Why ask why? There are a lot of things to be said for the bountiful treasures that our society and our markets provide, and the many services we are privileged to enjoy. Some of them can't be said in a family newspaper. But as a longtime customer of everything imaginable I do have a few questions I would like to put forward, and they're not of the stand-up comic "why does bottled water have expiration dates" variety (answer: to convince hypochondriacs that their water has spoiled, of course). My questions are more in the "why aren't bathtubs designed for humans" range. I'd like some answers for these...
[ October 08, 2003, 07:23 AM: Message edited by: Chris Bridges ]
Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :
Another good one, Chris! You still crack me up. Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
quote:Every major purchase (and more and more minor ones) requires me to provide some identification for their records, e.g. Social Security number, driver's license number, etc. Shouldn't accountability work both ways? I'll give you my Social Security number to buy a car, but I want the dealership's federal tax number so I can run a check. And shouldn't Enron employees get Ken Lay's phone number? He has theirs, and their money. Fair is fair.
I love it.
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
Car horns...priceless.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
I've SO thought that about Car horns!! I think we should have programmable marquis on our cars, so we can say 'Thank you' and so on... Unfortunately, most people wouldn't say 'thank you'....
Posted by Erik Slaine (Member # 5583) on :
Thank you Chris. That was my first sustained laugh of the day.
But why "zany"? Why not "wacky"?
Posted by msakaseg (Member # 3826) on :
quote:Is there a reason why clothing manufacturers can't seem to settle on what, exactly, "36-inch waist" means?
It's so true. In fact, I was asking the same question this morning as I was getting dressed.
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
"Wacky," to me, suggests Lucille Ball and is therefore associated forever with well-meaning but bubble-headed comediennes. "Zany" is gender-neutral.
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
quote:Every major purchase (and more and more minor ones) requires me to provide some identification for their records, e.g. Social Security number, driver's license number, etc. Shouldn't accountability work both ways? I'll give you my Social Security number to buy a car, but I want the dealership's federal tax number so I can run a check. And shouldn't Enron employees get Ken Lay's phone number? He has theirs, and their money. Fair is fair.
What purchase? I had to practically get an act of congress to get my social security number taken off my records at the library. (I was too stupid to think anything of it years ago when I first got the card.) Their line was, "but no one but library employess have access to your records." (This was before the Patriot Act.) My answer was, "And why should I assume that all of your employees are honest?" They finally took it off, but acted like I was trying to get away with something illicit.
Posted by msakaseg (Member # 3826) on :
I'm kind of curious how many people read the title of your column (and this thread) without knowing that it's from a commercial.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
quote:Has anyone made a remote control that has a fixed base station, like my cordless phone? I want to push a button and let my beeping remote announce its current location, which would be much faster than trying to reconstruct the bizarre mental state I must have been in when I left it in the toaster oven.
Actually, Magnavox has had a TV that did this for years.
Smart, Tom. Very smart.
Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :
Maybe we should honk in morse code from now on.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Chris, I liked this. Posted by Jexxster (Member # 5293) on :
Great read Chris. Thanks for sharing again.
Posted by Sweet William (Member # 5212) on :
Can't I have different sounds for "thanks for letting me in front of you," "beware, state trooper ahead," and "back off before I open fire?"
Ya know, just last night I really wanted a horn for "Grandma. The speed limit is freakin' 45! Could you please go somewhere out of my way and watch Matlock? " That is probably way too much to convey in one tiny, little horn-honk.
Posted by Dragon (Member # 3670) on :
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
I never considered much about SSNs, but then I lost my wallet. I canceled all my bank cards and got new ones with just knowing that number (not even showing the card), and without any other form of ID. So all anyone would have to do to get every penny in my account would be to know my SSN.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
quote:I'd think it would be better than what we have now, which is the automotive version of screaming inarticulately, a style of communication that only works at school board meetings.
Beautiful!!!
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
Bob, I cheerfully admit that I thought of you when I wrote that. Whatever happened with the investigations?
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Um, well...nothing.
The school board decided that since the debt was wiped out, it didn't matter that they ran it up and had it on the books the whole school year.
Oh well. I don't live there anymore. So I no longer care what happens to the money. Let some other crank worry about it.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
FWIW . . . I've heard two rumors. . . . One (unknown reliability): the debts are not as forgiven as everybody thinks. . . . Two (quite reliable): the reason they stonewalled on the receipts from the other plays is because, while they spent less money, more of it was spent by the school, and it was more unarguably wasteful. Like sending a number of students and teachers to New York to see a professional production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat before the school put the same show on.
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