That's right... all you married, dating, engaged people. You don't know what you're missing. Lower phone bills, no random anniversaries, don't have to worry about presents/gifts, a lot of free time. If your stock of breath mints run out: no worries.
Ok, so I'm grasping for straws. The point is, I think we single people need a little reassurance that single is cool. So thumbs up to being single! I'm single, and I'm cool. Woooo!
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
*pat's Nathan on the head*
that's right, single is great fun. you should enjoy it while you can.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
*flashes thumbs up to Nathan*
I'm glad that I'll have SOMEONE single to hang out with when everyone's in Portland. ( @ those who aren't single whom I love anyway.)
Posted by Eduardo_Sauron (Member # 5827) on :
Hmmm...yup...being single is (was) cool...hmmm...nah...It's a lot better now, since I'm dating (some people say 'unnoficially engaged' - almost two years!).
But yeah, you can have a lot of fun, being single (but you are right...phone bills DO get expensive).
Posted by Suneun (Member # 3247) on :
Dating is like smoking. Both eat away at your money with constant and enormous bites.
I can make whatever I want for dinner, watch movies whenever I want, and sleep whenever I want. Boo yah.
Yey, being single...
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
Being single is awesome. No one to ask where I'm going, when I'll be back, who I'm gonna be with, what I'm going to do..... no more of that control stuff.
Enjoying independence..
Posted by Paul Goldner (Member # 1910) on :
I'm single and miss dating... I guess I should leave this thread?
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
No, Paul, you can stay. Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
quote:that's right, single is great fun. you should enjoy it while you can.
But being married is more fun.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Shut up, Jon.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
heh, well, it was implied Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
celia, don't encourage him
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
isn't it too late for that?
Posted by zgator (Member # 3833) on :
quote:no random anniversaries,
Maybe I should surprise my wife and bring her some flowers tonight. I've just decided that today is our 23rd wedding anniversary.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
You've JUST decided? Wouldn't you have decided the anniversary date 23 years ago?
Posted by msquared (Member # 4484) on :
Being married is fun. No more waiting in lines. (old biker joke)
msquared
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
I'm cool with being single. Posted by zgator (Member # 3833) on :
quote: You've JUST decided? Wouldn't you have decided the anniversary date 23 years ago?
I was pointing out that anniversaries are not random by definition.
<thinks AOL is sucking the brains right out of T's head>
<which is good if we're on opposites sides in mafia>
Posted by suntranafs (Member # 3318) on :
Let's see the Advantages and Disadvantage of being single.
Advantages: I don't have a girlfriend or wife. Disadvantages: I don't have a girlfriend or wife.
since mathmatically speaking, and I'm a math major, Advantages=Disadvantages, Being married is no better or worse than being single.
Idealistically, Being single and virgin is actually better than being married since I can dream of not one, not 5(if you happen to be poly. ) but nearly every remotely pretty girl in the entire world as a heavenly angel... Dream of love, romance, sex, and all that jazz.
One more slight detail though. Physically speaking, and I'm a physics major, no girlfriend and no wife = no sex partner, no romantic love, no spreading, development, and protection of my genes, very little true contentment, no life-long female companionship, no fulfillment of the atom, no electron for this poor proton... not yet.
Posted by suntranafs (Member # 3318) on :
sorry nate. Think I may have just trashed your case.
[ October 29, 2003, 02:15 PM: Message edited by: suntranafs ]
Posted by qkslvrwolf (Member # 5768) on :
hey farmgirl...you're single, you're from kansas, and you appear to be a geek...you sound perfect! Wanna drop this whole single thing and try dating for a bit... Posted by Bob the Lawyer (Member # 3278) on :
A relationship, eh? … Nah. I'm not ready to sacrifice my personal freedom yet. Bring on the spontaneity! Keep that ball and chain away from me!
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
Ahh... Sean,
Yes I am all those things. Unfortuantely I'm also old enough to be your mother, I think. (you graduated high school in 1999, I graduated in 1979 ---)
<sigh> What I would give to be 18 again....
Farmgirl
Posted by msquared (Member # 4484) on :
Farmgil,
My family is from SE Kansas. A little town called Parsons. Ever hear of it?
Why don't you post over at Ornery anymore?
msquared
Posted by qkslvrwolf (Member # 5768) on :
Hmm...I suppose that could pose a slight problem, although, I'm inclined to be more leery of the 1100 mile gap (I actually drove that not too long ago, so I can say 1100 miles with some confidence.
Why would you want to be 18 again? I'd go for 21, myself, but thats because I love beer.
I do take that comment as a very large compliment, though, and appreciate it very much
Posted by qkslvrwolf (Member # 5768) on :
I dated a from parsons once at bandcamp...
no really, I did.
Posted by Mrs.M (Member # 2943) on :
I loved being single. I loved dating. I loved not being accountable to anyone for my actions. I loved going whereever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and staying for however long I wanted without having to let anyone know. I loved being a party girl and I had some serious fun. Then I married the most straight-laced Republican in the world and now I have a very different kind of fun.
Posted by msquared (Member # 4484) on :
What was their name? Was it Parsons, Kansas?
msquared
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Quit ruining my single life with your dating shananigans.
Zan, what I meant by random anniversaries is like things you wouldn't normally think about having an anniversary to.
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
msquared
Parsons, Kansas is BIG compared to the town I live near.. (ha). I know a few people down that way -- know more in Pittsburg (nearby). I was actually born in Columbus, Kansas (not to far from Parsons)
Sean -- bandcamp? Did you go to the all-famous Fort Hays State band camp? My younger sister went there every year. It is cool. What instrument did you play?
Farmgirl -- who is happy being single, but sure could use a date!
Posted by zgator (Member # 3833) on :
I know. Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
By the way, I should mention that I have 2 dates coming up. It still means I'm single, just doing things with girls that won't go any further than friends. ::shrug::
Posted by msquared (Member # 4484) on :
Farmgirl
Have you heard of St. Paul or Erie? My Dad was from Parsons and my Mom from St. Paul.
msquared
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
some people get friends with benifits...t gets friends with costs.
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
quote: Farmgirl,
Why don't you post over at Ornery anymore?
msquared
I just hopped over to Ornery to try to remember why I quit reading/posting over there. Didn't take me long to come back here.
Maybe things here are just a little more lighthearted and I don't feel like always having an intense debate about deep issues while I'm whiling away time here at work. I don't know. I just get the feeling that there are a LOT of atheists on the Ornery side. I have nothing against what they choose to believe (I work with several atheists) but after awhile it gets to be such a downer to listen to that over and over. I don't like to get into a debate against a closed-minded person.
Not that we don't do deep issues on Hatrack -- but I notice lots of times we do them with a little humor thrown in, and a great deal of respect for each other.
When I want to get depressed, then I read Onery forum.
Farmgirl
Posted by zgator (Member # 3833) on :
T, if you're doing something with 2 different girls and you know they won't ever be more than friends, are they really "dates"? I always considered a date to mean there was some romantic interest involved.
Posted by msquared (Member # 4484) on :
Farmgirl,
I just checked and Columbus is only about 1/2 hour from Parson. Erie and St. Paul are to the north of Parson, about another 20 minutes. I have unlces and aunts and cousins all over the place there.
msquared
Posted by prolixshore (Member # 4496) on :
Being single is for suckers. The real way to go is to be involved with someone a long distance away. That way you have all the advantages of both worlds.
--ApostleRadio
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
Sure I know St. Paul. Used to drive through it all the time on the way to my favorite fishing spot - Crawford County lake outside of Girard. St. Paul is mostly just a big church and a few houses, right?
Used to go that way all the time to see a special "guy" that lived in Franklin -- however that poor little town was totally wiped off the map this year by a tornado. No longer exists, to speak of (no, he wasn't hurt, but he doesn't live there anymore because all homes were destroyed).
Posted by sarahdipity (Member # 3254) on :
I'm single and I think I've forgotten how to date.
So I guess I have to be happy with being single.
Posted by msquared (Member # 4484) on :
Farmgirl
Do you know any Millers or VanLeeweun's?
msquared
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
Anyone on this forum MIDDLE-AGED like me and single? I could use an occassional long-distance date.... Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
Can't say as I do, msquared... sorry
But you'll be happy to know they are giving Big Brutus a facelift -- new paint and all. A tribute to all those coal-mining towns and history of that area...
Posted by msquared (Member # 4484) on :
I have some relatives in that part of the country I could introduce you to.
I might have to stop by and visit you the next time I am visiting my Grandmother. She is in an assisted living place in Parsons.
msquared
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
WooHoo! Yes, single people are cool! Does anyone else in her think Valentine's Day is stupid and sucks?
Posted by msquared (Member # 4484) on :
Big Brutus is that huge steam shovle, or excavator that was used for stip mining, right? I have heard about it but never been there.
My uncle is a Doctor in Parsons. My grandfather had been the only surgeon in Parson and the surrounding areas.
This was over 20 years ago. If you grew up in the area, where were you born?
msquared
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
No - the opposite -- I was BORN in that area, but didn't grow up there. I was born in Columbus, Kansas, but grew up (and still am) near Mount Hope, Kansas (look that one up on your randmcnally.com)
Posted by msquared (Member # 4484) on :
I meant what hospital were you born in? My grandfather delivered alot of babies. I would have thought your Mom might have gone to Parsons when you were delivered.
msquared
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
Just think, Nate, when you're married, next time you have a Friday completely free to go bowling and hang with the zoobie hatraqueros will be the day after never. Remember that.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Um... thanks for the.. er.. warning.
::heads out to go bowling::
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
Oh, yes. I remember being single. In an anterior life, probably. Some things were cool, and some other not. Tonight my compannion is sick, so I take care of him. I wouldn't have to do that if I was still single, but on the other hand I wouldn't have anyone to take care of me when I'm sick, so... Posted by zgator (Member # 3833) on :
Come on T, are you going on dates or not? We married folk have to live vicariously through you.
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
Eruve Nandiriel, I'm getting married, and I find Valentine day ridiculous. I mean, that's not because I'm romantically involved that I don't care for single persons or remember how it is to be one. All this obliged romantic things, and you feeling stupid because no one offer you roses... Yuck ! And so commercial now...
Posted by Suneun (Member # 3247) on :
Blah Blah. No, really. I love the single life.. Really.
(Tries to convince self)
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
I may be a little naïve, but I think everyone has his best part somewhere in that world. Just a question of time before you meet the good one.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
hey suneun, i know this really nice guy in utah. he's funny and smart and adorable in a goofy way. want me to set you up?
Posted by Magson (Member # 2300) on :
I only read the 1st post, and nothing in between, so I don't know what all has been said, but here's my two cents:
I am married. My wife moved out almost 2 weeks ago now and took the kids with her. I'm effectively single again. And it SUCKS!
Posted by Pixie (Member # 4043) on :
... Mags... Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
celia, will you quit trying to set me up with people? How many times do I have to tell you, I'm married!
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
Anna, I seriously think Valentine's Day was invented to rub in everyone else's face. And all that mushy junk...bleh. It's annoying to see everyone getting all mushy at each other.
Posted by Nato (Member # 1448) on :
I don't need to be single to lower my phone bills. My roommate is on the phone so much every day that I have no chance to use it even if I wanted to.
Enjoy the single life, T. It's not all bad! And we all know you're still cool.
Posted by Suneun (Member # 3247) on :
hey celia, thanks for the offer . I think I'd rather stick to Rhode Islanders or maybe the occasional Massachusettser for now. Posted by Eduardo_Sauron (Member # 5827) on :
O to be single... The parties (hmm...I still go there)... The Late-night RPG games (wait...I still play)... Going to the movies twice a week (well, now I go AND kiss a lot, when the movie is boring)... Going to the beach and watch beautiful girls(ok...if I do that now, I'm dead)... The lonely nights... The lonely weekends... Sensing I was missing something in life...
Nah, It's better now ;-) Hey, but that's just for me! Many people would rather be single.
Posted by UofUlawguy (Member # 5492) on :
Massachusettser is one of the most hideously painful words I've ever heard in my life.
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
free nighttime cellphone minutes.
Enough said.
Posted by Suneun (Member # 3247) on :
UofU... I thought so, too =)
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
Yay single people, and yay Row Dylindahs!
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
(sigh) This sucks. This thread was supposed to make me feel better about being a lonely loser, but now it's just making it worse with all you non-single lame-os crapping it all up...
;_; Can't you just leave me alone...???
Posted by JonnyNotSoBravo (Member # 5715) on :
quote:...Being married is no better or worse than being single.
-Suntranafs
Actually, as a math major, you probably consider a different set of numbers (average lifespan). Married men tend to live longer. Married women tend to live shorter or longer depending on whether their marriages are happy.
quote:...Mount Hope, Kansas (look that one up on your randmcnally.com)
Don't have to. When I'm visiting the 'rents, I drive by it on the way to Wichita (and the airport) to get the heck out of Kansas.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Is this all singles? Because I was looking for something in a double...
Hobbes Posted by fiazko (Member # 5812) on :
i am as single as single can be, but i actually like valentine's day. besides all the candy, it's the perfect excuse to sit at home alone watching non-romantic movies with a full bag of chocolate creme oreos and a pint of ben & jerry's.
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
Hobbes, I'll help you find the doubles thread...
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Thanks Annie, this is just what I'm looking for!
Hobbes Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
I think our work in the singles thread is done, wouldn't you say, Hobbesy?
*sneaks out back door, hand in hand with Hobbes*
Posted by Zotto! (Member # 4689) on :
I completely and whole-heartedly agree with Ryu's post. *smooches*
*goes out bowling with Nate*
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Curses to all you non single people! Get out and let us have our fun!
*tune to heart and soul*
Money and time, I have a lot of it, No one calls, Don't care a single bit And GLADLY, I enjoy life...
Boom de yada Boom de yada Boom de yada Boom de yada Boom de yada Boom de yada Boom de yada Boom de yada
I love the single life, I love the single life, I love the single life, I LOVE THE SINGLE LIFE!
Posted by ana kata (Member # 5666) on :
Someone once gave me a book of Roz Chast cartoons about the joys of being single. My favorite was you never have to make up a story to explain some dent in the car. This was illustrated with a picture of a small flying saucer hitting the fender of a lady's car making "zzzzt zzzzt" sounds.
Well, hmmm, I guess there are some good things about it.
1.) It feels good to own yourself. You get to make all your life decisions (large and small) based completely on your own feelings of what seems good and right. I think the hardest thing about being part of a couple would be giving the right amount of weight to the other person's will. Equal partnerships seem so hard to achieve.
2.) It is much easier not to accidentally wound someone deeply from mere thoughtlessness or fatigue.
3.) If you screw up, it's only yourself you hurt or disappoint.
4.) You can choose to do work that may possibly be life-threatening, if you want, without worrying about leaving your family with nobody to care for them.
5.) There is unlimited peacefulness and quiet at your house. My sister gets to spend maybe 2 hours a month alone, if she carefully plans it. She considers such time precious. I can be alone as much as I want, or have cats for company, or friends and family, whichever feels best. I don't really appreciate it, though. To me hanging out at her house with the girls and all the activity is what's fun.
Since I'm living in this house again (where I grew up) it really does seem strange for it to be so quiet around here. This house is supposed to have music playing every waking hour, either on the stereo or someone playing piano or guitar or trombone or recorder or harmonica or singing or SOMETHING! There should be the sounds of my brother slapping down the stairs as he used to do in what was more a controlled fall than a descent. There should be someone busying around and generating delicious food smells in the kitchen. Someone building something in the workshop. The sounds of hammering or sawing or grinding something smooth. There should be laughter and voices. Something is definitely not right around here.
Maybe I'll adopt half a dozen war orphans from Iraq or something to bring home with me. Maybe I'll turn this place into the Last Hatrack Homely House when I get back, and drag you people here from all over the world. Yeah.
[ October 30, 2003, 09:02 AM: Message edited by: ana kata ]
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
i know this is going to get me in trouble, but i can't help reading your list as:
1) i'm lazy 2) i'm thoughtless 3) i never do anything right 4) if you do life threatening work, this one actually makes sense. 5) not being single implies having children and therefor no free time.
Posted by Primal Curve (Member # 3587) on :
I'm sorry. Being single sucks. <pats single people>
<mumbles, "suckas">
Posted by qkslvrwolf (Member # 5768) on :
MSquared, Farmgirl:
Yes it was parsons Kansas, but no, it was KU band camp. (Under so many good directors I can't even begin to rescribe...Simon from King's Singers, Col. Gabriel from US Air Force band...the US Marine band conductor...so many huge names...it was so badass...)
I played trombone and sang....
I don't remember her name...it was...6 years ago? 7? Honestly, the most I remember about her is she had a big nose but a great body. I was young...personalities weren't so important then...
Posted by qkslvrwolf (Member # 5768) on :
Well, since Farmgirl did it...I'm going to too...
Are there any single, happy, athletic s in the Mobile area? Preferably ones who eschew (right word in context? not sure) makeup, think fencers are hot, and like to take long drives for no other reaons than to listen to music and watch the countryside roll by? Oh yeah...still youngish (but also legal..)
heh..just thought I'd ask.
Posted by Zotto! (Member # 4689) on :
Boom de yada Boom de yada Boom de yada Boom de yada...
Posted by Lissande (Member # 350) on :
I'm just not sure I could date a man who wasn't sure how to use the word eschew. Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
Bless you.
Posted by ana kata (Member # 5666) on :
Wow, Celia! You wound me! How could you read my post like that? I hate being single like everyone else! I was only trying to think of things that might be considered good about it. The true interpretation of my list goes more like this:
1. I have a hard time sharing control. I can either be in complete control or give up all control but hanging in the middle is not something I've practiced. 2. I am very worried about possibly hurting others. 3. I require perfection from myself, and the additional pressure of worrying about disappointing someone else might be hard for me. 4. I've chosen to do work that might be life threatening. 5. It's too quiet in my house. I prefer children, though some people might enjoy the quiet.
[ October 30, 2003, 05:46 PM: Message edited by: ana kata ]
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
Okay I have to follow that up because I doubt anybody will realize that I was making a pun out of someone ELSE's post, which is something I've never done. So that's to clarify.
On being single vs. being paired:
As someone who has been single his entire life, and has never been anybody's Valentine, it is my opinion that singlehood sucks. Which is not to say that it can't be loads of fun at times... but human life is so much more meaningful than "fun", and a lot of that meaning is only explorable in a relationship context.
And frankly, some of us could really use someone to nag them and ask where they are all the time.
*totally <3s Caleb's last post* Posted by Shadowfall (Member # 5859) on :
I think I can solve this problem...
My personal situation is such that I am both single and coupled at the same time, and am thus better able to contrast and compare than most. Let me explain.
I have a girlfriend a thousand miles away, whom I love, cherish, blah blah blah. The long distance thing kinda sucks, but we've been able to stay rather close (thank heavens for hotmail and MSN), all without a single cent on the phone bill. Thus, all my emotional needs are met, and since I wasn't getting any physical fulfillment anyway, I'm not missing very much. Long story short: I enjoy all the benefits of a relationship without having to deal with all the crap. Life is great...but wait, there's more!
I am also a student at BYU, which means I'm surrounded by legions of beautiful, available women, who are too polite to say no to a date. Without a girlfriend standing over my shoulder, I'm free to do pretty much whatever I want without incurring her wrath. BYU being the environment it is, this means I can date without any of the hassles of committment. Again, all the benefits of being single without any reprocussions. Someone up there sure does love me...
Wait, what were we talking about again? Single vs. Coupling? Screw that! I prefer my own little fantasy world, where I pretend that the world is my oyster. Wait a tick, I just destroyed my self reinforced delusion. Oh well, only one thing left to do...
BLIND RAGE!!!!!! Posted by Suneun (Member # 3247) on :
Bah. I'm going to re-do my friendster profile.
i'm find-able by using my clara_kim@brown.edu address if you want to be my friend.
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
Shadowfall, I'm reporting you to the Honor Code Office.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Guess what I have planned tonight, my single friends? Roaming around Salt Lake City, going where I want to, no suggestions to go shopping for lingerie (though, that won't stop me from going there ) eating like a pig, and going to the movie of my choice. Weee... single life is great...
Man, I wish I had someone to kiss at that movie...
Er... I mean... uh...
I'M AWESOME!!!
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
Nate, if you'll move to Bozeman I'll hook you up. I have so many girlfriends to pawn off and so few strapping young lads to pawn them off on.
Posted by fugu13 (Member # 2859) on :
I don't suppose anybody knows anyone in Saint Louis they can set me up with?
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
Kurt Warner might be looking.
For a new job, that is....
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
quote:too polite to say no to a date.
It took me years to get over this. It's a horrible custom - if I had refused to go out on dates with guys that I didn't want to go with, I think my dating experiences as a whole would have been a lot more positive. No wonder dating was torture! I was forcing myself to be charming to guys I had no interest in! Dating didn't seem like looking for a partner at all - more like a necessary evil. There's no goodness in too polite to say no to a date. Anyone can suffer through one dance, but dating's too important to do with your fingers crossed.
Posted by msquared (Member # 4484) on :
The girls at BYU cann't say no to a date? Is this a rule or something? No one ever told me that in High School when I was looking at colleges. What if you are Catholic? Can they say no then?
Can they say no if you are a 40 year old married Catholic?
msquared
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Every one of them. You see, the Catholic part (not to mention the 40 years old and married part) don't make it pass the vetting process. It isn't that's impolite to say no to anyone; it's that it's impolite to say no to active, young RMs in college.
I'm serious about this being a problem, though. Heck, my step-mother married someone because, despite getting serious, serious doubts during the engagement, she was too polite and too much of the Good Girl to call it off. So, she acted like a perfect lady and was just miserable for the next 25 years. That's a major problem.
[ October 31, 2003, 09:46 AM: Message edited by: katharina ]
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
So why is it that young Mormon ladies are illequipped to make good dating decisions?
Do they lack sense of self? Or do they lack sense of other?
I guess what I mean is: what conditions are in place within female Mormon culture that give rise to their lack of <independence?>? Or whatever you want to call the stigma that amounts to Mormon ladies feeling compelled to say yes to a mormon suiter based solely on his Mormonhood. Mormonness?
-just curious--not intending at all to derail this thread into a discussion about Mormonism, and certainly not intending to attack Mormonism in any way-
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
I have no idea. I really don't.
I definitely wouldn't judge the entire population by me. In fact, I wouldn't the population of anything by any Hatracker - I don't think any of us are typically representative of the culture from which we spring. So... I can't answer for all Mormom young women because I don't know their reasons..
For me? *thinks* I think it might have been partly from my older brother. He's one year older, and had a hard time dating. When I first started dating, it was among his friends, so I figured saying no would have a lot of repercussions. 1. guy humiliated in front of brother, 2. brother humiliated because his friends aren't good enough for me (they weren't, though), and 3. I'd still have to see them and it would be awkward. Besides, his best friend was the older brother of my best friend, and I asked him to a girls choice dance because I had to go and didn't have anyone I wanted to ask. He went, but it was horrible. The only reason it wasn't a terrible date is because I was so little invested, and it was a group date so I just talked to my friends. This guy was surly, rude, and ran off with another girl halfway through. (They ended up dating for two years, and I sadly took some delight in the merry hell she put him through.)
Compared to all that, it seemed easier just to go and be polite. Besides, I hadn't dated yet, and I'm pretty open to just about all new experiences as long as they aren't illegal or immoral.
In college, it came from roommates. I remember the worst date of my entire life was a second date that I'd had no desire to go on, but roommates talked me into it. It was a disaster, and it didn't have to be. I just didn't want to be there, and I was 19 and still kind of bratty. I did, finally, request to be taken home at about 10:00 pm, when he offered to let me come and listen to him practice the cello.
[ October 31, 2003, 11:16 AM: Message edited by: katharina ]
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Yah, sorry about that, I suppose I was stepping a bit over the line there.
Hobbes Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
Let that be a lesson: if a guy asks you to go somewhere and watch him play with his instrument, GO HOME INSTEAD.
[ October 31, 2003, 10:52 AM: Message edited by: Caleb Varns ]
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
*laugh*
I am starting to figure out why I had so much more fun dating non-members - those were the ones I wanted to go on, while the dates with the members were the ones I generally had to go on. *lights break*
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
I'll listen to you play the cello anytime, Hobbesy Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
quote:Do they lack sense of self? Or do they lack sense of other?
Mormon girls? In my experience, a lot of them do lack sense of self. (Including myself) Lots more stories about this, but I must go. I do think in some respects it is part of the culture.
But, I'll leave someone else to explain this, for I have to fly....
[ October 31, 2003, 11:03 AM: Message edited by: Narnia ]
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
That is normal? Who can explain this? Dang it, I never heard this.
I don't have any sisters, my mother was a convert (and still a mystery to me), most of friends were guys, and my few girl friends were awesome.
Sometimes I think I've lived an entire life simply not paying attention to the outside world. Where is this no sense of self coming from?
[ October 31, 2003, 11:08 AM: Message edited by: katharina ]
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
Multiple Personality Disorder?
j/k
Would it be taboo at a Mormon university for a girl to ask out a guy, rather than the other way around? And if not, why don't they?
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
*watches Narnia fly away*
I guess I live in a pocket of extraordinarily independent Mormon girls. I don't see this much around me.
Except in myself, of course. I dated a guy for almost a month who I really wasn't interested in but I felt that if I'd try hard enough I could start to like him.
Note to everyone: never ever do this.
I think it only takes one bad experience, though, to teach you that.
That said, I still think everyone deserves one date. Even if you know you're not interested, there's no harm in going on one date. Then you save the guy, however ill-suited he may be, the humiliation of total rejection, and you can bow out gracefully if he asks again.
But then again, I am not the love doctor, so take everything I say with a grain of salt and call someone else in the morning. Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
I think it is rather taboo for a Mormon girl to ask out a guy. They won't turn you down, and they'll say they like it, but secretly they don't and they freak out if they think a girl is pursuing them.
Solution to all of the aforementioned problems: only date jatraqueros. Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
quote:Would it be taboo at a Mormon university for a girl to ask out a guy, rather than the other way around? And if not, why don't they
*datefully clueless, although much less clueless than before*
Okay, the thing is, I don't usually like the completely standard Mormon guys. I like quirky, I love personality, and I have fatal attraction to mathemeticians.
Added: There is an explanation for this. I have a problem with being told what to do, and while I have no problem with patriarchal order as practiced by the Lord (and the GAs), I have a serious problem with the "I'm always the final word, so what you say doesn't count." version as practiced by way, way too many of the Mormon guys I encountered, including my illustrious and weenie older brother. The brilliant, quirky guys are usually a little bit outside the normal run of things anyway, so they don't see a need to constantly reinforce their shaky, macho perch. I love that.
I do know a whole lot more than I used to. I figure everyone has something to struggle with in this life, and the Lord thought it would be good to give me this one. That's fine, but... my learning process hasn't always been fun for the guys I've dated. That's my only major, major regret.
[ October 31, 2003, 11:41 AM: Message edited by: katharina ]
Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
"Then you save the guy, however ill-suited he may be, the humiliation of total rejection, and you can bow out gracefully if he asks again."
Here's a question for the fellas in response:
Which do you think is more humiliating, being turned down before the first date or being turned down when asking for the second?
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
aka, i don't know that there is any way i can address your post that won't result in turmoil. i'll try anyway.
my intent was not to wound you, but to warn you as your list (the first 3 in particular) sounded to me like a rather backwards self analysis. the sort of redefinining one's supposed limitations as strengths that will result in not ever trying.
i like your second list much better.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
::mumble grumble::
Stupid thread evolution.
Anyway...
So, I have a date Wednesday. And another one on whatever day I have off next week. Different girls. ::gasp:: 2 girls!? But... but... that must mean that... I'M SINGLE.
MUAHAHAHAHA.
Thats right. You people with commitment may kiss and that sort of thing, but I get to use the same jokes twice, the same lines twice, the same conversations twice, without having to look redundant.
::trying desperately to steal thread back to the single people::
[ October 31, 2003, 03:02 PM: Message edited by: T_Smith ]
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
...
Know what I haven't had in a while? Big league chew.
Hobbes Posted by Caleb Varns (Member # 946) on :
I with you, T. Except for the two dates with girls, of course.
Actually, I think the proper category for you would NOT be 'singles'. It would be 'player'.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Please. Two dates with different people in one week is SO not a player.
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
Playa. Get it right.
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
I'm still trying to figure out Mag's post from page 2 -- says his wife left him. But I thought he was Mormon, and it is like IMPOSSIBLE for them to split up...
I'm crazy about a certain Mormon guy who lives way over in Utah (no, I'm not Mormon) but he's been divorced, and refuses to date ever again, (at least officially-- although we visit and e-mail, etc.) So my love goes unrequitted.... (is that the right word?)
Farmgirl
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
I missed that, somehow.
Mags - you okay? Dang. Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
quote: I think I'd rather stick to Rhode Islanders
Ew.
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
It's not impossible for Mormons to split up, but it doesn't happen as often as it does in the non-Mormon world.
And yes, "unrequited" is the right word, but it's spelled with only one t.
[ October 31, 2003, 04:55 PM: Message edited by: Jon Boy ]
Posted by JonnyNotSoBravo (Member # 5715) on :
quote:Actually, I think the proper category for you would NOT be 'singles'. It would be 'player'.
Player is a subcategory of the larger category of singles, as is hermit, monk, nun, and playboy, among others. (Technically, nuns might not be on the singles list, because they are s'posed to be married to Christ).
quote:Playa. Get it right.
Isn't that just "beach" in Spanish?
quote:...unrequitted.... (is that the right word?)
It's actually "unrequited". Right word, wrong spelling.
I would think it unlikely that Mormon couples never or hardly ever break up, though they may have lower divorce rates than the national average due to a good support system. I have known at least two Mormon couples who have gotten divorced, and I don't know all that many Mormon couples. Posted by ana kata (Member # 5666) on :
Ah, yes, Celia, I can totally see how it could be read that way if you think of it as someone explaining why they actually enjoyed being single and would not want to change. If you read it for what it is, i.e. a rather unsuccessful attempt to make the best of a sucky situation, and to remember that there must be some good things about it too, and not to whine too much, (that's what this whole thread is about, isn't it?) <laughs> then I hope you will aquit me of selfishness.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
::in a weak tone::
Wooo?
Posted by Starla* (Member # 5835) on :
I will go into the duality of singleness---
It is more Though sometimes Then meeting someone And after a break-up The weeks after It has its good points and bad.
I'm on of those women who sees nothing wrong with being single...I don't need someone in my life. But...sometimes...it's nice to have someone around...y'know....
Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
Being single is cool. What sucks is when you have a crush on your best friend for five years, and he and your other best friend have liked each other for the past four years. They're always talking about how much they like each other, etc., etc., and it's like "yeah, just twist the knife in my gut why don't ya?" And then as soon as you think you're over your crush they break up. Posted by Brinestone (Member # 5755) on :
I think being single is a lot like being in school. It can be fun. It can be very satisfying at times. We all need to go through it to find out who we are and what we want. At the same time, I think it's intended to be frustrating and somewhat unsatisfying so that we want to get together with someone and stay together so we don't have to be single anymore. It's not just about sex, though that's obviously part of it. I think the key to being single is to enjoy it, take advantage of it, have fun while you're free, but don't get too self-absorbed or attached to being single. Someday, if you want to be other than single, you'll have to learn to care about another person and give up some things you might have thought were important.
Anyway, there's my didactic rant. I loved being single. I made some wonderful friends and learned some exciting things. There's nothing quite like the first-date rush and nervousness and eventual relaxation. It's fun to be able to have crushes on three different people at once.
But, I must admit, it's much, much more fun to be married. Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
quote: But, I must admit, it's much, much more fun to be married.
Traitor. Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
T, the appropriate response is: --I--
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Nah... I prefer instead for this situation.
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
--I--
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
I think there's more to being single than first-date rushes and multiple crushes.
A great marriage is better than a great single life.
An average marriage is worse than an average single life.
For a lot of people, marriage is what they've dreamed of and see as being a big step in their lives. Of course they're going to be happier married, knowing that it's one more thing to check off the "things I do before I die" list.
Others don't see marriage the same way, and don't see single life as merely a time for reckless fun, making friends and living in a dirty apartment.
The happiest couples I know are the ones for whom marriage caught them completely and utterly by surprise.
So don't sweat it, Nate. Every day you're single is a day more you can learn about yourself. And the more you learn about yourself, the more you can bring to a relationship. And I think two people utterly comfortable with themselves makes for a very healthy, stable relationship.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
See Mack, now would be a good time.
--|--
Now didn't that seem more special since I saved it up for the right moment?
Edited to add: Thanks Eddie.
[ November 08, 2003, 10:38 PM: Message edited by: T_Smith ]
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
<relieved this isn't an...>
Posted by HollowEarth (Member # 2586) on :
quote:Here's a question for the fellas in response:
Which do you think is more humiliating, being turned down before the first date or being turned down when asking for the second?
I would say being turned down when asking for the second. for a bunch of reasons.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
That's a toughie. I think logically the worse statment is made if you do it after one time (after they got to know you, they don't want to see you again...) But it may be more damaging emotionaly for the first attempt for two reasons. 1) After sizing you up they decide you're not even worth getting to know 2) The first ask out is normally more public.
Not that this is really what the girl is saying in any of these cases, but that's how I think it would feel...
Hobbes Posted by Starla* (Member # 5835) on :
The idea of marriage frightens me...
I guess because I am still young; the idea of meeting someone now and then deciding to commit myself to that person for the rest of our lives scares me.
I only had one long term relationship. It was my first one. I was 17 and he was 18. My stepfather had forbid our relationship, so for the most part it was clandestine---something forbidden, and therefore more desirible to my teenage mind (I didn't think this conciously, but later I realized that this was the bulk of it).
The guy was always bringing up getting married someday and that he would love me "forever." To most girls that age, in my area, that was "sooooo romantic." Everytime he said it I told him to never say f-word and the m-word. I told him maybe if we were still together when we were 26 or 27.
A year and a half later, I wisened up and decided that I deserved better than a high school-dropout, Mcdonald's manager who took me for granted and spent all his money on crap (ie--action figures, video games, and drugs).
But that is a story for another day.
Ever since that---none of my relationships has lasted 2 months. I've been through about 5 since the first.
At first, I thought it was them. Then I thought it was me. Now I just think I'm cursed, because they all end with the same pattern---everything good, then everything gone. And it always happens a day or two before the 2-month mark.
Granted, at this point, I have come to accept this, because fighting it will do no good. The good thing is, I guess, I have remained friendly with all exes (save 2), and am good friends with two of them. It's really not so bad...
When I ran into my sister the day after my last breakup, she said to her boyfriend "oh, it's okay. she really isn't the commitment type..."
I'm starting to think she is right.
She just got engaged. She and her fiance are 20. They will be 23 when they tie the knot. I am 22. The engagement came as a bit of a shock--I mean, I thought it would happen eventually, but not so soon. The engagement is long enough for them to decide if this is the right thing to do.
After I found out, I did a lot of thinking. One of the things I tried to imagine was being her, or being in her situation. Having the ring on my finger and refering to someone as a "fiance" and planning a wedding and things like that. I got chills. I wanted to run like hell. I'm absolutely sure she doesn't feel that way.
So I guess I am better at being single. I miss some of the things about a relationship: the companionship, the love, trying to touch a person's soul, togetherness, the support. But, I realized a few years ago, I don't need someone to make me happy. How can I make someone else happy, if I can't be happy myself. Sometimes, I need to work on that...
Oh well, might as well just go with the flow...
WOOOT! Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
quote:Ew. --Noemon
(((Starla)))
Regarding the lack of sense of self in young women, I remember quite vividly the first time I realized that frank disagreement with others was even an possible option. It was liberating. I can't tell you how shaky I felt the first time I took my own feelings into account as an adult, but I really was terrified that the sky would cave in.
Fortunately, it didn't. And once you realize that, the world is different. Then came the realization that if everyone's sadness/happiness must be taken into account, so must mine. Whoa.
Some of us were raised believing that saying "no" just because you didn't want to do it wasn't even on the list of our options. OSC's portrayal of the empathic (and ultraservile) Gauntish made me ache with the memory. For me, the greatest health came from choosing to surround myself with people who wanted me to have my own center, who were creeped out by my subsuming of my will for them. Just like Patience.
Hard going, though. Paradigm shifting from the bottom up. This change -- the growing healthiness and sense of self, the strength in me -- was what underscored the breakup of my first marriage. He was a "nice guy," but his weak spots meshed with mine so completely that when I became stronger, he became angry.
[ November 09, 2003, 09:05 AM: Message edited by: ClaudiaTherese ]
Posted by Zotto! (Member # 4689) on :
*relates to CT's post so well it's almost frightening*
Er...woot?
*goes bowling with Nate again* Posted by Happy Camper (Member # 5076) on :
T,
I'm with ya all the way man. Though I fit more into the hermit subcategory of single life than playa.
On another note...
quote:Actually, as a math major, you probably consider a different set of numbers (average lifespan). Married men tend to live longer. Married women tend to live shorter or longer depending on whether their marriages are happy.
A friend of mine had a theory about this. Keep in mind we're all engineers here. His theory stated that each person is alotted a defined amount of happiness in life, which is to be doled out over the course of one's lifetime. Therefore, the reason that married men live longer is that they have less fun per unit of time. See, being single is better.
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
( ![[Wink]](wink.gif)
@ those who aren't single whom I love anyway.)
![[Evil]](graemlins/evil.gif)
(old biker joke)![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
sorry nate. Think I may have just trashed your case. ![[Cool]](cool.gif)
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
![[Group Hug]](graemlins/grouphug.gif)
![[Kiss]](graemlins/kiss.gif)
![[Wall Bash]](graemlins/wallbash.gif)
![[Mad]](mad.gif)
![[Embarrassed]](redface.gif)
![[Angst]](graemlins/angst.gif)
![[Wave]](graemlins/wave.gif)
![[Dont Know]](graemlins/dontknow.gif)
![[Grumble]](graemlins/grumble.gif)
![[Cry]](graemlins/cry.gif)