I'm starting to think my kid has a real good reason to be afraid of the ice cream truck.
He's been coming everyday for three weeks, and somehow, by luck or something, he comes during my son's nap time.
This can be a bit frightening, when a child can be expected to be awakened by the sound of his worst nightmare everytime he lies down for a rest.
The really frustrating part is that I can't work around the Ice Cream Man's schedule. I have tried everything I can think of. I put my son down earlier or later for a nap, and he still comes during it. I've tried waiting until after the man comes to do the nap thing, but then he'll wait until I have no choice but to put Jesse in bed, because he's so tired. The next thing we know, the strains of a weirdly demented "Turkey in the Straw" can be heard coming up the street.
Monday was one of these days. I waited as long as I could, but had to finally put Jesse in bed. I got my mail key and headed outside to the mailbox, only to hear the music in the distance. I turned around and went in my son's room, thinking I'd just lie with him until the truck had passed.
20 minutes later, I could still hear the music, and it wasn't moving. It was far enough away that it could only be heard faintly, but close enough to warn my son of what was coming.
I patted him gently as he lay there, wide eyed and terrified, but he must have gotten used to the music because he started to drift off. I climbed out of his bed and went in the living room, and THEN the stupid truck decided to finish it's route up my street. I walked back into my son's room as he was bolting up in his bed, and beginning to cry. I sat with him until the truck went by once, and waited for it to make it's turn at the end of the cul-de-sac (about 20-30 yards away) and come back.
20 minutes later, it was still at the end of the cul-de-sac.
Now, I KNOW he wasn't serving kids during those times, because I looked out the window. He also turns the music down when he has a customer. What he was doing was sitting there with the music playing while he drank a beer or something, just waiting for some little kid to wear his mom down and make her get him an ice cream.
Anyway, my son was beginning to fall asleep again, and I was getting tired of laying in a toddler bed with my legs hanging in the floor. I got up and walked into the living room again, and waited. The ice cream man wasn't coming. I took the mail key again, began to walk outside AGAIN, and, you guessed it....
"Turkey in the straw, la la la-laaaa..."
Back into my son's room I went, to comfort him back to sleep.
--
Now, I don't always rush to my son's side the minute he whimpers. But I am very protective over this deal, because the Truck passes RIGHT outside my son's window, and is very loud. I have never seen him more afraid of anything, and he's a pretty wimpy kid, I'll be honest.
Yesterday, the truck came during Jesse's nap as usual, but so early on that he wasn't able to get enough rest. So, I was forced to put him down for a second nap later in the day. Now, if you can't guess what happened next, you haven't been paying attention.
That's right. The Ice Cream Man came twice that day.
He drives by so slowly, I'm thinking he's gotta be desperate for a drug fix or something. We've only bought ice cream from him once (quite a while ago) and he had the nerve to ask for a tip. My husband said, "I just paid you out of a can of pennies. What makes you think I can afford a tip?"
Besides, it's not like this guy works for The Man, or anything. I think the ice cream truck deal is a franchise or something like that. Every cent profit goes into his pocket.
The guy is a freak. He's a white boy, but he raps while he's talking. He's definitely on something, and he creeps me out. So I'm not thinking I'm going to attempt to ask him kindly if he can stop his music when he's near my front door. I mean, it IS his livelyhood we're talking about. I really do understand that.
So, for the first time in my life, I find myself trying to think of a way to commit a quiet murder and get away with it.
The best thing I've come up with is to train in the art of Ninjutsu, buy a blow gun and a pair of gloves, sit on the roof of the apartment complex, pop him one as he's leaving my neighborhood, and do several awesome backflips across the rooftops. Then I can disappear into the woods, leaving the evidence behind and, moving quickly through the shadows, slip around the building and into my frontdoor.
Considering the margin of error, the chance of this working is probably like 0.0000056%, or somewhere in that neighborhood.
Not to mention that by the time I'm finished with my training, my son will be comforting HIS child when the freak drives by, and then it will be his problem.
But what do I do in the meantime?
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
I wonder how you could find out about the noise polution laws in your area.
Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
I thought about that, but how loud does it have to be to constitute noise pollution?
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
Do you live in an apartment complex? Subdivision?
And if you _saw_ him sitting, drinking a beer in the car, I'm pretty sure that's going to be illegal.
Certainly grounds for a complaint.
-Trevor
Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :
Can you put him down for a nap in a bedroom that's farther back in the house? Poor little guy. Hopefully he'll outgrow it soon. Operaetta is scared to death of thunder even though she's old enough to understand that it doesn't hurt her, etc. Usually I just do the same as you - comfort her till it's gone. By the way, one day you'll look back at this and laugh, I mean - I'm laughing right now.
space opera
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
quote:and do several awesome backflips across the rooftops
I fully condone this course of action.
Is there anywhere in the house that's better sheilded from the noise? You could try moving him there for his nap...
Or perhaps play "bed-time" music durring his nap to help drown it out?
Hobbes Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :
Poor little guy. Can you put him down for a nap in a bedroom that's farther from the street? I would also try playing some soft classical music.
space opera
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Clearly I wasn't the only one having serious problems posting to this thread...
Hobbes Posted by King of Men (Member # 6684) on :
Caltrops in the street? Not right outside your house, obviously, but further up, so he stops far away.
Earplugs?
Land mines? This being the USA, you can probably get them cheap from an Army surplus store.
Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :
Obviously Hobbes, I had trouble posting to the thread because you were hogging it posting my suggestions first!
space opera
Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
Wow, I THOUGHT that seemed like too many posts for the two minutes it was up.
I live in an apartment, which runs along the road. Every room has a window facing the street.
And I didn't see the beer, that was my "humorous" attempt at guessing what he was doing, since he made such a spectacular impression upon us at our first meeting. It could have just been a Coke.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
I tried posting three times, then restarted my broweser, and tried twice before it worked. PSI better appreciate those suggestions!
...Or at least let me watch her do those backflips...
Hobbes Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
See, I thought of caltrops. But all they'd do is puncture the tire. He could just buy new ones.
But at least we'd get a break for a day.
With my luck, my husband would drive over them on the way home.
Oh, and regarding "bed time" music: The ice cream truck is very loud. It drives by within fifteen feet of the window.
[ July 16, 2004, 04:25 PM: Message edited by: PSI Teleport ]
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
No, with your luck the ice cream man would drive over them right outside your house and wait for three and a half hours with his music playing for the two-truck guy.
What about the music idea?
Hobbes Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :
How about music and a fan? I'm thinking some white noise to hopefully muffle the sound is your best bet.
space opera
Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
Oh, Hobbes, I didn't even think of that.
I should just think of the most annoying thing possible, and that's what would happen.
(He has a fan.)
[ July 16, 2004, 04:28 PM: Message edited by: PSI Teleport ]
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
Eeek - let me start deleting.
Sorry about that.
-Trevor
Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
HERE HE COMES AGAIN!
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
*cough* First off I suggested music first. Twice in fact. And second off, I'm feeling alone and neglected with Annie gone. I want recognition! *acting like a two-year-old graemlin*
Hobbes Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
Hobbes, I was responding to you when I mentioned the music. The "I didn't think of that" was in response to the waiting for two-and-a-half hours thing.
*comforts ickle Hobby-kins*
Posted by zgator (Member # 3833) on :
I think the caltrops idea is best. You just have to do them far enough away from the house and often enough. Once he's had to replace his tires often enough, he probably will decide your street isn't very profitable.
Besides, white noise won't give you any feelings of retribution.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
I think Annie really needs to come home right about now...
Good luck warding off evil-music-man-of-impending-and-certain-doom!
Hobbes Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
Okay, there is some improvement today. Jesse didn't wake up when the truck went by.
Of course, you know what that means. The guy will turn around and come back through repeatedly, until he IS awake.
-----
quote: Besides, white noise won't give you any feelings of retribution.
Oooh, I like that. Was it Confucious?
-----
Thanks, Hobbes.
[ July 16, 2004, 04:38 PM: Message edited by: PSI Teleport ]
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
*am SO glad I live in the country*
FG
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
...Or you could put a cross outside your house to ward him away, or just expose him to direct sunlight through a complex arrangment of mirrors.
Hobbes Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
FG: Gotta spare acre I can put a fifth wheel on?
[ July 16, 2004, 04:41 PM: Message edited by: PSI Teleport ]
Posted by zgator (Member # 3833) on :
No, that would be Zan Buddhism. Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
Are you a Zan monk then?
Posted by zgator (Member # 3833) on :
Most of the year. Around Christmas, I become Zanta Claus.
Posted by zgator (Member # 3833) on :
He who go through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Show me a Zanta Clause and I'll shown you a man whose wife just lost a lot of weight all at once.
Hobbes Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
Oh my gosh. Stupid me, I read that out loud so I would get it.
Now my husband is looking at me very oddly.
Posted by eslaine (Member # 5433) on :
*channels celia*
Freak. Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Well then do me a favor and read this next sentance out-loud as well.
Hi there, I'm PSI Teleport, and I'll be your host as we delve into this mystical arena of king and queens, battles and betrayls, love lost and gained.
If he's still paying attention tell me and I'll help you narrate the rest of the story!
Hobbes Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
He's busy with his banjo now.
And banjo is not a euphemism for something else, you guys.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
So you don't want to narrate the rest of this exciting documentary to him?
<--*Crestfallen*
No really, my crest has literally fallen.
And crest isn't a euphemism for anything either.
Hobbes Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
This is one thread I'm not deleting.
You can tell ME the story, if you want.
Posted by Erik Slaine (Member # 5583) on :
quote: And banjo is not a euphemism for something else, you guys.
Who? Us? Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
If no one is going to read my narration aloud in a big booming voice what's the point? I mean have you even read the first sentance aloud yet?
Hobbes Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Yah, that's what I thought.
Hobbes Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
You're not even listening to me any more are you? I'm sitting here talking and you're not listening. I could be saying something about your mother and would you know? Of course not! You don't even know that you don't know, since you're not listening which was the orginal point of this disccussion that's turned monologue due to your inattention.
Hobbes Posted by Erik Slaine (Member # 5583) on :
I am. But I think you were directing those comments to PSI T. Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
We never talk anymore Erik, tell me, how was your day?
Hobbes Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
Sorry, Hobbes, I got distracted by my list of pregnant husband symptoms.
I'm SO listening now.
[ July 16, 2004, 05:17 PM: Message edited by: PSI Teleport ]
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Yah, we all have more important things to do than talk to Hobbes or answer his questions.
I like being two years old, this is great!
Hobbes Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
So you'll read my narration aloud now?
Hobbes Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
So, what you're implying is that Annie makes you a man.
Okay, I did read it aloud, but very quietly. My kids are still taking their nap. it's the best I could do.
[ July 16, 2004, 05:20 PM: Message edited by: PSI Teleport ]
Posted by Erik Slaine (Member # 5583) on :
8:45am> Went to Health Care Provider. Appointment is for Dermatological problem. They give me an internal medicine specialist.
9:00am>Shivering in aircondtioned examination room. Put on sweater.
9:15am>Butt is getting sore. Have to stand up and pace.
9:30am>Doctor arrives. I advise her about what to do with my skin problem (eczema). She concurs. Perscription>same hand cream as always, just no auto refills until I saw a doctor--big help.
10:30>Finally get to work. Am informed that they are unable to make coffee without me.
So how's your day, Hobbes?
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Hmph, well it's a start anyways.
In this program will examine tales from the area of the great Napoleon Bonaparte. We’ll be treated to a discussion of his childhood, how he was teased mercilessly, but driven harder. We’ll see how this small man grew to be the most powerful ruler in the known world, and then watch as he looses it all. And lastly, well try to understand what was it that made this man who he was. Was it his shear determination? A desire to compensate for his lack of height? Or perhaps just plain desire, the desire for raw and un-inebriated power over all things.
And yes of course Annie makes me who I am, someone who is a much better person than who I am without her.
Hope you didn’t read that last part aloud.
Hobbes Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
My day? Ohh it's been werid actually. I got up at 6:00am as I have been all this month to watch live coverage of le Tour de France. In the middle of this incredibly exciting coverage I find out my Dad may have a detrached retina. The (really amazing) Tour stage finishes and I bike into work (9 miles in under 30 minutes! Yah!) I call my Mom about ou dinner plans only to learn my Dad is going into a kind of emergency surgery. I then get really worreid but try to keep working.
My Mom calls with the news that my Dad is fine, I feel great and finish off a good section of the thing I've been working on, which is good. I also began posting on Hatrack more and eat lunch.
I've just finished up a long letter to Annie, I like talking to her, even if she wont hear what I say for a little while. And now I'm talking to you and thinking of what I should do next here at work.
Thanks for asking .
Hobbes Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
I like this story. Keep typing.
Posted by King of Men (Member # 6684) on :
[spelling Commie mode] We will then subject Comrade Hobbes (in itself a suspicious screen name, being redolent of the imperialist apologetic) to severe criticism for saying 'loose' where he means 'lose.' Is five years in the camps sufficient punishment, or should fifteen be considered? [/spelling Commie mode]
Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
Hobbes has been pardoned in advance for atrocious spelling, having already made up for it with extraordinarily good character.
edit: I have no such pardon for my spelling.
[ July 16, 2004, 05:37 PM: Message edited by: PSI Teleport ]
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Here now we travel to the cobbles of Napoleon’s boyhood streets, the Villa in which he grew up, and perhaps, get a glimpse of the plot of land his home is suspected of being built upon.
*Cut to historian for actual facts and other, non-narrating duties*
*cut to commercial*
*Use this time to inform KoM that Hobbes is in fact, incapable of spelling and admits it freely*
*Uses this edit to blush profusely and play-down his character, especially since he doesn’t want anyone to find out what it actually is *
Hobbes
[ July 16, 2004, 05:39 PM: Message edited by: Hobbes ]
Posted by Erik Slaine (Member # 5583) on :
But, he uses some spiffy smilies! Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
*Cut back in*
Here we find Napoleon at the crux of his life, the crucial decision he makes that shall define who he is and what history shall perceive him as. Napoleon joined the army, and at the best possible time for an aspiring young man; one who feels fit to rule over all of Europe*
*Cue mystical music and another historian*
Hobbes Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
I hope you're using the proper voice inflections PSI. *narrows eyes*
Hobbes Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
But, how do I know what the proper ones are?
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Fall back on your narration instinct.
Hobbes Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Much less painful than falling back on a sword.
Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
The flipping ice cream truck just went by again.
Posted by Erik Slaine (Member # 5583) on :
This late? Posted by Shigosei (Member # 3831) on :
He knows when you're asleep. He knows when you're awake...
Posted by kwsni (Member # 1831) on :
Ok. I officially want to go on a road trip with Hobbes again.
My Cat is terrified of the icecream man too, if that's any consolation.
Ni!
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
My ego is comopletely unmigated right now, you two are far too nice.
Hobbes Posted by zgator (Member # 3833) on :
Does anyone else remember a short story by King about the milk man that delivers milk laced with poison, tarantulas in the cottage cheese, etc.
It makes you wonder.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
So what's happened in the milkman saga PSI?
Hobbes Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
Well, Jesse has been sleeping through the horrible music, so that's good. It finally became a bonus that he comes during Jesse's naptime.
Thanks for asking.
Now we're working on thunder. At least I can understand that one.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
![[ROFL]](graemlins/rofl.gif)
![[Grumble]](graemlins/grumble.gif)
![[Mad]](mad.gif)
![[Cry]](graemlins/cry.gif)
![[Blushing]](graemlins/blushing.gif)
*![[Confused]](confused.gif)