Hatrack River Forum: The religion thread to end all religion threads

This is topic The religion thread to end all religion threads in forum Books, Films, Food and Culture at Hatrack River Forum.

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http://www.hatrack.com/ubb/main/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=2;t=025442

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

Whatever the majority says is true is what we'll all believe from now on. Sorry. It just saves a lot of time and anger. Ready, here goes:

1. God created:
a) Everything
b) The process & rules that lead to everything
c) Nothing
d) I have no idea

2. God is:
a) Omnipresent
b) Absent
c) Here, but very, very quiet
d) I have no idea

3. God will:
a) Destroy the Universe and start over eventually
b) Let humans survive as a species until we eventually evolve into worthy colleagues
c) replace humanity with an intelligent slime-mold that eventually will evolve into a worthy colleague.
d) I have no idea.

Add your multiple-choice questions.

It's time we nailed this down once and for all!!!!

Please do try to be divinely inspired.

Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :

I get "d" three times, Bob. Is that worth 12 points?

Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :

1: In 1493, Columbus sailed the deep blue sea
2: PI is exactly three
3: A Duck!

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

*waits with infinite patience for the proctor to appear before picking up the pencil*

Posted by Occasional (Member # 5860) on :

If you mean the majority at Hatrack, than shouldn't we ALL believe like the Mormons [Dont Know]

Sorry, felt like I had to say that (Please don't hurt me [Cry]

As for answering your questions I would add:

1. e)Most things, but not everything.

2. possibly c) , but also e)physically mobile

3. hard to say. I would adjust a) <Reform> the Universe and start <again another place>. The b) portion is very close to what I believe. The largest change is in emphasis on individuals rather than species becoming colleagues. Although, I would think that the whole human species would be given the chance.

[ June 25, 2004, 01:39 AM: Message edited by: Occasional ]

Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :

Under question 2 I would put f) In one location physically at a time, but can see all times/places at once, comprehend all times/places at once can influence all times/places in a way perfectly fitting into His plan.

Posted by Kama (Member # 3022) on :

ddd

Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :

ddditto

Posted by aspectre (Member # 2222) on :

1. God created
e) chocolate

2. God is
e) ticked off at environmental degradation

3 God will
e) make chocolate unaffordably EXPEN$$$IVE if Dubya is re-elected

[ June 25, 2004, 07:18 AM: Message edited by: aspectre ]

Posted by fil (Member # 5079) on :

Who is this God fellow people keep talking about?

*runs

fil

Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :

1. a
.
2. a
.
3. you don't have my choice listed.

FG

Posted by peter the bookie (Member # 3270) on :

4.The purpose of life is to:

a) Grow and learn and prepare for what comes next
b) Love one another
c) There is no "purpose" aside from what we choose
d) I have no idea

Posted by peter the bookie (Member # 3270) on :

5.The correct religion is:

a) Mine
b) Whichever is right for each person
c) None
d) I have no idea

[ June 25, 2004, 09:15 AM: Message edited by: peter the bookie ]

Posted by Jacare Sorridente (Member # 1906) on :

Occasional is right. All of you really SHOULD be Mormons. It is so much easier that way.

Resistance is futile- you all be assimilated.

Posted by Jim-Me (Member # 6426) on :

I suggest reading Oolon Colluphid's popular philosophy series:

Where God Went Wrong
Some More of God's Greatest Mistakes
Who is this God Person, Anyway?

and his stunning tribute to TomDavidson

Well, That About Wraps It Up for God

[Big Grin]

Posted by Jalapenoman (Member # 6575) on :

GOD forgives:
a. everyone without bias
b. only those who ask with a broken heart and a contrite spirit
c. only bible thumpin' southern fundamentalists
d. everyone but the Red Sox (because they blew it on their own when he gave them the players, even Babe Ruth).

GOD lives:
a. on top of a topless throne in a heavenly mansion
b. in our hearts
c. where ever he darn well pleases (after all, who's gonna stop him?)
d. in Ruidoso, New Mexico (the greatest place on earth)

GOD's greatest accomplishment is:
a. chocolate
b. not destroying the televangelists
c. the universe
d. supermodels, especially the ones in the SI swimsuit issue

What is GOD's name:
a. the answers on the other thread about about this
b. Shirley (Amos 3:7 "Shirley, the Lord GOd, ....")
c. Bubba
d. Madilyn Murray O'Hare

GOD hates
a. sinners
b. people who commit atrocious acts in his name
c. brocolli
d. stupid multiple test choices about him
e. all of the above

Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :

quote:
supermodels, especially the ones in the SI swimsuit issue

I'm not sure how much of them God actually created.... [Razz]

Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :

It didn't work, Bob.

Posted by Jalapenoman (Member # 6575) on :

What was GOD's favorite TV show?
a. Highway to Heaven
b. Touched by an Angel
c. Joan of Arcadia
d. Monday Night Football

What is God's favorite movie?
a. Bruce Almighty
b. Oh God
c. Bedazzled
d. Monty Python and the Holy Grail

If GOD got a wild hair, which TV show set would he destroy?
a. Jerry Springer
b. Ricki Lake
c. Oprah Winfrey
d. Sally Jesse
e. Dr. Phil
f. Phil Donahue
g. Montel Williams
h. Rosie O'Donald
i. Maury Povich
f. Leeza
g. Regis and Kathie Lee
h. The View
i. Ellen Degeneres
j. ALL OF THE ABOVE

Posted by Jalapenoman (Member # 6575) on :

That's right-it's a thread that ended after just 18 posts (not including this one). I guess no one else thought this thread was funny or had potential.

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

*waits*

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

*begins to lose patience*

Jalapeno?

wanna pull my finger?

fallow

Posted by Zamphyr (Member # 6213) on :

Bob:
1) d
2) b-d
3) a-b if there is a God and he has has destroyed as written, so he shall again.

Peter:
4) A well written
5) [Taunt]

Otherwise, I laugh in the face of the big J...(responsible for only palepenos or all lightly spiced peppers ?? [Hat]

either way)

*pulls Fallows finger and runs(hopefully unlike Fallow)*

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :

God's influence on the individual is:
a) active and constant, regardless of whether the individual believes or not
b) Only when asked or when it's really important to God does God actually influence our lives.
c) mediated by belief, and believers are really affected by the "idea" of God, not actually BY GOD.
d) nil -- there's no God, so no real effect.
e) I have no idea

God is:
a) Inscrutable and mysterious, completely beyond our comprehension
b) A loving parent who sometimes doesn't explain things, but even that is for our own good.
c) A superior entity we can emulate and eventually become one with.
d) More of a hive mind thing and we and everything in the universe are already "God"
e) A glorious fiction invented by mankind to fill some void.
d) An insidious plot by a power-hungry shaman class bent on controlling the masses
e) I have no idea

Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :

What God wants,
God gets.

Posted by Alucard... (Member # 4924) on :

God drinks:

A) Coke
B) Pepsi
C) RC
D) Anything Diet
E) All of the above
F) None of the above
G) Shasta

God endorses:

A) George Bush
B) John Kerry
C) Ralph Nader
D) All of the above
E) None of the above
F) Some guy from Lightafart, Arkansas with an El Camino and a penchant for scoring with the ladies. Oh wait, Bill Clinton can't be re-elected.

God's bumper sticker:

A) I'd rather be fishing
B) I'd rather be sailing
C) I'd rather be scuba diving
D) I'd rather be flying
E) I'd rather be galloping on a dark horse of the Apocalypse raining Fire and Brimstone down upon humanity.
F) I'd rather sit back and watch

Posted by Jalapenoman (Member # 6575) on :

Fallow, sorry I was not here to pull your finger last night, but it was late and I went to bed.

Hmmm, I wonder if the big bang was actually an even that happened when God asked someone to pull his finger?

Posted by Erik Slaine (Member # 5583) on :

What this thread needs is a spinoff thread....

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

"Hmmm, I wonder if the big bang was actually an even that happened when God asked someone to pull his finger?"

No, that's just what thunder is. They were wrong about the Dutch guys bowling. God, being vegetarian, sometimes overdoes it on the beans.

Posted by fallow (Member # 6268) on :

Elizabeth, you may have stumbled upon a good explanation for "dark energy".