quote: "When Peter Hart first came to Cielo Valley, he did not see the place of his death and life. He did not see the boulder in the shaded spot above the great bay laurel where he went to be alone, nor did he see the place in the river where he and Alvaro de Llanos would catch crawdads. He heard neither the last breath of the woman he loved nor the laughter of his daughter when she would play in the river, in the deep spot where the chalk shelf extended from the bank into the water. Of course he knew nothing about Laureles Ranch, nor of Oceanside, where he would lose his brother, nor of the town between them that his children's children would finally name for them both. How could he know any of these things? They had not happened, yet. But as the wagon crested the last hill before beginning the descent to the valley floor, he felt a resonance in his soul, and it seemed to him as though he had just come home from a long journey."
Saxon75: 61 Sarcasticmuppet: 51 ½ Rivka: 49 ½ Eslaine: 43 ½ Jeniwren: 40 Christy: 33 Noemon: 30 ½ Ophelia: 29 Celia: 28 Deirdre: 25 Advice for Robots: 23 Ryuko: 20 Morbo: 17 ½ Caleb: 16 Belle: 16 Teshi: 16 Mackillian: 15½ Irami: 15 Annie: 13 Sopwith: 13 Dan Raven 11 ½ Fugu: 10 Twinky: 10 Tom Davidson: 10 ½ Scott R: 8 Leonide: 8 Nick: 8 T Smith: 7 ½ BannaOJ: 6 Katharina: 6 Hobbes: 6 Jon Boy: 5 Human 4½ esl: 4 ½ Ethics Gradient: 4 ½ Enjeeo: 4 ½ Fitz: 3 Beren One Hand: 2 Jaiden: 2 Blacwolve: 2 GreNME: 2 Icarus: 2 Emperor Palpatine: 2 Kayla 1½ Papa Moose: 1 Locke: 1 Filetted: 1 Kwsni: 1 Pooka: ½ Punchdrunk: ½
Five points for a correct guess with either rationale for the guess or a critique of the story Two points for any guess with a critique One point for any guess with a rationale If you guess without providing a rationale or a critique I will point and laugh.
Posted by eslaine (Member # 5433) on :
I was getting ready for just what Peter would actually see there, but wound up knowing only what Peter felt, which was a little confusing.
I like the slightly precient knowledge, with a little work it could be really entertaining.
I'll try Human.
Posted by :Locke (Member # 2255) on :
My guess is Unmaker. A few reasons: Things like "Cielo Valley" and "Alvaro de Llanos". The mature writing style, which reminds me of his Blue Spangled Blue. And the sentences tend to be long and complex.
I'm calling you out, Unmaker.
Posted by Tristan (Member # 1670) on :
This piece has a very accomplished feel over it. I can't see anything wrong with it technically, and it reminds me a little of Marques (although that could be the Spanish sounding names, of course). That said, I generelly feel a little apprehensive of novels that begin with an outline of what is going to happen. It's sort of like reading spoilers for a movie: you may still be able to enjoy the journey, but some of the surpise is gone, and even if the spoilers turn out to be totally misleading you're still conciously or subconciously waiting for them to happen. If Peter Hart is indeed the main protagonist of the story, it's pretty heavy to learn about to future death of his brother (and the locale of that event) in what appears to be a first paragraph. Of course, such a beginning also works as a teaser on what's going to come, but it's a mixed blessing, I think. Finally, and my only real complaint, the last line sounds a little bit clichè.
There are several writers at Hatrack good enough to produce something like this. I'm going to guess at Tom Davidson.
[ October 22, 2003, 06:15 PM: Message edited by: Tristan ]
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
I really liked this, except for the fact that I knew what was coming and the long list of things that would happen in the future was a little too long before I got to the predicted ending...
Completely Random Guess...
Morbo
(Hey! I just realised mine was actually guessed all the way to the end and I missed it all. Grrrr. )
Posted by Brinestone (Member # 5755) on :
Hey, I have a question. Well, two, actually. Can people who have already been successfully guessed submit something else? Human and Morbo have already done exerpts, if I remember right. Can this piece be one of theirs too?
Second question: I'm kind of interested in submitting something. Is it too late to send it to you, dkw?
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Very nice! And intriguingly familiar, almost like I've read this before.
If this indeed an intro, it seems to be a bit heavy on the details.
My guess: Papa Moose.
Posted by Megachirops (Member # 4325) on :
If a guess offers a critique and a rationale, it is still two points?
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
At least one person turned in multiple submissions.
New submissions are still welcome, although I may hold them until the new season, where I ask everyone to send in more and wipe out the score and two pages of UBB code that it takes to link to all the past rounds. This season goes to Round Thirty.
A critique and a rationale is still two points, unless you can give me a really good reason that I should give you more.
All the guesses so far are wrong.
Posted by eslaine (Member # 5433) on :
It is, at least, self contained. The whole story is right there before our eyes. There is no need to elaborate--we have Peter's whole life encapsulated in that one ultra-short story.
It's occurred to me that it could be Noemon.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
It’s occurred to me that it could be someone other than Noeman.
And, in fact, I’m right.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Hmm. We've all guessed male authors. But I'm not sure that the writer is male.
I guess littlemissattitude.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
No
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
Hmmm... The Spanish names and the word "crawdads" make me think a Texan wrote this. I don't know why.
kat?
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Ok, maybe it IS a male author.
fugu?
Posted by eslaine (Member # 5433) on :
I know someone who writes fanfic.
I think it's rivka.
(Lynch me if you like. )
[ October 22, 2003, 09:43 PM: Message edited by: eslaine ]
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Nah, I won't lynch you. This time.
What on earth has this excerpt to do with fanfic?
Posted by eslaine (Member # 5433) on :
Nothing. But you are capable.
And I reiterate: Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
No. To everyone.
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
Thanks for the compliment Erik! I didn't write this piece, but I did absolutely love it. It's probably my favorite of all the excerpts we've been presented with. The list of things that would happen in the area was *a little* too long for my taste, but it didn't hurt the piece much.
The author isn't young, I'm pretty sure of that. They could be either male or female. They're American. I could maybe imagine Slash writing this, but it feels completely different from the one piece of his fiction that I've seen.
For my first guess, I'm going to go with Papa Moose. I've never seen any of his writing, but I could imagine he might be capable of writing this.
Posted by eslaine (Member # 5433) on :
It does kind of remind me of a thread when I first showed up here.
Whose author was Bob_Scopatz!<--Yep. My guess is BoB.
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
What thread?
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
Just for the heck of it, I'm going to guess Geoffrey Card.
It's hard to tell Peter Hart's age upon his arrival in the valley, because would a grown man go looking for crawdads with a buddy? And if he's still a kid, somehow all these serious things that will happen in his life don't seem as relevant. You want Peter to be entering the valley as a grown, independent man, ready to settle down and face the future.
This passage reminds me a lot of Steinbeck's style--the broad strokes Steinbeck used to paint emotion. Maybe it's just reminiscent of East of Eden for me. There, author whoever-you-are, you've been compared to Steinbeck.
The last line kind of dulls it. Coming home from a long journey is too much of a cliche to be used with all the newness of entering the valley. Shouldn't he be feeling light, as though all these things hadn't yet started to weigh him down with memory? We know he's going to live a long time in Cielo Valley, so we know he's coming home. I'd say offset that with the irony of him not feeling like it.
Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :
There's something about this that has a feeling of someone who speaks Spanish fluently. It's not just the place names, but the flow and feel of it. It's just got this feel of quasi-mysticality, of wystful wanderings, of anti...cipation.
I like the feel of it, but to my eye and internal monologue, it needs a paragraph break or two, a chance to absorb. But there is an elegance in the flow as well.
I don't know why, exactly, but I'm going to guess Icarus.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Wrong guesses so far: Human Unmaker TomDavidson Morbo Papa Moose Noemon littlemissattitude kat fugu rivka
Guessed but not yet responded to: Bob Scopatz Geoff Card Icarus
And I guess Irami.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
based on my success from last round, that is, guessing who it doesn't sound like, i'm going with :Locke.
my rational is that i've read blue, and this doesn't sound like david at all. in fact that whole post he made just makes me wonder if :locke's trying to fool us. oh, and he's a texan.
Posted by Christy (Member # 4397) on :
Sounds like a more accomplished writer. Very comfortable in style, telling of a story to come. A very good introduction. The writing style grips me even though the story doesn't particularly.
Slash?
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
This is tough. The amount of detail about the story to come kind of reminds me of Dan_Raven's Arthur piece, but it's otherwise stylistically different. It makes me think of Belle, for some reason, but I think she'd have included some dialogue.
Maybe ScottR. He's possibly the best writer in our email game. I could see him writing something like this.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
I agree, the level of maturity in the story writting here is pretty amazing. So whoever wrote it -->
I would guess the author is male, but that's more of a hunch based on the way the story is set up than a real deduction.
Scott R. seems good, but since Saxy has already guessed him, I'll say Morbo.
Hobbes Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
No to all.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
ugh, this is hard.
it's really good and it sounds familiar. but i can't put my finger on what is familiar about it.
i'm going to guess afr. i know i've guessed him for lots of these, but eventually i'll be right. right?
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
Hmmm...something about celia's last post drew my attention to her. So...celia?
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
it was my legs, wasn't it?
and if erik hadn't already guessed you, i would have. that passage just sounds like something you would enjoy.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
No and no.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Wrong guesses so far: Human Unmaker TomDavidson Morbo Papa Moose Noemon littlemissattitude kat fugu rivka Bob Scopatz Geoff Card Icarus Irami :Locke Slash ScottR afr celia
I agree with celia -- this is naggingly familiar. Pat?
[ October 23, 2003, 04:32 PM: Message edited by: rivka ]
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
No.
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
I'm going to go ahead and guess Belle because she's been gone long enough to be familiar but unplaceable.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
uh, jeniwren?
eventually i suppose i'll run out of people who are obviously good, but that i'm not familiar enough with to have any certainty.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
No and no.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Ok, back to my original assumption: male author. I guess KarlEd.
Posted by eslaine (Member # 5433) on :
As I look at it, I'm constantly amazed at it's completeness. The only thing is in so short a story, how can we really care about the characters? Could something have been put in to make me care about Peter's first sight of the stage of his lifetime.
I've earned my guess. Dan_Raven
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
::offers rivka a pillow to strap to her forehead::
::offers one to eslaine too::
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
I guess dkw. She has the sense of calmness and introspection, the ability to look over a whole life, and the flow to the words.
I like it, a lot. The list felt choppy to me at the "of course" point, because that seemed to read as presupposing more information than the reader had. It shook me out of the dreamworld where I'd already seen these things. The "coming home" feeling seemed quite apt, as the resonance seemed to be with the life that was yet to come.
So, Dana, you?
[Edit: I realized what this snippet reminds me of: the beginning of the Alvin Maker series, not as it is written, so much as my state of mind when I reread the first book.]
[ October 23, 2003, 08:13 PM: Message edited by: ClaudiaTherese ]
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
*takes the proffered pillow*
Wait, why do we BOTH get pillows? Is that a fancy way of saying we guessed wrong? Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
Not me.
rivka --yes.
Posted by eslaine (Member # 5433) on :
Very oblique. Hmm.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Well, fudgesicles!
Wrong guesses so far: Human Unmaker TomDavidson Morbo Papa Moose Noemon littlemissattitude kat fugu rivka Bob Scopatz Geoff Card Icarus Irami :Locke Slash ScottR afr celia Pat Belle jeniwren KarlEd Dan_Raven dkw
Troubador?
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
Pat strikes me as a capable enough writer to have created this. How about him?
Posted by Brinestone (Member # 5755) on :
I've read some of ae's writing, and this sounds kind of like him. Am I right?
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
No to both.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
*counts* One, two, three guesses -- no to both? O_o
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
Ooops, missed one. No to all.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
I was hoping you'd missed mine, and it was right.
Wrong guesses so far: Human Unmaker TomDavidson Morbo Papa Moose Noemon littlemissattitude kat fugu rivka Bob Scopatz Geoff Card Icarus Irami :Locke Slash ScottR afr celia Pat Belle jeniwren KarlEd Dan_Raven dkw Troubador ae
Still going on the assumption that the author is male, I guess The Tick.
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
When I was writing my last post, I went back and forth between guessing Pat and saxon75. So...saxon75?
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
Ding ding ding ding ding! Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
Cool! My second win!
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
Mike, I have to say, that's a damned impressive piece of writing. My hat is off to you.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Of course! *feels dense*
Posted by eslaine (Member # 5433) on :
Great job saxy75!
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
Thank you, everyone, for your very kind words. I have to say, this has been a big ego booster for me.
This piece is the opening paragraph of a story I've been working on (well, thinking about, anyway) for about two years now. I have very little written down so far; I wrote about 15 pages a year ago and then realized I needed to start over. But I still have high hopes that the story will be complete before I die. Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
I'd love to read more of it; when you're ready to show more of it to people, definitely send me a copy.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
By the way, I want to say how utterly delighted I am to have people say that this piece reminded them of Marquez and Steinbeck, not only because they are, in my opinion, two of the most talented authors who ever lived, but also because they are two of my direct inspirations for this story.
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Bob_Scopatz!<--Yep. My guess is ![[Wall Bash]](graemlins/wallbash.gif)
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I was hoping you'd missed mine, and it was right.