay, enough wallowing.

I figured out what was bugging me. So much of this is out of my control right now that it is just a prime situation to foster depression -- at least in me. I don't enjoy feeling like I'm in limbo. I hate to wait. My ability to plan for the future is limited by the uncertainty in Aura's ability to finance the house in her name. If it doesn't happen, though, then we still have some options. Like selling it, I suppose.

We'll see.

At any rate, I was clearly rushing things. Now I've got a trip for two weeks to College Station that I really don't need to take. But I'll go anyway and see what happens.
 
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
 
Aura's financing came through
 
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
((((((Bob))))))

I'm glad you're bringing LavaLamp and Poseable_Man.
 
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
 
I think Dobie may in fact be Andy Kaufman.
 


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