Hatrack River Forum: Revelations interpreted - if you read this, you're going to Hades

This is topic Revelations interpreted - if you read this, you're going to Hades in forum Books, Films, Food and Culture at Hatrack River Forum.

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Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :

quote:
John, according to the authors, used 666 as the number of the beast in order to confuse his Roman captors. Vav is the sixth letter of the Hebrew alphabet. 666, therefore, is "vav vav vav." And, inasmuch as vav is often transliterated "waw," it is plain to the enlightened mind that "666" is really "www." Ergo, the "mark of the beast" involves buying and selling on the Internet.

Granted, this is a quote of a paraphrase of a summary of a book, so some distortion is expected. However, I think this is hands-down the funniest interpretation of Revelations I've ever seen. Can you believe it?

[ September 10, 2003, 02:12 PM: Message edited by: katharina ]

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

I had a sneaking suspicion I was headed for hell.

Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :

A favorite quote: "Where am I going, and why am I in this handbasket?"

Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :

So I shouldn't get www tatooed on my forehead?

Sounds to me like this author obviously doesn't know much of anything about Hebrew or Hebrew numerology....

[ September 10, 2003, 11:14 AM: Message edited by: ludosti ]

Posted by Celtic Flame (Member # 5556) on :

Wow. [Embarrassed]

I'm embarrassed for him.

Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :

So Dale grivel was right, the internet is the beast.

Posted by Sweet William (Member # 5212) on :

Actually, Slash is the Beast, and Ralphie his loyal minion. It's the Disney version of Revelation.

I can't really figure out who to cast as the 4 horsemen, though. Perhaps the following four suspects:

BannaOj
TomDavidson
Foust
and the lovely and talented horseman of war:
Storm Saxon

Only because they have all started a "Gay Marriage" thread. [Razz]

Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :

::ahem::

Posted by Sweet William (Member # 5212) on :

I feel like such a newbie.

Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :

Minion!

Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :

Minion?!

[Mad]

Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :

[Grumble]

Posted by Sweet William (Member # 5212) on :

Every major Disney character has to have a sidekick or "minion." It's in the Eisener rulebook.

I was desperate. I mean, really who could stand to hang around in Slash's shadow for 90 minutes of screen time (and 4 weeks during the location shoot!) except you, Ralphie? [Wink]

Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :

::slightly refuffled:: Well, okay then.

(p.s. - How's that for post-slutting!)

Posted by Sweet William (Member # 5212) on :

Oh yeah, that is some serious slutting.

Posted by T. Analog Kid (Member # 381) on :

Wasn't Revelations originally written in Greek?

[ September 10, 2003, 02:02 PM: Message edited by: T. Analog Kid ]

Posted by larisse (Member # 2221) on :

You know... I was heading there anyways... so anyone want me to pick up a little something. I could pick up some cheese, some nice baguettes, a little red wine... I know this great website that will deliver absolutely anywhere. [Evil]

Posted by asQmh (Member # 4590) on :

Yup, Revelation (the 's' is extraneous) was originally written in Greek. Making '666' an obvious reference to eta . . the long 'a' sound, depending on your Greek prof. We can only assume that they dropped the rough breathing mark and therefore 'ay ay ay' is really 'hey, hey, hey!'

Though what the heck that'd be pointing toward, I haven't a clue. [Confused]

I think I need a government grant and a time to write a book on it.

Q.

Posted by T. Analog Kid (Member # 381) on :

"hey! hey! hey!" -- therefore Dewayne of "What's Happening?" is the Anti-Christ?

or is it "eh? eh? eh?" meaning that Bob and Doug Mackenzie are the two false witnesses?

</bad 80's comedy references>

Posted by asQmh (Member # 4590) on :

"eh, eh, eh!" Now it's all clear!

It must obviously point to an unholy trinity of Canadians!

Q.

Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :

It's okay. I'll be in good company. [Wink]

Posted by ginette (Member # 852) on :

ANYONE who dares to interpret Revelations is going to Hades.
Except when it's funny.

Posted by Damien (Member # 5611) on :

Six hundred, threescore and six is just such a lovely number... I think it was just a partiality towards the number 6, with an obsession of symmetry. But what would I know, I'm only Damien...

[Evil]

Posted by asQmh (Member # 4590) on :

Yes, yes, Damien. But are you Canadian? PopTheology and spooky movie/book references get you nowhere. You have to build on the solid base of rational thought we've built up for ourselves.

Now, if you happen to be a "neighbor to the north," we can talk. And . . .cover up that birthmark. It's creepy.

Q.

Posted by Zan (Member # 4888) on :

"Hey, hey, hey" is an obvious reference to Fat Albert. Is anyone really surprised that Bill Cosby is the anti-christ?

Posted by T. Analog Kid (Member # 381) on :

there is only one trio of Canadians with that kind of power...

Canada's premier Power Trio

Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :

Me a horseman of the apocalypse???
[Eek!]

AJ

Or, does this reference add to my Jatraquero legitimacy? I mean I've been mentioned in the same list as Tom Davidson and Storm Saxon!

AJ

Posted by T. Analog Kid (Member # 381) on :

I'd say that makes you pretty hatrack legit... but not as cool as having Ralphie start a thread with your name in it...

Posted by Maccabeus (Member # 3051) on :

As a matter of fact, the "666" in Revelation is in fact from chi, sigma, stigma (an obscure letter combining the s and t sounds). The numerical values are not simply six in each case, but six hundred, sixty, and six, respectively.

So if you didn't know that book was written by a kook before, you do now.

Posted by Ryan Hart (Member # 5513) on :

[ROFL]

William that was HILARIOUS

Posted by Sweet William (Member # 5212) on :

Thank you, thank you. I'm trying ot redeem myself for being such a beeeeeyatch lately. [Big Grin]

Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :

Does this mean I have you to take you off my list of "people to kill" for calling me condescending?

[Razz]

Posted by Túrin (Member # 2704) on :

Maccabeus said what I was going to, that the book is written in Greek and it's Six hundred, sixty, and six, three different numbers, not 666 as in "three sixes."

So any interpretation based on three sixes, such as 777 representing perfection and 666 imperfection, is so much twaddle.

Any interpretation based on Hebrew or Latin or English is bogus, because it was written in Greek.

It's the Book of Revelation, not Revelations.

EVERYONE is going to Hades, because that's the place everyone goes when the die, both good and bad. Hades is not the same place as Hell. Think of it as the waiting room where everyone awaits judgment. At the Judgment, people in the bad section of Hades get tossed into Hell, and people in the nice section get tossed into Heaven.

Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :

According to my classical mythology professor, the ancient Greeks didn't believe in heaven or hell as we understand them. Anyone who died went to Hades, which was a generally unpleasant place. Certain especially heroic people went to Elysion (the Elysian Fields) instead, but they didn't actually die. Rather, they were whisked away at the moment before their deaths.

Later the Eleusinian Mysteries had more to say on what happened after you died, but not much is known about their beliefs.

[Edit: Why would I write philosophy instead of mythology? I must be more tired than I thought.]

[ September 11, 2003, 02:09 PM: Message edited by: saxon75 ]

Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :

Why do some translations say 616 if it's six hundred, sixty, and six? I don't get it? [Dont Know]

Posted by Olivet (Member # 1104) on :

quote:
Hey, Hey, Hey!

Soooo... Fat Albert is the Beast?

Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :

quote:
I feel like such a newbie.

But you ARE a newbie! [Evil Laugh]

Posted by Sweet William (Member # 5212) on :

Does this mean I have you to take you off my list of "people to kill" for calling me condescending?

Actually, no. Being on your list of people to kill will give me some Hatrack cred.

After you kill me, please use your "minionly wiles" to get Slash to eat me, because I am so FREAKIN' SICK AND TIRED OF NOT BEING EATEN BY SLASH YET. [Wall Bash]

BTW, I really meant "condescending in a nice way." I'm so very sorry if you didn't get that. [Razz]

[ September 11, 2003, 04:27 PM: Message edited by: Sweet William ]

Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :

Uh huh.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Fat Albert is The Beast.
Mush Mouth is another name for the Horseman of Famine.

you can do the rest.

Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :

[Wall Bash]

Oh my goodness...

Posted by Lord Of Destruction (Member # 3276) on :

Wait, wouldn't Fat Albert be the Horseman of Famine?

Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :

quote:
After you kill me, please use your "minionly wiles" to get Slash to eat me, because I am so FREAKIN' SICK AND TIRED OF NOT BEING EATEN BY SLASH YET.

I'm not a newbie anymore, and Slash never ate me either. Not that I want to experience the event but, I just thought I'd rub it in. [Evil Laugh]

Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :

Yes, but I did come dangerously close to spanking you, Nick.

The only reason why I didn't is because I knew, deep down inside, you'd like it.

Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :

Does anyone remember the hilarious "www" discussion thread that Geoff started way back...summer of 2000 I think it was?? kat's post would have fit in perfectly with that! HAA!!
(for those who really want to feel like newbies, you can read part of the thread here.)

[ September 11, 2003, 06:49 PM: Message edited by: Narnia ]

Posted by Sweet William (Member # 5212) on :

...and Slash never ate me either.

Great, I can feel hope starting to fade. [Frown]

Posted by Olivet (Member # 1104) on :

ah never ate me, though he claims that I'm in something called a 'hoochie stable.'

Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :

He only eats the self-promoting n00bs.

Posted by Sweet William (Member # 5212) on :

Dang it. That's what I get for being so humble and not making any waves at all and not disageeing with anyone, and just being the sweetest guy alive.

You'd think he'd at least eat somebody that called his sister condescending (in the nicest possible way). I mean the protective male thing and all.

Posted by Maccabeus (Member # 3051) on :

I honestly don't know, PSI...but I can guess that the sigma was accidentally switched with a xi, or whatever Greek letter means "ten". If it's a xi, I think that could be done by accidentally adding a squiggle by a careless scribe.

Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :

Yay someone answered me!

Thanks, that makes sense.