Well gang, I thought I would ask those with the time and inclination to read a little slice of fiction I wrote. Just remember it is in a rough state. Not really looking for detailed criticism (though you are welcome to offer it), just trying to get overall opinions on what I have started here.
You can read it here if you so choose. Thanks all.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
It's too short, which makes it read like a glossary.
What I mean is this: you're trying to define too many terms and convey too much setting information in a very short piece. When half of your sentences are exposition defining a term you used at the beginning of the sentence, that means you're packing too much in.
Either make the story MUCH longer, which gives you the opportunity to introduce terms and objects at leisure, or don't bother with definitions and trust your audience to figure out your broad intent from context.
Posted by Jexxster (Member # 5293) on :
Good points. I suppose I should just mention that this is a prologue to a much larger work. I have been struggling to decide what to define at this point and what to leave for later in the story. I will take that into consideration.
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
Thats what it seems like to me. A prologue, where you aren't supposed to quite understand everything yet, but it lays the groundwork for what is coming later. (I'm guessing the re-discovery of the magic)
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