I’m not actually sure what day it is, since at the time I didn’t realize it was significant. But sometime this month it will be exactly ten years since the last time I went on a date. I realized that a few weeks ago, and was trying to decide if I should do something to mark the occasion. I was torn between going on a monastic retreat and signing up for an internet dating service. Since I couldn’t decide which would be more appropriate, I decided just to post on Hatrack instead.
Hi Hatrack! This is my happy to be single party. Have a cupcake. Feel free to make this into a fluff thread, or a serious discussion. Or to just ignore it. I’m not sure what makes numbers with zeros after them loom so significantly, but I’m exorcising this one by posting this thread.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Uh, congratulations? I do say congratulations. You have a wonderful, caring, fulfilling life that I often envy. I especially admire your sense of purpose. That's very cool.
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
So... Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Or maybe just another thing? Or nothing? Well, I wish you a Happy Anniversary, in any case.
Out of curiosity, how does the Episcopal church look upon dating and marriage for its ministers?
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
*confused* I thought Dana was a Methodist minister?
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
You're probably right. Goes to show how little I pay attention around here.
::hangs head in shame::
Posted by msquared (Member # 4484) on :
As far as I know only the Catholic Church has a problem with married priest/ministers.
msquared
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
You might be right, though. I think I read once that she was one kind of minister in a different kind of church. Or something. I don't remember.
*joins saxon75 in the hall of shame*
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
I don’t think it’s a good thing or a bad thing. Just a thing. It is by choice, although ten years is making wonder if it’s still a choice or if it’s become a rut. But if it’s a rut it’s a happy one, and I’m not feeling any particular need to get out of it. (Unless Viggo Mortensen shows up at my door and proposes. I think I’d take that as a sign that it was time to reconsider.)
And the Episcopal church allows its clergy to marry. More relevant to this situation, so does the United Methodist Church.
[ December 02, 2003, 01:25 PM: Message edited by: dkw ]
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
We need a toasting smilie. I guess the Hat Guy with a Spider on his Head is about as close as we get. So:
I always admire people who are happy in their lives, no matter what the situation. (Which is to say that single people who love being single are massively cool.)
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
I am glad that you are happy with your life! Being single is a good thing, and so is being married. Posted by Mrs.M (Member # 2943) on :
Happy Anniversary!
You know, this makes me think of the episode of Sex in the City where Carrie points out that no one is ever rewarded for being single. When you get married, you get engagement gifts and shower gifts and wedding gifts and anniversary gifts. No one rewards you for not getting into a bad relationship or devoting yourself to a successful career (yes, I know those things are rewards in and of themselves, but so is marriage and you still get gifts).
So, congratulations for making good choices that have led you to a happy and fulfilled life! I'm proud of you.
Oh, and if Viggo Mortensen shows up at your door and proposes, ACCEPT.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Congratulations on 10 happy years of the life of your choosing.
Out of curiosity, is it only Viggo Mortensen who would make you reconsider? Or is there a list? Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
dkw Congrats of having 10 years of making all your own decisions....
I can't say I've been that long without a DATE, but I've now been a divorced, single mom for 12 years.... and still happy.
so, dana -- if you get tired of Iowa-- we have a UMC congregation here in dire need of a new pastor.....
Farmgirl
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
Hey, my birthday will be my nineteenth anniversary of not going on dates. Unfortunately, that's not by choice...
But I'm glad dkw's happy about it. Congrats.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
I'm nearing my ten-month anniversary of not having a GOOD date. This is not by choice.
*sigh* The saddest was a few weeks ago, when I had a very good date indeed - with someone who was headed back to California in three days. Also, self-esteem problems that are not to be believed. Sincerely thought that, because I liked him, there must be something fundamentally wrong with me. Holy crap! </pointless story about Katie's dating life>
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
edited to add: ((Kat))
[ December 02, 2003, 05:03 PM: Message edited by: MyrddinFyre ]
Posted by Dante (Member # 1106) on :
Dana, I think you're hot stuff.
quote:And the Episcopal church allows its clergy to marry. More relevant to this situation, so does the United Methodist Church.
So does the LDS Church. <wiggles eyebrows> Wanna go out sometime?
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
dkw...well, congratulations. I simply assumed you were not married because you had decided to concentrate on your calling. I.e., being a great minister takes a lot of time and devotion and it would seem that certainly a spouse coming into that situation AFTER you are established would be better than trying to work around a marriage to tend to your flock. (do people actually say "tend to your flock?")
Anyway, I'm currently single, not by choice, but I have decided NOT to pursue any romantic relationships for awhile. I expect that someday I will be seriously involved with someone and perhaps even marry (if someone would make that kind of commitment to an aging rotund guy with 2 strikes against him in the marriage column).
The main thing I can say is that it is sometimes better to wait. I might've had a different and happier life if I'd waited. I'm having a happier life now. And I am certainly willing to wait for someone who actually LOVES me. (so it could take awhile).
But you?! You should latch onto one of your rich elderly parishioners. No...I don't mean that. I think you are a wonderful person and you are more centered than just about anyone I've ever met. Really! I think you should just leave a door open, whether it's Viggo who drops by or someone far less beautiful but perhaps more "real." ya know?
Oh well. Just rambling. Happy anniversary.
SPecial to kat...please don't get involved with someone with THAT extremely low self-esteem unless they are seriously working on overcoming the problem.
It is a bottomless pit of despair from which no good can come.
What's wrong with you anyway?!!!
(j/k) Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
bob said:
quote: Anyway, I'm currently single, not by choice, but I have decided NOT to pursue any romantic relationships for awhile. I expect that someday I will be seriously involved with someone and perhaps even marry (if someone would make that kind of commitment to an aging rotund guy with 2 strikes against him in the marriage column).
Well, I think you're cute, if that counts. And yes, I've seen pictures: Bob
I really have a thing for large, bearded guys (just ask my ex). Too bad you are so far away, and that I'm not interested in ever making the marriage commitment again. Hmmm.. I never dated an OSC fan.... might actually have some intelligent conversation......
Anyway, happiness to everyone today -- married or single! May each find their own way....
Farmgirl
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Actually, Dana and Dante (real-life name unknown) seem like a great potential couple. Posted by Tristan (Member # 1670) on :
Well, I just looked at Dante's profile, and apparently he's interested in my hot body, so I don't know.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Farmgirl. Uh...what's your sign?
Hey, thanks for the ego boost. Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
cute, Bob
uh.... Aries, redhead, and impossible to please.
Now, we can get back to talking about dkw.
Farmgirl
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I don't know dkw's sign.
I know she's a great minister and a fun person to hang out with, especially at Rennaissance Faires.
And she deep fries a mean steak!
And if not for her family's efforts, our entire phone system would be a shambles.
Anyway...dkw, I had no idea you had decided to remain single. You are a really great person who, I'm sure, would be able to manage a career and a relationship. The other thing that sort of makes me sad about this is that you are the kind of person I would hope would have children someday. I saw your family and I saw how great you are as a person and a leader. Kids raised by you would have one of the most important advantages in life: sane and loving parenting!
But...I'm starting to sound like one of those annoying relatives who ask embarassing questions at the holidays. "So, Dana, when'ya gonna get hitched?" I don't mean to intrude. I just think you'd make a great mom, and a great spouse, should you ever decide to attempt either.
Of course, your church may frown on you becoming a mom without becoming a spouse, so it's kind of a whole big magilla. Probably easier to just stay single.
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
((laughs at Bob talking himself into a corner))
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
quote:SPecial to kat...please don't get involved with someone with THAT extremely low self-esteem unless they are seriously working on overcoming the problem.
NO KIDDING. Yes, not interested.
Still, kind of a bummer. We met working a group project, and we spent the morning discussing the earth's magnetosphere and the possible switching of the poles. I thought that was great. It was a great date all the way up until the end. *sigh*
[ December 03, 2003, 10:00 AM: Message edited by: katharina ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Farmgirl: (it's my style...) Some people find it attractive. Or at least infectious.
Besides, Dana told me not to make a pass at her. It's buried somewhere here on Hatrack. I was crushed. Partly because she thought I would be so crude as to make a pass at her after meeting her just once, and partly because (having met me once) she didn't want me to at least TRY! And partly because I might've made a pass at her despite knowing that she didn't want that...being just that kind of guy, you know. And then she'd have to say something overt like "Didn't I just ask you specifically NOT to do that? What in our brief time together would convince you that I would be kidding about something like that?" And then I'd have to say something like "It's my style...Some people find it attractive, or at least infectious."
And then she'd have to drop me at the bus station. Again...
Oh well. I'd better stop before I creep dkw out and never get invited back for more steak with the folks!
Part of my vast appreciation for dkw is that she IS so wise and so kind. I've met a lot of wise people who are cruel and a lot of unwise people who are kind. But I've met precious few wise people who are actually kind and NOT condescending in their kindness (or their wisdom).
Does that make sense to anyone?
And if it does, could you explain it to me?
kat...sorry you had to go through that though. It's tough to like someone who doesn't like themself.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
Bob, it’s not necessarily a permanent decision. I haven’t sworn off dating or anything, I’m just not actively pursuing it. Although I’m getting a little old to be a first-time mom, so if that were ever going to happen it would have to be fairly soon. (Soon being within the next ten years or so.)
For the record, I think both Dante and Bob are hunks, and if we lived within 200 miles of one another I’d go out with either one of them. I’d probably even pick them over Viggo. Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
Bob, I never told you not to make a pass. I only told you no marriage proposals at Christmas! Sheesh.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Thanks, Bob. I don't need sympathy so much, though - a good date ending with an eye-opening last five minutes doesn't even register on the Trauma Scale. It's too sad to be in the Amazing Story file. I think I'll tuck it into the Humanity is Funny Sometimes cubbyhole.
[ December 03, 2003, 10:23 AM: Message edited by: katharina ]
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
hmmmm... there's no "boxing" smilie
((was going to have dkw and Farmgirl fighting over Bob -- thought it might make his day))
FG
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Congratz DKW, not on being dateless for a decade, or 0 for 10, but for being happy with your life and not obsessed with the trivial.
What a coincidence. Its been 10 years since I last went on a first date with a pretty lady. Then again I've been married for 14 years.
(It was a joke. Honest.)
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
dkw...Oh. Crud. I'm so bad at this and WAY out of practice.
<writes reminder -- make a pass next time...stoopid!>
And who's this Dante character?
[ December 03, 2003, 10:44 AM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
He speaks Italian and can write love letters in ancient Greek. That's some serious competition.
You do puns, though. I'd be torn.
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
Uh-oh! Dante displays a finely honed sense of humor.!!!
I'm not sure about the whole LDS thing though. I might have an edge there being a lapsed Catholic/Baptist. I'm actually open to switching denominations...for the right person.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
You all had better be careful. The last time I was involved in shameless flirting online it crashed the forum. Posted by Zalmoxis (Member # 2327) on :
Judging from his recent activity, Tom is setting himself up to be the Hatrack Matchmaker.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Tom the Yenta? I love it. Posted by Mrs.M (Member # 2943) on :
Wait just a minute. I'm a Southern Jewish woman. If anyone's going to be a matchmaker on this forum, it has to be me!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I use jewish women exclusively for all my matchmaking needs.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Good to know.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Hey, you go with what works, right?
Besides, even if you aren't matched up right away, you get some killer meals out of the deal!
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
What have you heard? It wasn't me! It was the stuff from the deli!
Anyway, no one actually died.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Poached salmon...from the 1/2 price cooler. What were you thinking? Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
dkw, I can't think of anyone here who has more of my respect. I'm so glad, as Mrs. M said, that you made all the good choices that led you into being the wonderful woman that you are. Cheers, Dana.
Bob, 90% of success is persistance. There's something about sweat in there too, but we might not want to discuss that in refined company.
(Hi, Farmgirl! You set a temptin' plate!)
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
I'm hurt. I would never do such a thing!
Buy salmon pre-poached? I poach it myself, thankyewverymuch.
Posted by JonnyNotSoBravo (Member # 5715) on :
When I looked at the first post and saw 10 years without a date, I totally thought this was going to be an onanism thread. Everyone references one, but I've yet to see one. Maybe it's better that way...
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
CT...maybe we should adjourn to the gland thread?
rivka...my mistake.
JohnnyNotSoBravo...maybe we should adjourn to the gland thread?
[ December 04, 2003, 08:44 AM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
I just realized something. That means that just about 10 years ago, dkw, you had a date that made you say, never again! or something to that effect.
Wow, what did the guy do? Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Or...he was just THAT GOOD!
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Nah, not if she's stuck to the resolution for 10 years. "That good" might work for 4 or 5 years, but it takes "OH! THE HORROR!" to go for 10. Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Hey, wait a minute! I dated a girl who later became lesbian. Are you saying I was so bad I turned her off of MEN???!!!
Gee...you know, I'm feeling rather proud right now.
(actually, this happened to a friend of mine. Not me.
[ December 04, 2003, 11:03 PM: Message edited by: Bob_Scopatz ]
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
No, no, of course I'm not saying that!
You seem to be, though.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
He didn’t “get” Bloom County. The prospect of spending the rest of my life having to explain the humor of Opus every morning over breakfast sent me screaming for the door. That was twelve years ago. I dated a few times after that great, tragic breakup, but the magic was gone.
In retrospect, since Bloom County was canceled soon afterward, I should have married the guy.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
NO!!! You'd've run the risk of bringing new "just don't get it" people into the world! You would've had to work so hard to train your children just to laugh when you tickled them. Horrible thought!
Besides, if he doesn't "get" Bloom County, he might be so impaired as to laugh at inappropriate things. Like Family Circus. Or Nancy!
Oh the horror! Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
::gasps::
You understand!
::cries on Bob’s shoulder::
****
For a more serious answer – no, there was no horrible date. I just realized that I was going out with people I wasn’t really interested in, and making compromises I didn’t want to make to maintain relationships that had no real chance, just because I felt like I had to be in a relationship. I decided I was acting desperate and pathetic and I didn’t like it. So I quit. I decided I wasn’t going to date again until I was happy being single.
That took maybe a year and a half. The catch was, it worked. I was happy being single. I made more friends, enjoyed hanging out with people regardless of their gender or marital status, and generally had a lot more fun than I’d ever had dating. So there never was any real reason to start dating again.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
That's actually quite inspiring. Plus, I know I feel like a better person (more human, more natural) when I'm not "LOOKING" for a relationship.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
The funny part is, almost everyone I tell that story to says some variation of, “You know, it’s when you’re happy being single and not looking that the perfect relationship will just happen.”
Then I tell them I’ve been happily single for 8 ½ years.
No one knows quite what to say to that.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
d00d. I totally forgot about this one:
quote:bass-ackward scab shack
I miss Dante. He was my scab shack lover. Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
dkw - Are you offering to lead men back to your scab shack for a drink?
If not, we may have found the root of the problem*.
(*not 'problem.' Singleness is a gift. You're just not using it properly like I would be, by snogging every attractive man within snogging distance.)
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Ever see Logan's Run? We could all just put ourselves on "the circuit!"
Uh Oh! My palm is glowing red.
And I don't even have one of those timer lights installed.
How embarassing.
(I guess this just became an onanism thread afterall.)
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This is my happy to be single party. Have a cupcake. Feel free to make this into a fluff thread, or a serious discussion. Or to just ignore it. I’m not sure what makes numbers with zeros after them loom so significantly, but I’m exorcising this one by posting this thread.
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((laughs at Bob talking himself into a corner))
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