quote:

---

I have to say, if this turns out to be something along the lines of "he's making me go to a cheap school instead of paying for an expensive private school", "he's messing with my life", or "he just doesn't UNDERSTAND me!", I'm going to be a little ticked.

Things that would warrant this much drama:

Sexual and/or physical abuse.
Sudden and extreme poverty, or similar sudden upheaval of life.
Loss of a loved one.
Self or loved one with terminal illness.

I can't think of any others. But seriously, if it's not one of the above or something similarly serious, it should stay in the hug thread where it belongs.

---

quote:

---

Well... to that I guess I'd have to say that one shouldn't broadcast such a personal problem in such a dramatic and very public way unless one is willing to accept that it will annoy some people. If this does turn out to be something serious, then I will sympathize, but if it's something lame and childish, I will be annoyed. It's the risk you take by creating such a cry for attention on a mostly adult and mostly mature forum.

---

quote:

---

Still, I haven't posted a single negative comment in the hug thread itself, and I never will. It does, however, bother me to see it spilling out into new and totally pointless new threads.

---

quote:

---

This thread, though, is different, as it both violently attacks someone none of us know in a way that is totally unfair.

---

First of all, it did not violently attack anyone, it's a JOKE... Rhaegar was merely trying to show a bit of moral support... I'm so sorry if his methods of dealing with things are different from yours, maybe his joke was in bad taste, but I believe that's for me to decide. Besides, they do know my father, but that is beside the point; the point is that they care, about me (however egotistical and self-centered that may sound) and wanted to show their support. How they did it is not up to you to judge, I appreciate the thought, and the gesture, even if some of you other Hatrackers took it a little too seriously. And, as was pointed out, even if you felt that the joke was in bad taste and wanted to comment about it, fine; there was no need for personal abuse and animosity.

I guess I shouldn't really go on for much longer, this is ridiculously long as it is, but I needed to respond to some of the comments that were made there, that I felt were unjust. Especially as I had no right to defend myself, having been gone while the thread was constructed, and in full swing. It distressed me, when I finished reading the thread, to see what had happened in it, not because I felt that every single comment was unjustified, but that I felt that some people were being very insensitive. Maybe that is just me, but I found some of the arguments to be entirely uncalled for. And since the argument was predominantly about me, and my dramatic habits of announcing myself and my personal issues to the world, I feel it is perfectly within my right to say so now. Of course, I may be wrong, as apparently my posts have caused offense in the past, and perhaps shared too much information, or dominated discussions with theatrical or melodramatic accounts of my woes.

Thank you, to all who made it this far, I appreciate your listening to me respond. If what I said has offended, or anything I may have done in the past has caused any ill will, and people resent me and my ideas, that is not a problem, I can take myself elsewhere. I'm so sorry, Hatrack, if I've done anything horribly wrong, if I have violated the ways of the forum, or if I have taken advantages. It was not my intent. I came here with the image of a friendly, welcoming forum, and until this point it had seemed to me to be that way. I'm sure it will continue to do so, once this issue it resolved, if people decide that I can stay, that I have not caused planets to quake, and windows to shatter. If I have, then I really am most truly sorry.

[/RANT]

And, rant aside and done with, I would like to post an extra large thank you to those who stuck up for me in that thread, I really really appreciated it, thank you everyone. It at least made me a little happier that not everyone felt all at once as some others did, where I discovered to my shock and horror that my posts have been resented. So, extra hugs to you, for comments such as these:

quote:

---

I weill behave, and not call Raia's father a jerk, but I still say he shouldn't be so mean to someone who is as wonderful, as sweet, as kind, as kind, and as careing as Raia

---

quote:

---

I don't know all the details of Raia's problem, but obviously she's very upset about it.

I don't see how telling her she's overdramatising unless she's been abused can help the situation at all, except perhaps upset her more.

---

quote:

---

Raia, just ignore all the un-well-wishers

(((((((((((((((((Raia)))))))))))))))))

I'm o/l anytime you want to talk.

---

quote:

---

I'm sure everyone wishes nothing but well for Raia. She's a sweetheart.

---

quote:

---

I adore Raia, and know what a difficult time she is having right now.

---

quote:

---

I don't think anyone should be deciding for Raia whether it is 'ok' or 'justified' for her to be crying herself to sleep. She is, and she's obviously upset.

---

I just wanted to say again, those comments did not go unnoticed, in fact, they brought tears to my eyes, they were so beautiful. Thank you so so so so so much to all of you, I really really appreciated that. to all of you guys, thank you so so much.
 

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Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
 
Thanks Raia.

I do think this forum is mostly very supportive of other people's problems, and I hope it will continue to be so.
 

---

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
 
(((((Raia)))))
 

---

Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
 
Raia, I don't know the details of any problems of anybody that doesn't basically spell it out for me. As a person, you're a good person and haven't attacked anyone or been rude that I've seen. You are a respectable person, IMO. Sorry that things stink, and sorry that you were hurt by peoples comments (but thats between you and them ).
 

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Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
 
I'm sorry people were getting rude about it. I didn't want to be mean to your dad, so I just kept it to hugging you.
(((((Raia)))))
 

---

Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :
 
I do get that my original comments were very suveer, they were meant as a joke, but when rivka mentioned them and I realized that they were being taken seriously, I figured they should be changed, so they were.

And to be fair I have only met her father breifly, but I have met him, anyway I guess some of it was a bit out of hand if you take it seriously, I'm sorry for my part of it, and sorry I couldn't be online at the right time to say something about some of the posts, but oh well, it is gone now.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Raia))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I'm glad you got to vent, and for one hope you stay, and have also found hatrack bery welcomeing (despite my age and lack of knowlege) So I hope you stay.
 

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Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
 
Severe. The word is spelled "severe."
 

---

Posted by Correlle_Fyrebrand (Member # 5839) on :
 
Well, excuse us for being mere mortals, Tom.

[ December 01, 2003, 10:46 PM: Message edited by: Correlle_Fyrebrand ]
 

---

Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
 
Spelling nazi...
 

---

Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
 
(((Raia))) Good job, girl. You stayed calmer than I would have.
 

---

Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :
 
Sorry Marek, I don't have anything against you, but when you said "suveer", I couldn't help but laugh.

Suveer
 

---

Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :
 
no one mentioned it the first time I wrote it, but then I was threatening people with a battle ax at the time so maybe that had some influence on it
 

---

Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
 
I have the opposite problem to Marek: because I read heaps, I know how to spell words but often not how to pronounce them.

When I was 6 I was convinced 'milk' was pronounced 'millek'... You'd think my parents would have corrected me. Unfortunately, they thought it was cute.
 

---

Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :
 
oh, well mine might be a symtom of my dyslexia, if it sounds right in my head then it is close enough, but in spoken language I pronounce things very well (with the very rare southern accent)

oops, I wasn't trying to derail the thread, it is a very good topic post in my slightly biased opinion.
 

---

Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
 
Yeah, sorry Raia.

Back to Raia, everybody.


 

---

Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
 
So, for future reference, nobody will be slamming someone who is largely unknown and cannot defend themselves for the sake of helping someone else out and then chalking it up to a 'joke'.

Right?
 

---

Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
 

quote:

---

So, for future reference, nobody will be slamming someone who is largely unknown and cannot defend themselves for the sake of helping someone else out and then chalking it up to a 'joke'

---

Is it ok if I do it for non-altruistic reasons?


 

---

Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
 
Absolutely.

40 Helens agree that open, unabashed hostility is nicer than hostility under dubious pretenses.
 

---

Posted by BYuCnslr (Member # 1857) on :
 
:: hugs raia ::
 

---

Posted by Zotto! (Member # 4689) on :
 
I saw the other thread very briefly during school, but didn't comment on it; I thought it was in very bad taste.

That said, Raia, don't EVER feel like you can't turn to us for support, because you ALWAYS can. Or, even better yet, just give Marek a call or something.

*see hug thread for more proof*

[ December 02, 2003, 03:14 PM: Message edited by: Zotto! ]
 

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Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
 
(Loves Ralphie for her Kids in the Hall reference)

(((((Raia)))))
 

---

Posted by ana kata (Member # 5666) on :
 
<<<<Raia>>>>> I'm sorry I didn't see any of that, but Raia, you are an important and valued part of Hatrack. I'm glad you're here. I hope things get better soon at home.
 

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Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
 
(((Raia)))
I didn't see this all thing, but you have my support and as much hugs as you need.
 

---

Posted by Ayelar (Member # 183) on :
 
Oh, lordy loo. First a surprise snowstorm, now this? What a day.

There's nothing quite as fun as having all of your posts taken out of context and posted on a new thread with the purpose of showing everyone what a mean jerk you are. What, no jokes about axing me? Why isn't this thread called "We Hates Ayelar"?

I don't know why this situation has gotten under my skin so much. Maybe it was the cries of hatred and violence against Raia's dad, maybe it was the "I want to shoot myself" posts I saw on the hug thread, maybe it was the way I felt teased by the way the problem was being constantly discussed despite it's apparent secrecy, as though the rest of Hatrack was being whispered around... All in all, it felt very dramatic and high school and tiring, and it annoyed me. It did then, and it does now. I like to come to Hatrack to experience adult conversations, not vague references to teenage soap operas.

And, since I know this makes me a little less popular than Survivor's Jon, I think it's definitely time for me to take a break. Please don't bother sending me hate mail.
 

---

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
 
Ayelar, you aren't alone.

I think the problem is that in the absence of real data, we are all free to think whatever we want.

So some of us rally around Raia and hope she's doing better. That's good. And I'm proud of Hatrack for its kindliness and ability not to judge people.

Some of us can't help thinking that maybe this is overblown. Similar things have been in the past. We see suicide threats here on a fairly frequent basis and, thankfully, most of them are just people blowing off steam, not actually writing with the intention of killing themselves.

But, here's the point...

We DON'T KNOW! So, being good people, we take them all seriously. And that means we get very worked up over the un-named ills of others only to find out, sometimes, that it was all just an over-reaction to some legitimate attempt at parenting (or some other thing that isn't nearly as big a deal as we were lead to believe.

So, frankly, if you don't want skepticism, give details. If you want sympathy without explaining yourself, then just ask for sympathy and then use AIM or e-mail or the phone to tell the people you want to tell. But don't drop hints. And don't say you're going to kill yourself. Or want to kill anyone else.

It is either serious (as in you have a real problem requiring immediate intervention) or it is very juvenile, offensive and just plain insensitive towards the people here to do care. A lot.

Final point:

I really don't know WHAT went on here. I think Ayelar (and others) had a legitimate negative reaction to the previous thread. It talked about wanting to kill someone. We don't really go for that here.

I don't know what went on between Raia and her father, but I figured if she wanted us to know, she'd tell us. She never did. But it's her business whether her problems and needs are aired on this forum. So didn't like the previous thread because it wasn't anyone's place but hers to decide what to say.

Having said all that, I'm feeling really very mean and I don't intend that at all. I just think that there's a lot of room for skepticism and it is entirely understandable in response to a thread talking about murder.

Even if we all "know" it was a joke, or hyperbole.

So maybe next time, just do it differently from the start and the reaction will be more uniformly positive.

<<<Raia>>> I really hope this is NOT something serious. I don't mind being "teased" by stuff that turns out not to be that important. It, by the same token, means that the things you're going through now will pass. And things will thus get better soon. I hope that's the case. If its something more serious and lasting, then I really hope you have friends and counselors with whom you can share the full story and thus get more than the sympathy we offer here. If it is serious, and you are really considering shooting yourself, please go get some help NOW! Real help!

Okay?
 

---

Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
Ayelar, no hate mail.

But this is a society. There are going to be things that are annoying, because that's what happens when humans get together. You don't get to dictate what other people do, and if you're annoyed, unless it violates something serious in the forum and/or it is specific to you, just ignore it.

You're the not the queen. Give it up. You don't have the right to slam on someone else's possible pain.

[ December 02, 2003, 10:19 AM: Message edited by: katharina ]
 

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Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
 

quote:

---

You don't get to dictate what other people do, and if you're annoyed, unless it violates something serious in the forum and/or it is specific to you, just ignore it.

---

quote:

---

knowingly false and/or defamatory, inaccurate, abusive, vulgar, hateful, harassing, obscene, profane, sexually oriented, threatening, invasive of a person's privacy, or otherwise violative of any law.

---

Maaaaaybe if you stretch the meaning, she could've been seen as abusive or hateful. But I think both of those terms imply intent. All I saw was the expression of an opinion, no matter how insensitive.

This seems to be a complete 180 from your stance last week, though, Kat. Are we a society, or are we a forum?

I guess this may seem like a big turn from my stance last week, but I think we've already established that I'm someone who isn't exactly a master of the art of nicety.

If you post something here, know that you're going to get some response that doesn't please you. Especially if you're new, don't know anyone very well, and post extremely intimate personal information. It's very easy to be objective in such cases. And since the most social people are becoming less happy with Hatrack and post-slutting, hugging, smiling (yet cliquey and anti-social) newbies are becoming more prevalent, I'd expect more objectivity in the future.

So we should all grow a few more coats of skin.
 

---

Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
To Frisco: Bite me, sweetie.
 

---

Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
 
Hey, we could be a Pro Beach Volleyball pair if you'd always set me up like that.
 

---

Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
Only if you're wearing the bikini.
 

---

Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
 
the bikini?! We have to share one?

Very humanitarian of you to let me have it, but I think you'll need the top more than I will. But I'll accept the bottom. I'd like to have children someday.
 

---

Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
Deal. You put on the bottom of the hot pink string bikini, and wait for me at the sand pit. I'll totally meet you there really, really soon. Don't worry about the bystanders; they are there to watch the game.
 

---

Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
 
Well, I suppose if you did actually show, you'd just be a big bowl of Alpha-Bits or refrigerator magnets or something.

And though the derailment of a newbie's thread seems like a bit of poetic justice, I must be getting off to sleep now.
 

---

Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
 
at Kat and Frisco

Ayelar, I don't know that I saw everything you posted, but the first stuff you said, I agreed with. I went wading through the hug thread to find out more information on how Raia was doing, since we were told her problems were "obvious if you read the hug thread", by people who know her better than we do. They weren't. The only thing that became apparent were that Raia was having a difficult time with her father, and it had something to do with college applications.

I mentally chalked it up to the "leaving the nest" syndrome which is hard on both parents and kids, but at the same time she did say some disturbing things. I don't know what went on as far as the thread snowballing, since I left work and stopped checking Hatrack for a while. Like many things at Hatrack it probably took on a life of its own, and I really doubt you, Ayelar, were specifically to blame.

So take a break if you need to but don't leave. If you do I'm going to have to pull out Mack's thumping stick and come find you!

---

Raia, hang in there sweetie. From the bit that I know, I know that college applications are horrible, and that caring parents are as stressed out over the applications and what college to choose or not choose as their kids are and then compound their kids stresses.

AJ
 

---

Posted by Bob the Lawyer (Member # 3278) on :
 
Meh. The thing bugged me was that it wasn't Raia making the post. It's one thing for to complain about my own parents, it's quite another for someone else to say they want to hit them with a pickaxe. Underneath all my complaining is the fact that I love them and I just feel like whining. Were someone else to complain about them it comes across as foolish and attention-seeking at best and a little creepy at worst.
And, as was pointed out, all I've heard about this so far is "Raia and her father don't get along" (pardon my paraphrasing). You'll fogive me if I thought the thread soap opera-y.

Not that any of that really matters at this point. I just thought everyone would be interested in what I had to say.

Now back to doing whatever it is I do around here.

Edit: Grammar. Yes, I realize there are probably still grammatical errors, what, do you want to make a federal case about it?

[ December 02, 2003, 12:21 PM: Message edited by: Bob the Lawyer ]
 

---

Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
 
I think it just seemed like a big deal because we were all trying to be supportive of Raia, and that made it look like a big issue. We love Raia very much and we don't like to see her sad. Rhaegar was just trying to show his support for Raia.
Please everyone, can you stop complaining about it now?
Can we go back to being nice, and cheery towards each other?

(((((Raia)))))
(((((Rhaegar)))))
(((((Everyone who was nice to Raia)))))
 

---

Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
 
Eruve - Nobody is questioning the motive, they're questioning the means.

While I appreciate that fact that you just want "everyone to get along," there is going to be some amount of confrontation in any community, and it's not necessarily a bad thing.

Raia knows that people support her. The point is, the way that support began wasn't appropriate in some people's minds, and so it's being called into question. It's perfectly reasonable that those people be able to express their opinion on the subject.
 

---

Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
 
I don't know...I read the thread and didn't think it was a joke. I didn't know what Raia's dad did, but I hoped (while also hoping not, for Raia's sake) that it was something worth getting that worked up about it.

quote:

---

I'm so sorry if his methods of dealing with things are different from yours, maybe his joke was in bad taste, but I believe that's for me to decide. Besides, they do know my father, but that is beside the point; the point is that they care, about me (however egotistical and self-centered that may sound) and wanted to show their support. How they did it is not up to you to judge, I appreciate the thought, and the gesture, even if some of you other Hatrackers took it a little too seriously.

---

I didn't think it was a joke, as I mentioned above. Since it was a joke, I think it was in VERY poor taste, as we could hardly know it was unless he said so, which he never did, as far as I saw. As for judging the method of support that was given, it is very much up to anyone who reads the darned thing to make judgements. They posted it on Hatrack, which is a public forum. You post something openly, you take your chances on the reception it gets. So please don't tell us we are only allowed to judge or respond to the things you think is our business.

That said, obviously this is a place for support, but I don't think it should ever be mistaken for face to face reality. Some people may disagree with me on that, but personally, I think if you have a serious problem, get whatever encouragement you can from here, but figure that you're going to have to get the *real* help in meatspace.

*would also like to add that Ralphie is the coolest, both online and in real life*
 

---

Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
 
OK, listen...

Ayelar, if it came off that I hate you, or something, I'm sorry, I completely didn't mean that at all. So here is my formal apology: "I apologize for making you feel like that, or think that, it was not my intent, and I don't hate you." I didn't take your comments out of context, not at all, I pulled them straight as they were, and tried to keep the whole thing as fair as possible. I never once, as some others have implied in this thread, berated you for having given your opinion. This is a public forum, and it is completely within your rights to do that. What bothered me was the way you stated it, and the way you claimed that I was craving attention, when it was clear that that thread had not been started by me, and I didn't even get to see it until right before it was deleted.

That's the only part that really got to me, out of what you all have been saying; comments such as "that is so juvenile" accopmlished nothing, as, as far as I could tell, I did nothing juvenile, I kept myself and my problems to the hug thread and the last post thread, and I specifically did NOT start threads or anything, whining about my problems, and putting everyone through them. The hug thread is there for support and sympathy, so I posted on it that I needed both. I still don't see what I did wrong.

Bob, I understand that comments such as those would be worrying, but I thought that since I stated there at least three times that I wouldn't actually do it, that it's just how I was feeling, that it would resolve some of those issues; I am not intedning to kill myself, as I said MANY times there, and sorry if it wasn't enough, but I did definitely feel like that a lot over the past week or so. So I posted that, with later comments saying that I won't do it, that nobody needs to worry about that becoming a reality. I mean, maybe I should have been more articulate than saying it in plain English at least three times, but pardon me for not getting that. (And I'm so sorry, that sounds so awful, I sound like a complete jerk there, but there you go -- that's how I feel, maybe that's what I am, if so, I'm sorry.)

Again, sorry to have interrupted the forum with my issues, it was not my intent to have this turn into a "teenage soap opera," as so many of you put it. If that's how it came out, my apologies, please, all of you go back to what you were doing, and leave me to stew in my melodramatic, tragic life.
 

---

Posted by Rhaegar The Fool (Member # 5811) on :
 
As the starter of the thread in question I would like to say a few thing.

One, I have known Raia and her father for a while now, and I wasn't posting about someone I've never met.

Two, I started that thread as a way for close friends of Raia to show support for Raia, the pickaxe element was thrown in for a bit of comic relief to a bad situation, It was not intended to turn into the bashfest certain people made it.

Three, I had a crush on Raia for three years until about six months ago, so I deem myself in a good enough position to be able to have the right to care about her, she is one of my closest friends, and once the thread became the bash it did, their was no option but to kill it.
 

---

Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
 
Yeah, parts of the thread were in bad taste, but it had good intentions. I understand that some people don't like dramatics, but no one is forcing you to read particular threads. (At least, not that I know of. ) I just had a little bit of a problem with people calling or implying that other people's problems stupid and trivial without knowing what they were. Ayelar, you're taking most of the blame from people because your posts were filled with very strong wordings and you said things flat out that other people hinted at. I think people are getting too worked up about things right now (by that I mean the ones who aren't directly involved/don't actually know what's going on) including me. I think everyone needs a good fluff thread right about now. (((((((Raia)))))))
 

---

Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
 
I agree with Julie: We all need a chill pill.

(((((Raia))))) It'll get better, I promise. Your wheel of fortune has nowhere to go but up.
 

---

Posted by Correlle_Fyrebrand (Member # 5839) on :
 
Julie, I agree with you. And since you wanted a fluff thread how about we all go bouncin'? In fact, I'm bouncin' right now! Pain killers anyone? (If you want to know...email me)
 

---

Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
 
The comments about violence were "threatening" per the user agreement. Once someone alluded to the hug thread, I was satisfied that if I wanted to know more I could check there.

Thoughts similar to what Ayelar wrote occurred to me, but I refrained from sharing. After all, it is conceivable that there is abuse, but the thing one complains about to others is college admissions.
 

---

Posted by Rhaegar The Fool (Member # 5811) on :
 
Guys, lay off of Raia, I was the one who started the thread, if you want to bitch about it, bitch at me, leave Raia alone. And since when has "Thwacking" someone on hatrack been a unusual occurance?
 

---

Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
 
He's right.

It's Rhaegar we should be hating.
 

---

Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
Ralphie, I - I love you.
 

---

Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
 
Nooooo! Don't hate Rhaegar!
((((((((((Rhaegar))))))))))
 

---

Posted by Rhaegar The Fool (Member # 5811) on :
 
Seriously, the comments really got to Raia, and they were really out of place and misdirected. Shame on those who b****ed at her, you should have b****ed at me.

[This post has been edited by KathrynHJanitor to remove two words that were complained about by a Hatrack citizen. And no, the complainer was not Pooka. I wouldn't out a person like that.]

[ December 03, 2003, 08:46 AM: Message edited by: KathrynHJanitor ]
 

---

Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
 
:gooses Rhaegar:
Also, lose the b word sil vous plait.

(((Ayelar)))

[ December 03, 2003, 01:32 AM: Message edited by: pooka ]
 

---

Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
 
True, Rhaeghar started it, but he didn't mean it to be mean, and he deleted it when people complained.

So, can we all just forget about it and move on now?
 

---

Posted by Rhaegar The Fool (Member # 5811) on :
 
Can we just end this thread, some of the responses are just mean to Raia.
 

---

Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
 
Kat - Our gay love was to remain a secret. Stop exposing us.
 

---

Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :
 
As far as I know the world will not actually end, if you haven't figured out by that point then maybe just isn't there, the people, i.e. myself and Rhaegar, who directed people there already knew what was going on so maybe it wasn't really spelled out there, still world is spinnid as it should be, so if you have no idea what it is about then you probably shouldn't have any idea.

And as Rhaegar, and Raia, and rivka all poited out, Raia did not start the other thread, and she only started this one because some of what was said on the other was very hurtful.

And Rhaegar is a nice guy, he has a different way of saying things, and an odd sense of humors, but trust me he meant no harm, he just has a different way of being nice, I mean I'm sticking up for him and he has said he would kill me on more than one occassion.

Basically I just think this whole thing got out of hand, and it should basically be dropped.

And I apologize to anyone I upset with that post or any others on this subject. (it seems that every post on either thread has upset someone)
 

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Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
 
)))Rhaegar(((

(((everyone else)))



Raia, I missed the posts where you said you were only "feeling that way" not actually going to do it.

Please don't say you're going to kill yourself, even if you do take it back later. Please!

And I would like to add my unqualified supportive comments. I'm sorry you and your dad aren't seeing things the same way and I really hope you can work it out soon and find some common ground. It sucks to be warring with your parents about something as important as school (or anything for that matter).

Typical situation: It's your life, and their money. Bound to cause lots of conflicts. Plus, they have your best interests at heart, but the fact remains that they may not know what you want and what will really make you happy. They may also have dreams for you that you are forcing them to revise on the fly, also while they contemplate the possibility that you will waste your college years pursuing something that will not lead to a good career with decent earning potential.

I'm stretching here since you haven't given us much in the way of actual data. And your dad may be a real cold one. I don't know.

So, the bottom line is that I just hope it all works out and gets better soon.

I also hope that you never "feel like killing" yourself, even if you don't mean it.

(Suicidal ideation runs the gamut from mild to very serious. Your statements seemed to be on the milder end of things. But still, they are not the same as NOT having thoughts of suicide. Right? So, if you really AREN'T thinking of suicide, then don't say you are. If you are thinking of suicide, then get some counseling.

Don't shrug this stuff off or laugh it away. When people joke about it, the idea becomes easier and more familiar. Easier to entertain ideas of suicide means they are no longer mild, but chronic. Then what? Are you still joking if you joke 1000 times? 100? 10?

When does the outside world know when you've gone too far? When it's too late? When you stop saying "just kidding" 3x for every threat?

That's my point.

Okay. Lecture over.

<takes chill pill>

(((Rhaegar too!)))
 

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Posted by Bob the Lawyer (Member # 3278) on :
 
Next time on "All my Hatrack":

Will Kat find out Ralphie is carrying OSC's love child?
Will Rhaegar finally discover that the woman he loves is really his father's brother's goat?
And worse... that that goat doesn't love him?
Will pooka come out of her coma in time to warn Euvre that Raia is so jealous of her popularity that she intends to steal her precious?
Will Bob the Lawyer manage to win back Ralphie, after losing her to both OSC (and Kat) because of his torrid love affair with jeniwren (the wife of the man he thought was his brother but was really his estranged father)?

Only time will tell.

Next time, on "All My Hatrack"
 

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Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
 
**********Spoilers!!!**********

No, not yet.
Yes.
Sadly, yes.
No, I thought that was MY job!
Yes, but only for the briefest moment.
 

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Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
 
Ayelar - Are you, like me, becoming weary of what seems to be people using Hatrack to spill their problems, insist on help and suggestions for delicate situations that no one could possibly know the answer to, and then wash, rinse, repeat? Do you find that you tend to have a knee-jerk reaction whenever you perceive someone doing so?

I see an unsympathetic and knee-jerk reaction in myself because I sometimes feel taxed by what seems to me sometimes to be demanded emotional support, and have to quell it frequently. (Of course, I just posted a recent family tragedy, so I'm not entirely innocent of using Hatrack as an emotional support system, myself.)

Rhaegar, Marek, et al - Before you bust an aorta, please know that I don't believe Raia has done, is doing, or will do this at all.

My question is: is Ayelar fed up with OTHER things she perceives as a problem on Hatrack, and this is just another something in a string of somethings?

[ December 02, 2003, 06:50 PM: Message edited by: Ralphie ]
 

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Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
 

quote:

---

Will Bob the Lawyer manage to win back Ralphie, after losing her to both OSC (and Kat) because of his torrid love affair with jeniwren (the wife of the man he thought was his brother but was really his estranged father)?

---

quote:

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you truly loved me while I'm in a coma

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quote:

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Will Rhaegar finally discover that the woman he loves is really his father's brother's goat?
And worse... that that goat doesn't love him?
Will pooka come out of her coma in time to warn Euvre that Raia is so jealous of her popularity that she intends to steal her precious?

---

*supresses laughter*

(*eats Bob's post* )

[ December 02, 2003, 08:49 PM: Message edited by: Eruve Nandiriel ]
 

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Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
 
Bob_Scopatz: I'm so sorry, my post before was so rude and mean and uncalled for, I apologize. I was just a little distressed. Right now I'd just like to say that I did feel unhappy to the point where that was how I felt , I never actually considered it, and I never will... I just felt that way because I was so constantly unhappy, and life didn't seem to be getting brighter. I'm sorry if I scared you, I realized afterwards that I shouldn't have said that, and I really do apologize, I won't say it anymore. Ok? Can you forgive me? I'm so so sorry, I really am.

The rest of you, I seem to have screwed up my case dramatically here... lemme put it this way; I'm so sorry for all the distress or anger I may have caused any of you, I honestly didn't mean to cause any of it. I got home from school today, and checked on this thread, and (yes, I will admit this) burst into tears, not because I was essentially still as hurt as I initally was by what some people said, but because I had hurt people. I made one poster feel unhappy, unwanted, hated; I made several posters angry, and they all think that I'm a pathetic juvenile who thinks only of herself; and I pissed off an entire forum with my "melodramatics." So, I felt terrible, and I cried for a very long time, I talked to several wonderful people who were all trying to console me, but the truth was that I felt absolutely awful, I felt like such a horrible person for having caused all of this havoc, and dissention. So again, I'm so sorry about it all, I did not have any intention of pissing people off, and making people feel hated. On the contrary, this is the very last thing I wanted, and it greatly distressed me to find that I had that effect on people.

I hope you can forgive me, and we can go on from there. I really do love this place, I turn to it for support, and if I overdid it, please forgive me, I'm sorry.

(((((Hatrack)))))
 

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Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
 
((((((((((Raia)))))))))) *sings* "Don't worry, Be happy..."
 

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Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
 
(((((Raia)))))
 

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Posted by LadyDove (Member # 3000) on :
 
A very wise poster once wrote:

quote:

---

In every relationship people have to put in what they take out, or the other party will eventually become resentful that they are being taxed without any compensation.

---

quote:

---

I made one poster feel unhappy, unwanted, hated; I made several posters angry, and they all think that I'm a pathetic juvenile who thinks only of herself; and I pissed off an entire forum with my "melodramatics."

---

No.

Ayelar is a woman of... strong passions. She speaks out vehemently about things she feels and thinks, and I honestly believe she doesn't really mean to be taken so fiercely until someone inevitably reacts to it as such.

I think I know the root of her feelings on this, and I honestly don't think it really has as much to do with you as it does a pattern that Hatrack's nurturing manner has developed.

Of course, Ayelar can correct me if I'm wrong and speaking out of turn.

If someone thinks you're melodramatic 4 serious, then they haven't been reading your posts, and they are forgetting the heightened nature of being a teenager. Compared to me at your age, you're a stoic. And anyone who believes you only think about yourself will be getting a wedgie from the Ralphster.

So they better not be steppin'.

Raia - you're fine. The original thread wasn't, but it's gone. This thread started off dubious, but it eventually turned into Bob the Lawyer confessing his love for me for the nth time, so ultimately it, too, is a keeper.

And I've got yo back, and that's really all that matters. Fo rills.

edit: And LadyDove posted in it, so now it's perfect.

<--- unabashed LadyDove fangirl.

[ December 02, 2003, 09:23 PM: Message edited by: Ralphie ]
 

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Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
 
My only concern here is that I really wish Rhaegar wouldn't treat the girl he has a crush on like a shrinking violet.
 

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Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
 

 

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Posted by blacwolve (Member # 2972) on :
 
Have I mentioned that I want to be Ralphie?
 

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Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
 
Thanks Ralphie.
You have got to be one of my very favorite posters.

Eru, *pat pat*, it's ok, he doesn't anymore, don't worry, he's your precious, it's ok, he's madly in love with you.

Thanks everyone.
 

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Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
 
OK. *is relieved*
If he ever treats ME like a shrinking violet, it's only so he can recussitate me.
 

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Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
 
Raia...

I'm sorry I browbeat you into making that last post.

You didn't deserve that.

Thanks for the gracious reply, though.
 

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Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
 
(((((Bob))))) Please, don't worry about it, you have nothing to apologize for.
 

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Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :
 
*wilts*
*waits for precious to recussitate her*


(by golly, I'm going to lighten the mood of this thread...)
 

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Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :
 

quote:

---

My only concern here is that I really wish Rhaegar wouldn't treat the girl he has a crush on like a shrinking violet.

---

I hate to prove my own stupidity here, but what does that mean? I'm not familiar with the phrase "a shrinking violet" and just was wondering if it could be explained for the sake of the uneducated.
 

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Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
 
It's a flower that keeps getting smaller.
 

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Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
 
I'm going to edit my previous comment in the hope that this will be seen as helpful and not another shovel-full.

I would like to draw an analogy to when people get locked in an argument and lose perspective. Could it be possible to get locked into sympathy and lose perspective? (Edit: I think this was why T_Smith deleted the hug thread prior to this one)

There is a phenomenon in medicine called secondary gain, where someone stays sick because of the sympathy. It's not deliberate, but it is real.

And Raia, I have especial issues with college funding because it ended my father's second marriage. That woman wasn't my mother, but it was still hard on him. Parents take this as serious as children sometimes.

"Eruve, you may want to give your precious to your nephew. I think you're starting to turn."

[ December 03, 2003, 01:34 AM: Message edited by: pooka ]
 

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Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
 
For the record, it's against my religion to open the hug thread.

So, assume that any ignorance on my part in this is due to that.
 

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Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
 
Ralphie, I've never been so tempted to join the JWs.
 

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Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
 
Wait, wait, wait.

The hug thread got replaced with the vagina thread, didn't it?
 

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