The scene: the near future. The setting: a popular fast-food restaurant. The time: lunch.
"Hi, I'd like a number 3, with a large Coke, and mega-size it, please."
"I'm sorry sir, we don't mega-size our meals anymore."
"Really? Huh. Okay, just give me another large fry."
"I can't do that either, sir. Frankly, you don't need it."
"Excuse me?"
"Could you turn around for a moment, sir? Thank you. Hmm. No, I'd say a small fry is all you need. Better hold the cheese on the burger, too."
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
This is my favorite one yet .
I love the format of just a humorous conversation.
I do think its odd though that near the end "That's insane!" is on the same line as the statement before it. I think that might be a typo.
Posted by St. Yogi (Member # 5974) on :
That actually made me laugh out loud
Thumbs up!
Posted by Alexa (Member # 6285) on :
quote: 'Is that why you changed your slogan to 'Put It Down, Fatty'?'
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
But it comes with a bendy straw!
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
FG
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
Fabulous, Chris, I love that !
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
Dasani bottled water is a coca cola product.
For some reason I read the slogan as "PULL it down, Fatty." Wasn't sure what that was all about, but I chuckled and let it pass.
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
The "That's insane!" line was indeed supposed to be on its own, thanks. Also all my quotes got changed to single apostrophes, for some reason. All is now fixed.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
Brazil nut burger with soy sauce
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
Chris, this is a masterpiece!!
My favorite:
quote:We even tried hiring rude counter help and serving cold, stale food with visible insect parts, and still there were billions served.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
STOP.
Don't give those people any more ideas.
I love my fat full lifestyle.
(I saw a Slider's episode that started like this. You couldn't get an order of cheese fries without a doctors note. Your bit is better.)
Posted by lcarus (Member # 4395) on :
Brilliant!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
"Put it down, Fatty" was probably the biggest laugh.
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
Careful MEC, the "soy-Brazil nut burger" actually exists. I did a search for "healthy burger" to get ideas and found that one. Shudder.
Posted by Jacare Sorridente (Member # 1906) on :
That was great Chris, and sadly enough it is likely the direction things will take as litigation forces companies to take responsibility for things they should never have to deal with.
Posted by jexx (Member # 3450) on :
Yay! Wednesday!
Thank you, Chris. Fabulous, as always.
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
Too bad I can't found the archives of your columns, Chris : they are so good !
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
Eek! You can find links to all of my previous columns here. Just don't look at the home page, I haven't updated it since last year. Yeesh.
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
Thank you SO much Chris, I bookmark that immediatly! Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
Best. New. column. ever.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
YAYYY!! That was amusing! I had to read it out loud to all my friends in my room, and then they all wanted a copy!! Chris Bridges rocks my world. Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Chris, that was one of your best yet. I love it!
Posted by Toretha (Member # 2233) on :
WOW! That was great!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Yes, now they call it "fast food" because it makes you want to go on a fast.
Great stuff Chris. I loved the part about the tray liner being a handy lawsuit form you can drop in the box on the way out the door.
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Brazil nut burger with soy sauce
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