Okay - fair warning. I am going to whine. Leave now if you don't want to partake.
So, about four weeks after the dreaded incident 7/4/03 (which ended up including three hospital visits, chiropractors and massage and having to be chauffuered everywhere because the vertigo was so bad even I couldn't drive) I started back to work part-time beginning of August.
Painful, yes. Tiring, yes.
Expected - live with it - life goes on attitude - recovery takes time - besides it could be worse right?
Don't ever say that to yourself. NEVER NEVER NEVER.
Mid-August the vertigo comes back way bad, I can't sleep because I can't lay down because everything spins. The meclazine is NOT touching it. I am tingly, achy, clumsy in my feet and hands except when they are flat out numb. My back is killing me, it hurts to walk, I have nasty headaches, and I am losing the ability to use the left side of my body. Looking at a computer screen for any length of time was nauseating. Especially scrolling. (Shudder)
All right, I say. This is enough. I see my regular doctor. He says, "You're not doing very well, are you." (Gift for understatement, the man has.) So, now I am being MRI'd, EEG'd, poked with needles and electric shocks to determine nerve damage, seeing other specialists, etc. On top of trying to work, raise a child, etc. (Enter violin symphony . . . )
The only good thing out of the visit is that he prescribed Ativan for sleep, which actually made the vertigo stop attacking me so heartlessly and now I can sleep. (This was the beginning of September.)
Of course, the insurance company is being slow to pay, and I am now reconsidering getting an attorney just to make the insurance company play fair and keep my credit looking nice. Of course, that'll tick off the family, because then they'll think I'm "suing" Grammy - who by the way, to the best of my knowledge, is still driving.
Why don't I know? Oh silly me - let's see, the last time my mother called was the beginning of September right after I saw the doctor (which had been the first communication in over a week and one of maybe 5 since the accident.) She was going to check in that week after the first MRI to see how I was doing. That would be three weeks ago. Grammy? No - she doesn't call or write. Siblings? No communication from them either. Once again, I am made pariah in my family - and I did absolutely nothing except somehow not be able to avoid getting hit by an old woman who shouldn't be driving. (Oh - sound bitter, don't I.) Tsk, tsk. I say it here, so I don't have to say it later. You all give me room to vent so beautifully, which helps me be on my best behavior other times.
Anyway, there are up days and down days. There are days where even with the ativan, some vertigo hits, things hurt, my movements are clumsy and I get very tired and worn out. It gets harder and harder to keep a good attitude, and I am so tired of being poked and pricked and scanned (you have experienced nothing until you are hit with nauseating vertigo in the middle of a closed MRI - insert green pukey face - )
AND I JUST WANT THIS OVER, I WANT IT TO NEVER HAVE HAPPENED, I WANT TO SCREAM AND/OR CRY OR BOTH, AND I AM SICK AND TIRED OF FEELING YUCKY!!! I HATE THIS, HATE THIS, HATE, HATE, HATE THIS.
Sigh.
Thanks for the understanding ears.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
I'm sorry, dear. This bites!
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
*hugs you though i am not a touchy feely person*
I'm sorry.... Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
Hope things get better.
quote: besides it could be worse right?
It could be raining.
Oh man, I love that line.
Posted by blacwolve (Member # 2972) on :
Shan Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
(((((Shan)))))
Posted by JaneX (Member # 2026) on :
(((((Shan))))) Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Lame.
Take care of yourself, Shan.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
This is because you've been feeling yucky ((((((((((Shan))))))))))
This is because your family should be dealt with by guys who know guys. ((((((((((Shan))))))))))
This is because being poked and prodded sucks big time! ((((((((((Shan))))))))))
Feel better! Shan Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
Thanks for the hugs and thoughts.
And thank you for letting me whine . . . phew.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
((((Shan))))
I'm so sorry this happened. It's weird how out of the blue things happen that impact your life like this . . . one minute you're fine and with your family, the next you've been run over, and for months after you're dealing with the pain.
I'm sorry your family is being so insensitive.
(I'm glad to see you still lurking around here, though.)
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
Poor shan. It's like you're the reverse of granma got run over by a reindeer.
*pat pat*
Posted by Toretha (Member # 2233) on :
(((((((((((((SHAN))))))))))))))))
Posted by aspectre (Member # 2222) on :
Sue Granny directly; ie well in excess of her insurance coverage. Homeowner's insurance ought to cover part of the cost.
Once you have won 100% of her assets, gently suggest that she quit driving, or else: as in excercizing your right to seize property.
From the way you described your relatives reaction to the accident, I wouldn't even think of worrying about staying in their good graces. If they prefer shirking their responsibilities, you will have to be the adult.
[ September 24, 2003, 12:25 AM: Message edited by: aspectre ]
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
I hope you feel better! Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
At this point I think I agree with aspectre. Your "family" has already deserted you, when you need them most, so they aren't really worthy of being family so why not sue? It sounds as if they don't want to have anything to do with you anyway.
AJ ((Shan)) -but very delicate hugs!
[ September 24, 2003, 11:35 AM: Message edited by: BannaOj ]
Posted by Vána (Member # 3262) on :
*big, gentle hugs for Shan*
I wish I could make it all better for you!
Posted by Fitz (Member # 4803) on :
I think you should sue as well. The only real effect it will have on your grandma is that her insurance rate will spike drastically enough that she may not be able to drive anymore. Otherwise I don't think she'll be effected, as her insurance company would pay any amount you might win.
If you do sue, be prepared to exercise a lot of patience. My mom got hit by a car more than two years ago, and now they still haven't managed to get to court after failing to reach a settlement. It's a hassle, but putting things in motion will at least prompt your grandma's insurance company to start making medical payments, and loss of wages payments.
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
Posted by Amka (Member # 690) on :
I hope things turn out right. Maybe you should approach Grammy, tell her exactly what has been going on, and explain what the insurance company has been doing. Tell her that it isn't personal, but you need the money to pay for your medical bills, so you sill be sueing the insurance company.
Unless you want to burn your bridges with the family. They may just feel uncomfortable with the situation and don't know what to say. Somehow, they feel like if they support you they are against grammy. If they support Grammy, they are against you. Chances are, Grammy isn't getting much contact either. Make it clear that you realize it was an accident and that it is okay to support both of you.
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
Ah me - I will call some attorney's and at least consult. You are all right. I know it's way stupid to try to salvage and hang onto a situation that went flat years ago and was apparently finally punctured. I just want to keep some little spark there in case my son has the desire to be a part of that side of the family - though I suppose my duty as a mother makes it clear I need to protect him from them at all costs . . . I guess it's one thing to let yourself be run over (literally and figuratively) and another for one's child to be the sacrificial lamb - that'd bring out a raging lion, that would.
As for no one talking to Grammy? My mother and she live together, literally next door to my brother and sister-in-law. I am not thinking she's particularly lonesome. Hopefully thoughtfully contemplating alternative transportation strategies. (Dream on, girl)
Ah well -
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
Man I can't believe the people physically living, with their kids close to Grammy aren't afraid for their lives. Could you circulate a petition of non-related neighbors requesting that Grammy's license be revoked?
AJ
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
I think I forgot to mention that I come from a family that specializes in one of two approaches to life:
Bury head in sand
AND/OR
At all costs, IGNORE, DENY, VEHEMEMNTLY the elephant in the middle of the family room.
For some reason, this particular gene strategy bypassed me, consequently, due to my open, honest and forthright nature, I am the family pariah.
Ain't it great?
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
Yes you may be the paraiah but you aren't the elephant.
You aren't the problem no matter how much they try to blame you, don't let them get to you.
The reason why it does get to you is because you are the better person to begin with and trying to take into account their feelings even if they don't consider yours.
We love you!
AJ
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
Thank you, AJ
I needed to hear that.
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
(Hey I just re-read that thread and you posted there! I think your situation has definitely deteriorated beyond mine at this point though that isn't really a good thing.)
[ September 24, 2003, 04:44 PM: Message edited by: BannaOj ]
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
I remember that letter, AJ - eeeck. I suppose we should just create an "Elephant Grandma" thread and get it over with - who knows who would come out of the closet? I can see it now,
"Hi, my name is Shan, and I am a recovering granddaughter."
DO you want to know the really sick part? Theoretically, I'm her FAVORITE grandchild! Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
I got a recent 4 page gem, maybe I should ressurect that thread and post it. Though that would require me to read it in its rambling entirety in order to type it in.
AJ
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
Ewwww - couldn't Kinko's or someplace scan it to disc for you? Would that even work? Post a link to it?
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
Actually that might be interesting, considering that she changes pen ink colors and you can see her underlining techinques. Sometimes it is hard to read though. I wonder if I could put it on foobonic.
AJ
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
Whatever you do, DON'T type it out for us. Why throw salt in the wound? A friend of mine calls that "trauma play" - yes, she works in the shrink world - but as I considered her words, in context to the conversation, I decided she probably had a point. There's remembrance and then there's remembering and then there's reliving . . . if that makes any sense at all.
(Edited for stupid spelling error)
(RE-edited for the fact that my stupid left hand and fingers are acting up. Grrrrrr.)
(Sigh. Third time would be the charm, right?)
[ September 24, 2003, 05:10 PM: Message edited by: Shan ]
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
Hey, Shan, I nearly took out a little ol' lady in a parking lot for you today.
Seriously.
I checked both side mirrors, my rearview mirror, AND my blindspot, kept rechecking as I backed up and suddenly, out of nowhere is this little ol' lady shouting at me that I almost hit her.
But dammit, SHE WASN'T THERE WHEN I LOOKED.
She must've moved.
I put my window down and she asks the stupidest question, "Didn't you see me?!"
What am I supposed to say? "Yes, I saw you. I MEANT to run you over. Let's try again."
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
I can't believe you MISSED, mack!!!!
(sick j/k)
Thanks for the thought, though! I am glad neither the l'il ole lady nor you were hurt.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Mack, I love you! You're so funny.
(((Shan))) I don't know how I missed all of this before. I'm so sorry that you're having such a hard time. I wish I could come clean your house or fix you dinner or something. Oh, I hope you feel better soon. I hope the drs can help you... Hugs and thoughts and prayers my dear. Hang in there and vent all you want. (((Shan)))
Posted by KEGE (Member # 424) on :
mac:
"I put my window down and she asks the stupidest question, "Didn't you see me?!"
What am I supposed to say? "Yes, I saw you. I MEANT to run you over. Let's try again."
YES, YES, YES - I wish you HAD said that or just said YES and then sat there silently looking at her waiting for her response. Sometimes forcing people to mentally process the stupidity of their own questions is pricelessly funny!
shan, I am SO sorry. I wish there were something we could all do for you and your son. I know you want him to have family, but seeing how they are treating you since this accident is NOT a good thing for him.
I agree with everyone's ideas so far, except that I think you might as well talk to your mom, Grammy, etc. (each separately) and tell them exactly what you have told us (in more respectful, polite terms). Specifically tell them what you need for them to do for you too. If THEN they continue to act as they have been, you need to consider (once you are WELL) getting away from them.
Maybe you could move in with mac! Ya'll can become each other's "nondysfunctional family" and you'll get alot of laughs!
Take care. Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
I was trying to get my friend back to her studio apartment in downtown Chicago. I'm not terribly familiar with the city yet and so we turned down a street that was perpendicular to her street and we thought they intersected. Well it is late at night and we are looking for the street signs and there is construction at the intersection where the street sign should have been. The next thing I know I'm going the wrong way on a one way street! It was NOT clearly marked AT ALL. All of these taxi drivers start rolling down their windows going "you're going the wrong way" Another obvious non-constructive statement that I figured out about 2 seconds after the fateful unmarkedintersection where we had gotten lost anyway. The more interesting question was how to get turned back around, which none of the taxi drivers were willing to help out with! Fortunately I was able to slide over into the street parking spaces so that I wasn't directly facing the oncoming traffic. Then when traffic cleared I could turn back around.
It was an adventure though.
AJ
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
Thank you again for thoughts, all.
AJ - you would not be the first to roll one-way the wrong way down the street. There was this great coffeeshop where a group of us liked to hang out years before. One day an elderly lady starts heading down the road against the one-way oncoming traffic, honking her horn and shaking her fist at the people in her way! After we laughed our butts off, we got up and stopped traffic and got her turned around. According the guy I was with, she was still angry. How dare they change that street? When she was a kid it was always a two-way!!!
Have a great day all - off to work now.
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
Okay, so after all my whining, between interminable meetings at work, my mother calls and leaves me a voicemail.
We actually talked for about three minutes when I called her back between yet other meetings.
No, she didn't inquire.
She did try to tell me that there were lots of well-paying job opps up my alley in her neck of the woods.
As if . . .
Maybe my whininess ESP'd over her way . . . ?
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
Hired an attorney today.
You may all congratulate me on taking this important (and frightening) step.
Actually, I feel relieved. The bills and paperwork were mounting and I just don't have the energy to deal with them. The attorney will. And, surprise, surprise, there are more options available for paying the bills, meeting time off work, etc., then Grammy's PIP, my PIP and then suing her - so , , , , I don't have to sue her and she doesn't even need to know I have an attorney unless I tell her.
How do we spell relief???? Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Good for you, Shan! (((((Shan)))))
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
R...O...L...A...I...D...S.
I think.
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
Thank you, rivka!
10 points for mack!!!!!
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
R-O-L-A-I... Aw, shoot. I'm glad for you Shan. It must be ten-thousand ways of terrible getting hit by a family member and getting no sympathy. I can't promise that it won't make your family more angry, but at the very least you can get your grandma off the road.
On another note, I almost got hit by a car today, too! But it was my fault. Wearing a hood and not checking for cars turning right.... I also almost got hit by a car on my bike once. It was SO close.... I went through shock afterwords, thinking about how easily I could have been hit. Then thinking about the fact that if I had been hit, the school might have given people on my block bus service back. Stupid slow car....
Edit: and mack beat me on relief.
[ September 29, 2003, 11:09 PM: Message edited by: Ryuko ]
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
Actually, now that I mention it, I need some relief.
*goes in search*
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Well, I was torn between R-O-L-A-I-D-S and H-A-T-R-A-C-K
I couldn't pick, so I did neither.
Personally, I prefer simethicone. Posted by Her Royal Sweekiness (Member # 5747) on :
I was driving an evil Isuzu truck not long after getting my license. I was going down a curvy hill, misinterpreted my speed and spun completely around. That was the scardest I have ever been in a car, even after coming this close [ ] to a four-car collision (which would have made it a five car collision).
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
But the question is...
Was there a little ol' lady involved somehow?
Posted by Her Royal Sweekiness (Member # 5747) on :
No, but I think a dinky truck possessed by Satan is pretty noteworthy.
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
Is Satan a little ol' lady?
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
absolutely - there must be litle ole' ladies involved - speaking of which, I saw an absolutely hilarious Far Side which I barely restrained myself from clipping and mailing to Grammy.
Two dogs in angel wings, halos, sitting on clouds are talking. The first dog is telling the second dog, "Yeah - I used to take 'em all on - Suburu's, Fords, Honda's, Chev's - any one you want, chase 'em and never get hit. And then wouldn't you know it, my master drives over me backing out of the driveway."
I howled - literally.
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
So, Shan, now how do I get my diet coke off my laptop screen?
This reminds me. I think I'm fated to someday hit a little ol' lady.
I took my driver's test with my driver's ed instructor. I took the written part, scored 100. Took the driving part. Had 100. All I had to do was drive back through the town (tourist town, people EVERYWHERE) and back to the high school.
I need 85 points to pass.
Driving.
Little ol' lady steps out from behind a van and jaywalks into the street.
I slam on my brakes.
Instructor slams on his. Tells me that he has to dock 20 points because he touched his brakes.
I drive back to the school, realizing that I'm going to fail because of a JAYWALKING OLD LADY, and I should've just hit her.
So I said, "Hey...I didn't HIT her."
So he gave me back five points. Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Mack, after you were done with getting the license, did you go back and cruise the streets looking for her?
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
No, but now that you mention it...
Posted by KEGE (Member # 424) on :
mac I think you've missed your calling going back to grad school.
really you need to just cruise the streets across the USA gunning for little old ladies. kind of like a superhero of sorts - you could be part of the Hall of Justice and stop little old ladies from running us down with their cars!
shan - good for you! Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
well mack - we're even -
now I have to figure out how to get coffee off of my computer screen -
*Wanders off chuckling, seeking more of the black gold*
(spelling edit)
[ September 30, 2003, 09:42 AM: Message edited by: Shan ]
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
![[Group Hug]](graemlins/grouphug.gif)
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
![[ROFL]](graemlins/rofl.gif)
![[Evil]](graemlins/evil.gif)
((((((((((Shan))))))))))![[Cry]](graemlins/cry.gif)
![[Kiss]](graemlins/kiss.gif)
I hope you feel better! ![[Angst]](graemlins/angst.gif)
![[Mad]](mad.gif)
![[Wall Bash]](graemlins/wallbash.gif)
![[Laugh]](graemlins/laugh.gif)
Mack, I love you! You're so funny. ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[The Wave]](graemlins/thewave.gif)
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
![[Grumble]](graemlins/grumble.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)