I had a thought walking down the street. Suppose you had a daughter and you suspect she is doing drugs. Is it right to read her diary and spy on her? Suppose she was only smoking a bit of pot from time to time. Is smoking pot the same as doing heroin, speed or cocaine? In a way this relates to national security. In the name of safety would it be right to spy on citizens you suspect of commiting crimes ranging from mild, casual drug use to active use and/or trafficing? Which is more important? A person's privacy and freedom or their safety?
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
Aren't thoughts while walking down the street fun?
I don't know. I had ZERO personal privacy growing up and it got old. Especially because I was such a goody two shoes. Behaving responsibily didn't earn any priveledges in my house, it merely made it so you could avoid most punishments.
In order to have a private phone conversation (and I didn't talk for hours on the phone to anyone, but my little brothers were always eavesdropping and running to my mother at the sign of anything that could misconstrued to be incriminating) I had to crawl underneath my daybed into the space where the trundle bed would be, but it wasn't because I slept on the trundle.
AJ
(on the other hand maybe my parents strategy worked because I didn't do pot, speed or anything else.)
[ August 18, 2004, 11:20 AM: Message edited by: BannaOj ]
Posted by AmkaProblemka (Member # 6495) on :
I think that some of your answers depend on your moral standing on certain things. For my religion, smoking and alcohol as well as illegal drugs are prohibited. A child doing any of these things is going against what they've been taught from day one, and so may be in more serious trouble than a child living in a family where drinking was a socially acceptable practice. Does that make sense?
My very first reaction would be to talk to my child first. Not accuse them of doing something bad, but ask them about how things have been going, how they feel about certain things, etc. I don't have a teenager yet (but will in a couple of years), but I intend to keep on talking to my children and being interested in what is important to them. I've already told my daughters that being angry with us, thinking we don't know anything, being confused, feeling isolated, are normal reactions for a teenager.
If I had the talk with my child and still suspected it, I would do everything I could to find out what they were doing. They are still a minor and under my responsibility. But once I know what they are doing, what can I do? Anger and accusation still isn't appropriate, I think. Try to find out why they decided to smoke pot or do drugs, against everything they've been taught. Is there an underlying problem that can be addressed?
All of that said, I've often wondered if the occasional pot is actually more harmful than social drinking. It is illegal though, and the lack of respect for the law is itself a problem too.
[ August 18, 2004, 11:35 AM: Message edited by: AmkaProblemka ]
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
I don't think, personally, that anything justifies spying on the child... I think, if the parent is really worried (which they have every right to be, I think independence from parents extends only so far, when there are drugs and stuff involved), then they should confront her about it, or talk to a professional therapist. Does she see one? Does the parent see one? If the answer is no, maybe it's advisable... it really would help if the drug thing is actually true.
I dunno, I don't really have any experience with this, that just seems to be the logical thing to do, in my opinion. But I could be wrong.
Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :
Interesting question. I plan to always be heavily involved in my kids' lives and know their friends, etc. My son, who is 9, and I have already begun talking about drugs. If I ever suspected, I'd confront first. But if that didn't work and I still suspected, heck yes I would spy on my child. I would do anything needed to ensure that they did not fall prey to drugs, and I'd do anything needed to ensure that they got treatment. They have too much potential to mess their lives up by using.
space opera
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Spying on ones children sets up a dichotomy of Us against Them. Sure, the child may have begun that situation, but the parent doesn't have to play along.
This is even worse if it comes to the point where the government sets up to actively protect itself from us, its own people. Where there becomes an Us or Them mentality and the Us are the people and the Them is the government, then violence will follow quickly.
I also think the parental spying is kind of cowardly. The parent is afraid to confront the child until they must, which means they want proof. Instead the parent should come right out and say, "hey this seems strange. Are you doing drugs?" and talk from their.
Posted by rubble (Member # 6454) on :
I take every opportunity to observe my children and their behaviors regardless of whether they know I'm watching or not. I don't see this as an invasion of their privacy because of their age. As stated above, both their immediate safety and their future are still my responsibility.
I think the measure of the parent, however, is taken in how the parent deals with that knowledge. To my mind, the parent has a duty to be extremely careful, methodical, and smart in dealing with children's behaviors. It could be anything from observing a young child hitting a friend, stealing a toy etc. to an older child watching adult behavior that you consider unacceptable with awe, to teen participating in that same unacceptable behavior.
The ethical question, to me, is in how you act on the knowledge, not that you have the knowledge.
I also think that with older children, such as your proposal here with the diary, it is important to come to an understanding with the child about where the limits of their privacy lie and to stick to those agreements. In this case, the parent might have already set the expectation that if there was a suspicion of illegal behavior, for example, that privacy would not be guaranteed.
In addition, every parent has to decide at what "age" a child has to be cut free and allowed to become completely responsible for its own actions. Again I think that this must be communicated with the offspring (no longer child, denoting shift in responsibility).