It appears that quite a few of you have been, at some point in your life, beaten mercilessly by The Obtuse Stick.
As an entirely altruistic act on my part, I shall set up a service wherein I also beat those who have been given the once over with The Obtuse Stick. Using an equal about of mercilessness, I shall beat you with The Subtlety Stick within an inch of your life, so help me God.
I do this because I'm caring, empathetic, and completely exasperated by all you stupid people not being able to catch on to even the most obvious parody and/or subtle joke.
As an added bonus, you don't even have to pay me. I do this out of the goodness of my heart.
Just remember: this is going to hurt you a lot more than it will hurt me.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Smack away, Ralphie. Smack away.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
*gets in line*
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
*gets in line behind jebus*
Posted by Jeni (Member # 1454) on :
Everyone who posted angrily in Ralphie's LOTR thread should get a year's supply of free Subtlety Whacks.
Posted by jebus202 (Member # 2524) on :
A Subtlety Stick? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard of.
Posted by Derrell (Member # 6062) on :
jebus? I don't see jebus in line.
Posted by Sal (Member # 3758) on :
Ralphie, thank you!
Both of your threads have me
<-- afraid his obtuseness wasn't subtle enough to earn Ralphie's shtick
Posted by Lalo (Member # 3772) on :
Wait, that's stupid. I tried making a Subtle Stick once, and it didn't work. I went around beating people all the time, and all it got me was a ride in a police car.
Why the hell are you lying, Toni? Those don't really exist.
And besides, when you do beat us, it's not because you're caring and empathetic. That's what daddy used to say. We're not dumb enough to fall for that one.
[edit: Apparently trying to play obtuse fails miserably. Though I understand why you'd have trouble understanding when I'm pretending.]
[ April 25, 2004, 07:14 PM: Message edited by: Lalo ]
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
Dude, stop trying to talk Ralphie back into retirement.
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
For this crowd, a stick won't do.
You need a frellin' howitzer.
Posted by lcarus (Member # 4395) on :
Ralphie, I just want you to know that I've reported your post. It was insulting, condescending, and arrogant. Think of it as tough love. Honestly, I was very disappointed. It had been months since I had noticed one of your posts being so caustic and rude. I really thought you had turned over a new leaf.
*sigh*
Posted by Primal Curve (Member # 3587) on :
jebus with the subtlety.
Also, I enjoy the irony of a Subtle Stick. If you don't get it, I guess you need a beating.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
I see Dan's eased up on your Photoshop restrictions . . .
(btw, I enjoyed the picture just to the right of that one on Google . . . )
[ April 25, 2004, 09:52 PM: Message edited by: Megachirops ]
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
"I do this because I'm caring, empathetic, and completely exasperated by all you stupid people not being able to catch on to even the most obvious parody and/or subtle joke."
You remember when I explained to you WHY I used the " j/k" now?
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
I don't see the subtlety stick doing any good. I doubt I'd even notice if you hit me with it. Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
I registered the name Sarcasm to try to remedy the problem, too. Unfortunately, it was too much of a pain to switch usernames all the time, and it still didn't work. And really, I'm just too sarcastic too much of the time. The effect would've worn off.
Posted by Megachirops (Member # 4325) on :
Back then it was easier to switch back and forth between names.
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
Yeah, I miss those days. But even then, it was a nuisance to sign in as Sarcasm every time I wanted to be sarcastic.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Tom - I'm trying to educate the masses by means of pain. Making the "j/k " disclaimer is caving. CAVING, I say!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
I think a good solution to your problem, Jon Boy, would be to use the Sarcasm name when you're actually being serious. That way, you only have to use it every now and then (since you're not serious most of the time), and it's a sarcastic use of the word sarcasm. How could you possibly top that? (except maybe using the word serious seriously)
And also, how come you never hear of people getting beaten with the pretty stick? Wouldn't that be the most miraculous/paradoxical beating you ever saw in your life? "Wow, she's so hot now, that must've really hurt."
[ April 26, 2004, 01:38 PM: Message edited by: jehovoid ]
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Rory gets dressed up for prom. Mom tells her, "You got hit with the pretty stick."
It happens.
*can't wait for May 4*
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
Oh. I guess I should've posted that one under the screename, "Creative Idea Man," then.
Yet still, merely getting "hit" with the pretty stick does not convey the brutality of a "beating." Upon further consideration, I think that my point stands.
(Or better yet, a beauty stick. Perhaps if you got beat with enough force, say, the force that, with a conventional stick, would induce internal bleeding, then you would get inner beauty.)
[ April 26, 2004, 01:48 PM: Message edited by: jehovoid ]
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
beat away Ralphie beat away
AJ
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
Ralphie rawks.
Posted by Yebor1 (Member # 1380) on :
Ralphie can beat me with any stick she wants.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
quote: And also, how come you never hear of people getting beaten with the pretty stick? Wouldn't that be the most miraculous/paradoxical beating you ever saw in your life? "Wow, she's so hot now, that must've really hurt."
d00d. I'm already in line.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
I don't get it. How can a stick be subtle? Its either a stick or it isn't. Its not like its a tree limb and suddenly you notice, hey, its not really connected to the tree. Its just a stick. I mean what does that have to...Ow! Why'd you hit me?
Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :
I think we should turn this into a debate about corporal punishment.
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
I think Ralphie needs to quit fishing for compliments when she clearly already knows that everyone here acknowledges and worships her hot-hottiness.
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
So what. Everybody loves compliments.
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
*Thwaps Anna with the Subtlety Stick*
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
Ouch ! I though Ralphie was the only one able to do that !
[ April 26, 2004, 04:43 PM: Message edited by: Anna ]
Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
Ralphie, you're going to need a subtlety log.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
I think someone mentioned this already, but I was thinking about it on the drive in to work this morning.
How can hitting someone with a subtlety stick be subtle? Wouldnt you not feel the hit, with the stick being so subtle and all?
On the other hand, I might be missing the subtlety of the subtlety of the subtlety stick. Is that what is happening here?
I have to add as well, that writing the word subtlety more than once is too much.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
quote: How can hitting someone with a subtlety stick be subtle? Wouldnt you not feel the hit, with the stick being so subtle and all?
It is a mystery wrapped in a conundrum.
Young grasshopper: when your knees are bumpy with the texture of the ground, and your cheeks are pink with the righteous paddle of the esoteric joke then, too, shall you know all the secrets of the Subtlety Stick.
Until then, stop my thread.
[ April 26, 2004, 08:20 PM: Message edited by: Ralphie ]
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
I do not speak "smiley," sorry.
Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
Forget the subtlety log, I'm thinking we should try and get a subtlety battering ram.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Hmm. Maybe it should go the other way. A subtlety feather.
Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
Ooh, I like that. Subtle tickles.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Imogen, I miss your mad face!
(I can't believe I just said I missed a smiley. What is happening to me????)
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
*dances* YES! Elizabeth, welcome to the fluffy side!
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
How about the Staff of Indifference (...ifference...rence...ce...)?
It could be all like:
"Do what you want with me. I care not. For I am the Staff of Indifference (...ifference...rence...ce...). Lean me against the wall, twirl me above your head, decorate me with feathers and macaroni shells. I tell you, it doesn't matter! ...Hey, what're you-- wait, the Staff of Indifference is not a lever for moving big boulders. Oww! I don't bend this far! Halt! Desist! I am the Staff of Indiff--" *snap*.
"I killed it! I killed my sale!" (Tommy Boy)
Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
Me too Elizabeth.
But it was a one day only deal.
imogen Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Ah, thank you.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Elizabeth. Is there something on your mind?
Subtlety is for humor, not for grudges.
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
quote:I think a good solution to your problem, Jon Boy, would be to use the Sarcasm name when you're actually being serious. That way, you only have to use it every now and then (since you're not serious most of the time), and it's a sarcastic use of the word sarcasm. How could you possibly top that? (except maybe using the word serious seriously)
I'm afraid that then irony would become . . . um . . . not irony, and not irony would become irony. Then where would we be? Well, I'll tell you where. We'd be in a world pretty much just like this one.
Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
quote: I'm afraid that then irony would become . . . um . . . not irony, and not irony would become irony. Then where would we be? Well, I'll tell you where. We'd be in a world pretty much just like this one.
Either that or you'd start finding black flies in your chardonnay.
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
Exactly. It has already begun.
Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
I must confess I did chuckle slightly at choosing that verse given your religous convictions.
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
What verse?
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
Subtle? Whats that, like an underwater phone from Britain (because the last two letters are reversed). :backwards baseball cap smiley:
Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
The chardonnay one. As opposed to all the other shining examples of Morisette-style irony (rain on your wedding day anyone?)
Yeah, it wasn't that funny.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
See, Chardonnay is a WHITE wine, and it's a BLACK fly . . . oh, never mind.
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
Hey folks!
*eyes the odd line of bent-over bare-assed folks trading jokes*
"oh now.... this just can't be right. nah.. no."
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
"Elizabeth. Is there something on your mind?
Subtlety is for humor, not for grudges."
Ralphie, I don't get it. Do you think I am upset about something? What grudge do I have? Please tell me! I am very confused by your sniping at me.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
OK, now I am late to work because I am so upset by this. These are the things I wrote that upst you:
"I think someone mentioned this already, but I was thinking about it on the drive in to work this morning.
How can hitting someone with a subtlety stick be subtle? Wouldnt you not feel the hit, with the stick being so subtle and all?
On the other hand, I might be missing the subtlety of the subtlety of the subtlety stick. Is that what is happening here?"
Did you think I was really being disrespectful of your subtlety stick? I was just teasing.
"I have to add as well, that writing the word subtlety more than once is too much."
This was after writing it so many times, and it really is not a word which flows off the keys.
"I do not speak "smiley," sorry."
Again, a joke. Do you REALLY think I care about smileys? Do you care about them so much? I will never mention them again.
"Hmm. Maybe it should go the other way. A subtlety feather."
Was this it, what made you mad?
"Imogen, I miss your mad face!"
Was it this? This was a reference from another thread.
"(I can't believe I just said I missed a smiley. What is happening to me????)"
I guess maybe it is my disrespect of smileys that has given me this reputation as having no sense of humor.
Please help me out here, Ralphie. This has really, really upset me and ruined my day, enough to make me just say see ya to hatrack.
Liz
[ April 27, 2004, 06:52 AM: Message edited by: Elizabeth ]
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
I was actually working more on a gut feeling, but it appears (gladly) that my impressions were based on the nonexistent.
I apologize that it was wrong, and that it both hurt and upset you.
(Liz, to leave Hatrack over something I said would be really silly. I'm only one poster of hundreds, not around very much anymore, and by no means Hatrack's best anything. If I were you, I'd stay just because the other people were so cool.)
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
*falls over*
I can't tell if you're both being deliciously subtle or ridiculously obtuse. Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
Elizabeth, we all have folks on Hatrack that we don't sync with. It's just a matter of whether the parts you like outweigh the parts you don't like.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Apologies all around for overreaction. Note to self: Do not respond to posts that upset me first thing in the AM. Or second thing in the AM.
Leonide, no need to rub it in, is there?
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Liz - I'll e-mail you when I get home.
Kira - Ohhhh. You're SO adult. Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
...or I won't.
I have no access to your e-mail address. My e-mail address is dandadodge@comcast.net.
If you don't feel comfortable sending me your addy, that's fine.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
edob63@yahoo.cpm
Thought it was accessible, sorry.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
edob63@yahoo.com
[ April 27, 2004, 09:36 PM: Message edited by: Elizabeth ]
Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :
*heads down the hall reading the signs*
*stops*
"O-b-l-i-q-u-eh?"
*makes monkey face*
"ooh!"
fallow (aka "oblique iglacious")
*makes note to self: "oblique (with accent) iglacious"*
Posted by Book (Member # 5500) on :
I'm a big fan of hitting people with what I call "the Metal Stick," which can be easily found at most construction sites and basements.
Posted by JonnyNotSoBravo (Member # 5715) on :
Beat them all - let God sort 'em out!
Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :
You know, I didn't think it was still a stick if it's not made of wood. Maybe a 'metal pole', or a 'subtlety stoomph', but not a stick.
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
"I will bludgeon you to death with the kindess mace."
Posted by JonnyNotSoBravo (Member # 5715) on :
Perhaps a Subtlety Shtick?
Posted by Book (Member # 5500) on :
That was kinda the joke, I guess. I believe the punchline was "Clearly, I'm an idiot."
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
The peace metal pipe.
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
quote:The chardonnay one. As opposed to all the other shining examples of Morisette-style irony (rain on your wedding day anyone?)
Yeah, it wasn't that funny.
Okay, I was really confused. I thought you were talking about some verse that I had chosen, and I assumed you were talking about a scriptural verse (religion + verse = scriptures, right?).
And I cannot express enough how much I hate that song. I hate the stupid lyrics and I hate her freaking voice. I hate it enough that I worked it into a raving conspiracy theory.
Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
Our yearly campus student newspaper (meant to be satirical. Often just has bodily function jokes instead) had a headline of 'WMD FOUND - IN CANADA'.
Alanis Morisette and April Lavigne were ranked highly on the Canadian WMD list.
Posted by JonnyNotSoBravo (Member # 5715) on :
WMD - Women Most Desired? Women Mostly Decorative? Women Most Daring?
Posted by jehovoid (Member # 2014) on :
And let's not forget the soldering iron of justice.
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j/k" now?
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my thread.![[Mad]](mad.gif)
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