I don't mean to open up another can of worms here. I have pretty much avoided the gay marriage threads, but when I heard that Massachusetts would have legal gay marriage, I thought, good, then there can be a cleaner break-up, IF a break-up occurs.
I happen to live in a place where gay unions are quite common. Many of my friends in the area are lesbian couples. What I have noticed over the years(just my own personal theory based on observation) is that, for long term couples, buying a house together has stood in the place of getting married. It is a legal contract two people join in on.
Sadly, I observed that many of the couples who DO buy a home end up separating. I always wondered why. It is not really the stress of owning the home that does it, I don't think. Yet, somehow, the home ownership puts stress on the relationship. When a break-up occurs, it is always very sticky as to who gets what. Now, at least, people can break up with less stress. And that is a good thing.
Does this happen with unmarried hetero couples who buy a home together, I wonder? For my husband and me, home ownership greatly relieved stress.
I am interested to hear what people think.(and I apologize if this has already been discussed)
quote: It may not be on their minds as they walk down the aisle in Massachusetts, but along with gifts and toasts many gay couples are finally getting one of the biggest benefits of matrimony: the ability to obtain a clean divorce.
Because their unions were not legally binding, gay couples have had few protections when they split and have had to rely on the inconsistent mercy of judges to obtain alimony, parental rights or a stake in the couple's finances.
*would just like to register as Hatrack's Gay Divorcee
(... albeit happily remarried. )
Elizabeth, I had never considered this aspect, but I do believe it to be a marked benefit.
[ May 22, 2004, 09:33 PM: Message edited by: ClaudiaTherese ]
Posted by aspectre (Member # 2222) on :
Or consider the situation in which the 1stDistrictCourt of Appeals ruled that "a lesbian mother who gave birth to twin girls with eggs donated by her domestic partner is the sole legal parent of the children" even though it conceded that the egg donor is the biological parent.
[ May 22, 2004, 09:52 PM: Message edited by: aspectre ]
Posted by angelily (Member # 6298) on :
I don't own a house, but I would think that buying one does put stress on the relationship between the people who bought it. Buying a house is a huge expense, and generally people need to pay monthly payments on the house. Most of the time, issues to do with money create stress on anyone even if they aren't in a relationship at all, and money matters probably are another reason to fight between couples.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
When we bought a house it was a relief. It meant that we had our credit straightened out,and could start over financially.
I am not sure I actually discussed my "Buy a house and Break Up" theory with my friends, I just saw it happen, and felt sad.
But in general, I wonder if, self consciously, the idea that we can get divorced makes staying married easier. I know that doesn't seem to make sense, but maybe we humans just need to know the rules before we play the game?
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
I think you might well be onto something, Elizabeth. For me, I've always loved volunteer work, and I seem to have boundless energy for it. When I feel trapped, though -- when the food on the table was dependent on walking through that work door -- I hated it. Even now, I get through some bad days at work by knowing I could walk out if it became unbearable, and I'd find a way to get by.
On the other hand, this hasn't come up at all in my marriage, at least, not this one. In the first one, the knowledge that my (now-)ex was statistically likely to die before me, someday, was soothing. But then again, I know that my every moment with David is by my choice, and that I am a full person without him -- just a happier person with him.
So yeah, I think you might be onto something that rings true for me.
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