My 20-year high school reunion is this weekend. The last time I went to one of these things, I got stuck in a situation that I found somewhat uncomfortable, and I'd like to avoid such a situation this time around.
I don't like to dance. Sometimes, if I'm with the right group of friends, and I'm in just the right mood, I'll join in on some of the stupid party dances (hokey pokey, electric slide, etc). It's more just to fit in than because I actually enjoy it. In a group of people that I really don't know, I'd be more happy sitting in the corner with a good book than out there making a fool of myself on the dance floor. And for me to get out there for a slow dance would require someone very special.
At my 15-year reunion (I skipped the 5- and 10-year reunions because I already had prior engagements by the time I knew about them), I was avoiding the dance floor pretty well until I got into a conversation with a couple of girls. One was really just someone I talked to occasionally in high school, and the other I really didn't remember at all. The latter had had quite a bit to drink by this point, and while I didn't know here, she definitely knew who I was. I was in the National Honor Society, and had graduated salutatorian, so most of the 450 people in our graduation class know who I am.
She started trying to convince me to dance with her. When I responded that I didn't like to dance, she pretty much refused to acknowledge that as a proper response. She started accusing me of considering myself better than her, because she was now a single mother (which I don't think had even come up in our conversation to that point), and all other kinds of irrelevant reasons why I should give in to her request for a dance. I ultimately ended up excusing myself rather brusquely from the conversation and avoiding her for the rest of the evening.
Is there an easy way to avoid such a situation, or at least gracefully excuse yourself from it?
Posted by Erik Slaine (Member # 5583) on :
Someone please answer this question.
My 25th is coming up next year....
Posted by Erik Slaine (Member # 5583) on :
Oh, wait! I can just hide behind my wife. Brilliant!
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
Show up on crutches. And have a good story.
Posted by Bob the Lawyer (Member # 3278) on :
I'm with Celia. There's nothing wrong with faking a sports injury so long as a) You're avoiding doing something you don't want to do OR b) You're trying to impress a girl AND c) You're a good enough liar that you won't get caught.
Just doing it for attention isn't cool. Well, it's less cool, anyway.
Posted by BlueJacsFan (Member # 6590) on :
Erik:
quote:Oh, wait! I can just hide behind my wife. Brilliant!
If I had a wife, I'd be glad to hide behind her too (or at least use her as the excuse for not dancing). Being single, however, with no current SO, that pretty much leaves me SOL on that count.
Posted by Jalapenoman (Member # 6575) on :
I'm the lucky one here. My daughter is getting married 600 miles away from my high school on the same weekend as my 25th reunion.
Now I don't have to see all of my older, fatter, balding ex-classmates and try to make small talk with people I didn't want to stay in contact with anyway!
By the way, once at a wedding, my wife asked me to dance. I hate to dance. There was no band, only CDs, and all were country. I told my wife that I would only dance to Elvis, if there was any. She went up to the DJ and he pulled out a CD of his own that he had burned. I had to dance to three straight Elvis songs. The funny part of this, however, is that there were more people on the dance floor for these old classics like "Love Me Tender" than there were for any other song that they played.
Next time, I'll have to come up with some really obscure group for my wife. How about ? and the Mysterians? Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs?
Posted by Ayelar (Member # 183) on :
Agh, I think it's unbelievably rude when people *force* others to dance. I understand that lots of people love to dance, and that they want to see their friends enjoying it, too.... but at some point you need to DROP IT, PEOPLE! I don't care if you've discovered your inner Shakira on the dance floor, I freaking haven't! And if you refuse to listen to my polite protests, you're going to have a big ball of miserable clumsiness out on the floor with you. Not to mention one heck of a pissed-off friend.
Hmmpf!
Posted by msquared (Member # 4484) on :
When people see me dance they usually ask me to leave the dance floor.
msquared
Posted by Damien (Member # 5611) on :
I went to three highschools, and didn't graduate, do I skip the reunion thing altogether?
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
quote:If I had a wife, I'd be glad to hide behind her too (or at least use her as the excuse for not dancing). Being single, however, with no current SO, that pretty much leaves me SOL on that count.
You could always hire an actor to play the roll of your wife for the evening. If you wanted her to, you could even have her prepare a melodramatic tantrum to launch into should any women happen to ask you to dance.
Posted by BlueJacsFan (Member # 6590) on :
*ponders logistics of finding someone to play role by Saturday*
Hmmmm.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
"I don't care if you've discovered your inner Shakira on the dance floor, I freaking haven't!"
Ditto.
Even though I follow a band around, I really don't like to dance. If I am dancing, it is because I am drunk. That is pretty much a rule. If there is a big crowd, I will do sort of a head-bop kind of thing.
So, I suggest: A. Getting really drunk. B. Doing the head-bob C. Faking an injury, as mentioned above D. Finding another non-dancer, and making a pact with them to put your heads together as if in intimate conversation whenever you see a dancer come near.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
I haven't been to a high school reunion yet. I just can't get myself to care about high school anymore after 12 years, a mission, college, marriage, and 2 kids. Plus, I really would not care to see most of the 31 people I graduated with. I gratefully left high school behind, and that's where I like it.
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
But in defense of the dancers....
No one cares what you look like. Really. OK, you can sit out the fast songs, but at least dance the slow dances. It's really simple - take the time to learn. If you have a wife, dance with your wife. If you're with others, ask them to dance. Nothing sucks worse than being a girl at a dance, surrounded by males who won't dance and not getting asked by the three in the room who will. Consider it a bit of social service you can do.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Annie, you are right. Dancing with someone can be an act of community service.
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
Especially in my case Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
Learn to dance. Or ensure that you will be in a dancing mood at the reunion.
Posted by Lupus (Member # 6516) on :
dancing is really not as bad as it seems. Just bob your head and move back and forth with the music.
Getting a few drinks in you first it helps
Besides...you have not seen these people in 20 years, you prob won't see them again in the next 20 if you look goofy who cares.
Who knows, maybe you will pick up some good looking girl from your high school on the dance floor.
I know that is not the advice you wan't...but maybe it will help anyway.
Posted by Lalo (Member # 3772) on :
...we're supposed to learn how to dance?
Heh. Crap.
Hey, dude, I sympathize -- my white genes kick in considerable if I'm out shaking my thang thang, and with my size, it's like someone taught a bear how to dance by strapping branding irons to its feet. But just shake your ass, roll your shoulders, and it's hard not to do fine.
Granted, this is coming from someone who generally sticks to the up-close-and-personal dancing -- I'd be lost at swing or whatever the hell other people do when they're two feet apart -- but really, just be confident, and it's really freaking difficult to screw up. You'd have to be handicapped or Canadian or something.
And heh, that said, yeah, sports injuries work fine. Try to get her to fix up your bum knee by sitting in your lap to put pressure on it.
And we haven't even gotten to your pulled groin yet.
Aw yeah...
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
BJF, could you try this:
"I don't want to dance with anyone, but I'd enjoy talking with you awhile. Besides, I can give you my full attention here."
Simple is often good. The more reasons you give some people, the more thay will argue. Repeating the same thing over and over eventually gets the point across, at least to most people.
Besides, some people are so used to chaotic interactions that nothing you do will make them happy -- they are all too prepared to be unhappy, whether you like it or not. You may not be able to avoid that, but you can work on your "friendly but puzzled" vibes.
Posted by BlueJacsFan (Member # 6590) on :
Repeating the same thing over and over was pretty much what I tried last time. When the person trying to get you to dance has already had too much to drink, it doesn't seem make any difference what you say, or how many times.
Unfortunately (?), I don't drink, so that kind of eliminates the anxiety elimination tactic. I just don't like the taste of alcohol (at least none that I've tried). Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
See, the problem with CT's suggestion is that it's very, very sensible, and would probably have exactly the result you're after, with no possibility of sitcom-style confusion, and its ensuing hilarity.
Posted by Nick (Member # 4311) on :
BJF, I'm with you all the way on that one. I don't know how to dance. I'm not even a good slow-dancer. Posted by Bob the Lawyer (Member # 3278) on :
Slow dancing is less about dancing and more about being able to cop feels in public. Actually, I generally can't stand slow dancing, I always get stuck with the boring girl who doesn't want to talk and just wants to walk in a little circle for 3-5 minutes. In High School I used to pull her hair a little if she was being dull. Oh yeah, I was real popular. And Canadian...
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
I told Annie that if she teachs me, I'll dance, but as a general rule, I don't do it. Now slow dances, I'm up for that, since you don't have to be moving in rythm (though it probably helps), just don't look at everyone and pretend they're not all looking at you (I have a decent sense of rythem, but not on my feet, on my feet I'm hopless). I did dance a few times hours into the two proms I went to, mostly because after a few hours, everyone else who actually knows how to dance, and could spot me a mile away and laugh, are too busy dancing up their own little storm. And I did dance once with Annie, and it was pathetic and I felt like an idiot the whole time... though the kiss at the end was worth it.
Anyways, the point is that dancing scares some of us the way being put naked in a cage 3'x3'x7' cage with 67 spiders a couple of snakes scares other people, and reassuring comments, while thoughtful, are not going to cause people's hearts from racing 210; nor will it help the fact that some of us really can't dance. Not that I don't really want to learn how to waltz...
Hobbes
[ June 22, 2004, 12:06 PM: Message edited by: Hobbes ]
Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :
Well, there's what my friend does (although I'm not sure it's intentional):
Show up and immediately ask someone to dance. Then get out there and flail around with no attempt at rhythm, style, grace or the safety of others. When the song ends shout "Yeah!" and go back to your friends.
Strangely, he never gets asked to dance again after that. Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
Dances were created by extroverts for extroverts. It's their way of having fun.
I enjoy dances somewhat more when they're not playing lame techno dance music. But dances are all about working the crowd, and I'll never enjoy that.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Hmm...I think I'm an extrovert. That's funny for someone who lives alone and discovered to her shock that she LOVES it, but I need the dance/party/blowout once or twice a month or I get unhappy.
The problem is when I meet people at these things and they think chatty, extroverted, flirty Katie is the norm. It's too exhausting to do all the time, but it's really fun every few weeks or so. Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Question: is Groovy Kat an extrovert?
Resounding Answer: Yes!
Hobbes Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
I don't particularly enjoy dancing, but I love dancing games. You know, where even if I look like I'm in a 3X3X7 cage full of spiders and snakes, it's ok so long as I get a high enough score.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
See, I have few social graces. I'm utterly clumsy in large groups. People don't tend to gravitate to me. When I "just let myself go" I most assuredly do not discover my natural grace and charm. It all counts against me in this most primordial of social settings, the dance floor.
I don't know why so many people assume that a dance is the perfect large group activity. It's really just birds of a feather.
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
quote: When people see me dance they usually ask me to leave the dance floor.
I tease my husband for dancing like that guy on the MTV/VH1 commercial. I forget what it's advertising..maybe just the station. The guy is gyrating around in the most hilarious way.
Why is it rude to just say no thank you, and excuse yourself?
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
I don't think it's an issue of him not wanting to sound rude so much as inebriated extroverts not comprehending that anyone wouldn't love to do whatever they're doing. This is why he needs a concrete comprehensive reason that he *can't* be permitted to dance. Like, he's injured a leg or his "wife" keeps him on a short leash.
Posted by Olivetta (Member # 6456) on :
I used to love to dance. After a couple of minutes I'd be having the time of my life, just going at it. Groups, individuals, other girls whoever would dance with me, I was having a blast. For me, it was almost like meditation-- A particular headspace that was Other.
I used to dance ballet, and even sort of do interpretive jazz type dances for my friends. You know, come up with routines to songs we really liked (though I was usually the only one who would do it while people watched).
But I married a non-dancer. He won't even let me dance with others, like at weddings and stuff. Well, not at first. By the time he was okay with me dancing, I'd lost my taste for it. I can't even dance alone in my living room now. At least, not like before. I didn't really discover how crippled I had become until WenchCon.
My advice is to bit eth bullet and dance, especially if it is a person you are interested in. It will show you're trying, and besides, most chics dig a guy who's not afraid to look goofy. I know I always did.
quote:My feet hurt, but that's okay, because I've forgotten how to dance.
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
quote: I don't think it's an issue of him not wanting to sound rude so much as inebriated extroverts not comprehending that anyone wouldn't love to do whatever they're doing.
Yup..I certainly did miss the point entirely!
Keep the crutches handy!
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
*pout* No one's watching when you dance, by the way. They are having too much fun on their own. But you're needed!
And yes, slow-dancing is just an excuse to be near someone.
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
quote:Slow dancing is less about dancing and more about being able to cop feels in public.
Of course, you could always put your hand on her back, where it's supposed to go.
Posted by Bob the Lawyer (Member # 3278) on :
Supposed to? Who made you Little Miss Slow Dancing Queen?
All's I'm saying is that rather than being called "slow dancing" it should be called "hugging to music."
Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
quote:*pout* No one's watching when you dance, by the way. They are having too much fun on their own. But you're needed!
I'm watching. And laughing at you. Count on it.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Like I said... Posted by BlueJacsFan (Member # 6590) on :
Yeah, I don't necessarily like to be rude, if I can avoid it. But if that's the only thing that'll get me out of the situation, I'll go there.
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
It's not though. Seriously, CT's suggestion is a very good one.
Posted by BlueJacsFan (Member # 6590) on :
I agree that CT suggestion is a good one -- if the person is capable of being diverted from their goal.
At the last reunion, we had already been talking for a while, and I was content to continue doing so. She began insisting that we dance. I told her that I didn't want to and that I don't like dancing. It just blew up from there.
Posted by UofUlawguy (Member # 5492) on :
I have never enjoyed dancing (except with my wife, but for purposes of this conversation I'll set that aside).
I almost never went to dances in high school. I went to a couple of girl's choice dances, because I didn't have to do the asking, and I went to one other informal dance because the girl who was later crowned Miss Layton specifically told me to ask one of her friends so that we could all go as a group.
Even then, I didn't actually dance much. And in all other dance situations, I almost never asked anybody to dance. I really don't enjoy it. Or perhaps it would be more precise to say that the unpleasant aspects of it are so severe that they far outweigh what enjoyment does exist.
HOWEVER, I have found that, although I don't like to dance, and I hate to ask people to dance, and dread anybody asking me, I actually DO enjoy the attention I get when someone is trying really hard to convince me to dance with them. I enjoy the begging, wheedling, cajoling, flirting, whatever the female in question brings to bear in order to overcome my stubbornness in the face of dance. It's a real kick, and very flattering, and even something of a turn on. So I hold out, but not too long, because I don't want them to decide I'm so hopeless that it's not worth their effort to ever try again.
Posted by Sweet William (Member # 5212) on :
I think CT hit it on the head.
BlueJacsFan, I think you responded quite admirably. Any time an annoying drunk lays hands on another person and doesn't get punched in the mouth, they should be grateful.
The last dance I went to, I was dancing with this woman who I was pretty good friends with (and I liked a lot). Anyway, I have this problem, that I am really figety with my hands when I'm nervous.
Halfway through the song, I noticed that I was absent-mindedly figeting with her bra strap. We both just cracked up (I think the song was some sappy ballad like "My Heart Will Go On"), and everyone looked at us like we were out of our minds.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Law Guy, you're a tease!
The key to staying one is to give in at the end, I think. If not, she'll just give up.
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Not that I don't really want to learn how to waltz...![[Smile]](smile.gif)
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I know I always did.![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
Of course, you could always put your hand on her back, where it's supposed to go.