Once I sang that phrase with all the pride and dignity of a king. I was a king: King Arthur; High King of all England, Ireland, Scotland, and Wales; First Prelate of Rome, Master of Europe, High King of the British Empire. Now I sit alone in a small room of silk walls that smell of spice and magic and evil and I curse my name.
Names, there is magic in names. There is illusion in the names we give ourselves, and fate in those hidden demonic names that are truly all that we own. Fate and cruel nature have shown me my true name, and I curse it as it has cursed me.
One night long ago, someone whispered a word into my ear. She claimed it was my name. To prove her wrong I took her. I ravaged her. I raped her. I proved her right. It was her magic that sired our son.
One night not so long ago, that son and her aunt whispered a word into my ear. It was my name. To prove them wrong I tore my kingdom apart, ruined my wife, went to war against my truest friend, and finally, ultimately, proved them right.
I am Arthur the Impotent.
[ September 05, 2003, 05:17 PM: Message edited by: dkw ]
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
Five points for a correct guess with either rationale for the guess or a critique of the story Two points for any guess with a critique One point for any guess with a rationale Pi points for being a tiger.
[ September 06, 2003, 12:14 AM: Message edited by: dkw ]
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
Seems like a man, to me. Maybe a younger one, I'm not sure.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
Props for the cool slant on the Arthur legend. I'd started reading it and thought "Oh great, another Arthur legend," but I was wrong.
I guess sndrake.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
I like the idea that magic and evil have scents just as spices do.
I agree that this seems likely to be a male author.
I guess TomDavidson.
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
Ha ha ha! I love it.
It's a bit unorthodox , but witty.
I'm going with our favorite Python - T_Smith
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
I like the regretful tone and lyrical style. Kind of reminds me of Hart's Hope (which I'm reading now for the first time). The style is very epic and very masculine, which works well for the piece.
I do have a small quibble with the phrase "High King of the British Empire." Not only was Britain not an empire in the Arthurian legend, but the author already used the title High King earlier in the same sentence.
I could certainly see Slash writing this.
Posted by Erik Slaine (Member # 5583) on :
Boy, I hate to be Mr. Positive here, but we've had some great samples lately!
This one is concise and self contained. It is very poetic, as poetic as prose can get without changing into poetry. It also shows a knowledge of Arthur. And, perhaps, the Arthurian Cycles.
Which is why I'm guessing Troubador.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Wow, that's a great excerpt.
I want to read the rest of it.
I assume this is a mistake:
quote:One night not so long ago, that son and her aunt whispered a word into my ear.
I assume that the author meant "his aunt" not "her aunt". Or maybe I'm confused.
And I can't tell if this person is male or female. It's so cleanly written. Yet, the voice is convincingly male, so I'll guess the author is too.
Is it Pat?
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
No to everyone.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Can I get points for being a tiger?
Hobbes Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
Certainly. How many would you like?
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Pi points.
Hobbes Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
Done.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Hobbes Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
Guesses so far... sndrake TomDavidson T_Smith Slash Troubador Pat
I shall guess Hobbes, because he hasn't guessed anyone so far.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
No.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Since "Impotent" isn't a phrase used by a lot of young men, I'd say someone a bit older. Arthur as lead--Masculine.
Since Bob has dared to be serious a few times-- Bob S.
My critique? I love it. Its very very good.
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
quote: Names, there is magic in names.
I like this whole pice but I have a suggestion for the above section. Perhaps if you replaced to comma with a period?
quote: Names. There is magic in names.
It turns it into a sentance fragment but it's maybe a little bit more forceful. (I don't know, perhaps you have considered it already, I get this odd feeling you already have)
I haven't a clue who.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
Scott R?
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
*ducks away from SM, so as not to get caught in the growl aura*
Interesting that the room is made of silk. Is he in some sort of tent, then? Or the medieval equivalent of a padded room?
I guess . . . Ethics Gradient.
[ September 07, 2003, 12:55 PM: Message edited by: rivka ]
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
what? I gave reason/critique before, shouldn't it still apply? Fine then, I'll give some more.
It has to do with what Saxon said:
quote: I do have a small quibble with the phrase "High King of the British Empire." Not only was Britain not an empire in the Arthurian legend, but the author already used the title High King earlier in the same sentence.
and then I read the snippet again:
quote: I was a king: King Arthur; High King of all England, Ireland, Scotland, and Wales; First Prelate of Rome, Master of Europe, High King of the British Empire.
then I read Rivka's post about Arthur possibly being in the equivalent of a padded room. It makes sense that if Arthur is dillusional, he would constantly say this (His list of titles) to himself, and possibly add on to it, until he turns himself into master of the universe or some such. It would be his obsessive tick that drives him even farther over the deep end. The more I think about it, the more fun it would be to read about Crazy King Arthur. I wonder if this is what the author was going for.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
I was being serious.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Sorry, didn't mean to offend. I know you were being serious; I just found the idea very funny.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
I thought you were laughing at the fact that I decided to add another critique for fear of dkw's growling.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Nope; that wasn't funny, that was prudent. Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
No to everyone.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
considering my last critique rocked, I'm just gonna give another guess. Strider?
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
No.
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
I mentioned Hart's Hope in my last critique and, having now finished the book, I have to say that there's something about the sentence structure that reminds me of OSC.
So I suppose my next guess will be a Card: Geoffrey Card.
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
I really like the writing style on this one. The lyrical quality is great, as already mentioned, and the author does a great job at capturing the hollow, bitterly despairing tone and feel of this Arthur. I would love to read the rest of this one.
My initial guess was saxon75, but I'm going to assume that he isn't just trying to throw us off the trail with his own guesswork, and go with ae instead.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
No to both.
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
I don't get a strong sense of the author being either a man or a woman; it's pretty much gender neutral, at least in my eyes. I could see Belle pulling this one off.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
So far we've guessed:
sndrake TomDavidson T_Smith Slash Troubador Pat Hobbes Bob S Scott R Ethics Gradient Strider Geoff Card ae Belle
I'm going to guess :Locke. This isn't the best fit for what little stuff I've read of his, but he is a better fit than anyone else who's stuff I'm at all familiar with. (Note: I am familiar with very little ) I can't put my finger on it. Something about the repetition and the rythm.
[ September 08, 2003, 02:35 PM: Message edited by: celia60 ]
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
No and no.
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
Hmmm... The dark and epic tone suggests that this will be a compelling and quite possibly sprawling story. For some reason the word "epic" brings to mind Leto.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
i'm going to guess saxon because he begged me to.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
Again, no and no.
Posted by Deirdre (Member # 4200) on :
I really like the rhythm and the tone of this peice. It reminds me a bit of that one page I read of I Claudius.
Icarus?
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
No.
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
celia likes to dream that I'll ever beg her for anything.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
ok, this peice claims that names have power, but really, he just has a series of titles, not names. perhaps the author makes no distinction, but i do.
porce?
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
No.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Actually, celia, I believe the "name" that has all the power here is "Impotent."
And I guess . . . hmmm, jeniwren.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
I'm not sure that counts as critique. . . but, no.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
and it's used as a title.
tick?
Posted by Deirdre (Member # 4200) on :
quote:Now I sit alone in a small room of silk walls that smell of spice and magic and evil and I curse my name.
I'd like to see a comma between "evil" and "and."
Amka?
Edited to clarify: That's the "and" after "evil," not before it.
[ September 08, 2003, 03:16 PM: Message edited by: Deirdre ]
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
This has to be a female author. Men don't dwell on male impotence this way.
I like the idea of women using that fear of impotence against Arthur. And like any dumb animal, he didn't learn the first time.
If this were going to be a novel, I'd leave off the last line, and let the reader guess what Arthur's name was. Otherwise you're giving the whole story away, unless you're going to take it up after Arthur puts his pen down. Then Arthur's quest is to shrug off his impotence, which may be interesting but not exciting in the action packed battlefield sense of the word.
kwsni.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
No to all.
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
You know, maybe the reason that it brought Leto to mind is that it was actually reminding me of something from Dune Mafia. I seem to recall celia's character entry being somewhat stylistically similar.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
"This has to be a female author. Men don't dwell on male impotence this way."
What kills me, AfR, is that I nearly posted exactly the same thing, then backed off because I couldn't think of any specific female to guess and didn't want to give someone else the hint. The passage has seemed female to me from the start, and I've suspected celia or kat -- but I can't be sure, so I haven't said anything. *laugh*
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
So, are either of you actually guessing, or are these just comments?
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
Yeah I'll guess celia.
Posted by Deirdre (Member # 4200) on :
quote:The passage has seemed female to me from the start, and I've suspected celia or kat -- but I can't be sure, so I haven't said anything.
What? You mean we're only supposed to be guessing if we're sure?
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
Saxon, no.
Deirdre, didn't anybody mention that if you're wrong I come to your house and beat up your pets?
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Okay, then. I'll say kat, since she was my other guess. Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
it's true, fatcat has 2 black eyes now and my guess of vana is sure to land her a broken tail.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
That's fine, as I don't currently have any pets.
Now, if you were planning to attack stuffed animals, we'd have a problem. Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
Not kat, not vana.
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
OK, it's gotten to the point where I need to start reaching. OK, if it's a woman because of the word "impotent," what woman comes to mind as someone who'd use that word?
Uhhh... Kayla.
[ September 08, 2003, 05:21 PM: Message edited by: saxon75 ]
Posted by Deirdre (Member # 4200) on :
quote: Deirdre, didn't anybody mention that if you're wrong I come to your house and beat up your pets?
All I can say is, watch out for the Quaker parakeet. He’s got a bit of a mean streak. I didn't train him to be that way; it's just the way he is.
Posted by Deirdre (Member # 4200) on :
quote: and fate in those hidden demonic names that are truly all that we own.
Something in this phrase trips me up. Like the rhythm's off or something.
Annie?
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
My interpretation of Tom's "didn't want to give someone else the hint" leads me to guess:
Christy.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Hmm, Arthur "sang" his name, and there's something very lyrical about the piece as a whole.
Ophelia?
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
i'll guess leonide just to help play out this chick theory.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
No to all.
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
Argh!
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
By the way, thus far 31 guesses have been shot down of a possible 72.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
*scans carefully through entire thread*
*notices something very interesting*
Hey, Ryuko was the one who sent us down the garden path with
quote: Seems like a man, to me. Maybe a younger one, I'm not sure.
Yet she never guessed anyone . . .
I guess Ryuko.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
Nope.
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
More reaching: I will make an assumption that the author has posted in this thread. There are only three unguessed women that fit that description.
My first guess (in alphabetical order): dkw.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
What saxon said at 5:44!
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
What dkw said at 5:55!
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Posted by Deirdre (Member # 4200) on :
quote: I was a king: King Arthur; High King of all England, Ireland, Scotland, and Wales; First Prelate of Rome, Master of Europe, High King of the British Empire.
Because I can't think of anything else to say, I'm going to take issue with the punctuation here. Arthur doesn't seem like someone who would be so liberal in his use of semicolons.
Jane X?
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
*adds dkw to very short list titled "Hatrackers that made me laugh aloud and startle my roommates"*
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
My next guess (for the same reason and in the same order): sarcasticmuppet.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
No. edit: to both.
I hope you guys are enjoying this game half as much as I am.
[ September 08, 2003, 06:11 PM: Message edited by: dkw ]
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
If by "enjoying" you mean "being driven to the necessity of restraining myself from destroying my keyboard by repeatedly beating my forehead against it," then yes, I am.
Last guess of the three (same saxon-reason, same-saxon-order): Teshi.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
Sounds like fun.
No.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Ok, guessed so far:
sndrake TomDavidson T_Smith Slash Troubador Pat Hobbes Bob S ScottR Ethics Gradient Strider Geoff Card ae Belle :Locke Leto saxon Icarus porce jeniwren tick Amka kwsni celia kat Vána Kayla Annie Christy Ophelia Leonide Ryuko dkw JaneX sarcasticmuppet Teshi
And I guess Mama Squirrel.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
I'm restraining myself from all sorts of bad jokes here.
No.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
i'm going to guess afr for reasons that could only be described as amusing.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
Oooo, that would be even funnier.
No.
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
And I'll guess Dan_Raven because he's the only person left who's posted in this thread and hasn't been guessed (who is also on the list of possibles).
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
less funny than afr? zgator would be pretty funny.
this is like a whole new kind of game now. Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
eenie meenie minie moe . . . Avadaru?
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
I didn't guess because I had no idea who it could be...
But now I'll guess. Is it Caleb Varns?
Posted by Deirdre (Member # 4200) on :
I was almost convinced it must be someone very obscure, otherwise someone would have gotten it by now. But dkw's amusement leads makes me suspect the author is 1) male 2) not the least bit obscure.
Mmmm...how about Tresopax?
[ September 08, 2003, 06:27 PM: Message edited by: Deirdre ]
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
No, no, funnier than what I was thinking. The reality is very funny.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
Saxon got it. I think I’m going to have to give Dan bonus points for “gutsiest post critiquing own work.”
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
OH. MY. GOODNESS.
That was like pulling teeth.
OK, on to round twenty-one.
Posted by Deirdre (Member # 4200) on :
Rats. I was going to guess Dan, but I didn't think he'd complement his own work.
Re-edited so as to not spoil kat's joke: "compliment" back to the original "complement"
[ September 08, 2003, 06:52 PM: Message edited by: Deirdre ]
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
That's why he wore the chain mail underwear.
Added: *sniff* Fine. Now my post makes no sense at all. And it was so funny!
[ September 08, 2003, 06:44 PM: Message edited by: katharina ]
Posted by Deirdre (Member # 4200) on :
Is that my fault? I can fix it if you like.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
That's fine. The joke has been made and sent into the ether, and somehow the world is better for it's life. Now the challenge will be to see if the original post can be inferred.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
Yeah! Saxon refered to me as female! Posted by Deirdre (Member # 4200) on :
There now, all better.
In fact, now that I'm feeling all benevolent, I'll even give you one of those little head rolling smilies.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
you're not making a new thread?
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
[ November 13, 2003, 11:21 AM: Message edited by: dkw ]
Posted by Deirdre (Member # 4200) on :
quote: Yeah! Saxon refered to me as female!
Hey!
I refered to you as female, and all I got was a "har har Deidre ."
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
quote: I’m going to go out on a limb and say sarcasticmuppet, who, if I am right, has done a fabulous job developing a plausible male voice.
I read it wrong then, cuz you did say I was a female, you just added this to it. I was being overly sensitive because Hobbes called me a boy in my College thread. I was probably being oversensitive there, too. I'm sorry Dierdre. Sorry Hobbes. Sorry cruel, cruel world.
[ September 08, 2003, 07:08 PM: Message edited by: sarcasticmuppet ]
Posted by Deirdre (Member # 4200) on :
Oh, good. Now I don't have to hate you anymore. Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I almost screamed out loud all freakin weekend long. This was great.
Thanks everyone for all the good reviews. The people who loved it made my weekend. The people who critiqued it pointed out some good points (the too many High Kings and your right, that one line just doesn't flow right.)
First, I am male, and not somebody unknown to these boards.
Second, Yes, I would stoop so low as to critque my own work, with a blatantly flattery filled critique, just to be sneaky, and because I like the flattery.
I think the fact that there wasn't one single joke throughout that bit (or the rest of the story either) made guessing difficult.
Finally, the bad news. I am considering dropping the story. The story is based on my readings of LeMorte De Arthor. A test audience that read the first few chapters seemed to get lost because I had too many references in there they did not know. Reworking it around those references is a chore I may not be up to.
Besides, I am stuck on Chapter 4. (Though Chapter 1-3 are fine, and chapter 8 is great. Its a bit of a patchwork).
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Cool]](cool.gif)
![[Party]](graemlins/party.gif)
![[ROFL]](graemlins/rofl.gif)
![[Grumble]](graemlins/grumble.gif)
I was being serious.
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
![[The Wave]](graemlins/thewave.gif)
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
![[Mad]](mad.gif)
![[Evil]](graemlins/evil.gif)