I have to say that the last year of my life has most likely been the most educational and character growing period I've experienced. So many times I've been consumed with anger, love, peace,compassion, peace, every emotion I could think of. At times all I could think about was when I could come back to my home, come back to all the wonderful things that there are to do and experience in America, but now as I prepare the final few things for my voyage home I miss Iraq. I want to come back to this place, I suppose I feel connected in an odd way.
You know its hard sometimes feeling any honor or pride when you get hit from both sides of the fence. When even though Mosul is the area best run by the "coalition forces" people here still complain about you being there. Though 9 out of ten will say they love you, that one will in the oddest way break your heart and incite the greatest anger. Then you look back home and you hear all the wonderful we support the troops and all that, and I honestly do appreciate all that. The thing is, I'm no different then when I left. Why be proud of me now? I yearned to do this, be a soldier, for my entire life. Why credit me and my compatriots when all we did was go run amuk in the middle east , for good or bad we won't know for a long time, not defend America from a great assault. We didn't defeat the evil third reich etc. Am I honored simply for being an American soldier who fought? Does that make a lot of sense?
I do admit that in a strange way I look down on a good number of civilians in a way. I don't mean to .. and I don't want to believe me now. I simply.. well I suppose I would invite them to live the words that they read. To experience with all their senses, beyond the black ink set in their newspapers and text books, that which is the world. I still have much much more to experience, I'm only twenty years old you know. I suppose if luck goes my way, or against it, i'll have another chance to go out and do my job.
But you know I do feel about a dozen times less childish at the moment. I don't feel that youth teenagish rage that I once had. I don't feel overly biased or need for extremisms of sorts. I suppose in reality I laugh at a lot of the triviality in our lives that we fret about so much you know. Really, I've finally grown up and to me at least that means looking at things in a much calmer peaceful way than I ever did before.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I'm so glad you are going home!!! Godspeed!
Now, part of what you said I can really understand. You've been down a path that few of us have even imagined. And you not only wanted it, but you did it, and that puts you in a small percentage of the population.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Living in (and sometimes even visiting) a different part of the world is an experience that changes who you are. I'm glad that your time has been a positive one for you.
I think that the "honoring" of soldiers has to do with the rest of us wanting you to know that we appreciate your efforts. While you may not have been literally defending our country, you were doing what your leaders told you to do and were therefore putting yourself in harms way for our country. I have a great deal of respect for people who choose to do something that is difficult. It is not something that I would choose to do, but that doesn't mean that it's not important or not something worth doing. It's just something I don't think I could do.
Posted by Brinestone (Member # 5755) on :
When I was young, I babysat a lot. There was one family that continually paid me a lot—much more than anyone else did—and I felt I didn't deserve it. That particular family's children were so well-behaved that it was fun and easy to watch them. They helped me out with the baby, and cleaned up after themselves. They went to bed on time. One time I told their mother that I didn't want her to pay me so much, that I didn't deserve more for her kids than for kids that were little hellions, but she insisted on continuing to pay me that much.
Why? She said she could tell that I was alert and would keep her kids safe and out of trouble. She said that alone was worth the extra money to her, even if I didn't feel like I was earning it, per se.
I think that the support and pride Americans have in soldiers like you, Black Fox, comes from our confidence that you're doing your best out there in a place where not all of us can be or even want to be. Maybe you enjoyed it, but that doesn't make what you did any less valuable to us.
[ January 19, 2004, 05:03 PM: Message edited by: Brinestone ]
Posted by Slash the Berzerker (Member # 556) on :
You are coming back in one piece. That's a win. Welcome back to the world.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :