quote: They already knew, of course, that Kenny was a hero; the letter just confirmed it. It came on a chilly November morning when everyone in the family was rushing around the room trying to get ready for the day. Dad was in one corner of their quarters, squinting into a broken fragment of mirror as he shaved. Mom was ironing a skirt for an impatient Kay with an iron she'd borrowed from the Kobayashi family. Hannah, who had been ready for ten minutes, sat on her cot and kicked her legs back and forth, the toes of her scuffed shoes just barely touching the floor with each pass. She had her spelling book out, but she wasn't really studying; she was a good speller already.
"Good morning, Hanako," Grandpa said cheerily as he shuffled into the room. He didn't have work or school, so he usually slept a little longer and got back from breakfast at the mess hall after everyone else.
"'Morning, Grandpa." Hannah smiled as the old man stopped in turn to greet his other grand-daughter, his son and his daughter-in-law. Despite their hurry, they each paused in their tasks to wish him a good morning. Then his slippered feet took him slowly into the other room, and everyone went back to what they were doing. The Furuyama family was lucky to have two rooms in the barracks; when they had first arrived--two years ago, now?--Kenny had been with them, and the camp directors decided that their family of six merited a second room.
[ January 14, 2004, 10:25 AM: Message edited by: dkw ]
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
One point for guessing, with reason given for the guesses. No points for subsequent guesses, unless you guess right. You can guess as many times as you want each round, but one guess at a time. (You can guess again after I answer your outstanding guess.)
[ January 19, 2004, 01:58 PM: Message edited by: dkw ]
Posted by beatnix19 (Member # 5836) on :
I liked this piece for the family dynamic. The grandfather comes into the room and everyone stops what they are doing to great him properly. I think the machanics were good. I didn't notice any major problems with flow or puntuation. one place I noticed a bit of confusion on my part, maybe I just read it funny though, was...
quote: when they had first arrived--two years ago, now?--Kenny had been with them
I'm not sure if the comma is neccessary between ago and now. I would probalby remove it because the pause interupts the flow of the thought.
But over all very interesting. My guess is that something has happened to Kenny. Something that labels him a hero but has taken him out of the family's life. Definately would like to see more.
Obviously this is an Asain family with Asain customs or traditions regarding family so the obvious guess would be someone with an asain background.
Hmm... i'll guess Ryuko because it sound asain.
[ January 14, 2004, 10:37 AM: Message edited by: beatnix19 ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I "stumbled" over that same line. I decided it portrayed the thought pattern well enough, but the comma could go.
I don't know why, but I got this wonderful sense of foreboding. Probably because I've read too much speculative fiction in my day. The passage in and of itself doesn't really give one any reason to expect aliens will emerge from grandpa's slippers any minute, or that Godzilla will stomp the barracks flat before the next meal. But I'm expecting it!
Anyway, this snippet is well written and paints a nice scene of domestic tranquility quite well.
I'm guessing Icarus.
I have reason to know that he likes asian women. Or at least likes it when Cor dresses up like an asian woman and runs his household of wives, concubines and hundreds of children.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
Nicely done. The room they are in is very easy to picture. I like how you pan around the room and show everyone in turn doing something. You sound very comfortable showing what I am assuming is a Japanese family in an American camp during WWII.
When did the letter come, and when did they open it? By the end of the passage, I'd forgotten that there was a letter. Perhaps the letter should show up a little sooner--like Grandpa bringing it in. Also, it's hard to tell if Grandpa is coming back from the mess tent or out of the second room. Is he the sole inhabitant of that room? That's another detail that might be nice to know.
My guess, based on her board name, is Ryuko.
Edit: My guess was made independently of beatnix's, I swear it!
[ January 14, 2004, 10:56 AM: Message edited by: advice for robots ]
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
No to all.
Posted by beatnix19 (Member # 5836) on :
With the same reasoning that it sounds Asain, I'll guess Teshi . Of course I don't have any idea if any of my guesses are actually asain. But it is the best I can do.
Posted by beatnix19 (Member # 5836) on :
AFR - i hadn't even considered internment camps, which are a very logical guess. I was thinking some futuristicly overpopulated area in America (due to the americanation of the Japanese names for the children). I guess I also have read far to much speculative fiction in my day as well. But both paths definately leave room for exciting stories.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Okay, we've got a very well-written, family-oriented piece that appears to be about Japanese internment camps. It's cinematic, but not SO cinematic that it's in the wrong format, and has a good flow to it.
My gut feeling is that we should be looking for half-Asian Mormons, but I don't know of any on this site. I'll guess saxon75, regardless.
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
If you're going to tell us that Kenny was a hero, get right to that-- don't drop a bomb, then tell us what happened before the bomb was dropped. The story implies that the conflict/plot/etc will revolve around this letter, and Kenny's herohood-- get to it.
But otherwise, a very nicely written piece.
I'm guessing enjeeo.
Posted by eslaine (Member # 5433) on :
Well. I started to skim the piece, but was stopped by specifics when I realized that the family was living in a camp of some sort.
Very engaging, but I have no one to compare it to.
Wild guess: Icarus.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
nope nope nope
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
I like this piece. It has a nice flow, and even in this short segment I have a taste of what each character is like. I do wonder who Kenny is. Is he an older brother to Kay and Hannah? And where is he? If this is indeed set in a WWII Japanese internment camp (which was my assumption also), I wonder if he might be a soldier in the American armed services? And if so, I agree with Bob -- that letter is NOT good news.
The style has a vaguely familiar feel (as though I might have read other pieces by this author), and was written by someone who values and knows family.
ScottR?
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
This piece really resonates with me. It's clearly a Japanese-American family in an internment camp during WWII, and I agree that Kenny is likely in the service, perhaps in the 442nd RCT? Actually, it's hard to say if it's good news or bad. If I recall correctly, notices of death from the War Department always came by telegram. I don't know anything about letters. But people always feared the Western Union man during the war.
I really like this piece. It has good flow, and a great family dynamic. The story takes a family in such a bad situation and presents it very matter-of-factly, as though life were completely normal for them. References to the internment camp are very oblique. The tone suggests that the family is just going on with their lives, not dwelling on the fact of their circumstance. This really rings true to me; it seems very in keeping with the spirit of the internees that I've known. I've felt for a long time that there should be more stories about Japanese-Americans during the war. Many of my living family members were interned, and my grandfather was in the 442; perhaps that explains my fascination with it. If this is part of a longer piece, and I suspect it is, I would really love to read more.
My one gripe is the name "Kobayashi." I think that probably is a Japanese name, but it always has a more Middle-Eastern or Indian sound to it, for me.
[ January 14, 2004, 01:44 PM: Message edited by: saxon75 ]
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
Kobayashi, Middle eastern? No, it's definitely Japanese. I'm also amused at how many people guessed me. I'm not asian, folks!! Hehehe. Anyway...
I agree with everyone who mentioned that it sounded like a Japanese internment camp. I'm also interested in reading more! But anyway...
Whoever it is has a problem with too many commas, and that's all right. I do too, as is obvious from my posts. Look at all these commas!!! Anyway. I also like the way it's obvious that their names are both Japanese and American. Hannah, Hanako; Kenny, Ken or Kentaro; Kay, Kei... It's an interesting touch of realism.
And based on his misleading previous post, I guess my sensei, saxon75. That, and he was the first person I thought of when I read this...
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
Ryukochan, look six posts above your own.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
At least she guesses. Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
Kobayashi makes me think "Kobayashi Maru" which makes me think Star Trek.
If I could write like this, I would. I just think this is that good.
Leaving my guess to a random die roll, I get Brinstone. I have no idea who to even begin to suspect, so I'll just go with that.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
Chu. At least I bold my guesses, too. >_<
I switch my guess to Irami
By the way, what's with this trend of guessing me in the first few posts? I'm just a convenient tool for you people!! Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
I really like this piece. I too found it really familiar, like I'd read it before. Though that might just be because I read a short piece about a Japanese interment camp last year in history. By the time I had gotten to the I had forgotten the letter too, which leads to some questions. If it's important, why not remind the readers that it's there? And if it isn't important, why confuse readers by putting it there? Other than that I thought it flowed really well, and I want to know how the rest of the story goes.
Edit: I know I don't have a guess. I don't feel like guessing today.
[ January 14, 2004, 02:29 PM: Message edited by: Julie ]
Posted by Brinestone (Member # 5755) on :
This is very well written. I like the details and the almost effortless character development(hah! as if it were effortless to do good character development). These people seem real to me.
Because I admire her writing, I'm guessing Annie.
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
Not to derail the thread, but what e-mail address should I send my piece to? I keep putting it off but I might as well send it in.
Posted by beatnix19 (Member # 5836) on :
I'm guessing Julie because of her not wanting to guess and seeing something like this before. Perhaps while she wrote it?
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
No to all.
edit: email to dkw275@hotmail.com Put "Hatrack" or "Guess the Author Game" or somehing else that I'll recognize in the subject line.
[ January 14, 2004, 02:39 PM: Message edited by: dkw ]
Posted by Julie (Member # 5580) on :
Um... you might want to stick to the guess from list.
Posted by beatnix19 (Member # 5836) on :
That would mean scrolling back up. To much work for me. There could be only two choices and I'd still get the wrong one so why limit myself to the people on the list?
Posted by Brinestone (Member # 5755) on :
Then my next guess is Belle. I don't know much about what she writes, but this seems somewhat up her alley.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
and my next roll is imogen.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
I think I'm going to go with Jaiden, using roughly the same reasoning.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
Nononononononononono.
I didn't feel like counting the guesses.
Posted by sarahdipity (Member # 3254) on :
Kobayashi reminds me of the name of the lawyer in the Usual Suspects.
I like the piece especially the attention to detail, the squiting in the mirrior, the scuffing of feet, and other such things help bring the scene to life.
I'm guessing Annie because I have no idea what people's writing styles are like.
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
It could also be a Canadian internment camp from the same era. I like this piece, it flows well.
quote: but she wasn't really studying; she was a good speller already
If she's sitting on the edge of the bed swinging her legs back and forth, she's not in a potentially studying position. How can she be even studying a little if she is sitting like that. Perhaps her book should be discarded to one side.
I also forgot the letter in the vivid description of the room. The letter needs to be more important, more central to the scene.
I don't have a problem with Kobayashi, but "Furuyama" looks like Futurama to me.
I'm going to guess twinky. And this isn't really random, it's more like a feeling with no backing argument. Ahem.
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
My guess is that this excerpt is part of a larger scene in which the letter will play a bigger role, but that it hasn't actually been delivered by the end of what we're given.
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
saxon75, I just think that the letter should be a little stronger, because otherwise it gets lost, because the description is so demanding, such an active, happening scene. I know it's going to be a major part later, but until then, it seems too insignificant.
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
See, I think the only reason it gets lost is because of the extremely short nature of the excerpt we're given. Based on what we're given, yes it seems strange to start off a passage like that and then never refer back to it. But in the context of a larger scene, it makes for good foreshadowing, I think. We, the readers, may forget in the interim that it has been referred to, but when it does happen, we'll remember. Plus, the fact that we forget in between works nicely, because it will still have some shock to it. It will be jarring to us, as it is to the family. Structurally, it fits pretty nicely into a larger scene, I think. Provided, of course, that the writer can pull it off. But based on this scene I trust the writer.
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
Alright. I agree. Whoever wrote this did a good job and knows what he or she is doing. But I'd like to read more, just to see.
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
I'm sorry, I'm not trying to tell you you're wrong or get you to change your opinions. I guess I can be a little heavy-handed sometimes. Feel free to tell me to shut up if you feel like I'm beating on you or anything.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
And on the same basis as before, I guess Chris Bridges.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
Don't you usually include a list of "guessed but not yet answered?"
::sighs and scrolls back up the thread::
no, no, no.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Uhm, oops! I thought the only guessed but not answered was my guess, but I jumped the gun on twinky. Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Already Guessed and "No"ed Ryuko Icarus Teshi saxon75 enjeeo ScottR Brinestone Irami Annie Julie imogen Jaiden twinky Chris Bridges
Guessed and Not Yet Answered <watch this space!>
And I guess afr Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
I have a completely random and off-topic question: is l/Icarus' name spelt with a capital I (as in Iceland) or lower case l (as in little)?
And saxon, you were actually more right than I was. So I decided to take a more liberal view...
If I had no real rational the first time and I have no more critique, do I get to guess again?
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
So, no hard feelings?
lcarus is spelled with an l, and Icarus is spelled with an I, if that helps at all.
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
No hard feelings ever...
Grrr... but... *brainwave*
quote: Icarus
Copy and paste reveals the "Icarus" on this page to be an Iceland Icarus. So I'm going with that, until I find the other lcarus, (the little one).
Posted by Irami Osei-Frimpong (Member # 2229) on :
It's a great piece. Far better than anything I've written for one reason: pithy characterization. Tolstoy does it. Pasternak does it. Heck, all of the great Russian writers do it. It's what allows the writer to negotiate 400 distinct characters that are easily known and understood by the reader. Yet the character details are so elegantly placed and phrased, that the writer doesn't say, "I'm characterizing now." In terms of fantasy, I've long lost my copy of Martin's Game of Thrones, but I do remember having a clear and distinct image of the characters after the introduction.
I'm still trying to figure this all out.
____
btw, my guess is Celia.
[ January 15, 2004, 03:15 PM: Message edited by: Irami Osei-Frimpong ]
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
My guess is Jenny Gardener.
This piece has a feminine flavor to it. . .
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
No to all.
Posted by beatnix19 (Member # 5836) on :
I really love reading all the pieces but I really HATE this game. I suck at it. Of course I haven't been around that long and really don't know the voices of the writers here but dang it, I want to win! I ahte losing. I want to be right so...
I guess that the author is the person who wrote the piece and that person's name is the one I guess. So remember, when that name is revealed, I said it first. Um, yea.
Posted by Tristan (Member # 1670) on :
This is one of the best pieces we've had so far. Great flow and good hints at plot and characterization.
Someone who has proven herself to be a very good writer in the romance thread:
Jeniwren.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
Nope.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Belladonnaorchid?
Posted by Tristan (Member # 1670) on :
Since there's a new page I'll put up a new already guessed list:
(Since I got through the trouble of reposting the list, I think I deserve a new guess...)
[ January 15, 2004, 11:42 AM: Message edited by: Tristan ]
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
Nope and nope.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
rivka????
Posted by Tristan (Member # 1670) on :
Bob_Scopatz????
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
Irami, thanks for the compliment even though this isn't me.
I'll guess eslaine because someone said it had a feminine flavor.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
Reasons, people, you're supposed to give reasons for your guesses.
No to all.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
I did give a reason!
And now I'll go back to yesterday's selection method: random.
kat
Do I need to justify that? Um, this is someone who knows what they're doing.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
Celia, I wasn't including you in "people."
Not kat.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
Right, right. I sometimes forget my goddess status when I'm frolicing with these mere mortals.
Tom? I'm just going to continue to not guess Jon Boy because I'd hate to think I said anything nice about him.
Posted by Brinestone (Member # 5755) on :
Oh, please. We all know you're infatuated with him.
Oh, and Tristan, I guessed Belle and got a no. You might want to add her to the list.
And I'll guess Tristan because she (he?) seems more involved in this round than in previous ones.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
BananaOJ
reason: I'm guessing at random.
Is that reason enough?
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
And to think I had a momentary pang of worry that I was being too mean to Celia.
self.
No to all.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
Darn, my secret's out! Good detective work, dear. Have an apple.
Gottmorder because I made a random person pick a number and that's who it was.
Posted by Brinestone (Member # 5755) on :
I'm sorry, but I don't take food from evil strangers.
I guess Strider because I remember he was a pretty good writer back when we both were on the YWF.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
Stranger? After all we’ve been to each other and all we’ve done for each other, you address me as stranger?
I can still feel the weight of your head in my lap as the early morning light broke through the curtains and spilled across the floor after that night we both spent crying. But I suppose that was a long time ago.
Life passes by so quickly when you’re not looking, and one morning I woke up to find myself a stranger to me. I just never thought I’d be one to you.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
Celia, you're supposed to be sending the fiction to me. If you post it under your own sn it kind of misses the point.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
Oh, and no and no.
Posted by Brinestone (Member # 5755) on :
Once, celia, once that was you and once that was me. What with all the choices you've made recently, all the changes you've gone through, I just don't feel like I know you anymore. I can't trust you anymore. I don't think we'll ever return to that beautiful place, so I suggest you move on with your life as I—*sob*—have moved on with mine.
Oh, and I guess ludosti.
Posted by Jeni (Member # 1454) on :
I think this is the best piece we've had so far this round. I love the bit about Hannah and the way her shoes barely touched the floor. I disagree with the few people who complained that the "two years ago, now?" line is confusing. I read it just fine.
Hmm... can't really think of anything I don't like about this.. besides maybe wishing there was more of it.
We're running awful low on guesses here... I'll go with Sopwith.
Posted by eslaine (Member # 5433) on :
It could have been a guy.
I'll guess NorthwesternSmith.
Oh, wait, he's not on the list... Posted by beatnix19 (Member # 5836) on :
Dragon
Dragons are very symbolic in Chinese culture. This is about a Japanese family. SO... since the two are completely different my rational has no strength what so ever but I like dragons so dragon is my guess.
Posted by Tristan (Member # 1670) on :
People on the list no one has guessed yet:
Sarahdipidy JaneX sndrake Jon Boy Christy T_Smith Dan_raven Leonide Teshi :Locke Tresopax mackillian Troubadour Nick
I'm guessing Papa Moose because of the many semi-colons. I don't think Papa Moose usually use many semi-colons, but if I don't have a reason dkw will yet at me again. Besides, there aren't THAT many semi-colons in this piece anyway.
[ January 15, 2004, 11:43 AM: Message edited by: Tristan ]
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
::yets at Tristan::
<---Not sure what she just did, hopes it isn't indecent.
No to all.
Posted by Tristan (Member # 1670) on :
The strangest mis-spelling of "yell" I have ever been guilty of.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I'm guessing beatnix because of the guess he just made.
Posted by beatnix19 (Member # 5836) on :
I'm guessing dkw because I would try to sneek my own in at sometime if I was running this. Plus she's easy to overlook being in charge and all.
Posted by Tristan (Member # 1670) on :
I will sneak in a last guess before I consider myself a guess-oholic and abstain for the rest of this round.
Dante.
A major (or even Doctor?) in literature, he should be able to write something good, shouldn't he? Besides he has a foreign connection with his Italian thing, which isn't that far off from Japanese...
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
Ding ding ding!
It's Dante.
Posted by Tristan (Member # 1670) on :
Yay!
Persistance pays off...
Posted by Brinestone (Member # 5755) on :
I actually thought of him, but I haven't seen him around in so long that I didn't think he'd submitted anything. Doh!
Posted by Jeni (Member # 1454) on :
Same here, Brinestone.
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
So, Dante, is there more to this? And what was the inspiration behind writing about Japanese internees?
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
I want more as well, Dante! It's really interesting so far!
Posted by Dante (Member # 1106) on :
I submitted this excerpt a few months ago when it was hot off the presses as the first few paragraphs of the first draft of a story. Since then, I've had it workshopped, worked through a few more drafts, and put it away for a while to incubate before dusting it off and finishing it up (which I'll do soon). Consequently, it was really fun to see it here and read your comments!
saxon, your analysis of the story was dead on, and it was a relief to see that it was making sense (though the setting becomes more obvious as the story continues, of course). I'm very glad that the beginning (at least) rings true to you--I did of a lot of research to make it feel right (including a fascinating 1954 BYU linguistics master's thesis on English speech patterns of Japanese internees!).
Why the topic? Well, several reasons. I've always been interested in and disturbed by the Japanese concentration camps, and as a native Utahan I felt a certain connection to the Topaz camp (where this story takes place). So the idea has been rattling around in my mind for four or five years, waiting to coalesce. The fact that my SO is a quarter Japanese and had relatives interned (and, I believe, in the 442nd) was another bonus.
And the reason I submitted this piece to the Guess the Author Game was because I knew I could stump some people. I mean, really, how many of you would associate me with a story from the POV of a ten-year-old Japanese girl? We all know I'm much too curmudgeonly and Eurocentric for that! <grin>
Which reminds me--why did several of you feel this was a female writer? I'm not offended at all, just curious.
Thanks for your comments and reactions, everyone; it was fun!
[ January 15, 2004, 02:21 PM: Message edited by: Dante ]
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
I didn't think it sounded female at all, Dante, for what it's worth. Posted by Dante (Member # 1106) on :
Well, good, Tom. 'Cause I'm ALL man, despite what anyone may have heard...
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
Family theme, protagonist appears to be a young female, ideolized patriarch. . . shouts orthodox, intelligent female to me.
Che bello vederti, Dante.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
How does this thread keep getting bumped to the top without a new post in it?
I swear, it came up as the 2nd most recently posted-to thread and the post at the end was from January 15th.
Weird, man!!!
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
Somebody bumped it and then deleted their post, so as to give me a not-so-subtle hint to post the next round without making it obvious they were the one doing it.
Or maybe it wasn’t really bumped, and Bob bumped it and invented the story about it being mysteriously at the top so I’d think someone else bumped it and deleted their post.
Or perhaps there’s an even more sinister conspiracy afoot.
<---- has been reading British mystery novels.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Ah, the secret bump! I'm so impressed.
So, how about that next round?
Maybe we could do The Round of the Baskervilles in honor of your fascination with British mysteries.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
They're called 'ghost bumps' and I know one Jatraquero who makes them an art . . .
*eyes said person suspiciously*
Posted by eslaine (Member # 5433) on :
:squint-eyed graemlin:
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
*laughs* Would that be a protestation of innocence? a "you can't prove nuthin'!"? or maybe just returning the look?
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[Cry]](graemlins/cry.gif)
![[Blushing]](graemlins/blushing.gif)
Uhm, oops! I thought the only guessed but not answered was my guess, but I jumped the gun on twinky. ![[Dont Know]](graemlins/dontknow.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
We all know you're infatuated with him.![[Laugh]](graemlins/laugh.gif)
self.![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)