Being right, or making peace? Being right, or lifting someone up rather than tearing them down? Being right, or forgiving someone?
And what if you aren't right?
Posted by Corwin (Member # 5705) on :
Yeah, right... Posted by Danzig (Member # 4704) on :
Depends on the question.
Posted by Corwin (Member # 5705) on :
Yeah, Amka, are you thinking of something specific ? What made you start the topic ?
Just a thought: waiting to be absolutely sure you are right is useless. Most of the time, 'right' means 'x percent right', and you'll have to make a decision with what you know/feel at that time.
Posted by Corwin (Member # 5705) on :
Wow, I just read Pat's thread about Mack and Nate's engagement ! Is that why you started this one ?
I still can't believe what I read in that thread... Fortunately as I'm at work right now, I'll have to wait until this evening to re-read it and have my say about it.
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
Dialogue is what's more important. All-ways. If being right means you break dialogue, then don't be.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Is it better to say something outright, or to be passive-aggressive about it?
Posted by Phanto (Member # 5897) on :
Best of luck to ya.
Posted by Javert (Member # 3076) on :
quote: Dialogue is what's more important. All-ways. If being right means you break dialogue, then don't be.
To quote the king of relationship harmony:
"The problem is communication. Too much communication!"
Posted by Snarky (Member # 4406) on :
Say it outright. In my experience, being passive-aggressive just adds to the problems. But sometimes you have to be very careful how you say something.
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
What was that thread Bob had about this a while back? Oh, just before memorial day, I think?
You may think this is because of your post, and on a level it is. It certainly was the precipitating event.
But there are other things I've been thinking about a lot too.
The person who is truly lazy about working certainly doesn't deserve to eat or have shelter or clothing, when we are working so hard to support ourselves, our family, and those on welfare.
I think I'm right about that.
But how do I know why that person is there? As a society of wealth, can we possibly let someone starve? No.
I think every homeless person should be provided with a bed, clothes, food, and medical treatment. Charity and compassion demand that.
Posted by Kwea (Member # 2199) on :
Being right all the time can be pretty lonly.........
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Amka: I have no idea what the connection is there. What are you talking about?
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
Amka, have you read People of the Lie by M. Scott Peck? I plug it periodically when it's on topic.
Posted by AmkaProblemka (Member # 6495) on :
A combination of personal action and social action. The connection is all in my topic starter.
When does being right overshadow compassion? What form should our compassion take? What is the best course for the most positive outcome?
Let us say someone was deeply wronged by a family in their church community. The leadership knows. But talking about it would cause great pain to the family who was in the wrong. It would cause a spirit of...I don't know what to call it...lynching, there, thats it. It would harm the community greatly for it to come out in the open. But the wronged person is now isolated. Others believe the family is just fine. What should be done other than appropriate disciplinary actions? And if supporting the wronged individual has not happened very well and probably won't, what should the wronged individual do?
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
Without knowing the specifics, I say that not being able to admit and acknowledge you are wrong is massive character flaw.
You do the family a disservice to shield them from the truth and certainly wrong the individual who must suffer for having been right or attempted to do the right thing.
You can take steps to "save face", but with respect, I think it wrong to sacrifice an innocent person in the name of, what? Dignity? Family pride?
Edit: Depending on the depth of the wrong, either chalk it up to "life is unfair" or find a new church.
On a parallel note, the Catholic church has lot all moral standing and righteousness for their handling of abuse cases - if a Church or its leaders are unwilling to stand up for what's right and are willing to deal in negotiable right and wrong, that's not a Church I'm willing to deal with. It also limits the Church's ability to preach from unsullied moral superiority.
-Trevor
[ July 07, 2004, 01:09 PM: Message edited by: TMedina ]
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
It depends on what you are being right about.
Is it worth it start an argument over who was the winning pitcher of the 5th game of the world series in 1972?
Or is it more important that you let your friend believe they are right on this trivial point.
Is it worth it to start an argument over the drugs your friend is taking because, hey, the doctor prescribes them to some people, so they must be ok for me to take unprescribed?
um Yes!
Is it right to tell a depressed person sitting on a ledge that, yes, they are ugly and their mother does dress them funny? SUre, you are right, but perhaps not the best time to discuss their short comings.
It is definately wrong if you enjoy being right when it disturbs the peace, brings others down, or makes sure that forgiveness never occurs.
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
If one is right for the wrong reasons, one is still wrong. That is, if one sticks by the right just to be rigid and compulsive (like the pharisees) then it doesn't help anyone.
Point of curiosity- are rabbinical Jews offended when people use "pharisee" as a slur?
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
pooka, most Orthodox Jews (I'm not a "rabbinical Jew," being neither a rabbi nor a rebbetzin -- ask again when one of my brothers becomes a rabbi ) would probably blink and say, "A what?"
I only found out in the last year what a Pharisee was, let alone that I could be identified with them.
quote: Is it better to say something outright, or to be passive-aggressive about it?
There are other choices. Sometimes, my mom's advice -- "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything!" -- is VERY apropos.
Even when it's not, context, delivery, location, and audience should be considered VERY carefully.
In Pirkei Avos (a section of the Mishnah) it says, "Whoever embarrasses (literally, "causes his face to whiten") his fellow in public is considered as though he spilled his blood." Generally, this is not understood to mean he is actually as guilty as a murderer, but that this is metaphorical. Nonetheless, it is a serious no-no.
Posted by blacwolve (Member # 2972) on :
Dan Raven- I know there have been times when I've been depressed and I've only believed the people who were saying nice things about me because they were also acknowledging the bad things. There are times when exactly what you need to do is tell someone where they're wrong.
![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
Fortunately as I'm at work right now, I'll have to wait until this evening to re-read it and have my say about it.
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
) would probably blink and say, "A what?"