Let me back up and tell it from the beginning. I was hired by a print shop about four months ago. My job duties fall under both the Key Operator and Customer Service Representative positions. Basically, I am in charge of the front counter and all duplicating work.
Things started off very, very well. I was excited to be working in what I thought was the perfect atmosphere for me--a small shop with a team that worked closely with one another. No longer would I feel alone and isolated.
I brought a lot of energy and enthusiasm to the job those first two months. I learned quickly, was eager to help out whereever needed, and I genuinely enjoyed the work.
Naturally, I was rewarded with more responsibility.
Now, this is a positive thing because it showed that they trusted me. The problem, I think, is that I had <b>too</b> much responsibility thrown on me too quickly. All of a sudden I was manning the front counter alone, whereas before the manager or the production scheduler would be around to help. I was writing more and more estimates on my own, and was also handling some jobs from start to finish. And this happened during one of our busy periods. I worked sixty hours one week! We also had a brand new designer on board, which didn't help matters.
The responsibility started piling on about a month and a half ago--right around my three month mark. Now, there's something you've got to know about me and the three month mark. That's when work stops being a new adventure and starts becoming the daily grind. It's like learning to drive. At first you're hypersensitive. You refuse to drive with the radio on, for fear it will distract you. You check your mirrors and speed constantly. After a while you get used to the motion, and you relax. You're no longer so viligant.
It is at times like this that accidents happen. And that is what happened at work, too. I began to make little mistakes. I ordered too much paper, or not enough. I didn't get the due date for this order. I didn't call this person back. Little things, but they added up.
And at the same time this was happening, I had some incredible stresses in my personal life. My younger sister--my best friend--was overdue with her first child. I was late with mortgage payments, and had creditors calling me daily. I didn't have the money to buy gas or food or (worst) my medication. And I got an eviction notice.
Can you say "super stressed"?
I think it's to my benefit that I've held on as well as I have. I've tried to eat better, and have gotten some exercise. I've been journaling more. And I even went to my managers to let them know I was aware of my performance issues and asked them if there were any immediate changes I could be making to improve. That, I think, shows dedication and proactiveness.
Today I refilled my Prozac prescription (I've been off it for a week and a half due to lack of money) and called my therapist's office to make arrangements for a session with a new therapist (my old one terminated with all her clients a month ago). I also read up on depression on the job, and am feeling a lot more confident and hopeful now.
The above-mentioned site has a list of ways mental illness affects function at work. It was a real eye-opener, because I've noticed I'm having every problem on that list. Some of it is likely due to the depression flaring up, probably exacerbated by stress. But I wonder if some of it is due to my personality type. I'm an INFP, and it seems to me that many of my job functions are better suited to an ESTJ. Or at least the ES parts. I can pull on the ESTJ persona, but it takes a lot of work and effort for me. No wonder I'm coming home exhausted.
So anyway... here I am stressed out, depressed, and exhausted, and I find myself on probation. Which I guess means if I don't improve immediately, I am in danger of losing my job. Yay, more stress.
I could choose to look on this as yet another thing gone wrong in my life. Or I could choose to have a positive attitude, and look on this as just another life lesson. What have I learned from this?
I have learned that working for a small business is not necessarily what I wanted or needed. I still like the idea of being part of a small group, and I do like working with people who do similar job functions; however:
While I can work on a team, I work much, much better independently. It seems like many of my problems lately may have been caused by me trying to handle everything myself. I may need to delegate some things back, or ask for help more often.
I need to listen. This is very important. I feel like my verbal communication skills are not very good. I have felt particularly stupid lately because I have often not understood exactly what was being asked of me or what a customer needed. A lot of this could be corrected simply by taking the time to listen carefully and think about what I'm hearing, rather than assuming.
This job may not be the right fit for me, in which case it may be to my benefit to move on. I haven't completed decided on this yet, because I can see that there are many good skills I could learn on this job (like learning to listen). Maybe it is time to sit back down and think again about what exactly I want and need at the workplace.
And again, I have to be proud of myself, because instead of sitting around like a lump and feeling sorry for myself while accomplishing nothing, I'm actually thinking. I'm thinking, and making plans, and trying hard to change for the better. That is an encouraging thing. I plan on rereading the Seven Habits soon, and I'm thinking of maybe finding some classes in communication skills (or at least working on that with my next therapist). I'm still frelling tired, though. Thanks for listening.
--xnera
[ November 07, 2003, 08:54 AM: Message edited by: xnera ]
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
(((((xnera))))) Sounds like you've given this a lot of thought. Good for you! Good luck with the job, and with figuring this all out.
Posted by fiazko (Member # 5812) on :
it sounds like you're getting back on track well enough, but i'm still going to offer some specific encouragement because i do that sort of thing.
i understand what it's like to be a control freak when it comes to work. i've been put in charge many times and had to deal with people i thought weren't as competent as me. anyway, the point of this is delegation. you didn't say much about how well you get along with your coworkers, but i've found that in delegation, how you ask someone to do something goes a long way. instead of 'i need you to do this' say 'can you please do this for me?' asking for help will definitely lessen your stress and if you can get them to do it willingly, it will make it that much smoother.
i hope that all makes sense. anyway, continue to troubleshoot. probation is no fun, but you're learning from it, and that is the important thing. good luck.
Posted by Toretha (Member # 2233) on :
(((((xnera))))))
that sounds tough. But you are....amazing, that you're reacting like that, to all this. *is impressed with xnera's thinking*
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
(((((((xnera)))))))) hang in there, sister! You've got the right attitude and the drive, and no matter what, we'll be here for you.
Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :
(((xnera))) Sometimes we all find ourselves in a little hole dug by little mistakes. Climbing back out of that hole is never easy, but once you do, you'll find yourself better off than ever before.
Posted by xnera (Member # 187) on :
Well, I may have the right attitude, but I still find myself feeling very scared and worried.
I know I need to get to work on time and do a good job today. But I'm scared. It feels like a lot of pressure. What if I don't do a good job? What if I try hard and mess up anyway?
Today's The Language of Letting Go's meditation is about enjoying life. "Let yourself enjoy your work, for that can be pleasureable too", it says. So what do I still enjoy about my job?
Well, I like that there's a lot of windows in the front of the store. I like that some of the work is repetitive. Repetitive acts can be soothing. I love working with PrintSmith -- entering orders and changing information and figuring out estimates. I love it when our artists come in to get their 28 cents of copies. I love talking to Chris, the designer.
So I guess there's still things I do like about work after all.
Today I will go to work and I will try to enjoy myself. I will focus, yes I will, but I will also try to relax and let everything happen naturally. And I will remind myself that there's much worse places I could be. Is where I am really so bad?
Okay, off to get ready to go.
Posted by Christy (Member # 4397) on :
I think you've made some very good points. And you certainly have had a lot of stresses in your life. I think it was a very good thing to have some time to regroup and refocus. It really sounds like you've made it through the worst of the storm, though. You should be proud.
Give the job a bit more time. I know the excitement has worn off, but there more than likely are still some plusses to working there. Don't let them swamp you with work, though, and if they are going to continue leaving you to fend for yourself it might be a great opportunity, but it also is a big stressor and you need to have some guidance.
There are no perfect jobs. I wish there were. Try to adapt to this setting, but if you decide there really are things that you absolutely can't work with, then its time to find something more fitting.
((xnera))
Posted by xnera (Member # 187) on :
One of the reasons I am thinking of leaving is that I feel like I am underpaid. I have been working harder than I've ever worked in my life--I feel like I should be earning more. And it doesn't help that I don't make enough at this job to meet my monthly bills. It's close, but it's not enough.
More later. I am expecting a phone call from Consumer Credit Counseling tonight, and I have to get my papers together.
Posted by xnera (Member # 187) on :
Well, the first day of probation went pretty well. I did arrive 10 minutes late, but that was due to bad traffic/upset stomach. Quite beyond my control. But I worked hard, and I smiled, and I felt I handled the day well. There was one moment that wasn't so good: the owner cornered me and asked me about some job jackets I had sitting in the back room. o_O I knew they were back there, but I had been so busy with production work that I hadn't had a chance to follow up (both were leads, but no real estimates attached). I told her I would take care of them and likely turn them over to her, at which point she told me she would check up on me tomorrow regarding this issue. o_O Okay, I know she's trying to help, and I know she's trying to make sure the store does well, but that phrase just left me feeling like a little kid who couldn't do anything right and needed constant supervision. Luckily this happened right before lunch, so I had the chance to "pull myself together" (HAHAHAHA!) over the break.
BUT! The day ended well! The owner called to check up on things, and asked if I had called one of the clients from the job jackets again. I said no, but then went on to say that I had already written a summary for her and left them on her desk. To which she replied "Beautiful", which is what she says when she is pleased.
So day one of probation is behind me with no real issues. w00t!
In other news, I had my telephone session with the Consumer Credit Counseling last night. It basically confirmed what I already knew: my debt's really not that bad, but I am not making enough money to cover my monthly expenses. Still, it was helpful to go over everything with someone (this is why I sometimes wish I was married, or at least in a serious relationship--I would have another brain for these things). And they're going to send me a report, so that will be a big help. I haven't decided yet if I am going to take their payment plan or not. We shall see.
But anyway, the session with the CCC confirmed that I need to find a new job, if only so I can take care of my bills. I don't need to be at the same level I was when I was a computer geek, though. I need to obtain a salary that is nearly exactly halfway between what I make now and what I made then. Already started looking. Fired up the ol' Illinois Skills Match last night and found some promising leads.
But now, it's off to work. I want to get there early today, and I need to stop for gas still.
Posted by Christy (Member # 4397) on :
Great job, xnera! Sounds like you're doing exactly what you should.
Posted by prolixshore (Member # 4496) on :
((xnera))
Anyone who uses the word exacerbates is cool in my book.
--ApostleRadio
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
You seem to have a very mature attitude towards your employment problems. I share your problems with listening: I usually get the gist of what folks are saying, but often crucial details slip by me.
quote: Now, there's something you've got to know about me and the three month mark. That's when work stops being a new adventure and starts becoming the daily grind.
Ditto. I start jobs with a good attitude (usually) then it gradually evaporates. I have lost most jobs in the 3-6 month range, either quitting in disgust (often because of some spur-of-the-moment frustration) or getting fired because of increased lateness, slipping performance, or just bad attitude.
Good luck with your job, your job search and your credit problems! ((Xnera))
[ November 07, 2003, 10:50 AM: Message edited by: Morbo ]
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
The best thing about rebuilding your life is that every time you do, you get a better feel for where the pieces go. It's kinda like defragging for the soul. Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
quote: defragging for the soul.
That's a good one, Eddie.
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
Yeah, I liked that one too.
Posted by Boon (Member # 4646) on :
quote: I start jobs with a good attitude (usually) then it gradually evaporates. I have lost most jobs in the 3-6 month range, either quitting in disgust (often because of some spur-of-the-moment frustration) or getting fired because of increased lateness, slipping performance, or just bad attitude.
See, sweetie, this is why I recommend tax prep. It's a 3 month gig. Period. At the exact point it start becoming "the daily grind" it's over. After tax season, you should consider a summer job at a plant nursery, moving on to retail sales for the Christmas rush. Once that starts getting old, it's tax season again. See? The perfect plan. A series of short term jobs.
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