I have been around only sporadically lately, and this is likely just to get even more sporadic. There's no great way to explain this, so forgive me if it's a little awkward. But as Papa Moose says, the important thing is that everyone is still okay.
When my mother was dying, I took a month off to be with her. Just before I left, I had an echocardiogram (ultrasound of the heart) to evaluate for a persisting friction rub. There was no fluid around my heart seen in the informal read (I literally grabbed a pediatric cardiologist by the coat and got him to scan it with me as I was getting ready to hop in the car), so I took off without waiting for the formal read, where they actually take measurements.
Unfortunately, when the measurements were taken, there was an aneuysm found at the beginning of the aorta. It's like a ballooning out of the stretch of normal vessel that was left between my two replacement parts. (Yes, this is what John Ritter died from -- oh, what exquisite timing for my husband! -- but that was because his opened up. Mine hasn't.)
Also unfortunately, I had just changed primary care doctors, and he either missed this or thought I would already have followed up with my cardiologist. And still more unfortunately, I did a lot of heavy lifting during that last month with my mother. The good part is that I didn't have any immediate complications. The not so good part is that I've been nearly as fatigued as before my last valve replacement, and a follow-up CT scan shows an enlarged left ventricle. That is a change from that echocardiogram 3 months ago, and it's a sign that I may be going into heart failure again. The aneurysm seems stable, though.
So today I'll be flitting back and forth to try to figure this out, and I'll likely be out of commission for a bit if I need to have this rerepaired. I'm really tired, feeling numb but scary, very overwhelmed, and terribly conflicted. I can't really think clearly as a physician right now, and I think I'm going to curl up with some Terry Pratchett novels and pretend this isn't happening. Of course, I have a wonderful husband to look out for me, Christy and Tom for terrific moral support, and a primary care doctor with egg on his face (and thus who won't let me slip through the cracks again).
I'll let you all know later how it all turns out. Maybe it will all be nothing to worry about, and maybe we'll just end up watching it a bit. If that's the case, I'm in for the next mafia. Otherwise, I may be too busy to check in for some time. Rest assured that I'm keeping that lovely Hatrack vibe going in my heart (? ), and I'll take care of myself. Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
Oh, CT! There is something deeply wrong with a universe in which a person as fantastic as you has to endure something like this. I wish that there were something I could do to help you. Take care of yourself! Don't let your tendency toward selflessness spur you to do anything that could exacerbate the condition. It doesn't sound like you're going to, but at the same time, I know you, so I thought it needed to be said.
Get better.
((CT))
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
Thanks, Noemon. I'll be good.
(((Noemon)))
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
Good!
(((CT))), fiercely.
Posted by T. Analog Kid (Member # 381) on :
(((CT)))
You're in my prayers, ma'am.
Be well.
Posted by Erik Blackheart (Member # 5610) on :
Lass, its does my own heart good t' know yer keepin' yer's healthy! Stay strong! If them other doctor's give ye guff, slap 'em silly fer me! ((((CT))))
Arrrr!
Posted by ana kata (Member # 5666) on :
<<<CT>>> We love you! Don't even think about leaving us! We need you too much. Take care, dear. Rest and recover. Be well.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
((((CT)))) Get better! Good luck!!!
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
CT!!!!!! *hugs very, very, very carefully*
Dear, I hope everything goes well and you are dreadfully missed already. Take care. Posted by Papa Moose (Member # 1992) on :
(((CT)))
Posted by Toretha (Member # 2233) on :
(((((((((((CT)))))))))
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
(((CT))) I'm so sorry to hear that you're having problems.
I got a (much smaller) heart scare recently, too. At my physical a couple weeks ago, my doctor said that I have a heart murmur. While he said it was slight and not to be concerned about it, I was scared that no one had ever noticed it or told me about it before (and I have read the copies of all of my medical records up until about the last 2 years). It's scary when there's something abnormal about yout heart.
I hope that things will go well and that you and your doctor will be able to find a good course of action to keep you around for many more years. Posted by Vána (Member # 3262) on :
Oh CT! Do take care of yourself, please! I only got to meet you for a few minutes, and it wasn't enough. Not nearly enough.
Rest well, but keep us informed, okay? We love you!
*big hug*
Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :
CT,
I wish you well. I haven't been on Hatrack very long, but you have been one of the most welcoming and gentlest of voices I have found here. I've come to look forward to your messages on just about any topic.
Around where I work, the kind of situation you are going through are becoming more frequent. A combination of the high percentage of people who work here who have disabilities and chronic health issues - and the fact that the average age of us all is gradually going up (that's the good news). It's never easy, and I have a feeling we'll all be encountering a lot more of it in the coming years.
Pratchett sounds like good therapy. Please do whatever you need to do for yourself and know you'll be in my thoughts. --Steve
[ September 19, 2003, 11:04 AM: Message edited by: sndrake ]
Posted by dan_parrot (Member # 5692) on :
arrrgh.
((CT))
Listen you me hearty wench, you take care of that poxed heart.
I be a wish'n you a hearty--er--heart, and if you need a thing, this gang of pirates will storm the beaches and get ya a doc.
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
Relax and take care and listen to a lot of good music. *hugs*
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Take care of yourself, CT! You are in our thoughts and our prayers.
CT Posted by larisse (Member # 2221) on :
CT,
I don't know you as well as some of the others, but I have always enjoyed reading your posts. They have been a delight, and I want them to continue to be delights so please make sure to take care of yourself. If not, I have a feeling your husband will be right there making sure you do. I can't imagine what you, or he is going through right now, but I know that taking time for yourselves will help.
Keep on that doctor of yours. And have fun reading Pratchett. I've been thinking of taking up some of his books myself.
{{{CT}}}
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
Take very, very good care of yourself. Hatrack can spare you for a while, but the world needs you long-term. ((CT))
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
CT!
Hope things work out well. Let me know if there is anything I can do.
Posted by Olivet (Member # 1104) on :
Love you, CT. Take care. And CALL ME anytime you need to chat. Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :
Take care of yourself!
(((CT)))
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
Is this a praying smilie? It's red but her eyes are closed and she's talking. Well, that's the intent, anyway. You are an anchor of sanity on this sea of interaction, and I hope you return to us safely soon.
Posted by Shigosei (Member # 3831) on :
Arrrr! We'll be missin' you while you're gone. The mates and I will see to it that that doctor walks the plank! Hope it turns out all right!
((((CT))))
Posted by jexx (Member # 3450) on :
CT-- That a heart as big as yours is tired from giving so much love is not surprising. Luckily, we live in a miraculous age. Get well and be blessed. You are special to us. ((CT))
Posted by Trespassin’ Tiger (Member # 5696) on :
(((( CT ))))
Hobbes Posted by FungusHearted Pete (Member # 5617) on :
(((CT))) Good books and lots of rest. We're sending well vibes your way and we'll be thinking of you. Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
(((CT)))
Take good care of yourself, kid. I'll add my good thoughts to all the rest being sent your way.
Posted by Ela (Member # 1365) on :
(((CT)))
Take good care of yourself, and hope everything turns out ok. You are in our thoughts and prayers.
**Ela**
Posted by Jenny Wren (Member # 5698) on :
(((CT)))
Thank you for letting us know what's going on in your life. You'll be in my prayers.
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
Posted by Irami Osei-Frimpong (Member # 2229) on :
You do what you have to do.
Posted by Ye Olde Insufferable Bitch (Member # 5607) on :
Posted by Black Ralphie Bonny (Member # 4207) on :
Look, CT - Everybody is posting post-nuclear smilies surrounding barrels of fire for warmth in YOUR BEHALF! They must love you.
I love you, too. Take care of yourself, come back to us healthy and whole. I'll be thinking of you often.
::hugs CT::
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
((((((((((CT))))))))))
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
Oh, CT!!!!
((((( CT )))))))
Take good care, take it easy and you are in my prayers.
Posted by Troubadour (Member # 83) on :
Look after yourself Sara, I'll be thinking about you! ((((CT)))))
Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
((CT)) You have my prayers and best wishes. If I can do anything, just let me know.
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
CT, you are wise and you are courageous. You will have the strength and deep joy to face whatever comes.
Posted by ginette (Member # 852) on :
((((CT))))
Please CT, take all the time and care you need to recover and become well rested again.
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
Thanks, everyone. I'm still playing the waiting game with my cardiologist, but my primary care physician "isn't too worried." (This may or may not be reassuring. He's not much older than me, and he's not exactly strenuous on the details.)
I can feel the Hatrack love just pouring in, and my husband refuses to let me move heavy furniture. How can I lose? Will update more as time goes on. Thanks again, deeply.
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
To paraphrase Strong Bad: "A Hatrack without CT is scarcely a Hatrack at all."
Take care of yourself, CT. We're all pulling for you.
(((((CT)))))
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Dear, I hope you know how much to mean to Hatrack (me) and we hope for the very best for you. (((CT)))
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
-- but that was because his opened up. Mine hasn't.) ![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
), and I'll take care of myself. ![[Group Hug]](graemlins/grouphug.gif)
![[Wave]](graemlins/wave.gif)
![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
Take care of yourself, CT! You are in our thoughts and our prayers.![[Embarrassed]](redface.gif)
Is this a praying smilie? It's red but her eyes are closed and she's talking. Well, that's the intent, anyway. You are an anchor of sanity on this sea of interaction, and I hope you return to us safely soon.
![[Frown]](frown.gif)