Hatrack River Forum: I don't care what THEY say, what do YOU say?

This is topic I don't care what THEY say, what do YOU say? in forum Books, Films, Food and Culture at Hatrack River Forum.

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Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

Ok, I talked about this a bit before, where I sent in a poem to poetry.com

Well, I got one of those letters (you know the kind, the ones that just about everyone and their grandma get just for submitting something) stating that they are going to publish the poem in one of their books, and also put it on one of their CD's with 32 other poems (priced only at just $49.00 [Roll Eyes]

.)

The thing is, I don't care jack squat about what they are saying about this poem, mainly because I have the feeling that this is nothing really special and that, again, just about everyone on that site has gotten one of these.

But in another sense, I really do like it, but I think thats because I wrote it and it makes me laugh everytime I read it. So, while there is the Original Potry thread, I've noticed a slim variety of people that critique poems (no offense to those that do) and would like at least an honest to goodness opinion if this poem is the "outstanding achievement in poetry" that these people are making it out to be. That and I'm feeling incredibly shamelessly egotistical today.

The Poem (again):

Someday my friend, I shall die
And if that someday should come
I'd like it if you would be so kind
To say that I was the kind of guy
Who dreamed of canning pickles.

[ October 10, 2003, 01:37 PM: Message edited by: T_Smith ]

Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :

It's amusing, but it's not a monumental triumph of verse.

Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :

I liked the twist at the end, and the close but not quite perfect rhyme. The language in each individual line didn't really flow or glide or jump or thrill, but I like it all in all. [Smile]

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Well, I liked it. It fits with my notion of how poetry should sound. But then again, I write things like:

Once I wrote a couple love poems
For a boy who never knew me;
Well, he held my hand on Fridays,
But we never traded hearts.

So I took those not-so-loved-poems
And I put them in my basement
And I store them with my ski boots
And I use them now for parts.

Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :

I thought that the last word there was "pants", Annie, which put a different spin on your poem.

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

quote:

not a monumental triumph of verse

See, and I completely agree with you there, which is another reason I completely laughed at the letter. To quote the guy, my "verse is wonderfully expressive."

Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :

Hm. I'm not really sure what to make of it.

(I think that's kind of a compliment [Wink]

)

I'm taking a creative writing class this term and have been hard at work on some poetry. We'll see how it goes...

Posted by Brinestone (Member # 5755) on :

I loved the first stanza of your poem, Annie! It was cheeky and interesting. I love how you use words. [Smile]

Nathan, your poem is fun, but the rhythm is a little weird, and it doesn't really say a whole lot. Not that poetry has to say a lot, of course. There are plenty of lovely or funny poems that are simply lovely or funny. Anywho . . .

Would anyone else around here like a thread that encourages rougher critiques than the Orginal Potry thread offers? I've got some poetry, but I haven't posted it there because I know I'll just get "good poem" comments, if that.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

This thread isn't about my poem, though, it's about Nate's. Because, clever as aI am, I have yet to use the word "pickles" in a poem. now, that's how I would know I had arrived.

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

Yes, because it takes great wit and poetic minds to use pickle in a work of poetry.

Pickle Pickle in the jar
Follow me out to a car
In the tailpipe you will go
To make my friend's car go slow
Pickle Pickle in the jar
Follow me out to a car

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Ha ha ha!

Can I cross stitch that on a pillow, Nate?

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

::copyrights poem::

For 20 bucks you can.
Or a pizza next time your in town (my treat).

::crosses fingers for 20 bucks::
[Wink]

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

How about if I let you hang out with me in Portland? Or maybe I could kiss you discreetly behind a fan.

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

Is that how they kiss in France?

::already knows the response a billion people are wanting to use now::
::still wants to hear it::

LET me hang out with you?? Can we still get some pizza?

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Sure, we'll get some pizza. And you know what they call French kissing in France, don't you?

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

Freedom Kissing?

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

kissing, silly.

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

I thought they'd call it "kissing hottie" not "kissing silly".

::marks thread as derailled::

Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :

nathan, if you're involved, it's always silly.

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

I shall try to think of a way to relate kissing to pickled and redeem the thread

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

Or grossly taken out of context and/or exaggerated.

Annie, I strongly advise that you DON'T try to relate kissing to a pickle.

[ October 10, 2003, 02:24 PM: Message edited by: T_Smith ]

Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :

can i take that out of context?

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

No, but you can exaggerate the pickle and the kissing part.

::yes, I do know...::

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

The boy was selling kosher pickles,
Trading passersby for nickles.
I thought he was rather cute
In his brine-encrusted suit.

I asked him for the deepest one,
And kissed him when his work was done.
His face blushed red from chin to tips,
How salty were his kosher lips!

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :

I thought in your world I wear leiderhosen.

btw, very funny

Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :

Oh - and I've found that I can find a lot better pictures now that I can spell lederhosen correctly.

Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :

[ROFL]

i love this thread

[Kiss]

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

T_Smith, have they offered you the $10 trophy and vacation to Disney World for the professional reading. Its only $1,250 a person, not counting hotel and travel.

Personally, I wasn't thrilled with your pickle canning poem. It seemed to flippant to be good poetry, but came off well as dry wit.