Okay, I'm going to ask a favor of everyone. Every May my school has an event called the variety show. It's basically a talent show without judges or first, second, and third place. So you go up in front of a crowd, (it usually takes place at 7 in the evening, and the choir and band performs as well) perform, and leave. Well, I've decided that this year I'm going to sing a song in the variety show. However, this is going to be extremely hard for me since I'm painfully shy. Which is why I'm making myself do this. But I need you guys to how me accountable and make me do it. The signup isn't until February or March, but I've decided now and I have to keep myself from backing down. Last year I was going to, but I chickened out. So I REALLY need your guys' help. Thank you so much! ((((everyone))))
Ivygirl
[ September 09, 2004, 05:38 PM: Message edited by: IvyGirl ]
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
Call up hatrackers and sing to them over the phone!
(((IvyGirl)))
If I had known that, I would have made you sing at Kamacon!
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I'm glad you are doing this. Being shy is painful. And by working on this now, you may save yourself a few decades of timidity.
I think you'll do great, by the way. And just doing it is great in and of itself.
Congrats!
Posted by IvyGirl (Member # 6252) on :
That's okay, I'll pass....I actually don't know that I sing that well, you'd have to ask Farmgirl, but I decided I don't care if I sing well or not!
I thought someone might say they would've made me sing! I'm glad I didn't mention it then. Although, I don't know that I'd already decided I was going to sing by then.
Plus, I don't have the numbers of any Hatrackers. And long distance costs any arm and two legs.
Ivygirl
Posted by IvyGirl (Member # 6252) on :
Thanks, Bob!
Actually, I already am a lot better than I used to be. I was really bad when I was younger, and I wouldn't talk to anybody. Period. But now I'm doing better because I make myself talk to people even when I don't want to! I'm cruel to myself.
Ivygirl
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Congratulations on being braver than I.
Posted by MaydayDesiax (Member # 5012) on :
Hehe. I'm only kidding. I'm sure you have a wonderful singing voice.
And, of course, Bob is right. At Kamacon, I found you to be very friendly. You're not shy, you're reserved.
[Edit to add: I have never sung a solo in front of more than two people at a time. to you!]
[ August 28, 2004, 07:19 PM: Message edited by: MaydayDesiax ]
Posted by IvyGirl (Member # 6252) on :
Well, I've sung one at the church my aunt goes to (I'm still not daring enough to sing at my own) and it turned out okay, although the song was totally wrong for my voice...oh well. And I had two backup singers for during the chorus, although one could not carry a tune in a bucket and the other was too scared to sing, so I ended up singing even louder to cover up the one who could not sing......... Oh well. I don't know if I'm really reserved. Especially if I get really tired or a lot of sugar. And I know my voice is not wonderful. Probably about normal. But the one time I went to the variety show there was a girl there who picked a song WAY too low for her, and she still got tons of applause and cheering, so I figure I'll do okay. (((((to all)))))
Ivygirl
Posted by Goody Scrivener (Member # 6742) on :
quote:The signup isn't until February or March, but I've decided now and I have to keep myself from backing down. Last year I was going to, but I chickened out. So I REALLY need your guys' help. Thank you so much! ((((everyone))))
Woohooo IvyGirl!!!!
I got dragged into performing in the school talent contest my senior year with a couple friends (we did a dance to madonna's "Jimmy Jimmy"). Was scared completely <bleep>less up until we actually hit the stage.... and had an absolute BLAST!
I know you'll be fine!
Goody
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
Sing in the shower. Then when you get up to perform visualize yourself in the shower.
Seriously, though, singing well is 95% confidence. There are very few people who are anatomically incapable of singing well. Vocal control is one of the most important human traits whether you believe we were created or evolved.
Frank Sinatra reportedly never performed a song that he hadn't practiced at least 100 times. Often people are praised for being "a quick study", able to sing something by sight or hearing it only once. But I'm a believer in practicing.
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
Ivygirl has a very nice voice. But she will have to learn to project it before the show, because she sings quietly. And personally I think the song she has picked out is difficult for that type of thing, but whatever makes her happy.
FG
Posted by IvyGirl (Member # 6252) on :
Hey! I can project just fine when I want to! My brothers always tease me so I don't like to sing loud around them. And since usually Mom is there as well, all she has heard was me sing quiet. But I didn't do that when I sung at the church....
And actually, I don't find the song that difficult, and believe it to the right song to sing. Plus, it's a lot of fun to sing!
Ivygirl
Posted by breyerchic04 (Member # 6423) on :
what song are you planning on singing
oh and good luck.
Posted by IvyGirl (Member # 6252) on :
Oh, I'm singing "Never Alone". It's sung by Barlowgirl if you hear it on the radio. Great song, it is.
Thanks.
Ivygirl
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
Good luck to you... I'm going to read in front of people next month. People I don't know so well so I know how that goes...
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
I have never seen anyone get any negative reactions at a church or school variety show (except for teachers, we were pretty tough on our teachers). Just have fun, I'm sure you will do great Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
quote: I'm painfully shy.
You know, they make medication for this.
Seriously, if you are really that shy, you probably have a social phobia and they really do make medicine for that. Or, you could just force yourself to do stuff. But I'm willing to bet that won't work in the long run. Plus research seems to indicate that early treatment of depression, OCD, and social phobias may prevent a progession of symptoms and may actually be more healthy for the brain, especially in an adolescent, whose brain is more fragile than originally thought. Just a thought from an agorophobic who started out with a social phobia and got worse.
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
IvyGirl, I think this is great! I'm so excited for you, and I'm proud of you for deciding to do it just because you want to. I'm sure you'll do wonderfully... but if you don't normally project because of your brothers, you really should be sure you practice someplace where you're comfortable projecting a few times before the actual show. Just because you should do it in as close to the same conditions as possible, so you're less nervous.
Make sure you tell us in February or March when you sign up!
Posted by blacwolve (Member # 2972) on :
This sounds really cool! I'm actually really envious because I've never had the courage to do anything like this. I'm scared to sing even in front of my friends.
If you ever want someone to listen to you, just send me your phone number and I have unlimited long distance nights and weekends. I won't be able to tell if you're good or not, though, because I'm completely tone deaf. Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Good for you, IvyGirl! Don't worry, we'll bump this thread in late January and nag ya then. Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
Kayla,
Good advice. Actually, however, out of my three kids, Ivygirl is the least shy, and she is shy! But she is working on it. Her oldest brother probably has social phobia (my younger sister has fought with this phobia for years, so I know what it is) -- he even makes me order for him in McDonalds because he doesn't want to talk to the clerk. But he is really working on it and getting better by forcing himself to do things like that. He just made up his mind one day to try to get better --before that it was really crippling for him.
I don't think any of my kids will ever become extroverts, but I am glad they are trying to learn to be more social. (and I will always wonder what I did wrong in parenting to make them all so painfully shy, when I am the opposite)
Farmgirl
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Good luck IvyGirl!
I know what you're talking about, I used to be painfully shy as well, and now it's as though there are two Raias... the normal me, and the stage me! (Who only shows up on stage, amazingly enough)
But yeah, you should e-mail me or IM me or something, we can chat! Both e-mail and screen name are in my profile. I would love to talk to you!
Good luck, again!
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
quote: I have unlimited long distance nights and weekends.
I just saw this and registered it... blacwolve, I'm e-mailing you my phone number, call me sometimes! I miss you!!
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
quote: (and I will always wonder what I did wrong in parenting to make them all so painfully shy, when I am the opposite)
Probably nothing. Here's some info from a helpful site.
quote:What Causes Social Phobia?
Research to define causes of social phobia is ongoing.
*Some investigations implicate a small structure in the brain called the amygdala in the symptoms of social phobia. The amygdala is believed to be a central site in the brain that controls fear responses.
*Animal studies are adding to the evidence that suggests social phobia can be inherited. In fact, researchers supported by the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) recently identified the site of a gene in mice that affects learned fearfulness.
*One line of research is investigating a biochemical basis for the disorder. Scientists are exploring the idea that heightened sensitivity to disapproval may be physiologically or hormonally based.
*Other researchers are investigating the environment's influence on the development of social phobia. People with social phobia may acquire their fear from observing the behavior and consequences of others, a process called observational learning or social modeling.
Besides meds, cognitive-behavioral therapy is also used. And it's basically what your son is already doing. Exposure therapy and anxiety management are the two major components of CBT and it sounds like your kids are already working on the exposure part. Good luck to them!
Posted by blacwolve (Member # 2972) on :
Raia- not overseas Posted by fugu13 (Member # 2859) on :
blacwolve -- you'd be surprised how cheap overseas rates can be for cell phones, sometimes. Look into it.
Posted by blacwolve (Member # 2972) on :
I'm sure I wouldn't, I just don't have it on my current plan. Which I got less then a month ago. And share with my mom. Which she pays for.
Posted by Carrie (Member # 394) on :
It's weird for me - I dislike the thought of getting up in front of people while I'm sitting in the audience and not planning on speaking. But when I'm backstage or on deck or whatever, I'm alright with it. And when I'm actually in front of people, I have a fantastic time. When I'm called upon to give an impromptu speech, these same things happen, just in a much more rapid pace. I can't explain it. But I think overall, I enjoy being in front of people. As far as prepping things go, well... I don't. Much. I write up an outline, read over it once or twice, and run with it - when fresh things pop into my head, I just let them fly. Then again, doing that to a song might not be the best idea in the world
Side Note: I also hate telephones. I hate talking on them, be it to friends or to strangers. Makes ordering pizza difficult, let me tell you.
Try to be confident in what you're doing. You've got a while to practice and get used to performing, but most importantly, just be yourself. And whatever you do, do NOT picture the audience in their underwear. You'll either puke or drool, neither of which is conducive to being on stage.
Posted by IvyGirl (Member # 6252) on :
Thank you everyone! I feel SSSSSSOOOOOOOO much better now!!! I'll let you know WHEN I sign up.
Ivygirl
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
The confidence trick I use?
It's not really me talking. It's the "official" me - the business me.
Not the terrified, timid and otherwise tepid Trevor.
The biggest part of shyness is this absolute terror of being vulnerable and exposing yourself to the slings and arrows of others.
By telling yourself it's not the real you giving the speech, you find a freedom in what you're doing.
-Trevor
P.S. Ok, so I'm weird. It still works. Posted by IvyGirl (Member # 6252) on :
Trevor- It's not weird! It's actually not a bad idea. Usually I have something I concentrate on while I'm singing in front of people, such as a bracelet, hair band, anything to get my mind off the fact that I'm singing in front of people. However, obviously, I won't have anything in front of me when I'm singing, so pretending it's not me might be a good thing.....
Ivygirl
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
My trick was a thought about control. YOu are controling how and when people see you by getting up there and singing. You are in charge, not them. I don't know if this sounds intelligent, but there is a difference.
If you are walking down that hall and trip into a cream pie, then everyone will laugh and point at you, and you are not in control of it. However, if you see a cream pie in the hallway and fake a fall into it, people will still laugh and point at you, but you are the one that made them laugh and point, you are in control.
So getting on a stage with a bunch of people watching you is different than having strangers stare at you. You are controlling thier stares.
Posted by PSI Teleport (Member # 5545) on :
IvyGirl, I have more phobias than anyone I know. I have made a life out of forcing myself to do things I'm scared of. It's the only way I've been able to get a shot, fly on a plane, drive over a bridge, get in an elevator, and sing in front of people. It has never been fun, but it's great to know that you are the kind of person that doesn't let fear stop your life. When you're scared and nervous, think of that. It's more important than being embarrassed onstage. : )
edit: I agree with Dan.
[ August 30, 2004, 06:55 PM: Message edited by: PSI Teleport ]
Posted by fiazko (Member # 5812) on :
Ivygirl, I did the same thing in high school. I forced myself to sing a capella in front of the whole student body for a talent show. I either won or tied for first, but just knowing I could do it was priceless. You go, girl.
Posted by Kwea (Member # 2199) on :
Just so you know, some of the people you see in movies and TV, or performing on stange, are very shy, and get stage fright.
I don't like a lot of "new music", but I am sure you have heard of Usher....he gets stage fright so bad that he has a whole toutine in his trailer to ward off anxioity.
Barbra Strisand is painfully shy, and suffers from severe stage fright (too bad it doesn't affect her political views... ).
So hang in there, and I am sure you will do well.
Also, my wife was involved in Rainbow Girls, a group of young girls who pratice all sorts of public speacking, and she strongly recommends that....or something like it anyway. They do all sorts of fund raising events, and public speaking, but they also have summer camps and fun trips too. It is a great orginazation....but if it isn't for you, there are all sorts of groups that do the same things.
Rainbow Girls is affiliated with Masons and Eastern Star, so some people aren't into it, but that is OK. Even a Speech class, or some sort of public speaking club can help if you are into it.
Kwea
[ August 30, 2004, 11:54 PM: Message edited by: Kwea ]
Posted by IvyGirl (Member # 6252) on :
fiazko- That is so cool! I didn't know you did that! That's awesome. And although I won't be singing a capella, that still helps.
Kwea- I don't listen to Usher, but I'm amazed he would get stage fright! And Rainbow Girls sounds really cool, although I don't know if I'll ever be brave enough to do something like that. I'll have to look into it though.
(((((((Everyone))))))), thank you all so much for your encouragement and help!
Ivygirl
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
quote: Plus research seems to indicate that early treatment of depression, OCD, and social phobias may prevent a progession of symptoms and may actually be more healthy for the brain, especially in an adolescent, whose brain is more fragile than originally thought.
This sounds odd. Do you have linkage? The anecdotal experience of most folks I know on, say, SSRIs seems to involve needing higher doses or switching to more powerful meds to keep abreast of tolerance. However, I would easily believe that early CBT would be helpful. And I do think phobias run in families- at least the tendency to Anxiety disorder which I believe it is a subset of.
Posted by IvyGirl (Member # 6252) on :
Although I don't think I'm as bad as some of the different symptoms described, I can be pretty bad. Like today I wasn't happy because I had to stand up during a pep assembly because I'm in girls tennis. But we used to have to go down to the floor, but we don't anymore. I very happy about that. So yeah, still a little phobia, but I hope to be mostly over it by the time May rolls around! Thank you everyone!
Ivygirl
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
quote: Raia- not overseas
Posted by IvyGirl (Member # 6252) on :
Sorry to pull this thread back out again, but... Update:
My aunt, who was a voice teacher until she became a mother, has agreed to help me prepare me and help with singing the song. Maybe I can even talk Mom to recording it or something so you guys can hear it when I sing. I don't know how well it would record, but I don't know. Will report more later.
Thanks (((((everyone)))))
Ivygirl
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
Woo hoo! Go girl go!
-Trevor
Posted by IvyGirl (Member # 6252) on :
Thanks, Trevor!
Ivygirl
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
How fortunate to have a voice coach in the family.
Posted by IvyGirl (Member # 6252) on :
No kidding. And the really funny thing is, as of right now, I'm singing along with my Relient K CD. Which if any of you have ever heard Relient K, you'll know that it can be hard for a girl to sing along!
Ivygirl
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
What kind of song do you think you'll choose? I think a mellow jazz classic would be cool.
And I'm sure you'll do absolutely fine.
My friend and I did this crazy yodeling act last spring, where we sewed costumes and I played guitar and she played accordion. We really weren't very good, but the crowd was a church crowd and they raved about us. Word got out and they wanted us to perform at an even bigger church event. So, we got dressed up and did the same stupid act, only this time my friend got so nervous she messed up every single chord on her accordion and we sounded atrocious. Being quite shameless, we made fun of ourselves and got over it. Just the other day, she was talking to a kid we hadn't known previously, but who was at the performance. He brought up how good she had played and told her that she should get together and play accordion with his brother sometime.
The point? People remember not how well you actually do, but that they saw you, and they appreciate it. I'm sure your act will be fabulous! Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
Ooh - if you like Relient K, you could sing "The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything" Posted by IvyGirl (Member # 6252) on :
Hmm...."The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything"....tempting.
Actually, I'll be singing "Never Alone" by Barlowgirl. It's a kinda rock/pop contemporary Christian song. It's an awesome song, I love it. Although it's in a minor chord. And it's what Mom calls "haunting" because it stays with you forever. Which could be a good thing! That way I'll be able to torture people long after I sing!
Ivygirl
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
I don't know who Relient K is, but let's face it - nobody is supposed to sound good when singing along to a favorite CD.
-Trevor
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
Ooh.. good choice. At a recent talent show, a girl sang "Into the West" from Return of the King. It was definitely haunting and stayed with me for days. Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
BTW, Ivygirl, you DO have access to a hatrackers #. Now this particular hatracker has never been accused of being shy but still understands and has experienced trepidation at the thought of public speaking/performing. You could call and sing for him. Whether or not you take advantage of this opportunity I'm quite sure he is highly enthusiastic and supportive of your effort to fight your demons. YOU GO GIRL !!!
Posted by IvyGirl (Member # 6252) on :
Oh! I'm sorry, punwit, I forgot Mom has your number! I MIGHT sing just for you. I'll have to think about it. Thanks for offering to lend your ear!
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