Hatrack River Forum: I can't help myself, I'm sorry

This is topic I can't help myself, I'm sorry in forum Books, Films, Food and Culture at Hatrack River Forum.

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Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

I do not know if this is an illness of all who have the writing bug, but it is a problem I have.

When I get an idea for a plot or a story or a poem, I have to write it down, somewhere, preferably where others will see it.

Some of it is not really worthy of being written down, but it won't go away until I do.

So I do.

Here it is.

Rudolph the Insane Reindeer

You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen
Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen

But do you recall,
The most deadly reindeer of all

Bu-dum-dum-dum

Rudolph the upset reindeer
Had a very shiny gun
And if you ever saw it
My suggestion is to run

All of the other reindeer
Used to laugh and call him names
They never let poor Rudolph
Join in any “Reindeer Games.”

Then one moon lit Christmas Eve
Rudolph went insane
First he took his old shotgun
And blew out Blitzen’s brain

All of the other Reindeer
All began to run and flee
“Rudolf” barked the Swat reindeer.
“Take him down. He’s Hisssss Tooooorrrrr Eeeeeeee”

or if you prefer

Rudolph the Pimpin Reindeer

Rudolph the Pimp'n Reindeer
Had himself some reindee ho's
And if you ever saw him
You would say his bling-bling glows.

All of the other reindeer
Used to laugh and call his name
When they wanted some cute ho's
For some kinky reindeer game.

Then one foggy Christmas eve
Santa came to say.
Rudolph with you ho's so right
Let's party throughout the night

Then how the reindeer loved him
As they shouted from each stall
"Rudolph the pimp'n cowboy
Love, and Peace Ya'all."

.
Just be happy I haven't had this urge to finish,
Frosty the Demon

{There must have been some magic
In that ancient tome they found
For when they spilt that virgin blood
He began to dance around.)

[Edited to meet my editor's exacting requirements. #$@#$ SM editor]

[ December 10, 2003, 04:56 PM: Message edited by: Dan_raven ]

Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :

Woot! I'm a #$@#$!!!

Good stuff, by the way. I'm partial to Frosty the demon.

[ December 10, 2003, 05:03 PM: Message edited by: sarcasticmuppet ]

Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :

[ROFL]

Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :

*laugh* Frosty the Demon is my favorite.

Posted by odouls268 (Member # 2145) on :

[ROFL]

You would SO get kicked out of a public school for that these days.

zero tolerance, remember?

Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :

Hmmm, I cant wait to try to teach these to my friends [Smile]

Posted by Eruve Nandiriel (Member # 5677) on :

[ROFL]

We have a recording of my uncle (when he was about 5) singing "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" and getting it mixed up with "Larry the Shiny Gun Cowboy". It sounded a lot like your "Rudolph the insane Reindeer".

Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :

[ROFL]

That is HILARIOUS!

Wow, you rock!

Posted by Maccabeus (Member # 3051) on :

I suppose most of you have probably heard "Leroy the Redneck Reindeer", which plays at Cracker Barrel every night now...

Posted by Eaquae Legit (Member # 3063) on :

[ROFL]

Please finish that Frosty the Demon one, please, I beg you...

Oh, my sides hurt...

Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :

[Hail]

Please finish Frosty the Demon. Please!

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Frosty the Demon
Was hungry for some souls
With a corncob pipe and a crooked nose
And two eyes like glowing coals

Frosty the Demon
Is a fairytale they say
He was made of snow
But the children know
How he took their lives that day

There must have been some magic
In that ancient tome they found
For when they spilled that virgin blood
He began to dance around

Frosty the Demon
Was alive as he could be
And the children say
He could laugh and play
As he burned them endlessly

Frosty the Demon
Knew that he was hot that day
So he said "do run
And I'll have some fun
Now before you melt away"

Down to the village
With a pitchfork in his hand
Running here and there
All around the square
Slaying children was his plan

He hunted'm down
In every street of town
Right to the traffic cop
And he only paused a moment then
To make the cop's heart stop

Frosty the Demon
Had to hurry on his way
But he waved one fist
Saying to those he missed
"I'll be back for YOU some day"

Thumpety thump thump
Thumpety thump thump
Look at Frosty, wow
Thumpety thump thump
Thumpety thump thump
He's after you right now.

(They made me write this.)

[ December 11, 2003, 03:19 PM: Message edited by: Dan_raven ]

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

[Hail]

Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :

That just about sums it up, Bob [Smile]

Posted by Olivet (Member # 1104) on :

Wow. Those are funny.

Bwhahahahahahaha-snort-hahahahaha

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

[ROFL]

<-- that's laughing so hard I cried

Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :

You should totally sing those while you're doing your clown act, Dan.

Awesome, awesome stuff. [Smile]

Posted by Toretha (Member # 2233) on :

ROFL! that's...hilarious! WOW. I love it!

Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :

On a serious not Dan_raven, you should publish these. I'm serious. Somebody else could take credit for them. Besides, if you publish them, I can email them to everyone I know for humor and then give you credit for the writing. [Big Grin]

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Since these songs are ripping off of other published works, owned by an organization known to be legally proactive where their own copyrights are concerned, I do not know if I want to attach my name to firmly to these.

Then again...

Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :

Dan, I sent this to the woman I work with. Her exact response, while smiling but looking worried, was, "Yes, I read it. You know him? He needs help. You need to do something for him - you need to help him."

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

She may be right.

Muahahahahaahahahhah!!!

Posted by Pixie (Member # 4043) on :

[ROFL]

Those are great!!!! ::laughs:: My mum cried she was laughing so hard when I read them to her.

Posted by AndrewR (Member # 619) on :

You are a sick person, Dan. Sick, sick, sick...
[ROFL]