I got dumped yesterday...I kinda knew it might happen. I was driving over to his job, b/c I hadn't seen him since before the break. I pulled n the parking lot and he was outside on break with his friend.
Men are not subtle. They greeted me, but neither of them would look at me. I knew. I waited for the friend to leave. I then waited for Ben to tell me wtf was going on. It took him about 10 minutes before he finally said that he realized why he wasn;t looking for a girlfriend--he didn't want one.
"call it a fear of commitment, call it a lack of trust, I just don't want a relationship."
I said, okay, that' s fine. Honesty is the best policy. I left a few minutes later, after buying a coffee and telling him to call me about his court dates.
I don't feel at all amiss. Weird. I really liked this guy---he's hot, he;s nice. But he was a wretched boyfriend. I actually knew he didn't want a girlfriend when we started dating, and I was hesitant, but I went for it anyway. I drove away, and realized, hey, I never wanted a boyfriend, either. I just wanted a friend with benefits.
I was actually wondering if I should tell him this, but I have other things to worry about right now. The weird thing is, I am not upset at all. There was a brief little tang of "see, you got dumped again, before the 2 month mark, like the rest of them." I guess you could say I wasn't suprised, but I'm not at all upset about it. Disappointed, maybe, cause I might have ruined a friendship, but not really.
He was honest. And so was I. So there. Maybe I am really a Libra.
Is this normal?
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
Well, it's normally the way my relationships have gone, but I understand it's not normal for most people. Posted by Kama (Member # 3022) on :
quote:Is this normal?
No. you're a freak.
Posted by skrika03 (Member # 5930) on :
quote: telling him to call me about his court dates.
Unless he is a lawyer, I'd say this sounds like it is for the best. (((Starla)))
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
Can be normal. Depends on the relationship.
I once moved to Houston, Texas for two weeks. Because I planned to MARRY a guy there I had met and had a whirlwind courtship with. Moved into his house.
Then he told me one day to "just go home" -- get out of there. The reality of it (our relationship) just overwhelmed him. So I got in my truck and drove back to Kansas.
And never felt a thing. I thought it was just numbness, but it never left -- I never felt sad, or cried, or missed him. Thinking about him even now -- I have absolutely no feelings at all.
This just tells me I didn't love him -- and I was really really stupid for getting into that relationship at all. Glad the breakup happened to keep me from making a terrible mistake.
Farmgirl
Posted by Starla* (Member # 5835) on :
The court dates....I agreed to help him out with his court case, since he's in a load of trouble. I agreed to do this as a friend and as part of my spiritual beliefs. With things like that, I'm not the kind of person who says "since you won't date me anymore, I won't help you." It's childish.
I think he and the friend thought I was going to go psycho on him---I heard a little about the ex-girlfriends and that seemed to be par for the course. I suppose he projected those images on me, for that was his only exprerience with women. I've never been the psycho type, unless I'm lied to--then I can get pretty nasty.
Posted by Starla* (Member # 5835) on :
Thanks guys. I am a freak, Kama, and Stormy, you might not be so abnormal after all.
After my last breakup in September, my sister said to her guy in my presence "it's okay, she's not the commitment type." i'm not. Geez, she's getting married in two years, and the thought makes ME uncomfortable!
It is for the best.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
*hugs Starla* It is for the best, then. You sound you're okay - I'm glad.
-------------
Your comments about your sister sound very familiar. Last spring, I was the bridesmaid/motherofthe bride/wedding planner for a girl in our ward who was eloping, and none of the family was invited. I fixed her hair that day and watched his kid that night so they could have privacy.
Twice during the day, I literally had to take a break, sit down, and try to calm my beating heart and heightened breathing because I was so freaked out by being in that close of proximity to a wedding. It wasn't even mine!!
[ March 23, 2004, 12:46 PM: Message edited by: katharina ]
Posted by Starla* (Member # 5835) on :
I felt the same way at my friends Sharon and Doug's wedding last July.
You see--I set them up in the Fall of 1999. And then I was at their wedding. Freaky. Very, very freaky.
I'm glad I didn't have a date, cuz I probably would have dumped the poor fellow there.
Thanks, Kat . I am okay. Just wondering if I was a heartless freak.
[ March 23, 2004, 12:54 PM: Message edited by: Starla* ]
Posted by Boon (Member # 4646) on :
No, you're NOT a heartless freak...but I DO know a few... Posted by Starla* (Member # 5835) on :
Oh, silly me, that's right. I'm sorry, Boon Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
(((Starla*)))
I am busy mulling on how strong and beautiful you are. Posted by Boon (Member # 4646) on :
Sorry sweetie. I wasn't umm...crap... nevermind.
I was trying to be humourous. Obvious flop. Oh, well...isn't the first time, won't be the last.
Posted by Bob the Lawyer (Member # 3278) on :
If you're feeling like you're on the rebound I'm not busy tonight Posted by Kama (Member # 3022) on :
Just to clear this up, I never said you were heartless.
Posted by Starla* (Member # 5835) on :
Thanks CT :blushes:....aww, shucks. Boon--I was laughing, it was funny, and then I felt bad for laughing. But--twas a good joke.
BtL--Fly me to Canada, and I'll think about it. But I am busy.
Kama. Posted by jexx (Member # 3450) on :
Starla*, a similar thing happened to me with this guy Joe I was dating. He was a great guy, we were good friends, and we were both single, so we decided to date. *shrug* It was pretty boring for both of us. And a little uncomfortable after a while. So we broke up. No big deal.
I'm glad you are okay with this. It happens. You are not a freak. *I* think you are awesome.
Posted by Starla* (Member # 5835) on :
Shucks. Thanks.
Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :
You're gonna do fine Starla*, you're gonna do just fine.
Better days around the corner, just ya wait and see.
Posted by Starla* (Member # 5835) on :
Weird--he was at school today, and he doesn't have class on Tuesdays.
I guess seeing him came as a shock. I still feel alright; I guess a little of that post-breakup weirdness that occurs after every breakup, whether it was a good one or a bad one. We said about 2 benign sentences to each other, then he went to play magic and I went to read some stuff for school.
I'm going to be fine, Sopwith, I'm not upset. Just tired and weird-feeling. Thanks, though.
Posted by skrika03 (Member # 5930) on :
Taken alone, I'd say there's nothing wrong with you. But you didn't find that "cat with hands" movie creepy either. Just kidding. You're freak-out-meter is probably just wound up by your hiking friend.
Posted by Starla* (Member # 5835) on :
Are you following me? Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
You should never date a guy who isn't Hatrack material. And this guy obviously isn't.
Posted by Kama (Member # 3022) on :
Methinks Bob says he wants to date you. Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
You know, all these kissing posts from Kama make me think that we should come visit you while she's in NYC.
I promise, I'll be totally content videotaping.
Posted by Kama (Member # 3022) on :
I'll be visiting Starla in due time, Frisco. Without you. Posted by Starla* (Member # 5835) on :
Yessss---Kama is coming to Philly area. Unless Frisco wants to follow.
As for Hatrack material guys...
Most of the guys I know are Magic, D&D, and other such rpg types, whether live-action or not. Many make special references to their dice. I played Vampires a few times in High School, and enjoyed it, but now I have little time to play anything.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
quote:Many make special references to their dice.
I'm not sure what this means, but it sure is fun to think about. I couldn't decide if I should post it in the "out of context" thread though.
Um...Kama, did you see the thread dkw started???
I'm sorry to disappoint you (and relieve Starla*) but I have left off flirting with all but one Jatraquera.
I'm just trying to share my secret for a happy relationship -- find someone who is already at Hatrack, or at worst, has the makings of a Jatraquero.
People in the real world are too scary.
Posted by Kama (Member # 3022) on :
yeah, I saw the thread. That's the reason I made the joke.
Sheesh...
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
*huggles for Starla*
Eh, relationships are a hassle.
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
Bob, it seems to be working for ya. Posted by Bob the Lawyer (Member # 3278) on :
I could've sworn that pH just wrote "*haggles for Starla*"
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
Ack Steve's dice have gotten misplaced in the move and he is NOT HAPPY. Of course he's had a relationship with them longer than me <grin>
AJ
Posted by Starla* (Member # 5835) on :
Saw him again today for 2 1/2 minutes. More weirdness. Gah. I forgot about that part--if I had remembered, I would have never dated him and we would still be cuddling on the couch having odd discussions.
Relationships are a hassle---during and post. Pre is usually okay.
There will be no haggling over the Starla*. Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
Pre-relationship is okay? I rarely ever meet any guy who understands that there _is_ a pre-relationship time. It's always, y'know, meet somebody, go out a couple of times, and all of a sudden if we kiss, I'm his girlfriend. Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Kama...
Bob<----- brain not functioning on all cylinders lately.
Posted by Starla* (Member # 5835) on :
I learned a long time ago that kisses don't necessarily mean a relationship. When (and if) we have sex usually determines whether or not I'm a girlfriend, but not always, as in this case.
But, I really didn't want a boyfriend, either. I kind of went into this wanting to have a friend with benefits, but I felt guilty and tried to make it something else. Then things went bad.
Poo. It was fun, while it lasted. I just hope this post-breakup weirdness goes away soon. That's the one thing I hate.
Posted by Kama (Member # 3022) on :
*whispers*
twitterpated...
Posted by Starla* (Member # 5835) on :
twitterpated??
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Starla*, go watch Bambi, you'll understand.
Posted by Starla* (Member # 5835) on :
OH!
I sort of remember now---you must remember, it's been about 17 years since the last time I saw Bambi...
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
![[Kiss]](graemlins/kiss.gif)
![[Confused]](confused.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Blushing]](graemlins/blushing.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[Angst]](graemlins/angst.gif)
Just kidding. You're freak-out-meter is probably just wound up by your hiking friend.
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Dont Know]](graemlins/dontknow.gif)
![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
![[Mad]](mad.gif)
I forgot about that part--if I had remembered, I would have never dated him and we would still be cuddling on the couch having odd discussions.![[No No]](graemlins/nono.gif)
![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)